genessia | Political commentary from a jerk [Video][PG-13]

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Political commentary from a jerk [Video][PG-13]

[How did this guy get a videophone? The Magician works in mysterious ways.]

Sup people. With elections coming up, now's a good time to tell the undecideds among you who to vote for. You can trust me; I'm a genius. Let's start with an easy one.

Everglade

All these guys ping my gaydar something fierce. Don't even need to compare their index and ring fingers to figure this out. And like most gays, they're sure to live lives of reckless hedonism cut short by AIDS. No wonder they need necromancers to put them back together.

So, sorry Everglade. No matter who wins, you lose, probably by being transformed into someone's private bathhouse. Now, why are they so attracted to Everglade, of all cities? One word: Comorbidity. Too complicated? Here's another: Necrophilia. Think about it.

Fayren

This one comes down between Satori, a pink-haired midget girl, and Loki, a literal god of chaos and mischief. Pretty dumb, right? Wrong. Given the choice, always vote for the man. Always. There's a reason matriarchies only 'function' in third world countries. It's cause they don't work, as evidenced by how royally screwed up Fayren has become. Ladies, I love you, but you need to get back in the kitchen.

Nova City

Now, what do you do when both of them are the fairer sex? Well, either way, Nova City is in for a world of hurt. Since we can't decide based on who actually has a functioning Y chromosome, we'll have to pick based on other factors. Specifically, entertainment value.

At first glance, they seem pretty much the same. Moderately attractive, butch, not that much fun to be around. But there are some subtle differences. Let's take Satsuki.

I kid! Mostly. Satsuki's funny when she tears people down. I wish we could've gotten a transcript of what went down at the party between her and monkey boy. Give her a position of authority, and she'll do that all the time, right?

Now with Weiss, not so much. She talks like a Powerpoint presentation and even when she's mad, she's still kinda robotic. No wonder she wants Nova City.

But here's the kicker. Weiss is your typical spoiled rich kid who's used to always getting her way. She also has massive daddy issues and some kind of family complex she wants to use Genessia as a prop to work out. That might be funny, in a train wreck kind of way, but hear me out. What if she loses? Can you imagine? Just picture the shrieking hissy fit, the huge tantrum she'll throw once she realizes that the universe won't give her everything on a silver platter. It'll be awesome; best Christmas present ever. Plus it'll be a learning experience; it'll be good for her. And we all want what's best for people, right? Right.

There. Now you can all make an informed decision at the polls. Whoever wins, good luck everyone. You're gonna need it.

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"Excuse you..?!" Maria gasps out, into the video feed, unbeknownst to her, at first; by the time he gets to the bit about the damned "matriarchal societies do NOT function properly, and so Women should stay in the kitchen!" Bullshit, she's recovered her usual insouciant smirk, directly into the camera lens. "I mean-- sorry to disappoint you, Sir but-- let us just back up for a moment to the question of your "Gay-dar", and how accurate it really is. I mean, seriously? Teddy and I are planning to get married, so... Yeah, I'm pretty sure he's not queer at all!" She grins as she glances back over her shoulder, as if checking to see if Teddy is actually listening to this exchange. She wouldn't mind binding herself to him; after all, didn't he remind her so much of the "class clown" she'd harboured a secret crush upon almost from the moment she'd met him. (Well-- maybe NOT so secret, any more, since his friends had figured out her intentions, and started teasing both herself and the "clown" mercilessly over his unmistakable interest in another girl!) She grimaced slightly at this memory, and then turned back to the camera, all smiles again.

"And as for the question of Matriarchal Societies, and how well they thrive, well.... Let me just point out that this is essentially a damned Sheriff's election, NOT any sort of bloody mayor or governor, or anything of the sort! Secondly, well: you may be surprised to know that there is a female Minister of Magic presiding over the entire British Ministry of Magic, as far as I know-- if that is, the Ministry hasn't fallen to the despicable tyrant Lord Voldemort... Which would be horrible news for EVERYONE, Muggle or otherwise!"

That's a whole lotta blah blah blah. The question is: respond seriously, or not so seriously? Maybe a little of both.

"Wouldn't be the first time a queer took a wife to keep up appearances."

Edited 2015-12-24 21:16 (UTC)

"Oh aye? Indeed? You really think that he would be worried about covering up his own sexuality, as far as he really needs to in an open place such as this-- that as you've pointed out, practically encourages necromancy!

"Sorry, off the mark a bit, there, wasn't I? I meant to point out that most men of twenty-one years of age, don't usually worry about what other people think of their sexuality, enough to get married now do they?" And then, with a smug smirk, she leans over and kisses "her" Teddy on the cheek, chaste as anything for his benefit, but with a somewhat conniving smirk, for this arsehole-upon-the-network's benefit.

