genessia | Helloooooo Genessia [video/action]

VIDEO

[With absolutely zero apologies to anyone who sees this, Bartolomeo spends the first 30 seconds of the video feed looking into the camera with a dubious expression and picking his nose. Just. Placidly staring, digging for gold. Enjoy the prolonged video study of his fangs, nose ring, goth makeup, and bright fucking neon green hair. Best first impression ever.

When he gets bored of that, his finger drops and he just bares his fangs into the phone's camera.]

This is stupid. Get a job? Hah! Jobs are for losers. And this jewelry is ugly. I'm so over this place, look at it. This little town is way too pretty. [he grins widely] It needs a special touch, I think. Maybe it's time for a new Barto Club, eh?

[he drops the video away and forgets to turn it off right away, so for a moment it just swings wildly back and forth in his fist as he walks. In the process of this vertigo-inducing view, it also picks up his last mutter to himself:]

Ain't as much fun if Luffy-senpai isn't around. Che. Ugly-ass town, no ocean, nothin'...

ACTION

[Bartolomeo is not at all interested in going to the employment office or getting an apartment. No, first he wants to have a look around, and even though he really did read the pamphlets and maps - which are now hanging out of his pants, shoved in his belt - none of that shit matters at the moment. Without his ship, his crew, his bounty, and his beloved great captain Luffy to follow after (that he knows of), he's been left adrift. His dream of sailing as a member of the Pirate King's fleet, put on hold. His purpose for getting stronger, derailed. Oh well, there's always mob work to fall back on. A pretty place like this just deserves to be torn apart at the seams by a gang or ten.

Barty can be found sauntering lazily along any street, hands in his pockets, insulting people at random, spitting on the sidewalk, flipping the finger at vehicles who honk at him for jaywalking, trying on clothes but never buying them, and overall being a nuisance.

By evening, though, he's hungry and bored and looking for a bar with good bar food and beer. Help a pirate out, man!]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[Congratulations Barty, you're starting to show Smoker why he pisses off his own friends. WELL OKAY HE ALWAYS KNEW BUT STILL!]

Yeah yeah, have you even figured out where you're going here?

[holds up the phone to show himself pointing left]

Down the street.

[ASSHOLE]

I'm havin' a look around! Seeing what there is to see, first, before I go rub my butt on anything to claim it. I hear there's other cities and you can just zap through a door to get to 'em, maybe I'll even look around those.

[Well, it's not like he really expected that to work. He wasn't as stupid as Luffy as after all.]

Yeah, but you have to take your necklace off to do it. [Lying, it's the opposite. He just wants to see if Barty was paying attention.]

That's not what the brochure says! [NYEAH he actually read it] Believe me, I wanna take this ugly piece of shit off, but then the paper's all 'nooo it's important, don't lose this!'

It lies.

Who are you going to trust, a piece of paper or a marine?

[DON'T DO IT BARTY.]

Well it sure as hell ain't gonna be a Marine!

[really, Smoker.]

[G R I N S.]

Oh look you're smarter than you look.

Don't blame me when you get stuck though.

Whatever, just go play with your bikes. I got some towns to scope out.

So long as you're doing that I feel vaguely obligated to keep the locale free of too much terrorizing.

[Although he may or may not secretly approve of Barty pushing boundaries and disgusting everyone ever.]

[Even Maribelle.]

[It toughens people up :V]

Oho, do you now? Just know that the last Marine who decided to get up in my business ended up a bloody pile in the washroom, so fair's fair.

[laugh at Maynard later when you get back to your base, Smoker. Whenever that might be.]

[NARROWS EYES.]

[Sorry Barty, his first thought is of Caribou and Coribou and their delightful habit of sticking marines head first into the ground to make them suffocate to death.]

[For a little bit, he sympathizes with the Whitebeard point of view of vengeance.]

[But he doesn't recall full-on killing marines to be on Barty's rapsheet, and he didn't explicitly say that.]

I'm surprised you were so restrained and didn't eat him then.

[he snickers; ah, it's always a fine stroke of the ego whenever someone recalls that epithet of his]

I didn't have time, there were things I needed to be doing. But he fucked with my crew, so I made sure Maynard knew the price for that.

Maynard?

[He's surprised now, Maynard wasn't that weak.]

[Except...]

Wasn't he with Fujitora and Bastille when they apologized for Doflamingo?

Ohh, you saw that? [back to idly picking his nose] I didn't say I actually killed him, did I?

"Bloody pile" coming from you could mean so many things.

True, true! Take it any way you want. But what it comes down to is, I beat the shit out of him and went on to bigger and better things, including a Donquixote executive or two, and he, well, I dunno! You tell me. Maybe he got turned into a toy and went and cried in a corner somewhere.

Executives, huh? Good job.

[Vague thumbs up.]

[Not 100% sarcastic this time either.]

A toy? What?

Don't worry about it. [he doesn't even know the full story, except that something something toy bullshit was happening underground while he was fighting for the Mera Mera and...

Oh right. Probably shouldn't mention that to Smoker.]

Just something from the fluffy pink asshole's crew. Nobody's gotta worry anymore. Boy, he'd better not show up here or nothin', I don't really feel like doing that again.

Forget him, I'm far more worried about Akainu.

Kuzan's here, he could take care of Doffy. Sakazuki though... with the Whitebeards here, and Straw Hat, I can't see anything but lava taking out the entire region he chooses to deal with.

legit sweatdrops at that thought]

Ain't no way to block the doors, is there? If they get zapped in we're screwed.

Yup.

That happens, I'm evacuating anyone I can to safety and trying to lure Portgas somewhere that can deal with it.

Maybe the Everglades.

Sheesh, already got a plan and everything.

[despite his jibes about being left to ply his criminal empire right under Smoker's nose, he definitely sounds more competent than any other Marines below Admiral that Barty's ever rubbed shoulders with]

But if you dare try to sacrifice Ace-sama again, you'll have to go through me, buttmunch.

[Stares.]

[S t a r e s.]

My goal is to avoid a war.

Not because of you, but because I lived through Marineford, and nothing good came out of it.

That doesn't change my point one bit. For now, though, I'll just hope for good luck and those jackasses never appear here.

[Barty, don't jinx it]

Same.

Although if Doflamingo does show up, I wouldn't mind stabbing him in the back.

[Since it's legal.....issssssh, and he owes him a spine paralysis for the weeks of bedresst, experimenting and kidnapping children, tricking him with Vergo, slicing his men to ribbons, and etc. etc.]

[Video]

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