[Video] (LATE morning, well after newspapers are out) CW: idk balut, eating Irish babies.... :|

[fierybluebird]

Let's just make something completely clear here, yoi.

Chickens have rights.

[.... That was one of hell of a non sequitur.] And anyone who thinks people won't complain about anything you eat is just fooling themselves. I come from a world where even plants are sentient and talk sometimes. And if Big Mama's souls get into the homies around her, all food talks and has eyes and ears and babbles about weird shit like whether or not they'll be tasty. And humans freak out all the time about others eating bugs, even though you'll eat fish and birds that eat bugs, and that's worse because it just means entropy is happening and you're getting less energy value from it. Or do you just like the waste and taste of chaos? Besides, do you know what lobster is? Sea bugs.

I'm not saying don't ever eat anything. I'm saying, you're all disgusting. [Points a finger. Isn't he great?] Have you ever heard of-- [HAS TO STOP HIMSELF FROM THROWING UP SORRY, complete with fist over his mouth, quietly breathing to stay deadpan.] balut? [DUN DUN DUN. Also clearly from his face, this is the most heinous thing he's ever heard of.] It makes the satire A Modest Proposal by Jonathon Swift seem absolutely humane, yoi! And for those who don't know, he was suggesting convincing the nobles to start eating babies that would otherwise starve to death. And that's not even the sick part, the sick part is that the nobles were only mad that the babies weren't good enough for them to eat. Kind of like veal. Which is baby calves. Only not only is it baby calves, they can only be fed milk or they stop tasting like newborns. You freaks.

[ARMFOLD.] So before you start worrying about whether sharks eating sharks is cannibalism, or whether it's okay to eat humans, or only non-humans, or if fish can feel pain, let me just tell you. They all have lives, and you know what nuts and berries are? Sex organs of plants. You know why testes are called nuts? That's why! And berries are just like ovaries. And hell, caviar is considered by weirdo humans to be a delicacy and that's just literally going into a fish and scraping out her eggs. Humans either just never think of how disgusting it is, or they learn to stop caring.

But if you care about one food today, don't eat balut. It's filthy and wrong and you should be ashamed. Go eat plant testes. Or bee vomit. You sickos. You disgust me.

Oi, but seriously. Chickens have rights. Just because you raise them as food doesn't mean you can treat them like slaves, scrape out their eggs, or cut off their beaks. Let them live in peace, and grow nice and big, and then you can do the food thing. Because otherwise someday a giant bird might just decide to eat you. [If only Buggy were here to testify...]

[But that appears to be the end of his rant. Finally.]

[Action: However speaking of giant birds.... There's an extra huffy sparkly blue phoenix hanging around the outdoor cafes, hissing and glaring at anyone who orders eggs for brunch today. :| It's just one of those days.... Bet you wish there was a vigilante to help stop him now, huh? Well, maybe not. Or maybe you can stop him. BE THE HERO THAT NON-VEGANS NEED EVEN IF THEY DO NOT DESERVE!]

[ooc: Do not google balut if you are squeamish about half-grown ducks or chickens still in the eggs.]

Comments

[video] 1/2

[orangeoutlaw]

[orangeoutlaw]

Marco...

[oh god he will never eat anything ever again]

Video 1/2

[despairing_hope]

I seriously wonder if you really understand A Modest Proposal....

Video 2/2

[despairing_hope]

[Moving on though, it was still up in the air if this person was an idiot or not.]

As far as the food chain goes, it's very simple. It's our Hope versus their Hope and the best Hope wins! If mine is stronger, I get to eat, if theirs is stronger they live for another day.

[Video] + [Action OTA]

[redcinemareel]

[Video]

Marco, I'm going to be sick.

[All Grell does is SIGH LOUDLY and shake her head. He's right, though. She loves his rants, no matter how weird they are, but this one takes the cake!

But she has to go support her man, so...]


[ACTION]

[Grell, too, is outside, holding up a sign on a stick (no doubt made by Marco), that read "YOU ARE ALL DISGUSTING".

With a deadpan expression, Grell stands there on the street and says while everyone passes by:]

Shame...shame...shame... [She's also given a handbell to ring. Sometimes she doesn't understand his antics...

All she wanted to do was support him by bringing him snacks to keep his energy up! Not get roped into this!]

[ACTION OTA]

[fierybluebird]

[.... OMFG GRELL.]

