Marco the Phoenix (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
fierybluebird) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
genessia2016-08-28 03:50 am
fierybluebird) wrote in genessia2016-08-28 03:50 am
[Video] (LATE morning, well after newspapers are out) CW: idk balut, eating Irish babies.... :|
Let's just make something completely clear here, yoi.
Chickens have rights.
[.... That was one of hell of a non sequitur.] And anyone who thinks people won't complain about anything you eat is just fooling themselves. I come from a world where even plants are sentient and talk sometimes. And if Big Mama's souls get into the homies around her, all food talks and has eyes and ears and babbles about weird shit like whether or not they'll be tasty. And humans freak out all the time about others eating bugs, even though you'll eat fish and birds that eat bugs, and that's worse because it just means entropy is happening and you're getting less energy value from it. Or do you just like the waste and taste of chaos? Besides, do you know what lobster is? Sea bugs.
I'm not saying don't ever eat anything. I'm saying, you're all disgusting. [Points a finger. Isn't he great?] Have you ever heard of-- [HAS TO STOP HIMSELF FROM THROWING UP SORRY, complete with fist over his mouth, quietly breathing to stay deadpan.] balut? [DUN DUN DUN. Also clearly from his face, this is the most heinous thing he's ever heard of.] It makes the satire A Modest Proposal by Jonathon Swift seem absolutely humane, yoi! And for those who don't know, he was suggesting convincing the nobles to start eating babies that would otherwise starve to death. And that's not even the sick part, the sick part is that the nobles were only mad that the babies weren't good enough for them to eat. Kind of like veal. Which is baby calves. Only not only is it baby calves, they can only be fed milk or they stop tasting like newborns. You freaks.
[ARMFOLD.] So before you start worrying about whether sharks eating sharks is cannibalism, or whether it's okay to eat humans, or only non-humans, or if fish can feel pain, let me just tell you. They all have lives, and you know what nuts and berries are? Sex organs of plants. You know why testes are called nuts? That's why! And berries are just like ovaries. And hell, caviar is considered by weirdo humans to be a delicacy and that's just literally going into a fish and scraping out her eggs. Humans either just never think of how disgusting it is, or they learn to stop caring.
But if you care about one food today, don't eat balut. It's filthy and wrong and you should be ashamed. Go eat plant testes. Or bee vomit. You sickos. You disgust me.
Oi, but seriously. Chickens have rights. Just because you raise them as food doesn't mean you can treat them like slaves, scrape out their eggs, or cut off their beaks. Let them live in peace, and grow nice and big, and then you can do the food thing. Because otherwise someday a giant bird might just decide to eat you. [If only Buggy were here to testify...]
[But that appears to be the end of his rant. Finally.]
[Action: However speaking of giant birds.... There's an extra huffy sparkly blue phoenix hanging around the outdoor cafes, hissing and glaring at anyone who orders eggs for brunch today. :| It's just one of those days.... Bet you wish there was a vigilante to help stop him now, huh? Well, maybe not. Or maybe you can stop him. BE THE HERO THAT NON-VEGANS NEED EVEN IF THEY DO NOT DESERVE!]
[ooc: Do not google balut if you are squeamish about half-grown ducks or chickens still in the eggs.]
Chickens have rights.
[.... That was one of hell of a non sequitur.] And anyone who thinks people won't complain about anything you eat is just fooling themselves. I come from a world where even plants are sentient and talk sometimes. And if Big Mama's souls get into the homies around her, all food talks and has eyes and ears and babbles about weird shit like whether or not they'll be tasty. And humans freak out all the time about others eating bugs, even though you'll eat fish and birds that eat bugs, and that's worse because it just means entropy is happening and you're getting less energy value from it. Or do you just like the waste and taste of chaos? Besides, do you know what lobster is? Sea bugs.
I'm not saying don't ever eat anything. I'm saying, you're all disgusting. [Points a finger. Isn't he great?] Have you ever heard of-- [HAS TO STOP HIMSELF FROM THROWING UP SORRY, complete with fist over his mouth, quietly breathing to stay deadpan.] balut? [DUN DUN DUN. Also clearly from his face, this is the most heinous thing he's ever heard of.] It makes the satire A Modest Proposal by Jonathon Swift seem absolutely humane, yoi! And for those who don't know, he was suggesting convincing the nobles to start eating babies that would otherwise starve to death. And that's not even the sick part, the sick part is that the nobles were only mad that the babies weren't good enough for them to eat. Kind of like veal. Which is baby calves. Only not only is it baby calves, they can only be fed milk or they stop tasting like newborns. You freaks.
[ARMFOLD.] So before you start worrying about whether sharks eating sharks is cannibalism, or whether it's okay to eat humans, or only non-humans, or if fish can feel pain, let me just tell you. They all have lives, and you know what nuts and berries are? Sex organs of plants. You know why testes are called nuts? That's why! And berries are just like ovaries. And hell, caviar is considered by weirdo humans to be a delicacy and that's just literally going into a fish and scraping out her eggs. Humans either just never think of how disgusting it is, or they learn to stop caring.
But if you care about one food today, don't eat balut. It's filthy and wrong and you should be ashamed. Go eat plant testes. Or bee vomit. You sickos. You disgust me.
Oi, but seriously. Chickens have rights. Just because you raise them as food doesn't mean you can treat them like slaves, scrape out their eggs, or cut off their beaks. Let them live in peace, and grow nice and big, and then you can do the food thing. Because otherwise someday a giant bird might just decide to eat you. [
[But that appears to be the end of his rant. Finally.]
[Action: However speaking of giant birds.... There's an extra huffy sparkly blue phoenix hanging around the outdoor cafes, hissing and glaring at anyone who orders eggs for brunch today. :| It's just one of those days.... Bet you wish there was a vigilante to help stop him now, huh? Well, maybe not. Or maybe you can stop him. BE THE HERO THAT NON-VEGANS NEED EVEN IF THEY DO NOT DESERVE!]
[ooc: Do not google balut if you are squeamish about half-grown ducks or chickens still in the eggs.]
video;
And you know what's worse?
It attacks your nose. Because like all semen, it can't tell what it can fertilize or not so it just gets everywhere. [Your day: ruined.]
Do you know if the cities here have spring? Because I might just hole up in a dungeon somewhere until it ends. [No, he won't. He loves spring. THAT'S HIS PROBLEM.]
And I don't expect people to stop eating chicken. In the wild, chickens would die of starvation anyway, yoi. That's why I mentioned the book I did. [Not that he expected anyone to connect those dots. He's kind of used to being by far the weirdest and most absurd in a cast of all weird and absurd.] I just want them to realize that harping on others for food choices is as useless as the entropy they induce in eating higher on the food ladder. I've got a couple brothers who are purely carnivorous, and a few that are cannibals. Even hawks and owls eat other smaller birds.
Which isn't to say bird lives don't matter. They do. But chicken, berry, or human parts, there really isn't much difference.
Except balut. That should be considered worse than eating poison. Although, for the record: nobility of my world do consider eating poison a delicacy. Because they're the only freaks who can afford the antidotes. Idiots, yoi.
video;
[ She actually seems a little pleased by that. Honestly, she's pretty pleased with herself about this whole thing, even if she won't admit this was even her mess. She was the one who had the mayor change the laws again- though pretty much the only clue to her identity was something only one person here would even know about her. ]
You sound like some kind of nutjob who was rambling about getting nose-boned by flowers so don't eat baby chickens.