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[ The feed begins in a dark room - there's moonlight through a window somewhere offscreen, but not much else to illuminate the feed. There's not much to look at - a simple folding chair is all that's really in view for a little while, though there's the sound of shuffling footsteps in the background for a moment. Finally, a figure makes its way to the front of the camera. A giant, heart-shaped figure.

That's right. It's Huggy Heart.

He gives the camera a happy little wave before turning a bit, shifting back and forth as the person inside gets to work on taking the costume off. It's not a fast process - the stupid thing was pretty cumbersome - but eventually he manages to get the zipper in the back open, and with a bit more shifting around the costume falls to his feet.

Mercury stands there, hair a bit mussed and in a plain black t-shirt rather than his usual jacket. ]

Whew! That thing was not built for comfort.

[ He kicks the costume aside dismissively, falling back into the chair with his legs splayed out. ]

It was nice getting out and about for a while, though. That carnival was...

[ His smirk falls a bit. ]

Well, let's be honest. Pretty lame. Decent food, but not much else going for it. Didn't really wow me. Three out of ten at best. What I'm getting at here is that I'm bored.

[ He leans forward, elbows resting on his knees, narrowing his eyes at the camera as he lowers his voice. ]

Me and boredom are a baaaaad mix. Some of you might remember that! So consider this a heads-up that I'm going to be hitting the streets again. No more costumes, no more sneaking around. That lost its luster a while back. Just me and a few cities worth of friendly faces to mingle with. Can't wait to meet some of you face-to-face.

[ He leans back again, crossing one leg over the other - his pants and boots, at least, are the same as usual. His expression returns to his usual smirk, tone casual. ]

All that aside, anyone know any good jokes? Come on. Make me laugh.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

You managed to put two and two together! All that time at school must have really paid off after all.

I also went to the carnival with four other people, genius.

Wow. You're more easy than I thought.

Yes, I regularly go places with people that I like to spend time with. Congratulations on learning this basic fact of human life. It must be really amazing for a piece of trash to learn something so valuable.

[ Faunus aren't the garbage, Mercury is. She's learned so much too. ]

Story of your life, right?

[ few people are the garbage mercury is ]

Helping educate human garbage? I make a point to waste my time on more productive things.

[ you're a waste of oxygen mercury :| ]

Seriously? I've seen your team. Doesn't get much more "human garbage" than that.

Every one of them is better than you in every way. You won't be able to defeat us here, Cinder won't get into the subarchway no matter what you do, and in the end, you'll all be imprisoned like you deserve. That sounds an awful lot like trash to me.

[ He shrugs, smirk unwavering in its douchery. ]

Maybe you're right! Maybe, in the end, we'll lose. Maybe we'll all end up locked away. What do I know?

But how many people are going to die to make that happen, I wonder?

How many people are going to die if it doesn't?

None, if you say "pretty please don't murder anybody oh big and strong Mr. Mercury".

[ The nerve of him- Weiss takes a few seconds to respond at all. Honestly she wants to pull a Jaune and just throw her device out the window, but she knows that won't solve anything. Either she does it and is humiliated and more than likely it doesn't happen anyway, or she's publicly known for having had a chance to stop whatever happens because she was too proud to lower herself. She hates this. She's disgusted by it. There's really only one chance she has of salvaging this at all and it's going to involve bringing full-on first week Weiss attitude out. The difference between then and now is definitely that she wouldn't have thought for a second about getting pissed off and yelling at him for even suggesting something like that.

That's right, Mercury. You're not the only one who can wield the power of oozing sarcasm. ]

"Pretty please don't murder anybody, oh big and strong Mr. Mercury."

[ The second she finishes she quirks an eyebrow at him. ] As if that would actually change anything.

[ She said it. He didn't say she had to say it nicely or sincerely, but she said it. He can't say she didn't and he can't say anything that happens because she refused was her fault. He probably will but for once, immaturity is the best solution she can think of. ]

Hmmmmmmmm.

Hmmmmmmmm!

Hm hm hm hmmmmmm.

Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm...!

Okay, sure.

I'll believe it when I see it.

[ She doesn't believe him at all. ]

How, exactly, do you "see" a lack of murder? I mean if you're going that route, you've been seeing it for a while now.

[ Weiss doesn't actually know the answer to that question, but their little mirrored questions earlier made her think. What she should be doing is worrying about preventing deaths. ]

The people who come here aren't considered to have a criminal history based on what's happened in their world. You have one here, and I'm willing to seal it if I can't connect you with a single other crime from here on out. I may not be able to physically see a lack of murder, but garbage always starts to stink. So Mercury, if you keep your nose clean, I'll seal your record and clear the outstanding warrant for your arrest. If someone comes after you, legally I'd be obligated to defend you, so since you clearly enjoy trying to wipe my pride across the floor, I think it's something you may consider.

[ As much as she was loathe to give it, an earlier conversation with Torchwick... gave her an idea of how to deal with criminals. At least ones she couldn't deal with the way huntresses were taught to deal with problems. He'd said she didn't have anything to offer, or nothing she was willing to offer at least, but if there was a chance lives could be saved then at least this much she could try.

If it inevitably bit her in the ass like she suspected, she would be prepared for it. ]

[ She'll get the treat of seeing a look of actual surprise run across his expression, if only for a moment. She may not trust him, but vice versa is certainly true - it comes with a lifetime of not trusting anybody. After all, it could easily be a ruse to get him to lower his guard so she can make an earnest attempt to capture him. He wouldn't put it past her, and hell, he wouldn't blame her for the effort. He's not denying that he deserves it, he just doesn't give that much of a shit about the consequences.

And yet the opportunity to just wipe the slate clean...

He has to at least consider it. ]

I murdered your employee, and you're seriously going to just brush that under the rug for good behavior? I don't think his other friends will be very happy with you over that decision.

[ Which is also incentive for him to accept the offer, to be honest, but he needs to make sure he has this straight. ]

[ She takes a deep breath, slow and deliberate. Not losing her temper all the time is honestly something she has to put practice into sometimes. ]

I don't think my friends will be either for even considering offering this, but my job now is to protect the people here. I may not like it, but I'm willing to do it. You don't have to let me know your answer now, but if you kill anyone in the meantime, consider the offer retracted.

[ He laughs, shaking his head slightly in mild disbelief. God, what a great day this was turning out to be! ]

You kidding? This deal is a no-brainer. Done. I'll take it.

[ Mercury's off the hook for murder and everyone is going to be really fucking mad at Weiss. This is like a best-case scenario. ]

Really? Just like that?

[ It's Weiss's turn to look surprised. She was hoping he would agree, even if it would put her in a terrible position, but part of her didn't actually expect him to. She quickly recovers. She pauses for one moment, then nods. ]

Deal.

That's right! If only someone had said "please" in the first place. Some manners could have saved us all a lot of trouble!

[ Honestly, there's literally no reason for him not to take the deal. Even if he ends up backing out on it and just killing someone again, it at least buys him some time where he can strut his stuff and rub it in everyone's collective nose.

This is going to be hilarious. ]

But what's done is done, right? No sense crying over spilled milk.

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