[You are the best wife ever.]

[Marco has to go ELSEWHERE sometimes so he can roll around in LITERAL PEALS OF LAUGHTER.]

[HE WAS NOT EVEN THAT SERIOUS.]

[Except about balut, because god damn he will never stop having issues with that. Ever.]

[But HE LOVES HER SO MUCH FOR THIS.]

[She is so getting nicest pair of red diamond earrings.]

[As soon as Adela is out of surgery.]

---

[BUT ALL BREAKS ASIDE....]

[Just beams at her encouragingly.]

[Yes. Good. Good.]

video;

[unhappy]

If I'm hungry I'm going to eat what's available, but it sounds like whatever this balut stuff is is obnoxious rich people food.

video;

[fierybluebird]

It's not.

It's actually food from people too hungry to wait and let birds fully develop out of the egg stage.

Short-sighted, foolish, desperate, and easily the worst humanity has to offer.

Video

[bergkatze]

...Are you high?

[Thank you very much Blondie for fucking up his appetite for the next two weeks or so. Katze will be sticking to jellybeans for a long while.]

[fierybluebird]

[Do you want him to tell you what is in jellybeans?]

[BECAUSE HE TOTALLY WOULD.]

[But he just wearily sighs instead.]

If only.

Video

[redcinemareel]

[Grell is in the background, because she's helping him...]

[tsukihito]

Is it truly customary for mortals to be so...noisy?

[There's a hint of expected arrogance laced with that thinly veiled insult. Still spending his days in the tranquility of Fayren, Tsukihito, was rudely awaken from his dream-like trance by this annoyingly loud message. This should explain why the kitsune looks so particularly annoyed right now, an expression that is something of a rarity to the former deity.]

Are you not human yourself, mortal? Surely you devour animals and plants much like your disgusting brethren. If you claim otherwise, then explain how you managed to survive starvation.

[He brushes an errant strand of white out of his eyes as he speaks and tries his best not to yawn. The kitsune definitely was asleep earlier (with his eyes open no less.)]

[fierybluebird]

[LAUGHS.]

Never try to tell a species by their haircut, or their lifeline by the palm of their hand.

I eat whatever I want, yoi. I'm just aware that the last time I had a bug-eating contest with my little brother, my wife refused to kiss me for a week, and seeds are entirely the product of plants getting their freak on and copulating.

Nature is disgusting, pretending that anyone is better for refusing to eat one food or another is foolishness at its height. And anything can be food to someone else. So you may as well eat and roll in the grass and help that copulate too.

Except for balut. That is always wrong.

[Action]

[spoilsfun]

[Conan is eyeing that blue phoenix right back.]

People are starting to complain, you know.

[Action]

[fierybluebird]

[Chirps.]

[Who, him?]

[He's innocent!]

[Although he glares at another pair of egg eaters!!! DEFILERS OF THE NATURAL ORDER!!! SHAME SHAME SHAME! As his wife rings the handbell in the background.]

Video

[shy_mage]

[And he thought Ted's ravings were difficult to keep up with. Bracken was so confused. Plant sex organs, eating babies, shark cannibalism, ovaries and testes and something that sounds bad called 'balut'...

At the end he was pretty much wide-eyed with no idea what he just listened to or what he was supposed to take from it, other than all food was horrible. He'd read the news article, after much hard work, but that was rather hard for him, too, since he'd never heard of the 'sentient' breed of chickens.

All he could do was answer in shock.]

Wh-What...?

Action

[bergkatze]

[Feel that head bump? That's just Katze nuzzling his cheek against Bracken. Excuse all this silly affectionate stuff. Katze is just starved for attention. Bracken has a pet.]

Eh? What's what?

[song_princess]

(Okay, the fact alone of eating babies makes her feel sick but then the impromptu sex education....

No just no.)

Why would you even compare plants to.. To those things?

[fierybluebird]

Because it's the truth.

[reaction]

[youfool]

So that blue, hilarious bird he so lovingly stroked at the park was this guy?

*sniffle* damn you pirates. Damn you all to hell...

[reaction] is it on video or...?

[fierybluebird]

[evil commentary, not text]

[puscrunch]

He was skeptical about this line. The balut thing seemed to be an actual part of conscience that PC hasn't snuffed yet. One of the relatvisits will erode that in time, surely. Even a pure revulsion of waste can't escape entropy for long.

