Video

[big_cup]

[The view: what appears to be a large metal goblet of some kind sitting in The Bay. Judging by how the water only seems to be covering up the very bottom, it must be huge. Massive, even. At least 20 feet tall.

A voice speaks, accompanied by flashes of light from somewhere behind it. It sounds vaguely masculine, but also elderly and fussy. You can easily imagine it belonging to someone who owns a second hand bookstore and putters about in carpet slippers and a robe.]

Hello? Helloooooo?

This is most unfortunate timing. We only had another 142 years before the ritual was complete. Where are we?

[A second voice cuts in. This one sounds like a woman. An impatient woman who probably beats people up for a living.]

That's not going to get any one to listen to us. You've gotta put the fear of me in 'em. Like this:

HEY! ALL OF YOU! WHOEVER DRAGGED US OUT HERE BETTER DRAG US BACK OR I'LL GOUGE YOUR EYES OUT! I'M WARNING YOU I'M REALLY GOOD AT GOUGING!

You know you don't have fingers anymore, right?

Shh! Don't interrupt me when I'm posturing!

This is all doomed to tears. I can feel it now.

Comments

[big_cup]

The chalice allows us to build up power. Once we have enough...

...Say good bye to the Cadence for good!

And it will only take another century and a half to do it.

[youfool]

[He almost avoids chuckling]

Patient work. Well, do you two remember anything about your former lives? I'd like to hear about those dual histories, and why you were selected for the task.

[big_cup]

Honestly, a lot of my past is kind of blurry. It's been a long time. I remember I was a caberjack. The other guy was a sagewright.

A most noble calling!

A most boring calling...

[youfool]

[Even context doesn't help too much with that]

A...builder of sages, and a lifter of tree trunks?

Must be particular professions; would you elaborate on both of those?

[big_cup]

Sagewrights are dedicated to the pursuit of knowledge. Each generation teaches the one to follow, so that that generation may reach even further than the one before it. So in a sense, yes sagewrights to build more sagewrights...

Caberjacks hit things with cabers.

[youfool]

All right; give me ten minutes! [And he's off to think of suitable names]

How about "Pahli" for the woman, and "Frodo" for the man? Means "rowan tree" and "wise", respectively. Rowan trees are dense, hardy things, said to ward off evil, as indeed the two of you were made to.

And for the two of you together..."Temperance" ought to do.

[big_cup]

"Pahli," huh? That's not terrible.

Indeed it is not. If we are to have names though we should not pick them without deep consideration.

But I thank you for the suggestions.

[youfool]

Certainly. Is there anything else you'd like for the moment? Say, relocation?

[big_cup]

Relocation sounds good.

Yes, this cavern feels rather...dreary.

[Now in Private]

[youfool]

Before work can be done on that front, a few more questions.

Should a ne'er-do-well get his sights on you, what sort of calamities might occur? I'm not sure whether to hide you away or not. [Standard McGuffin procedure.]

How much do you weigh?

Are there any contents I should worry about spilling? What might happen should you be emptied?

[Private yes]

[big_cup]

It would be extraordinarily difficult to access our power without our willing participation.

Big part of why they wanted the chalice to be conscious in the first place.

Quite. Power without direction is a disaster waiting to happen. As for the rest of that: Approximately [[WEIGHT REDACTED BUT VERY HEAVY.]], and the water within refills itself eternally. Drinking it can cause some odd effects, but as long as no one actually dives in, it should be fine.

[youfool]

Well, that's a relief. The weight might be a problem. Can you move yourself at all? I noticed Pihla tried to tip yourselves. If so, I might be able to move you myself, if you don't mind some tumbling. You won't break for a rough landing, will you?

Where would you like to be, anyway? Somewhere populous? Or well-forested? How would you like to spend your time, anyway? Can you still read books or listen to music?

[big_cup]

Populous is good.

Somewhere with dignity. Maybe a library?

A library?

[youfool]

Hmm...how about settling in the park? It's right next to the library, and there's a lot of traffic there. There's bound to be enough space. [Or not, he hasn't really checked. Optimism!]

[big_cup]

I could accept a park.

Sounds good to me. So what's the deal? You gotta bunch of guys with strong backs somewhere?

[youfool]

Splendid! At least that's settled.

While there are some very marvelous people here, I'm afraid I don't know of any easily gotten who can lift quite that easily. [Man, wasn't superpower #1 super-strength? Genesia, do you even lift?]

But there may be another way. First I'll need an answer to my previous question: how well can you pratfall? Do you mind being on your side very much? Can you handle rough landings?

[big_cup]

Are you suggesting to roll us out of here?

[youfool]

...sort of. You may have to be a drunk chalice; a bit tipsy. It will not be an entirely upright journey. I need to know whether you can endure imbalance.

[big_cup]

I'm for it.

It'll make a huge mess.

Even more for it.

<Action now!>

[youfool]

I'll try and conserve you, Frodo. Be there swiftly!

[Lo and behold, here he comes, in his dormant 2-star.]

All right, let's see if I can hoist you. Here I go!

[Ted remembers to lift with his legs. After some back-breaking effort, he manages to get it a little off the ground, but there's no way he's making it all the way to the park. He sets it down and pants.]

"Huff...puff...sorry, thought it was worth a try."

<nothing to see here>

[powerisphwee]

[Because of the hidden presence nearby, the reciting of a magic spell, Ted would suddenly find himself with incredible strength. An elephant would weight like a cotton ball. This massive chalice? No problem.

Use your new-found strength wisely, Ted. It won't last forever.]

[big_cup]

[Whups, up they go!]

My word!

What do they feed you people out here!?

My bad, lost track of thread. orz

[youfool]

"Hah, miracles, I believe!" As if God Himself took pity upon his frustrated good deed, and resolved to provide the rest, like Samson. He wondered what the source of his newfound strength was, before deciding not to. He was not vulgar enough to look a gift miracle in the mouth.

"Let's away, haha!" Enjoying this far too much, Ted trot out the Cup from The Bay, very grateful that the cavern was high enough. It was not yet evening, and Ted got many strange looks as he hoisted the Chalice the necessary distance. A very colorful ant with a very curious prize. Somehow he just knew he would make it there without, say, accidentally spilling it and crushing the innocent.

In a time almost too short to properly enjoy, he makes it to a wide open space in the park. The crowds dutifully part, amazed at what they saw, as Ted takes the opportunity to plant the Chalice in its proper, or at least better, home.

The crowd felt the vague yet sure intimations of a great work well done, like the labors of Hercules, and clapped dutifully. Ted suddenly became shy, feeling this surge of honor not entirely appropriate for him. If this were a performance, he felt as though he should be the stage magician, disappearing as suddenly as he came. Before he did, he posed a question of contentment.

"Hah, hah...will this do?"