Ted had not yet perfected his ninja training. Instead, he scolded her and then made a prompt exit to do his job somewhere else. He was clearly more annoyed than enthralled.

This made John smirk every so slightly. "Yeah, I can tell he really enjoyed that."

Edited 2015-12-24 21:57 (UTC)

"OI!" Maria cried out in protest, as she was scolded ever-so-briefly by Teddy, and then, of course, she chased after him, leaving the video monitor behind with a soft mutter of "Oi, and YOU!? You think you're so funny, do you? Just wait till my Fiancé gets his hands upon you..."

Satori is displeased. People like these are exactly the kind that Fayren - or anywhere for that matter - did not need. His level of ignorance was astounding, and it would've caught her offguard if she hadn't heard likewise ridiculous things from foolish people. "Clearly, you have such a large grasp of the human condition, sir. I'm sure that your spouting hateful rhetoric must mean you've never actually been around a woman in your life at all, and you must have some deep-seated fear of rejection by women who are stronger, more influential - and yes, more intelligent than you. Or perhaps some lingering social or sexual anxiety? Either way, I'm surprised anyone would stay in your company for all that long." She changes her tone a little, sounding more and more as if she was taking the moral high ground and teaching the ignoramus a lesson. "If you have an issue with the candidates, their gender, their sexuality and so on, perhaps you should learn respect for the people who will eventually represent you and leave those topics for those with enough brain matter to debate over such issues."

"Of course, it's completely reasonable and legitimate to vent your worthless insecurities directly at people who can and will get angry about it." She feigns an expression of deep, deep sympathy. "And at someone who, most likely, can pick apart these insecurities with little effort. But wouldn't it be much braver, you virile, masculine philosopher, if you aired out these views in Fayren? Because I'm quite sure local law enforcement would be delighted to listen to your story of tragedy." With that, Satori's expression changes with a rather satisfied smile, eager to hear how this idiot would defend themselves.

Leaning a little closer to the feed, Satori seems to be wanting to make things a little...personal, her third eye leaning into the frame to watch. "Let me ask you a personal question? In all these ad-hominem attacks against myself, as well as the other candidates, are you even old enough think rationally? Let alone hold a conversation that wasn't peppered with juvenile insults that only make you seem like a greater fool in comparison to those you mock? I'm sure if you met me face-to-face, you'd be far too terrified to speak your ignorance, because you prefer cowardice and misinformation."

Satori, satisfied by her verbal dressing-down of this interloper, pulled back and continued speaking as she moved. "People and fellow candidates: This trouble-maker is hardly worth our time or our notice. Move along and disregard him. This individual's clearly one of the people that new legislation hasn't managed to catch--"

Edited 2015-12-25 03:18 (UTC)

Koishi came into screen quickly, plucking the phone from her sister's hands and glaring down at it. "Hello? Mister? Those comments are really rude and offensive, you know. They are false and ignorant." The little youkai was frowning deeply. "Think and research things before you make accusations. I honestly don't think you said even one remotely true statement... You just make yourself look quite stupid because your thinking and the statements you are making are quite old fashioned. And I'm centuries old." Honestly... Weren't humans supposed to be good at changing and adapting to the changing times?

She shook her head and then turned to Satori, the phone still broadcasting. "He's either really ignorant or he's just trying to bug people. If he's just saying things to bug people then you shouldn't feed into it. If he's ignorant then there really isn't much you can do over the phone. Humans can be as stubborn as youkai sometimes."

"Offensive? *Gasp* No, anything but that! Think of the feelings! Think of the children!

One more good reason to not elect women: way too into fashion. It's cute when they're picking out your sweaters. Less cute when it's the foundation of their thinking. Hey, maybe if I wait till tomorrow or next week or next month, my opinion will be 'in fashion' and yours won't. Then I'll be right and you'll be wrong. Crazy world, right?"

Edited 2015-12-25 04:27 (UTC)

Though he responded to Satori too, Koishi still had the phone and had no plans on letting her sister have it back just yet. She was considering trying to explain that she and her sister were technically genderless and their physical appearance came from the fact that the fragments of spirits used in their creation had come from mostly female sources... But...

"Then why don't you prove it?" The little youkai's voice was cool but not cold. "You say you're better and anyone can talk big. Why not show it off? The New Years Tournament. Where people can fight and kill without consequence since death isn't permanent in the arena. You would have no reason to hold back or hesitate. I'm sure it will be no trouble if you're actually correct."

John had never brought up fighting ability, though he did find how quickly the Youkai moved to that amusing. Especially in light of just making fun of Satori for it.

