genessia | The Price of Homesickness

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The Price of Homesickness

WHO: Orihime Inoue, OPEN
WHAT: The pangs of homesickness get a little too strong for Orihime to bear, and the temptation of creating an Archway starts to sound really good. But at what cost?
WHEN: November 27, 2013 - Evening
WHERE: Everglade

Orihime pulled her scarf a little higher over her nose and mouth. The chill of the metal bench beneath her was numbing her legs; she'd been sitting there for a long time, her worries and frustrations dwelling hard and cold in her mind. The Archway leading to Soul Society was only a few blocks away. She'd visited just to confirm what she already suspected to be true, that Rukia was no longer in the city. Sure enough, the shinigami had been present within the Archway with no memory of Genessia, and bearing no opal-studded necklace around her delicate throat. Had she gone home, then? Orihime couldn't feel Rukia's reiatsu anymore, so she could only assume...and hope...that was the case.

Time and time again she stole back to the Soul Society archway, hoping to catch a glimpse of her other friends, but of course she didn't. Rukia, Renji, Rangiku, and Toushirou could all be found in the spirit domain, but not the others. Her best friend Tatsuki, she was still in Karakura Town. Uryuu was likely there too. She missed Chad's quiet and reassuring presence. And Ichigo. Ichigo most of all.

In the city of Nautilus, she'd gathered up the courage to let him know her feelings after Orihime's shadow blurted out the secrets of her heart. But rather than give her any affection in return, he'd gone to Sleep, and she knew her feelings were absolutely and unquestionably unrequited. But she still cared for him. He'd fought so hard for her, putting his life on the line time and time again to keep her safe. She wished she could see him again, even if it was only for a few seconds.

If she gave up a sacrifice to the Genessia computer, she knew that was a distinct possibility. She could create the Archway leading to Karakura Town and be surrounded by all the familiar comforts of home. Her old apartment, her old school, her very best friends...even if they weren't the real thing, she was so homesick that she didn't care.

That was the crux of the problem. Orihime knew she hadn't been her usual cheery self for a long while, even before the city forced her to sleep. Newcomers were showing up, and instead of reaching out with a friendly greeting, she'd retreated into herself, clinging instead to the few people left that she did know. That wasn't right.

Closing her eyes, Orihime clutched at her scarf and heaved the heaviest of sighs. But what could she possibly give up? For a time she'd toyed with the idea of giving up her memories of Ichigo. It would heal the heartbreak to be sure, but it just didn't feel right. After all he'd done, and all he'd risked, she would have been profoundly ungrateful to throw all of that away just for the sake of a comforting illusion. Her late brother Sora...it was the same for him. Tatsuki, too. Even her friends in Nautilus weren't something she was willing to surrender, despite the dreadful feeling of never being able to see them again. Sanji, Wheeljack, Dave, V, Michael, Augie, England and his hilarious eyebrows...the list stretched on and on. All of those faces, all of those memories, they were precious to her. She just couldn't give them up.

A dark whisper at the back of her mind urged her to forget them all, that she couldn't miss what she didn't know was there. She ignored it; that little voice seemed to have followed her from Nautilus, much to her chagrin, but she was better at learning to tune it out. Eventually it would give up and go away, she hoped. But if it didn't, so be it. She didn't need to listen to it or heed its influence -- it was too contrary to her nature anyway.

'Tatsuki-chan, what would you tell me to do?' she thought to herself, lifting her eyes to gaze absently at the street in front of her. 'You knew me better than anybody else. Would you hit me on the head and scold me? Would you have a story to tell to help me make up my mind?'

The wind caught her hair, sweeping it across her face, and she pushed it back without a thought.

'I miss them so much. What should I do...?'

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She'd seemed cheerful enough each time he'd seen seen her, but something had been nagging at Dean about her being a little off regardless. Mainly he was hunting her down to thank her for pulling out of that hell-pit of an archway (He had to thank God they didn't walk through that, actually, or their probably wouldn't have been enough of himself for him to pull together to carry on walking out) seeing as he hadn't really thanked her properly at all at the time.

He finds her... well, not where he expects to find her, looking deep in thought. He sits next to her without really thinking about it, because after everything... well, he probably owes her more than he can give, he thinks. Doesn't mean he's going to stop trying, though.

"What's up?"

Orihime's distant gaze became more focused as she blinked, snapped out of her thoughts by the sound of Dean's voice. She turned her head to look at him, surprised to find him sitting down beside her. How long had he been there? She must have really spaced out!

"Oh, Dean-san." She smiled as best she could; she was still kind of down in the dumps, but she was always glad to see her friend.

"I guess I was just thinking about what I should be doing next, that's all." There was no easy way to sum up her feelings of homesickness and worry. She'd become so accustomed to that little dark spot in the back of her head that she didn't even think to debate on whether or not she should mention it. It wasn't a problem anymore the way it used to be back in Nautilus.

"What about you? Are you out for a walk?"

"Pretty much. Sometimes, I just gotta get out." He shrugs a little bit. He likes his house, but being in one place all the time is weird as hell. And it doesn't really help that now he's missing the bunker like he'd once missed the house.

