Fight for your right to parti pris (Backdated to 7/4)

[weavemyownfate]

It is barely sunrise at Second Honnouji Academy. Satsuki Kiryuin is present in the open yard far earlier than usual, as usual adorn in her mostly white uniform. There are a number of things on her mind today, so rather than make her usual unnecessarily dramatic entrances, she's seated upon the staircase with her mind in a meditative state until her expected company arrives.

Today is an important day for her and she truly is eager to see what Theodore Satchel may reveal to her today- though of course she would prefer to see something positive as this is as very much an experiment for herself as well as her student of sorts.

For now she needs to push away her feelings of dissatisfaction with the state of Genessia as well as her frustration and resentment over recent events. While she's unaware of Ted's true plans, she does have her own in motion and so, for herself, today could be the start of something big. She cannot miss a single detail.

Comments

[koishi_komeiji]

Koishi finally drifted down after a moment and set Ted on his two feet, reaching up and messing his golden locks.

She turned to Satsuki and gave her a wave, as well as one for Sans before drifting back around in front of Ted, absolutely all smiles.

"Mister Spades!" She poked his forehead gently. "You did so well. What are you gonna do now? Are you going to celebrate? Can I come? I bet it would be fun to get something to eat! What do you think?"

[youfool]

Ted was pretty smiley himself, with a touch of exhaustion. His thoughts were full of everything, from how close he came to being slain, to what financial burdens he may have imposed upon Satsuki for this insane gauntlet. What would the suit be like? What was Sans thinking? And once he got it, what then? Save the world?

But the mention of food brought more immediate concerns to his mind. The exercise burned a lot of calories, if nothing else, and by the sound of his stomach, Koishi's idea had present merit.

"Heh, your artifacts were of tremendous help, Moon, thank you." He'd try and ruffle her hair as well, tit for tat. "Truthfully I thought I might celebrate with the suit proper. Oh how I wished I could show it to you--to everyone! Alas, suppose we'll just have to bide our time. As for where to eat..." Ted's lack of future thought was showing. Come on, think!

"Oh! Aren't there a great deal of farmers and men of the earth in Fayren? I believe they may even let you pick your own and save them the trouble of harvest." It'd be cheap bordering on free too, which was great because Ted was still unemployed and pinching pennies. "That would be Trevenant's favorite thing, next to everything else. And if there aren't, well, he knows and speaks with the forest better than any I've seen."

[koishi_komeiji]

"You're welcome! There's a lot more of them in Old Hell. I'll give you another one at Christmas if you like. But I won't tell you what it is. After all, it would be bad to ruin the surprise! And it would be nice to see the uniform, but I don't mind waiting either. Better to get it right than rush it."

She was hovering a bit higher than Ted, drifting back and giving him some space. "Pick food? Why would we do that?" She tilted her head. "Inexpensive? Mister Spades, Miss White pays me to help her out and Sis is a guardian and its your special day. I'll pay for the food, okay? That's what a celebration is all about. So it can be as expensive as you want it to be!"

And she wouldn't take no for an answer.

[youfool]

At the mention of Old Hell, Ted's smile gradually fell. He was forced to remember that he hated it, which forced to him consider whether his actions were in line with that hatred. Here he was, thanking her for gifts from a place he practically prayed every day to be destroyed. He nearly danced for joy for almost killing himself over qualifying for another gift from another subarchway. How could he justify it? Because they're useful? No doubt they are; no doubt these gifts could be put to good use in saving lives and whatever other altruism he intended. His own faith rebuked him; what's the point in saving lives if you destroy spirits to do it? What does it profit a man to gain the whole World, and lose his soul? The ends don't justify the means, and he trembled to wonder if all these means were justified. Besides, he was no hard-headed realist; Ted knew he was vain enough to love objects.

Koishi would have to take nothing for an answer for a while. There was another answer he sought, face creeping with worry and tumultuous thought. "...I still hate that place, you know. Am I being...inconsistent? False?"

[koishi_komeiji]

Koishi just tilted her head. "Well... That's a silly thing to say Mister Spades. Double standards is in human nature. Context is what gives those standards weight which is why it might seem hypocritical when it actually isn't."

A pause. "Except when it is."

She kept pushing him along toward the city and the promise of something delicious to eat. She was a little less enthused though, and it showed on her face. She was thinking.

"Mister Spades?" She leaned forward over his shoulder so she could sort-of see his face, a tentacle still pressed against his back to hurry him along. "I wanna help you out with this. I want to help because you're my friend. You gave me the role of 'guide' and that's a part of my aspect and helping you has helped me amplify it and diminish other... more negative parts. But do you still trust my opinion?"