"Do you always move to violence when you lose the argument, or is it that time of the month?"

Edited 2015-12-25 06:29 (UTC)

Koishi just... stared at the screen. "Wow. You really don't know anything about youkai, do you?" She shook her head. "If I wanted to resort to brutality I wouldn't invite you to a formal tournament. But it's clear I'm wasting my time. I hope you rise to meet what the future may bring."

And with that the little satori hung up.

"... Sis?" She turned to Satori. "Sis, I'm reflecting... joy? I think?" She looked thoughtful. "You know it's hard to keep a straight face when you're making me want to laugh."

John had to stifle a yawn here. There truly was nothing new under the sun. Yes, he could hold a conversation without rhetoric, i.e. provocation and trolling, but where's the fun in that?

" 'Ad-hom.' You keep using that phrase. I do not think it means what you think it means." The chances of Satori having watched the Princess Bride were pretty slim, but eh, it was a classic film.

"The projection is funny though." Here John mimicked Satori's voice.

"Such hateful rhetoric; can't you argue more philosophically? Also you'll never get laid and are really insecure of super smart women like me."

The part about using law enforcement to silence dissent is a nice touch. Another good reason not to elect women: Disagree with them? Off with your balls! How is the whole oligarchy thing working out, by the way? Do average Joe's still get the shaft in favor of nobility?

But yeah, move along. You ain't tall enough for this ride, sister."

Edited 2015-12-25 03:57 (UTC)

[You know what's not good for you when you're still sick? Stress.

You know what you are causing this small apprentice? A lot of stress.

Luke is livid, a particularly rare amount of anger for him, face flushed and red (angry or feverish, who knows?) If looks had the ability to kill, John Everyman would be dead where he stood, because Luke is furious. And when push comes to shove, he can be quite the little ball of rage.]

You ought to be ashamed of yourself for talking about anyone like this! Those are all--even if--all of those are terrible to things about someone, true or not. And in public, too! That's hor--

[And now he's coughing so hard he can't finish his sentence. You get the gist, right?]

Edited 2015-12-25 06:02 (UTC)

John still had something of a soft spot for Luke, what with him looking like he's eight and him kinda sorta traumatizing him when he wasn't feeling so hot. He gets tough love this go around. Emphasis on 'tough' for being such a white knight.

"Hey Luke, happy holidays. Now shut the hell up, eat some soup, and go to bed."

Edited 2015-12-25 06:06 (UTC)

"I don' want soup and I don' want you to tell me what to do 'cause you're here saying awful things about my friends!"

[Cough hack wheeze.]

"Tough. Yeah, it's awful. Awfully true. And hey, as a friend, I gotta tell ya, hit the sack. Or else."

[ Reading this post just made Porrim... tired. She wasn't sure she should even address it, but it felt wrong to just let it air out there without recourse. She felt kind of resentful that this chagrin tunnel was stealing her time and good mood. ]

I don't even know what the 'gay' thing means but it seems to be bad from context.

[ Actually there was quite a bit of phrases she didn't understand. Third world countries? And what was the thing about the kitchen? She'd never been so offended for reasons she couldn't even fully understand. ]

Since it seems you just dislike everyone for vaguely defined reasons, what characteristics do you think actually makes a good leader? Who most embodies them?

Edited 2015-12-25 23:28 (UTC)

[John considered his trolling options carefully. There were roughly 3 paths to take: Being mean (plowing ahead with the rudeness), a non-sequitur (birthday cat), or misleading sincerity. He decided he'd probably get more mileage out of the third option.]

Look up "GRIDS" sometime. Probably not right now cause, warning ya now, it's kind of gross. That ought to paint a picture. [Then again, Maria seemed to be clear on it. And it'd be too easy to just suggest some slang site like urbandictionary.com]

Well, as established, a good leader will be a man. They're tougher, fairer, and have more logically-oriented brains than women. Not saying women are evil or stupid or whatever; I like 'em a lot. But they need to stand behind their man, not in front of him.

That's not to say a leader (man) shouldn't be passionate. He absolutely should. A good leader has an unyielding vision of the way things should be, and won't take crap from anyone who says different. They tend to have a single, clearly defined cause, and defend it vigorously.

So they're confident as hell, and make a lot of goals. Maybe they reach 'em, maybe they don't. Who cares? He won't. Even failures to a great leader are reasons to keep trucking. But the most important thing is being a good speaker. Communicating that vision is crucial, so you gotta orate. Get people fired up. Make 'em feel what you feel, what you know.

There's other stuff. Being smart, tough, handsome. But passion, vision, and speaking will get the whole world to follow you anywhere. In short, a really good leader would be someone like this guy.

