Newspaper - Saturday Edition

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[Did you subscribe to The Genessia Tribune? Did you even remotely wish you had a newspaper or some other form of media to refer to for news, weather, and current events? Then you're in luck! There's a paperboy riding through the streets of Genessia flinging newspapers onto doorsteps or, if you're unlucky, through your window. Even remote locations in the other cities will still get a paper if one of the residents ever wanted one. The Paperboy is just that dedicated.]

[And if you're one of the following people, and you happen to subscribe to the newspaper, the Paperboy may or may not have flung the newspaper through that person's window and/or broke something in the area: Cherise Thompson, Don Claude Frollo, Lust, Sam Winchester, Vyse, Raye Hino, Captain Hammer, Kefka Palazzo, and Loke.]



Singles Ads

Bear-Slaying Geek
SWM age 17 seeks SF age 16-19, must be cute. Interested in video games and nothing else. Favorite foods include everything under the sun. Call me to hear my story about killing a helpless giant bear all by my lonesome!

Musician Royalty
SM seeks F for many enchanted evenings. Knows how to treat a girl like a princess, and when it's time for pizza and rock 'n roll. Especially fond of women who are 'pleasantly plump.

Super Dead!
SWM seeks pretty much everything under the sun. Enjoys being horrible, listening to horrible music, and eating horrible food and also ravioli. Disease-resistant. Will take anything he can get his hands on. Excels at exorcising the living.

Are you a lonely sadsack? Maybe placing an ad will change your luck! Fill out the form below and send it in to see your ad in next week's paper! Names will not be shown, so be sure to include your radio frequency number. Who knows? You might meet someone dreamy! Or a creepy stalker! Try your luck today!

<b>Status/Race/Gender:</b> [Ex. SWF = single white female] <b>Seeking Status/Race/Gender:</b> [If you're not picky, leave that letter out.] <b>Hobbies and Interests:</b> <b>Favorite Foods:</b> <b>Noteworthy Traits and Accomplishments:</b>

Dear Tabby

Due to the lack of submissions, there will be no responses from our resident advice columnist this week. You guys just think you know it all, don't you?

Sore Loser Confesses to Being a Furry Lover

Citizens across the realm were all suddenly bored into a dangerous coma when failed candidate for Nova City, Professor Ozpin, made a prolonged and boring speech about animals and people having equal rights. "I knew I shouldn't have voted for him!" Chris Athan frowned, shaking his ham-sized fist. "If boring speeches were all we were going to get, then I'm glad we got the other guy. He's insane, but at least he's not booooooooooooooring." Others are certain that the speech was hypocritical in nature, as Ozpin was seen last week purchasing bacon at the grocery store. "Some animal lover he is," the grocery clerk complained.

Fortune Teller Arrested!

Fortune teller Imelda Shoop was arrested on charges of fraud and writing bad fanfic earlier this week. Imelda was responsible for several ill-matched pairs ascending what locals are now calling "Ship Mountain." Imelda confessed that she just really wanted to see certain 'pairings' of people she liked, and a search of her shop uncovered multiple stacks of awful, awful fanfiction, one of which involved the Everglade City Guardian and the mysterious short-skirted flame warrior who appears every so often to yell about punishment and the power of Mars. All fanfiction was promptly burned to the relief of many.

Your Weather Forecast
Genessia City
*Sunday, February 23 - Cloudy. High 50 F / Low 30 F
*Monday, February 24 - Partly cloudy. High 33 F / Low 19 F
*Tuesday, February 25 - Few snow showers. High 32 F / Low 26 F
*Wednesday, February 26 - Snow shower. High 32 F / Low 10 F
*Thursday, February 27 - Mostly cloudy. High 26 F / Low 12 F
*Friday, February 28 - Mostly sunny. High 29 F / Low 18 F
*Saturday, March 1 - Partly cloudy. High 31 F / Low 16 F

Attleton
*Sunday, February 23 - Partly cloudy. High 41 F / Low 23 F
*Monday, February 24 - Partly cloudy. High 47 F / Low 22 F
*Tuesday, February 25 - Mostly cloudy. High 31 F / Low 12 F
*Wednesday, February 26 - Sunny! High 35 F / Low 20 F
*Thursday, February 27 - Mostly sunny. High 43 F / Low 20 F
*Friday, February 28 - Partly cloudy. High 38 F / Low 17 F
*Saturday, March 1 - Partly cloudy. High 40 F / Low 25 F

Everglade
*Sunday, February 23 - Mostly cloudy. High 54 F / Low 44 F
*Monday, February 24 - Cloudy. High 48 F / Low 41 F
*Tuesday, February 25 - Mostly cloudy. High 50 F / Low 40 F
*Wednesday, February 26 - Mostly cloudy. High 50 F / Low 42 F
*Thursday, February 27 - Showers. High 51 F / Low 42 F
*Friday, February 28 - Cloudy. High 52 F / Low 42 F
*Saturday, March 1 - Showers. High 52 F / Low 42 F

Fayren
*Sunday, February 23 - Cloudy/windy. High 54 F / Low 43 F
*Monday, February 24 - AM clouds/PM sun. High 55 F / Low 45 F
*Tuesday, February 25 - Rain. High 50 F / Low 39 F
*Wednesday, February 26 - Partly cloudy. High 53 F / Low 43 F
*Thursday, February 27 - Showers. High 52 F / Low 40 F
*Friday, February 28 - Showers. High 48 F / Low 38 F
*Saturday, March 1 - Mostly cloudy. High 48 F / Low 37 F