But the worst thing about this what that it might make people THINK. About life, about their place in creation, about creation itself, and lots of other Big Questions that should never be asked, let alone answered. If that got too out of hand, they'd be back to cloven feet and all the rest.

Then he remembered: people here are morons. For the rare few that actually cared enough to ask these questions, what good would it do them? They'd either

a.) recognize some vague feeling of wrong-doing, then forget about it out of necessity, teaching them the invaluable habit of ignoring their conscience, or

b.) Be utterly confused. But because, as established, they're morons, they're not likely to find the reasons behind anything. They might just as well doubt their moral intuition altogether!

So, more up's than down's. Good work, Marco. His own soul is pretty much in the bag, so now PC's just putting on some finishing touches. But damaging other souls through claptrap and nonsense? It's almost enough to make him like the vermin.

[Action]

[fierybluebird]

[Is it better or worse that he stole handbells from a church?]

[To put them to "good" use, mind you.]

[om_nom_namur]

Who shit in yer seeds this mornin'?

[fierybluebird]

Newspaper, did you read it?

[video]

[4arms0fucks]

Hey, food is food! Doesn't matter where it comes from.

[ Sorry not sorry, Marco. ]

If you know what you're starving and you gotta tear into something's guts, that's just how it goes!

As long as you don't eat people, I tried once and Ghalt got really angry at me for gnawing on a civilian's arm.

[video]

[fierybluebird]

Define "people."

Like I said, yoi. Chickens have rights too.

[ironforged]

[this is probably the second time he's been stared at rudely while eating something. Joseph stares at the bird then at his breakfast with a lovely hardboiled egg in its little cup and feels a wave of guilt at cracking it open in front of the creature. Who could say if it wasn't some long suffering beast?

Joseph could give it up but...oh the other hand he's hungry so...]

Shoo...

[flaps hands at]

[fierybluebird]

[GROWLS.]

[Menacingly.]

[Anonymous Text]

[aurabble]

Dinosaur chicken nuggets are my favorite.

[Not-Anonymous Text]

[fierybluebird]

You're a monster.

Also, get better taste.

That's barely even using the meat parts of chickens. Just their eyes, intestines, and tendons. And then shaping them like cute little dinosaurs is a not-so-hidden coded reference to haha how humans raised chickens out of being dinosaurs, look who's a superior eater now?

What the hell is wrong with you?

video;

[orlokbutterfly]

[What... the... it's too early for this shit.]

You, uh. Realize that After Life serves chicken tenders for one of its snacks, right?

video;

[fierybluebird]

Are they from organic humane farmsteads?

[He genuinely doesn't give a fuck, he just likes to be a rabblerouser oops.]

[Video]

[crystalmama]

[Have a giant pink lady looking ready to go on a crusade to whatever place is that's treating chickens so barbarically!]

I would appreciate any and all information you can provide about whatever plant is mistreating those poor chickens.

[Video]

[fierybluebird]

It's part of the Everglades war, Miss. In order to make the case for eating humans, the idea that chickens should be free reign was mentioned, and I wish to make it clear that it is not okay.

Video

[02crusnikabel]

[Sir, you're confusing this Catholic priest. A lot. Abel is clueless what's going on actually, and the priest is totally missing the point.]

I don't know what are you talking about, but I think eating chickens are okay. I don't know what else to eat, as I couldn't standing eating pork and fish. I can eat pork fine, I guess, but fish is gross. I suppose Tofu chicken is okay, but then it's tofu and not chicken.

Video

[fierybluebird]

Tofu chicken is fine.

Chickens are fine too so long as you aren't horrible to the chickens first. Balut is never okay.

[Someone from the Philippines needs to tell him he's wrong.]

Action

[blackcrowsings]

[Sebastian hardly check his phone. He's an extremely busy demon. Being the only worker at the Funtom Corp. So around brunch, when on the streets after he made some deliveries to some shops to sell his candy and chocolates, he encountered him on the streets.

Except he didn't recognized him? It's a sparkly blue phoenix.

The demons blinks.]

Well, there is always something new everyday. So what do we have here?

Action

[fierybluebird]

[Marco just.....]

[Stares.]

[And stares.]

[AND STARES.]

[If he tells you he's a phoenix he's kind of giving a way a lot unnecessarily.]

[Better to stare you down then.]

[:|]

[STARE.]

[He's not even sorry.]