[Audio] + [Action]

[burnt_offering]

Audio: Drunk/Accidental Posting

[There are a couple of disjointed audio posts that come within a couple hours of each other. One has the sound of breaking glass and the sound of impacts. In one Ace's voice can be heard saying something that sounds like "Goddamn thing keeps-" but then trails off into nothing else before being turned off. Another has the sound of a roaring fire.]

Action

[Ace is on a pub crawl today, trying out drinks in all of the cities save for Somorrah. The special occasion? The loss of his brothers in Genessia. Ace knows he's fine. That they're better off back home, where Sabo won't remember what happened to him in that terrible place he was trapped in before this, and where Luffy can continue the rise to the top and become the king of the pirates. But he can't go with them, there's no back home for him now, and even if he could he'd lose everything else he's gained here. So he's sad because Sabo and Luffy are gone, angry because of how sad he feels, and frustrated in general at feeling like a toy on a string, dangled about for someone's amusement.

Alcohol is not an ideal cure for a heavy heart. But it's the best one Ace knows.]

Comments

[burnt_offering]

Someone thought that they needed to help me. Said they didn't get why I'd do this to myself.

[justicereigns]

Sounds like they've never had an occasion to be drunk then.

[burnt_offering]

My life's kinda an excuse to get drunk.

[justicereigns]

Yeah.

I think that probably goes for our whole world, to be honest. At least the more I see of other worlds I think that.

[burnt_offering]

They don't get it. But that's okay. We can understand for each other here. [Another drink.] You gonna put me to bed? Or are you feeding me first?

[justicereigns]

Yeah.

What do you wanna eat? I can make you eggs or an omelette, or we can stop somewhere that opens early. I'm not buying if you want to break your Grandfather's doughnut record though.

[burnt_offering]

Do we have any leftovers left? 'Cause I just wanna shovel something down, kiss you a lot, and then pass out.

[justicereigns]

I think I can put something together.

[Cutest freckle brat ever.]

[burnt_offering]

Ok. Then I wanna kiss you.

[It's been a rough day. But if he can go home, eat, maybe get laid and then pass the hell out? Things will be okay.

Oh shit. he forgot about the home ec baby.]

[justicereigns]

Right now, or do you want to get home first?

[Yeah, so where is that demonic thing anyway?]

[burnt_offering]

I want to eat first.

[Ace dropped it off home earlier, before going out to get drunk again.]

[justicereigns]

[Surprise Smoker!!! You're a daddy!!! Again. But not a real fully actualized potty trained talking child yet. Yay.]

You can eat my dick.

[Not really. Smoker has way too much self preservation sense to put that anywhere near an unfed D's mouth, tyvm. He just thinks he's funny. Because he's an idiot.]

[burnt_offering]

[Ace likes calling Smoker daddy. He doesn't want him to play daddy to a plastic monstrocity.]

Ok. I kinda wanted to do that too. But can I get a meal still after?

[Ace is too drunk to take this as a joke. And he'll always try to please Smoker.]

[justicereigns]

[LAUGHS!] I'll feed you before, Portgas. I'd rather you didn't get so hungry you forgot what you were doing.

[Heads up the stairs into the apartment above the garage!] Still think I should make you something with eggs, but let's see what we've got.

[And the hell doll goes off, and the two actual dogs, not the wolf who now stays at a nearby park because she can't fit -- start whining and howling with the baby.]

What the fuck?

[burnt_offering]

I don't get that caught up! When I'm hungry, I'm hungry! When I want that, well, that's another issue.

[Ace is so amused, ready to get this evening to end on a good note. Food, affection, sex, and sleep. His favorite things.

And then there's that. What the fuck indeed.] Shit I thought I'd dreamed it up. It's real. Papryus really gave it to me.

[justicereigns]

I thought he wanted to keep the possessed dolls on the island where they belong.

[Sets Ace down carefully, moves the chair with Ace to the open fridge, and hunts down the "baby" with a mild look of trepidation, and one hand on the jitte.]

[burnt_offering]

Papyrus says it's a challenge, so I can get past my fears. Not that I have fears! But I still don't want it. [He has enough issues, having a scary fake baby in his life isn't necessary.]

[justicereigns]

So, it's like that.

[Relaxes instantly, scoops up the doll like a normal baby and gently rocks it making a shooshing sound and tickling it with smoke, and making smoke-style cloud (balloon) animals.]

[Then gently takes the doll over to Ace, cracks open a lid on some food with one hand, but takes Ace's arms and moves them to be able to hold the doll as if it were a real baby, with full support.]

Here, just gently rock her. Keep her head up, babies have no muscles even in their necks and their heads are too heavy for them, but you're doing fine.

[Kisses the top of Ace's head and feeds him so Ace can use both hands to grow MAYBE?!!???!?!?!? less afraid of the baby doll.]

[burnt_offering]

Some friend he is. Paps is an asshole.

[Oh, oh. How is that so appealing? Smoker being paternal even in play is something that affects Ace in a way that he did not expect at all. He's so cute that way. Or maybe, that's not the right word. Ace doesn't know, but he takes the doll with the same demeanor that he'd have if he'd just been handed a bomb.]

We don't need to do this. We can't have kids! [Ace stares down at the doll, in horror. It's not babies that he's scared of, per say. But himself. And his life long idea of being disgusting, worthless, and damaging. He's waiting to break this one, just by touching it. And it's not even a real baby.]

You look good holding kids, though...