And, you know, the fact he misses Kid almost as much as he misses Sam. Almost, but not quite.

...And Sam is a whole Other kettle of fish that he's trying not to touch. Even after all this time, he mostly still feels like he's missing an arm. Or a leg. Or something equally important. And sure, he's living around it fairly well... but it's in a similar fashion as an amputee might, even as well as he hides it. And he's pretty much given up hope that he's going to see Sam other than in dream-dock land, even as much as when he sees a new post, he gets that little smidge of irrational hope....

Yeah, not touching that.

"Looks like what you should be doing next is a pretty heavy choice. You were... thinking pretty hard." Need some ears? His are extra good for listening now!

"Yeah..." It was difficult for Orihime to admit, but she wasn't about to lie to Dean either. Not to his face, not when it was more than clear that he knew something was up. It would be a serious breach of trust, and that was the last thing she wanted.

Besides, hadn't she learned time and time again that things never turned out well when she kept her negative feelings bottled up?

"Sometimes I get so homesick I can barely stand it." She looked down at her feet, past the hands that lightly clutched at the hem of her long skirt. "I woke up in Nautilus three years ago. I could visit by riding around in the head of my old self, but...it wasn't...the things I said weren't the things I really wanted to say, you know?" Orihime had wanted to tell her friends how much she'd missed them, and that she thought about them all the time. She wanted to smell the fresh wet earth when it rained in Karakura Town, or the sharp woodsmoke in the air once the weather turned cool. She wanted to dip her feet in the Onose River, and taste the delicious home cooking that Tatsuki's mother always provided so clearly.

"I've been wandering around for a long time. And I know...I know I shouldn't get so upset. You've been away from home a lot longer than I have, ne?" Orihime lifted her head, putting on a smile for Dean. "So I shouldn't complain. But I thought...maybe if I had an Archway that went to Karakura Town, then maybe I'd feel better."

She hung her head again. "But I can't think of anything I could give up. I don't want to lose any of my memories. It wouldn't be fair to the people I want to remember."

He nudges her gently, just a little shoulder bump. "Yeah, but I've got an archway." It's not said in a 'neener-neener' sense, but in the sense of 'here's a fact, I'm just pointing it out'.

He sighs, slouching slightly and looking up at the sky. "I wish I could tell you that does make it all better, and that it means you don't think of home or anything else... but it doesn't. Or, it might for you. I don't know. I'm just saying - it's not always as simple as 'here's home, now you feel better'."

He pauses, before he chuckles softly, it sounding a touch sad. "Mind you, it's not like that had been my home for a long time." He'd got it for mom, and he doesn't regret that. "I don't know if it makes mom feel better than she would have, but I kind of like to think so. She seems happy enough." He pauses, thinking carefully on his wording. "I don't know what I gave up, though. I remember it was a memory, but what it was..." He shrugs. It's his first time talking about this properly. But he thinks she probably needs to hear it, so she can decide properly. God knows what would happen if she made it as snappily as he kind of did. He knows he thought about it, but did he really think about it as well as he could have? Probably not. "It's like a nagging itch, something I want to remember because I know it was important to me, but at the same time... I'm scared to scratch it, in case all of what I've built there just disappears. Not that anyone here could tell me, anyway."

Did he do that right? He has no clue. It just came out like that, he's still not that good at doing this talking thing, and it was too late to take it back. "I guess what I'm saying is that it's good in some ways, bad in others, and if I really thought about it, I'd give up something else other than a memory - but I'd still make it." It was never for him anyway, so he guesses that's not really his luxury.

Orihime can't help smiling a little, or even enjoying a short laugh, when he nudges her shoulder. He does have an Archway, that's true. And though he may not have made it for himself, he does spend a lot of time there...probably to make up for the years he didn't have with his mother.

What she wouldn't give to have her brother like that again. Just to see him again, to know he had a chance to live a full life...even if it was on a weird alien planet!

But she came here alone, and the person she did know hadn't stayed.

Orihime pushed a hand over her cheek, smiling down at the street. "Yeah...I think I'll make one too, after I decide what I need to give up." It absolutely wouldn't be a memory, just in case someone she did know managed to turn up. It couldn't be a power, because those served other people. But other than those things, she hadn't exactly come here with a lot of luggage. Maybe her ability to bake...? That probably wouldn't be sufficient, since she hadn't been planning on doing a lot of baking since that might add some unwanted competition to Mary's bakery. Cooking wouldn't work because no one liked her cooking except for her, and then she'd spend a lot of money on eating out if she couldn't make anything for herself. She tugged at a lock of her hair fitfully. She knew how to sew, but it wasn't a skill she particularly treasured. Karate might be a necessary thing to know if her hairpins were ever taken from her. So what did she have left? Her only real treasure was her friends, and the things she could do to protect them.

Then Orihime paused, going still for several moments.

"Dean-san..." She shifted slightly on the bench, turning her head to look at him directly. "Do you...think I'd look okay with short hair?"