[youfool]

He laughed lightly at the turnaround. "Yes, nothing kills correction quite like hypocrisy." The ideal was too singly his to admit any flaws. If those objects, however helpful and however much he enjoyed them, betrayed the ideal, he'd have to get rid of them for the greater good.

Ted was easily led by Koishi, stepping wherever her tentacle guided, giving obeisance to the Moon. He was touched that his fanciful will shaped her. Given that, he couldn't mind shaping in return. "So I've done you good, then? I'm very glad; didn't want things too one-sided. Yes, Koishi, you've always meant my good, whatever you said. Speak freely."

[koishi_komeiji]

Koishi was frowning now, waiting until they had exited the school before drifting around in front of Ted. "You don't trust my thoughts about some things though." She was leaning back in the air. Kind of like she was sitting. "And you dismiss my thoughts and advice when it suits you. Heh... Though I suppose its your nature to do what you want regardless of what any god or demon has to say to you. Maybe that's why I've been told I shouldn't meddle in human affairs...?"

She shook her head. "I may not understand your religion Ted, and I may not know your thoughts as well as I'd like... but I have known others like you. And I know demons. Personally even. Both the kind you can sit down and chat with and the kind that humans create inside themselves. I know them in ways you couldn't understand. Not as an adversary, but as a peer. Likewise I know them as an outsider looking in."

Her eye drifted up, hovering close to Ted. It was half open, the cataract and scar tissue clearly visible. It was probably the closest Ted had ever been to it while it was open. It had an unusual aura around it, the little youkai's brow creased as she focused, her presence seeping into his mind. Trying to read his thoughts without success.

"So when I give advice, even if I don't understand exactly what I'm talking about, understand my perspective. I don't understand your reasoning. I don't understand your context or your double standard. I'm concerned."

"When we spoke about subarchways last time I saw a type of 'justified' pride I've seen many times before. It's the kind warlords and others with a cause have. It's the kind they use to excuse hurting others. And you're using it to feed a deeply rooted despair and a rather frightening level of hatred."

She wrung her hands. "I don't... understand your context. And that type of pride may be justified, but I've met people whose 'inner demons' and flaws love nothing more than to twist those feelings in on themselves so they cause pain. Personal demons, created by humans, are the most cunning because they prey on the things humans fear most. And you can trust a youkai on that." A weak joke.

"I need you to take some time and ask yourself though if you're sure that these feelings are justified and not your own personal bias? Don't answer it now because it's something to think on and not say directly. Because it can be both, you know. Nothing in this world is black and white. Even the pure messages of a deity have to be understood by mortal perception. I don't pretend to understand these things, or even you. I just want you to stop hurting."

[youfool]

Ted remembered reading, somewhere, that being too verbally specific was the mark of cranks. It was something that struck him oddly, for he was always on the search for "a word in season", which was supposed to be a great prize. But he could see the other way; don't angels take themselves lightly, and so speak lightly, presumably when they weren't on errands to man?

How, then, to speak to the Moon? The intellectual light that shone on base instincts. Animal nature sought attainment, and things lower than animals crept upon what they did not understand. Should he bark like a dog? Scuttle like a crustacean? The Moon meant peace and calm to these creatures.

He could, perhaps, attain the unconsciousness of beasts, who did not bother to think out what they howled quite so much. If the Fool moves under moonlight, it is either invisibly, or in widespread union with reflected light. The subconscious would be dignified in being obeyed, responding to everything said, and clearing all allegations of disregard.

"Yes, there are times I disagree with you, certainly. Not your intent, which is flawless, but your thoughts must be weighed against God, Koishi, and the rest of wisdom's children. Believe me, if I picked what suited, I should be more comfortable than I am." He smiled. "Oh, give me some credit, if only in flattery; I've listened to both. God, certainly, has veered my path, even to lonely and miserable ones, as is his wont. Even demons; you might remember a vainglorious one who taught me how to fight with the best of them?" A twinge of nostalgia for his departed demon.

"Whoever says don't meddle...well, if they are right, I shouldn't like it. I love meddling and being meddled with, Koishi. What else is creation to do with each other? I wish more people would interfere. What is dancing except joyous, mutual interference? But then I suppose that's the duality of you two sisters; Satori, I expect, could tell me pretty well about the joys of not being bothered. But her countenance would betray; aren't you the happier of the two?" And of the two, Koishi is the one less enthralled by the subarchway. That might explain it.