[ Who's this douchebag? ]

So men are fairer than the 'fairer sex' now?

[ This thing about 'standing behind their man' was more boggling than anything, as if he thinks male female relationships are the only ones that exist? Porrim didn't really know what to say, this was so much more laughably stupid than any kind of gendered propaganda she'd ever heard on Beforus. ]

And you've determined all of these things how, exactly?

[The Hitler bait was kind of a long shot, since most people wouldn't get the reference, being from different worlds and all. The best he could've hoped for there was some Earthling to break in and hulk out. As usual, the claim that might offend the most people (50%, give or take) had the most purchase. For this act, he'd adopt the tone and cadence of a calm, reasonable lecturer trying to enlighten an earnest inquirer..]

Sometimes words can have more than one meaning. 'Fair', for example, can mean 'just' as well as 'comely'.

As for how I know: science.

Those are pictures of the neural connections of male (blue) and female (orange) brains, respectively. Men are wired more front-to-back, whereas women are wired side-to-side. Roughly speaking, this makes men better at perception and co-ordination, while women are better at social skills and memory. As you can see, they both cover different ranges, which forms their complimentary nature.

But the differences don't stop there. A study was done measuring the personality differences between the sexes. It's pretty technical, but I'll try to sum up. Basically, the differences are huge. The biggest ones were these: Women scored higher in warmth sensitivity, and apprehension. Men scored higher in Dominance, Rules-Consciousness, Vigilance, and (best for last) Emotional Stability.

As the study plainly shows, men are by and large far better suited for the kind of fair play necessitated in political leadership roles, especially ones charged with wide scale protection. The same traits carry over to all leadership roles.

Edited 2015-12-26 03:30 (UTC)

[ Oh god he was getting some kind of human biology lesson now. Man, she didn't even know if she wanted to get into this, maybe humans were wired differently by gender? Just based on the humans she'd met this was probably total bullshit but honestly she didn't even know where he was getting all this shit like did all this hoofbeast droppings even exist on the internet here? Did he just have it saved to a honeycomb jar so he could pull it out whenever his shitty beliefs were questioned?

Like this pushed what she would expect from Cronus and Cronus was already as unpleasant a troll as she could imagine. Maybe Caliborn? She hadn't spent a lot of time listening to the virulent spew that was the dross coffer of that cherub's ignorance tunnel, but she might imagine this was it. ]

How many women have you actually talked to?

[John tried not to laugh. Got to keep it going.]

A fair amount; pardon the use of that word again.

Edited 2015-12-26 04:19 (UTC)

And all of these women have appeared to display characteristics consistent with this... [ Man, she didn't even know how to describe this. Philosophy? ] "Science?"

[Time to bring it on home]

More or less; especially with the candidate in question.

Weiss?

[Okay this could be good.]

Hmm. What makes you say her?

Edited 2015-12-26 04:59 (UTC)

Well, I assumed you meant her, since she was the one you decided to spend the most time slandering. It was also the only election you seemed to actually have some kind of debate about.

[GDI]

I meant Satori, actually. The Youkai. It was a little rough around the edges, but I think, despite her ethnic differences, I've demonstrated pretty well the difference between the sexes via her reaction and Loki's.

Edited 2015-12-26 05:09 (UTC)

"Ethnic" differences? She's a different species.

In fact, the only two Yokai I know of are Satori and Koishi. There might not even exist male yokai. Do you have some charts to explain to me how Yokai brains work? I'm sure they're extremely warm, sensitive and social as they strip the marrow out of human bones with their teeth.

[Good to know]

Human bones, specifically? You can see why people might be a little hesitant about placing her in a leadership position.

That aside, her emotional makeup matches up remarkably well with human, female norms.

Edited 2015-12-26 05:33 (UTC)

Why? Fayren is hardly populated exclusively by humans. But I was exaggerating for effect. I actually don't know if she eats humans or not.

But I doubt that a god will have the interested of humans in mind anymore than a yokai would. Yet you think some theoretical brain differences between humans is more important than orders of existence.

Look, its pretty obvious that you actually don't care about reality and just want to forward a narrative that seems to suit your existence. You're human, so humans are superior. You're male, so obviously males are superior. You march out science that was no doubt created by other male humans to prove how male humans are superior.

I'm sure this is a very comforting mythology for you, but think for a moment about how it actually benefits you. You've constructed a reality where you can only partner with an inferior strain of humans. And the way you've defined inferior is very particular: men are logical, 'just' was it?, dominant, while women are social, long thinking and emotionally unstable.