Nova City
*Sunday, February 23 - Cloudy/windy. High 54 F / Low 43 F
*Monday, February 24 - AM clouds/PM sun. High 55 F / Low 45 F
*Tuesday, February 25 - Rain. High 50 F / Low 39 F
*Wednesday, February 26 - Partly cloudy. High 53 F / Low 43 F
*Thursday, February 27 - Showers. High 52 F / Low 40 F
*Friday, February 28 - Showers. High 48 F / Low 38 F
*Saturday, March 1 - Mostly cloudy. High 48 F / Low 37 F


(OOC: Would you like to submit a story, or be featured in this paper? Let me know! Here's a list of columns I'd like to see:
*Spotlight on Genessia Citizens
*Horoscopes
*Movie Reviews)

Comments

Dear Tabby

[short_n_sweet]

Dear Tabby,

I just got a girlfriend a while back. It's the first relationship I've ever really been in. Now, we've been through some stuff together, but I was wondering... do you know what a guy can do to really impress a girl? Like, I'm not worried or anything, I'm just looking for suggestions!

[vyse_the_legend]

It's amazing how this guy can have a secret base yet the paper boy seems to know exactly where he is. He didn't tell anyone where he was - heck, he has to climb OUT of a concealed manhole just to reach the surface. Usually there was a paper waiting outside for him, but he was a little early this Saturday morning.

So he got it right in the face instead. SMACK!

He's stunned for a moment, shaking his head to register what just happened, and watching as the paper boy rode off like a majestic cowboy into the sunrise on his crummy little bicycle.

Vyse grumbles, but picks up the paper anyway. What crock stories to we have today...? At least sometimes there's some truth to them.

[no_love_potions]

[Well, that first story is about what he expected to hear back from this rag. He just kind of skims it, but that second one.

Fanfiction.

About him and....

He doesn't quite spit his coffee all over the table, but he does choke on it and start coughing violently.]

[short_n_sweet]

[Strangely enough, and purely by chance, the statistical impossibility of Jaune also shooting soda out of his nose while reading the same story occurs at the exact same time Harry is choking on his coffee.

People were writing some kinda weird ero-fics about Harry? Gross.

Oh, if only Jaune knew.]

[onecream_fivesugar]

[Ring, Ring goes your phone Harry.]

[no_love_potions]

[Aw hell. This oughta be a thing. He'll answer.]

Hi, Ruby.

[onecream_fivesugar]

Hey there, Harry.

So... Who's the flame girl in the mini skirt?

[no_love_potions]

[Oh for the love of--]

That's not my secret to spill. Sorry, kiddo.

[Yep, just gonna pretend this conversation has nothing to do with terrible fanfictions.]

[onecream_fivesugar]

Aw come on! At tell me what are her fire powers are! Does she have like a fire sword, or is it magic!? Because a fire sword would be like thirty percent cooler.

[no_love_potions]

[Well... that much probably can't hurt.]

No sword, but I did see her shoot a fire arrow once if that counts.

[onecream_fivesugar]

Really!?

[Of course it counts.]

So cool... What did the bow look like?!

[no_love_potions]

There wasn't one.

[Said with a little dramatic spin to it. For effect.]

She just made an arrow of fire show up out of nowhere and shot it.

[onecream_fivesugar]

Oooooooooh, I gotchya. That's pretty neat. I mean, a cool flame bow to go with that would be even cooler, but I still like her style.

[no_love_potions]

Heh. Next time I see her, I'll let her know she's got a fan.

Maybe I can get you an autograph.

[onecream_fivesugar]

Really, You'd that for me!?

[Okay, she's excited.]

URGENT SINGLES AD.

[uzu]

I know this is supposed to be anonymous and all, but this is for Ira Gamagori. See, he's been real torn up since Lady Satsuki hasn't shown up, and I was thinking it'd be nice to hook him up with anyone who'd be willing to put up with his shit, so here goes.

Status/Race/Gender: SWM.
Seeking Status/Race/Gender: Any and everything, from sumo wrestlers to animals to lolis.
Hobbies and Interests: Masochism, being abused, inflating, screaming about rules.
Favorite Foods: Flesh of the no-stars and all the disgusting vegetables, like celery and radishes. His favorite thing to drink is hot sauce - through a silly straw.
Noteworthy Traits and Accomplishments: Disciplinary Committee Chair at Honnouji Academy, Member of the Student Council's Elite Four, possesses a 3-star uniform. His ears are pierced and he slicks his hair back like a punk.

His eyebrows always look like that, yeah, and you'll never be able to lose track of him because he's always using his outside voice. He has a thing for ball gags if you ever get sick of it. He's prone to say really embarrassing things like "I've been bad, punish me as much as you want!" or "I've been a bad boy, right? Whip me as hard as you can!!" so you might wanna invest in a few of those anyway.

So ah, I guess he's looking for someone with a firm hand? Someone who gives a shit about guidelines and uh...someone who won't get lost underneath him. What do you call those, power bottoms?

[rules_winter]

Mab finds the paper in one of the local shops as she sips an iced tea. She is not at all sorry that she finds the articles entertaining, nor does she hide her smile.

[scarletrequip]

[You can be arrested for possessing fan-fiction here??]

Lucy!

[celestial_wizard]

[ Wherever she is, Lucy can hear Erza call her name like that. AND EEPS, quickly darting over to Titania. ]

E-erza? What is it?

[ She was ignoring that newspaper STUBBORNLY thanks. ]

[scarletrequip]

Bring me anything you've written recently! I need to check it for contraband!

[celestial_wizard]

.... contraband?

Erza you can't be serious... I don't write that kind of material!

[scarletrequip]

All the same, I think it'd be better to be safe than sorry.

[celestial_wizard]

Okay, but you're going to feel pretty silly when you see there's nothing to worry about.

[ She's not about to stop writing her stories because you're worried about contraband missy! ]

Where are you?