The eye naturally discomforted him. It wasn't like the calm lunar gaze of the card. It was open. But he'd submit to that too, whatever it found and dug up, even lobsters. "Oh Koishi, you've no idea how common that is; not understanding me, I mean. The only way past that is curiosity, which I'm sure you have in abundance. You need only ask. I'll answer always. I don't try to befuddle mind, it just...comes from being apart." There were, after all, not 22 trumps, but 21 and the nought. And the nought's relation to the whole was alienating, at times.

Hopefully the tentacle was carefully guiding him more than his own brain, lest Ted find his course unceremoniously ruined by some sort of cliff. His voice became a little less dreamy and more stern. "Pride is never just, Koishi. Let's be clear about that. But hurting sometimes is. True love must sometimes mean rebuke, and we must endeavor to love even pains inflicted for love's sake." That was what he loved about Satori; her fearless willingness to hurt him for his own good, but also what he feared; how would she receive the same thing on a larger scale?

He waned at "deeply rooted despair". The subconscious found the truth again, albeit a foggy truth. He could still obscure it and hide with that, though Ted didn't know whether he ought to. He had suffered the pains he suspected the subarchways inflicted, once upon a time. He knew exactly what those things were capable of, and so firsthand experience made him eager to prevent more attacks. But that's the cruelty of correction; if you know it best, you've had the worst, yet that affliction may disqualify from treatment. One can get too familiar with sin.

"I think I'm understanding your perspective very well, Moon. The demons we make for ourselves may look least like cacodemons. That's what makes them so insidious; they delight like angels while plotting our damnation like devils. That, too, is why I hate the subarchways. I'm..surprised you find that hatred frightening, I...didn't think I had it in me, nor so much that it would worry you, of all people."

[koishi_komeiji]

"I thought friends were supposed to worry about each other." Koishi drifted along with him, more steady than she usually was, listening and watching him. She was careful to make sure he didn't run into anything. "But before I say anything else I want to make something clear Mister Spades. My thoughts are not weighted against god." Her voice was firm. "Youkai exist to oppose humanity regardless of religion or status or age. We do not exist to oppose deities. I speak only what I see and what I feel. There will be times when your religion and I will disagree, but it doesn't mean I'm doing it for the purpose of opposing it." Her third eye nudged him gently. "The demons who oppose your religion are of your religion and of a nature that is both unlike and not unlike my own. That's one of the things that sets youkai apart from demons. As well as a number of other things... And besides, an opposing view can help you see the whole picture more clearly."

She was frowning more now, still guiding him as he walked. "Meddling, however, is a good thing. But you're also the type of person to meddle until you see one thing to latch onto and then arrive at a conclusion that may not always be entirely correct. You are a very binary person. This can be good since it means you're very steadfast, but your tunnel vision will also steer you in the wrong direction. A lot."

Her voice was quieter, more thoughtful. Honestly she probably seemed more like her sister on one of her less grumpy days. "You told me before why you couldn't use magic. And you told me about a mister who was an exception to the rule due to circumstance. There will always be people that abuse a thing, but you're also not looking at the whole picture. Copies living in a world of illusion maintained by spirits? Things are not as black and white as you think. And if you only react to what's on the surface you'll never get to the heart of the problem."

She turned a little, steering him. "And I don't want you to answer this. It's not something that can be answered. It's something to stop and think about and consider. Because you're not going to change my mind on the matter. I can only guide you. It's your job to apply my words."

She paused, catching his shoulder to keep him from walking. "There's some places to eat around here. Nice places." She gestured. "You should pick one."

[youfool]

"Yes...I worry about your sister very much," he said plaintively. They hadn't spoken in a while, and he wondered how she was doing. Somehow he just knew she was getting worse, but in a way neither she nor Koishi would notice or care about. "What...do you suppose keeps her there?" When he really thought about it, the subarchways in and of themselves were harmless, or would be if not for the paid price. It was the trap they sprang; the love they elicited for falsehood that really galled him.

"No, no I know you're not satanic, at least. I merely mean that there are truths and axioms which hail from the source of all truth, and so, being more fundamental, I must compare. Though I'd have to question that existential purpose, as I've seen more aid than opposition from you. Not that I'm complaining, mind."