Let's set aside for a moment how completely contradictory and inconsistent this narrative is and just analyze for a moment that there's a great many things that men aren't allowed to be, like emotional, or warm, or flexible. Is that really a life you want to live? Cold and strict?

[Okay he couldn't help a small grin at this. It matched up perfectly with a similar spiel from Satori.]

"Gods are characteristically known for being very interested in human affairs.

Leaving alone, for a moment, how I never claimed either racial or sexual superiority, I have a question. You're a woman, correct?"

Edited 2015-12-26 06:10 (UTC)

[ Yes, in her opinion. But lets make him work for that answer. ]

How do you define what a woman is?

Having two 'X' chromosomes signals that pretty well.

I'm afraid I have no idea what a chromosome is. Biological existentialism simply isn't going to apply across species.

It does seem biology is a bit of a foreign concept to you. Oh well; will you grant it for the sake of argument?

And why exactly should I do that?

*beat*

"For the sake of argument."

Edited 2015-12-26 06:54 (UTC)

Mmm. See, when talking about identities and emotions and the inferiority of a large group of people? The sake of argument is not enough.

This isn't some logical exercise for us to detachedly discuss.

This has actual impacts on the real world. It impacts how real people are treated.

I won't be doing you any favors spreading your toxic misogynistic religion, sorry.

[Man, trolling takes patience. They had that in common, at least. Now he could kinda begin to be more his usual self.]

Women always gotta make it personal. All right, here we go.

Like I said, women traditionally are more sensitive and less emotionally stable than men. Satori fits the pattern pretty well. Most people, especially politicians who have tough skin, shrug off stuff like this. Satori, on the other hand, gave a big speech and seemed pretty upset.

Loki, as far as I know, doesn't care. He's a guy and has that emotional stability thing going for him. Satori ended her weird rant by asking people to ignore me. Loki's one step ahead.

So far, so good. Another way women tend to argue is by appeals to emotion, kinda like what you did at the end of your thing.

Seeing a pattern? Emotions all the way down. Which is fine, don't get me wrong. It has its place, just not in the driver's seat.

The pattern is actually that Satori likely has to deal with this kind of toxic philosophy on a regular basis. She feels the need to defend against this because this sexism permeates society, and failing to address it wouldn't sit well with her. She would feel like she's failing everyone you are insulting by letting it slide.

Loki, on the other hand, is a man. Nothing you've said here personally impacts him. He's never experienced systemic sexism, and probably doesn't understand how thoroughly it integrates itself through every layer of society. In my opinion your diatribe is actually just as insulting towards men, because I think telling men that they aren't allowed to be emotional is actually a cruel thing to inflict. But because your society has decided that emotions are inferior to detached logic, he wouldn't see it as an insult.

But personally, if your definition of a good leader is one who doesn't care about the people they're responsible for? Then I don't think you have your priorities straight at all.

[Decisive as John thought himself to be, he still had a hard time choosing between bad (okay, worse) manners over sincerity. Which was more bang for the buck?]

Uhuh. I kinda wish Satori would deal with systemic aristocratic elitism that actually happens, over, say, bogeyman sexism that doesn't. The imaginary sexism feels worse, I guess.

So, despite calling him a god of chaos and mischief, nothing I've said effects him. Sure about that?

But this is what I'm getting at. A woman's emotions, more often than not cloud her judgment and define her reality. I never said men aren't allowed to feel; weren't you listening my bit about passion and vision? It's just not their bread and butter.

I also never said good leaders don't care about people. You're making stuff up. Now, I know why; because, nine times out of ten, when a woman feels something, there's no difference in her mind between that and what's actually said. That's her reality, facts be damned. Men are better at separating, which is why they can keep a cool head and make better policy.

[ Why is she arguing with this guy, it was almost as bad as arguing with Kankri. There was no real end goal; obviously she wasn't going to convince this guy of anything, she was just making more stress her herself. And at this point, refusing to continue arguing would be taken as some kind of defeat.

So tired. ]

Your arguments are unconvincing and exceptionally offensive. I feel sorry for you, and even worse for anyone that buys what you're selling. Good night.

[ She wouldn't be responding to anything after this. He can have all the fun he wants getting the last word in. ]

[It should be video, but the screen is black.] Having fun joyriding with the video feature, kid?

Edited 2015-12-26 02:58 (UTC)

Congratulations! You won this year's most obnoxious cretin award.

[She sounded less than happy. Good thing John had just the thing that could warm any heart.]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Political commentary from a jerk [Video][PG-13]

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[Video] Luke is lecturing in this icon. While wearing his seatbelt. Safety first!

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Video...? Supposedly.

He also enjoys the image posting

Two could play at that game

orly

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