genessia | 8th Aura | Text + Action

Entry tags:

8th Aura | Text + Action

[Text; Locked to Jaune's friends]

I think Pyrrha Nikos is gone.

[People are bound to find out on their own if they haven't already, but it needs to be said.]

[Action | Nova City]

[It's possible to run into Jaune in Nova City. He's not paying attention to his surroundings, and he might not notice someone he recognizes at first. And if he doesn't recognize them, then there's a disheveled teenager who looks like he hasn't shaved, much less changed his outfit in a week wandering around.]

[ooc: if your character is on good terms with Jaune, he would have included them in the text. if you need me to clarify it further, feel free to pm me!]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[ Jefferson wouldn't have been upset with Jaune if he had snapped. He really wouldn't. Those kind of reactions were justified. He did consider after a bit of time that Jaune might not respond, but patience was something important to have in these sort of situations. It wasn't... easy to open up when grieving. ]

Do you want to talk? Here or in person. You don't need to tell me about the bad things. I just want you to know I care and if you want someone around I'm here. I'm always here, Jaune.

i don't want to do anything jefferson.

[At least he's finally being honest.]

no. you're not.

Wanting to be alone is fine, but saying things like that aren't going to push me away. I know that's what you want right now because closing yourself off seems safer, but it isn't. Hiding is only okay for a little while. If you do it forever it's only going to make your heart ache more and more.

fine. i accept that.

i'm not trying to push you away. i'm telling you the truth. i thought this place could be a chance to get stronger and protect people. but i've been proven wrong, multiple times.

maybe the problem isn't just as much me as it is this place. but that doesn't change the fact that any of us could leave at any time and do nothing about it. i would have to be avoiding the truth in order to hide. i'm not hiding, not anymore. i'm just done with it.

Then I won't speak for the future. But I am here right now. As long as that remains the truth you have me if you need someone.

You can still do those things, but you have to accept that you can't save everyone and not everything is in your control. Life... isn't that fair.

If you're done then what are you going to do, Jaune?

i havent done any of those things.

not just here, it was the same back home.

it's not that i can't save everyone. i can't save anyone. i can't even protect myself. i know life isn't fair, jefferson. cheating my way just to get into the school i wanted and still being told by my parents that i wasn't good enough isn't fair. that's life.

my mistakes have gotten my friends killed and that isn't just not fair, it's not right to them that i'm here, and they aren't. that a failure like me is still somehow alive when other people, better and more deserving than me, either don't have that same chance or have gone through the same things because i'm an idiot who screws up all the time.

i'm not going to do anything.

Edited 2016-08-31 07:22 (UTC)

Then start. Don't tell me that you can't. Tell yourself that you can. If you let yourself fall into the snare of loathing yourself you're not going to achieve what you want because you're going to spend all of your time doing that instead.

My mistake got my wife killed, Jaune. She died because I took a risk on something that wasn't even significant. I felt the exact same way you're feeling now, but if you don't let that feeling go someday you're going to drown in it. Letting the possibility of making another mistake or losing another person can't dictate your life. You'll go mad.

Your parents were wrong.

i've tried! i don't know what else to do. i've tried to move forward, i even tried to think about it more rationally, and just so you know that's not something i'm used to. i tried finding a purpose. all of that is pointless if i can't protect the people closest to me and i won't be able to protect them if they're too busy protecting me instead!

stop worrying about me and worry about yourself for once. if you know exactly how i feel, then you probably already know what you're doing. maybe it's just deep down, but you have some idea. helping me isn't going to make it any less painful for you. you can't fix your problems by trying to distract yourself with attempting to fix mine. i don't want any help.

no, they weren't.

You don't have to think about something as big as what to do right now, Jaune. I know you're angry and upset and heartbroken but you can't shoulder the burden for things that aren't your fault.

Stop. Is that really why you think I told you what I did? It isn't. I don't hand out information like that to just anyone. I told you because I don't want to see you take the same path I did. Because I care. There's no ulterior motive. You don't need to accept my help but I'm not going to just stand by and let you destroy yourself.

Listen, if you want this conversation to end it can. I'm not here to make this worse. But I don't think you should stop trying and I don't believe that you should be doing this on your own.

They were.

no

i don't think that's why you told me. i know you care. and i know that was probably hard for you to tell me but not as hard as with a complete stranger because you do care and you're important to me and that's why i can't do this. i can't go through that again.

i don't know exactly what path you took in the past, but you're here now and you have other people like dave, airy and blaine who all have your back. you deserve a family and friends, jefferson, and i'm not trying to be stupid or self-sacrificing but i'm

i'm just tired.

i just wish i could stop feeling. but i can't so i'll do what i can do.

please don't say that. i'd rather you just admit they're right than lie to my face.