[justicereigns]

You're doing fine, Portgas. Just rock her.

[Feeds him some bacon he'd been saving for sandwiches or baking into dog treats.] You're not as incapable as you think.

And yeah, if you ever want to adopt, I'm sure it'll be like Adela again, someone practically your age, but you can handle this. If Garp can handle babies, you definitely can. Just don't punch them when they cry.

[burnt_offering]

[Ace is a bit dumbfounded. He's not sure how to deal with any of this, because emotions are strong, and he's shaken up and still drunk. And Smoker has managed to make himself ridiculously appealing to Ace somehow. He tries to do as he's been told, rock the doll, her? He guesses it's a girl, then again, that's what Smoker has experiences with in parenting. Girls. Adela.

Ace never got to really be a parent to her. She was damn near his age, after all. But she was Smoker's kid, and in another life she was his too...

Shit. He's not drunk enough for this. And the bacon helps, he was hungry, but this tiny plastic horror is kind of shaking up his whole night.] I'd never punch a baby! I hated when he hit us, it was the worst. [Ace tries to shift the doll around, but he's scared to even move it so he gives up.] Do you like kids? I mean, do you want kids. I want you to be honest with me.

[justicereigns]

[Smoker catches what Ace is trying to do and helps him out, then gently moves to pick Ace and doll up, and set him in his lap.]

Of course I love kids. And don't give me shit about how being with you I can't have any, I wouldn't without you. Remember? I first adopted Adela because of you.

[Nuzzles Ace's shoulder and reaches around him to blindly get Ace more food. And pull out ingredients for French toast. It won't slow him down, he promises.]

Kids are like you. Fun. They're way more durable than you think, too. Most kids are just...

[Sigh.] Lost messed up brats like your father; Whitebeard, always took in and made something out of. Yes, they're more impressionable, but they're not too different from being a division commander, or a marine captain, or leading a pack of wolves or dogs.

You're responsible for them, and you know they're going to make mistakes and nearly get themselves killed, and maybe you along with it! So you try to teach them how to protect each other and survive anywhere and try not to let them drag anyone down. You try to teach them the best justice you can, and then you just have to trust them to follow it.

Babies are a little trickier, because they can't talk, and no one enjoys toilet training, but it's pretty much the same as a puppy. You get out what you put in. You protect them, feed them, make sure they're clean, and in return they're loyal and love you as best as they can. And wake you up at stupid hours crying or licking your toes. Pretty much the same.

[burnt_offering]

I meant that way. [Ace is ever so grateful for being male right now, and that there's absolutely no chance at accidental babies. And he still doesn't know how he feels about kids, though. Pregnancy makes him, as a rule, so disturbed that he won't eat easily after seeing a pregnant woman. Tiny babies seem like timebombs to their demises. And he's never once considered parenting seriously.

Smoker loves kids, though. Smoker would be such a good father. And that resonates in Ace a bit. He cradles the doll as best he can, still nervous but not quite so fearful when he's on Smoker's lap and settled this way. It's hard to be afraid of anything with Smoker's powerful presence there.] I'm so scared that I'd kill a kid, on accident. They're small and good and perfect. And they break really easy, not just in the body. I mean, even I had to be nice once. That didn't last long. And I was a damn monster as a kid. [He was born a monster.]

...You know all about Baterilla right? And what happened there? It was pretty bad. And it was my fault it happened.

[justicereigns]

Portgas, you were not a monster child. I would stake my life that I'd love you just as much, and you were just fucked up from... knowing things like... that.

[Kisses Ace's head.] That is NOT your fault. NONE of that blood is on your hands, understand? It's on the World Government, and the Marines who didn't balk at reprehensible orders.

[Cuddles his stupid pirate.] I want you to read a book, it's called Doctor Frankenstein, by Mary Shelley.

I've been called a monster my whole life too, kid. It doesn't bother me, even though it bothers Tashigi and Adela.

[Kisses down Ace's cheek and jawline.] It's the law that was wrong Portgas, not you, not your mother for wanting you, not even Roger, no matter how selfish you the no he was. Our whole world has to move away from caring about bloodlines, and it's something that takes it toll on all of us. [More kisses for Ace's neck.]

You're a good man, Portgas. Not a demon, not the son of a demon, not a monster, not a sin to purge out of existence. I'd be miserable without you, stupid. [Ruffles Ace hair.]

You can handle this, because you've got me to help you.

[burnt_offering]

[Ace wipes his face with one hand, while balancing the doll as best he can, trying to keep the few tears that threaten to spill out from doing so. He hates crying almost as much as he hates how easily he ends up tearing up in the first place. But gods, it's hard not to cry at such a powerful affirmation.

That is NOT your fault. NONE of that blood is on your hands, understand? It's on the World Government, and the Marines who didn't balk at reprehensible orders.

It's the law that was wrong Portgas

I'd be miserable without you, stupid.

Ace has always felt the World Government was wrong about almost everything. A part of Ace has always felt like maybe things were different about Roger than what he was told. And a part of Ace knew that anyone who'd hurt a child because of his heritage, or want him dead, was a worst person than any monster out on the seas.

But it's a struggle to accept that. And to feel like he deserves to be alive at all, even now.] I don't get it. I don't get why you love me so much. And it almost hurts, like I'm being torn open when you say stuff like that, but it's not in a bad way. [Ace leans up to kiss Smoker's jaw, and then he sighs.] Can we try a puppy first? And if I can handle that, I can handle a kid I guess.