He grew a bit more frustrated. "Don't want me to answer what? Won't change your mind on what?" If there's any reason he would ignore Koishi, it would be for things like that. 'Things aren't black and white', for example. Cliches and vague aphorisms that weren't actionable. At best he could boil them down to 'look before you leap'; a generic, almost trite calling for contemplation, but not about anything. It was too indefinite. At worst, she was doing a bad trick that would convince him of youkai enmity: making him doubt the truth, rather than himself. Advocating a kind of mental modesty that paralyzed thought and arrested action. A bad humility. That he could never really take to heart.

His appetite shrank as his anxiety increased. The pit of his stomach was starting to take on a different kind of emptiness.

[koishi_komeiji]

"You shouldn't worry about her. She knows what she's doing, far better than you. Even in regards to other worlds. After all, Gensokyo is a pocket world and Old Hell is a pocket tied into it. Besides it's a bit surprising you'd say that. After you went through the trouble of blocking her mind reading. Making a satori youkai unable to hear your thoughts is the quickest way to make them leave you alone."

As for the aid she had given him in the past. "You wouldn't be saying that if you met me 200 years ago. I'd have eaten you. Or tried to, at least." Despite the grisly subject she kept her tone light.

She grew somewhat puzzled at his frustration though. She tilted her head, moving forward to where he could see her again. "Mister Spades. Please don't be upset." Her calming aura rippled over his mind. "I'm just trying to tell you to think of these things from all angles. I'm reminding you the importance of your perspective because I want you to find an answer. And finding answers can be frustrating and hard sometimes. Real truth is never straightforward. It's muddy. And you're headstrong. I can't give you direct guidance because I can't know your mind perfectly and I can't know the situation Perfectly. Also, I can't change you. And you can't change other humans. You can only try and show them that your way of thinking is correct and hope they agree."

"Likewise, you're not going to change me that much. Your focus on me has brought out my guiding aspects, but you're not going to make any huge alterations. But I do enjoy what I'm able to do now because of you."

[youfool]

"Somehow I doubt that." He was...calmer, but the anxiety was still there. Wherever she came from, those worlds were still real. Not deliberate, indulgent manufactures like this one. Not sin. Indeed, doubt and futility seemed to be her message, and it pleased him not at all. For one, she was wrong. He knew she changed him; people are co-created. As if souls were powerless against other souls. He couldn't articulate how, exactly, but these things are subtle; something he hasn't much skill for.

"No, Koishi, I didn't lay a finger on her mind. Just my own."

Answers, eh? He wanted an answer as to how to get Satori out of there. And do that, he needed a question answered of his own. "Please, Koishi, tell me why she lives there."

[koishi_komeiji]

"Nooo. You misunderstood. I mean if a satori youkai is unable to read your mind for any reason they leave. Sometimes out of boredom, or maybe fear. But if you want to hang out or talk to sis more often, then you should have it removed. Because we aren't really good at..." A frown. "It's like spending time with someone, except you have to be blindfolded the whole time. It's just kind of unpleasant. It's a sense she relies on as much as her other ones."

As to the question, Koishi opened her mouth to answer, and then closed it. She pursed her lips, frowning and taking a moment to formulate her thoughts. "Panels hidden between others... round and round and scuffed and dipped in lacquer, but you're asking it for a different reason. Which makes it harder to answer."

She wrung her hands a little closing her eyes for several moments. Her third eye was steady, though it still appeared closed. "Because... She feels safe there. She feels like she has a degree of control over her life and space. When we lived in the mountains, we didn't have a home. We were always moving because we were hated youkai. Sometimes we would stay in one place longer, especially in the winter, but it was only a matter of time before the humans drove us away."

She looked straight at Ted. "The worst was when a mob struck sis down with rocks and were beating her. I stepped in to help but they stabbed me with a kama four times. We fought hard and got away after killing three of them. And then I had to get the arrowhead out of Sis' calf." She shook her head. "We were too scared that night to build a fire even though it was snowing so we just huddled in a cave with blankets and furs for warmth."

"Old hell wasn't really all that much safer for us when we first arrived either, but it reminds sis of the safe places we would hide and it was cut off from the humans that had hurt us. That's why I opened it in the waterway and why she doesn't like coming out. I'm really glad that she's okay with interacting with some people again but I'm not going to push her after three centuries of being scared."

[youfool]

She hadn't left during their yet inconclusive 'date.' She was, after all, patient. Even so, if what Koishi said was true...but David had worked so hard on it. And it did protect him, or was supposed to. No one, to his knowledge, had tried to beguile his mind. Then again, thanks to the shield, he may never know of any such attack, being invincible to it. And yet Satori's life was on the line. Should he keep it, knowing that its loss may give him even slightly better odds at saving her?