Do what? Let yourself be close anyone? Isolation stings more than never having anyone at all, Jaune. I don't know why you think I'm more worthy of those things than you are but the same people you mentioned have your back too. So do I.

The path I took was hating myself and thinking I wasn't good enough because I couldn't save her. When the time came that my daughter needed me the most I made the wrong choice because I thought taking a risk to give her a supposed better life with superficial things was more important than giving her myself. What I mean to say is that if you don't value yourself you can't properly realize how much others value you until something goes wrong. You want to prevent that, right?

Living without feelings doesn't work either.

I'm not obligated to to tell you things I don't believe. Telling you the opposite would be the lie.

no it doesn't, jefferson. i've been isolated before. i've been alone. it's...it's nothing. and nothing can't hurt you because that's all it is. please stop.

are you serious. no wonder you're such a dad.

sounds like you learned from your mistake. do you have a gambling problem?

i can't prevent it. but i can choose to not get involved.

the last person who believed in me didn't when it mattered. say what you want but i don't believe you.

You stop.

Isolation is nothing? No. It's everything. It's every horrible thing you could ever imagine wrapped into one massive hellish nightmare. If you think it won't hurt you're being ignorant. Maybe it won't at first, but it will. Eventually it will and it'll eat you alive from the inside out.

The hat was my problem, Jaune. The damn hat was my problem. Magic like that doesn't come without rules or a price. I didn't learn from my mistake until I made it twice. I lost Priscilla for the same reason I nearly lost my daughter. I promised them I'd never use the thing again but every time someone approached me with something that I thought could get them out of poverty I took it.

I'm going to tell you the most important rule: the same number of people that enter the portal have to leave. Someone made sure I wasn't one of those people. Do you want to know how long I was separated from Grace because of that? Twenty-eight years, Jaune. Don't you dare tell me isolation is nothing. It doesn't just hurt you, either. It's too late for you to back out and not get involved because people already care about you. Are you really the kind of person that can inflict the same kind of hurt you're facing on those people? The ones you love don't have to be gone for them to be gone. You're better than this.

Believe what you want. You're not the first person to tell me that. But that person? I'm not them.

i know what isolation is, jeff! i was there when i died. okay so maybe it might have eaten away at me, and maybe it would have hurt eventually, but at least i didn't have to watch anyone else die too.

i'm already living that nightmare.

i can't do that again but i don't have to be okay with letting myself get close to people and then seeing them leave.

don't tell me what to do.

but

but you don't look old.

how is that possible?

how old are you?

you're not being fair. and it's not the same. whatever you feel right now is a lot better than being dead. that's all that matters to me. did you get to see grace again?

no. you're not pyrrha.

I'm not telling you what to do. The choice you make is yours. What I am telling you is don't let it be one you'll regret because that regret will never go away.

It's possible because of a curse. A curse that trapped me in a new world where I had to see Grace live with a different life and a new family every single day but I couldn't do anything about it because everyone was forced to forget who they were. Everyone but me and the monster who cast it. So time stood still and I got to witness the same thing happen over and over for all of those years until someone finally broke it and got things to work.

Is it really only me who isn't being fair? It is the same. Loss is loss no matter how it happens. Being alone is the same no matter how it happens. Why the hell can't you get that?

... she was the one that didn't believe you?

i know it won't go away. i might not have been alone for 28 years and forgotten for that amount of time but i know how lonely it is to be surrounded by people and still be isolated.

but i don't know what else to do.

why is your life like some kind of fantasy story with magic hats and curses? why can't this be a curse? then someone could break it. and things would be okay again.

why the hell are you so insistent that i do?

we spent a year together in the same room and classes, and she never treated me like i was weak or less important just because i didn't have the same background or skills as everyone else. so it's just a little hard to believe that you see something she didn't.

here's what i'm going to do, jeff:

i'm going to get wasted. a lot. and i'm going to hide until i disappear from this place too or some asshole like that purple freezepop blows everything up.

it's the only way i have.

I told you before. Everyone is a story. I also mentioned that we have to write our own. If this is where you want yours to go I can't change the pages but I wish I could take the pen away.

I'm insistent because I'm not joking when I say you're family. And abandoning family? I don't do that. Not anymore. So I'm going to make you a deal. I'll let you do whatever it is you think you need to do for a week and then I'm going to check on you. It'll just be a text. Answer it or don't. Your story, your choice.

jefferson

i

fine.

i don't want a story.

one week.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

8th Aura | Text + Action

[text; private]

Re: [text; private]

[text; private]

[text; private]

[text; private]

[text; private]

[text; private]

[text; private]

[text; private]

[text; private]

[text; private]

[text; private]

[text; private]

[text; private]

[text; private]

[text; private]

[text; private]

Re: [text; private]