He'd raised an eyebrow as she fell still, then she was turning to him. Her- okay, random? "I think you'd look pretty cute no matter how you had your hair, but-" And then he pauses, frowns, and then realisation. "...wait. Your hair? Are you sure that's gonna be enough?" And please tell him that there's more to that if you're sure. He'd.... actually hate to find out that you're just vain and shallow, because he thought there was a hell of a lot more than that there. Vain and shallow is for one-night stands not friends as a general rule.

She looked down at her knees again, quietly and anxiously running her fingers down the lock of hair over and over. She could guess what he was thinking, just from his tone of voice. It seemed like a trivial sacrifice to anyone who didn't know why she'd grown it long in the first place.

"When I was little, there were some older kids who would bully me and cut my hair after school," she explained. "I was so crushed, because my brother always told me how much he liked the color. He asked why I cut it short, and I told him I just felt like a change. He was working so hard to support us, I didn't want to burden him with more worries." She smiled a little at the memory. Really, she should have just told him. Sora wouldn't have flipped out. He would have just hugged her, fixed her something to eat... But to a little kid, everything was a much bigger deal than it was in truth.

She sighed, kicking her legs a little as she tipped her head back and smiled. "It was a year after he passed away that I first met Tatsuki-chan, who became my best friend. She stuck with me, yelled at me, protected me. She chased off all of the bullies, and I felt like I could finally move forward again. I didn't have to be scared anymore, because she was there. So I grew my hair long, to show how much I trusted her. No one else would ever cut it again as long as she was there."

Orihime turned her head to look at Dean, hitching her shoulders. "Maybe this way, you'll get to meet her, even if she's not the real Tatsuki-chan. She's really amazing!"

"Huh." Okay, see, he totally knew there was a reason ~~not~~. And now he can see why she thought it would be enough. Hell, it might even be.

"She sounds awesome." There's a pause before he adds with a slight chuckle. "Also sounds like she might yell at you for sacrificing your hair to be with a not-real version of her when it means so much to you." He holds up his hands "I'm just saying." He's not claiming to know her at all, but really... he'd do the same thing in that situation, by what it sounds like she's like.

"And for the record? Your hair's great."

"She probably would," Orihime admitted, a touch of fondness in her laugh. Tatsuki would probably bop her on the head, too. Even so, it'd be worth every bruise and flinch just to hear her voice again.

It was what he said last that really surprised her. Orihime straightened, blinking at him. "Heh? You really think so?" she asked, wide-eyed and pink-cheeked. Most people didn't compliment her hair so much as they remarked on...well, other things. Hearing someone say something nice about her hair was unusual, and in all honesty, more than a little flattering.

...Well, he's known her long enough to be beyond the boob-staring. Most of the time. That's not to say he doesn't still have a good look every now and again.... but yeah.

He nods, looking away out of embarrassment. He hadn't realised it was going to be met with such enthusiasm. "Yeah. the colour's... unusual. Brighter than you normally see on a lot of natural redheads." And to be honest, he's more than aware that most redheads are not usually natural. Does he understand fashion or why people colour their hair out of a bottle? Nope. Not even a little bit (even if he kind of understands why ladies might cover up grey and can appreciate that much...), hair's hair and clothes are clothes and not really important in a long line of things. "But pretty."

Orihime smiled, then turned her gaze to her knees again, cheeks burning. It was awfully kind of him to say so, and it seemed like he was urging her to exercise a little patience before she gave part of herself away just to chase off some of her loneliness.

"I guess I could try using the Dream Dock," she said, scuffing the toe of her shoe against the ground. "Just to see what's been going on. You've used it before, right? How did it go?"

...He's not going to start lying this far in now. "It's weird. Doesn't sound much different from what you were saying about visiting home in the other place, but it's home." He's pretty much given up on hoping for Sam, and it lets him keep an eye on his brother. Make sure he's... well, as safe as they can get. If he wasn't needed out here, he'd probably live in it. "As for how it went.... well, you've seen my archway. But that's just because that's just because that's how shit goes down."

Orihime smiled. His honesty was appreciated, that was for sure, as it would help her make a more informed decision at the very least. "I'll give it a try, then, and maybe wait a little longer. Tatsuki-chan is pretty scary when she's mad!" she laughed.

Her expression softened as she looked up at him. Her smiles were usually big and bright, but not so much this time. However, even if her smile was small, it was far more genuine and warm. They'd been through a lot together, and she appreciated the way he stuck beside her and supported her. In this world, he was her best friend. It would have been very lonely without him.

"Have you had dinner yet? I'll treat if you haven't!"

They had been through a lot, even if it had started off weird with her already knowing him. But even that hadn't been all that bad in the end - though admittedly if it had been anyone less respectful of the fact it had freaked him the hell out, they probably wouldn't be as good of friends as they are. Really, he's just glad to help her out, even if he worries that the Winchester curse is going to drag her down the same way as everyone else he cares about. Or, you know, going the same way as Kid and randomly disappearing on him.

But... The answering smile is just as warm. "Sure, why not?"

Fuck it. He's going to end up hurt, but he may as well enjoy the way down. He hates being alone anyway.

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The Price of Homesickness

I skipped out on tags for a few days to recharge my brain xD

Welcome back! <3

<33 ty~

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