He frowned at Koishi's explanation of trauma. Seems the old tale of enmity between their races was very old indeed. It surprised him, a little. She had always seemed to Ted so stoic and invincible. That, partly, was why he called her "Strength." To know that she was bound by fear and want of security showed him an incongruous vulnerability. Again, it hardly made sense. She had chosen the position of Guardian, being that wary of others? Positioned herself as a bastion of safety, herself so covetous of it? Satori believed she had control or safety. Only in a cold, confined, and dead world could that possibly be true. All the security of the coffin.

In that moment, Ted grew to hate kindness a little more. Or at least its inflamed tyranny over and above the other virtues. It always seemed to be hurting people, in ways deeper than the drowsy benevolence it offered. What a mewling, simpering enemy! To fight against it was to paint oneself a cruel brute. But if he didn't, Ted didn't know who would. Very well. Might as well be frank.

"...I want to. She'll die in there, Koishi. And I would rather she suffer than be happy in contemptible, estranging ways."

[koishi_komeiji]

Koishi listened quietly, frowning, her expression changing subtly as he transitioned between his various thoughts and emotions. She did not know what he was thinking. Only what he was feeling and the deeper associations to go with it. She could guess what he was thinking though. "Years of pain and hardship have made her grow cold and strong. She does what she has to, unflinchingly." Ted was very easy to read. "She was scared for herself but she was most scared for me."

Though at Ted's comment her expression fell a little more. She didn't look angry or ashamed. Just sad. "Die? Do you really have so little faith in my sister's fortitude that you think that a place like a sub archway will kill her? You were the one who decided to call her strength. She's not a perfect being, but I know that she has weathered more dangerous deceptions than this. Far more dangerous. Humans who bait traps for youkai with a seductive siren song of worship and a banquet of power. Before they know it the youkai is chained down and humans are forcing it to change. Pacifying it and letting it dissolve, effectively killing it, or forcing it to become a kami."

"Anything that she can't see coming, I surely will. My perspective is different, after all."

Her third eye nudged his shoulder firmly enough to set him slightly off balance. Though it was more playful than anything else. "Have more faith in us Ted. If you need to worry about someone and try to save them, save the people who lack the power or imagination to weather the storm. Or at least start with the creatures with souls and not the immortals."

[youfool]

His brows furrowed, thinking and worrying. "Cold" and "strong". Yes, "Strength" was the name he christened; Ted thought back to the meaning. Tamed passion; mastery of lower instincts. And this...this was not that. This was mere regression; an appeasement of base fears that no longer held.

"Maybe..."

Ted tried to rouse his optimism. Maybe Satori could really handle it. Maybe she wouldn't die. He hadn't seen her name at Memoria Park, after all. Perhaps...

But then, she hadn't made much indication she were especially alive, either. She'd even stopped giving her silly speeches. He tried to remember. What were those about? He recalled one's ending, reminiscent of Shakespeare: "be true to yourselves, and honest in everything."

His fledgling hopes died out. This wasn't true. This wasn't honest. Humanity's own alleged devil worship proved that they too were as susceptible to vanity as anyone. This was a perversion, and a deadly one. If he knew anything, could positively lay claim to any spiritual truth, it was the killing power of vanity. Koishi's last words struck him the most vainly of all. As if souls were not immortal. Horror entered into him to consider the possible vanity of youkai; were they all destined to simply die anyway? To be annihilated at the end? Creatures born from lies, living in lies, the father of lies, killers destined to die, born dead, death as the wages of sin...

No, he wouldn't think such thoughts. Ted's reason gave up the question. If Youkai--if Koishi and Satori--were themselves vain creatures, then...it's too terrible. They simply had to have some part in eternity. Didn't they? Or else...they and this and everything to do with them was only more vanity he could not afford. If only out of habit, he had to have faith in happier possibilities. And yet, to treat them as dignified as he wanted, he had to maintain his belief in the mortal peril of their present.

Tears welled; his voice strained. "No, no, it's all wrong. None can live in lies without courting death. The Tower...it will be destroyed--must be; any who build on false foundations will come to ruin and suffer. Oh I'd give anything to spare her that." He felt like a child, once again lamenting a fate he felt all but powerless to avert.

"I don't want her to die." All his eloquence and mysticism, boiled down to the oldest and simplest fear. He lightly sobbed and put his arm to his eyes.

"I'm sorry, Koishi, I can't eat with you." Ted sniffed. "Today seems...more for fasting."