genessia | Log 002 | Advertisement?

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[The video feed clicks on to show Fet's smiling face.]

There's a lot going on here I don't understand, you know? There's a city filled with vampires and a lot of other things wanting equal rights with the people they eat. There's another place from the future, patrolled by Robocop. Then there's another with a medieval castle, ruled by a king and queen and policed by knights.

[He shrugs.]

This isn't what I know. Genessia City, a real city, you know, and Attleton, a model suburbia. They have things that are normal, things I do know. [He reaches to his neck, where a very official looking badge hangs.] My name is Vasiliy Fet. Back home, in New York, I work for the Department of Health as a pest inspector and rat catcher. You know what this place has? Rats. I went down to the employment office, you know. Looking for a job, 'cause a guy needs his own place. There's no health department here. Makes a guy wonder what the sewers look like, you know?

Well, you know what they say? It's a nasty job, but somebody's gotta do it. Might as well be somebody who likes it, right? [He smiles again.] Now, you all know who to call for your rat problems. Or your roaches, or your termites. I'll have an office, soon as I get the funding, you know? Until then. [He points to the screen as though indicating the network itself.] I'm on the line.

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Ahaha, I was wondering when Genessia might get a dose of sanity. After meeting wizards and warlords and seventy different shades of monsters, a mundane man such as yourself might be the the rarest marvel of all.

Good luck to your ventures; I'll tattle on any whose houses I find so infested.

[Fet laughs at Ted's response.]

That's the problem with the little munchers. You don't see signs of them until you've got a big problem.

[He shrugs.]

Mundane, huh? What's so special about you, then?

Oh, make no mistake, I mean no insult to the mundane. Provides a good baseline, for one; it's the salt of the earth. I'm but a man like you, and no more special than anyone else. That, if I'm any pattern, ought to make you a magnet for the marvelous; I think they like showing off to the mundane.

[He nods. It's not as though it's the first time he's seen anything like it, and it's likely not to be the last time, either.]

Funny how often those people are brought low by the mundane, too, you know?

Hah, I don't know if 'funny' is the word; the fall of hubris is often very calamitous. Romantic, certainly. Who doesn't enjoy stories of giant-killers and dragon slayers, always by men and arms much smaller than their foe? Well, giants and dragons, presumably. You might want to keep such tales to yourselves around them. Sounds like you've felled some vermin mightier than rats.

Mightier only because they're bigger. [She shrugs.] They're still just really big rats, you know?

Giant rats? Goodness, I hope you have pictures, or at least mean to take them should you find such work again. Or are you being metaphorical? Well, pictures or stories just the same. Then again, if your work got too interesting I suppose that'd crush your dreams of normalcy forever. I hardly know which to wish for.

Wishing for the success of your work seems safe enough. Good luck!

[At that, Fet laughs.] I could draw a picture for you, but who says I dream about normalcy, huh?

Oh? Perhaps I can help with the insect catching.

[Because she eats roaches and termites for breakfast, lunch, and dinner.]

Catching? [He shakes his head.] I don't catch insects. I kill them with poison.

Oh...well, that's...somewhat disappointing...

[Those poor little insects. ~~Never mind that they still die when she eats them.~~]

They're bad for people, you know. They carry diseases, kill plants.

But they're good for some breeds of dragons.

Not the ones that make a pest of themselves in peoples' homes.

But I can help rid those pests by eating them.

But they won't be good for us if you poison them...

I doubt you can eat enough of 'em. There are millions.

[Excuse the flamboyantly androgynous, pretty pink--no wait, that's magenta-- haired alien on the screen in the stylish blue pants suit. That's none other than Berg Katze peering into the screen after sleeping half the damn day away and then some. He doesn't get his ass up until late afternoon, so the trolling doesn't get a chance to start until noon.

Nevertheless, here he is and he has but one question.]

So, you wanna hunt rats?

[That's literally all Katze took from this.]

[It's cool. Fet doesn't think it's weird. He grew up in New York City...]

It's what I do, and they same I'm the best damned rat catcher in the five boroughs.

Really? You actually did this for a living?

[He's mildly surprised. Katze doesn't know jack shit about human cities but he didn't ever expect to run into a professional 'rat hunter'. That's just absurd!]

You're like a giant cat then! I bet you're gonna find work here easy since there's a ton of rats here.

[He may or may not be referring to actual people and not rats.]

There's always tons of rats in a city. [And he nods. He may or may not just be talking about the rodents.] And I did. I know their holes, I know where they run, how they work. It's what I do.

So what's the best way to kill them?

[He asks while literally hanging upside down from the ceiling. Katze has a habit of doing so when he's feeling restless.]

Smash'em? Bash'em? Gut'em? Stomp'em?

Depends on how many you got.

[He smiles.]

Sometimes, you smoke 'em out.

Just... how many rats are in Genessia?

[It's where the apartment is and rats give her the willies.]

[He shrugs, looking thoughtful.] Hard to say for sure. City this big? Probably tens of thousands...no, probably more.

[Airy feels a chill travel down her spine.]

R--really?!

[She at least doesn't drop the phone but she does visibly shiver.]

I haven't seen a lot of rats. Just one, one time...

[He nods.]

Of course not. Rats are masters of stealth, skulking the darkness and the damp until it's safe to scavenge all the little morsels us bigger animals leave laying about.

[His eyes widen to illustrate his seriousness.] They nibble, hear and there, on anything you leave unsealed and unattended, whatever they think they can borrow without returning. Flour. Sugar. The padding in your mattress.

[You aren't helping Fet!]

Why are you telling me this?

[Airy visibly shakes again, this time the phone almost slips from her fingers.]

I don't want rats in my apartment.

Nobody does, but they were hear before us, and they'll be here after we're gone.

[He nods.]

I can help with that.

[Airy mumbles something about changing the fate of rats under her breath. She isn't pleased with this information and she can't shake the chills that have begun to crawl up her spine.]

Can you? Please!

[She pauses, chewing on her lower lip.]

I can pay you.

[Airy has faced a lot of things: vampire, werewolves, crazy people. Nothing freaks her out as much as rats and bells.]

[At that, Fet nods.]

Of course I can. This is what I do.

[Airy bites her lower lip.]

How much will it cost?

Oh no... there's rats here, too? Who invited them?

[He doesn't live in a classy place. Rent's cheaper not to.]

We did. [He laughs.] They're vermin. They follow other animals around and eat their garbage and spread their filth.

Aw man, my apartment is totally gonna get them too.

I could take care of that for you, you know.

Yeah but I don't have money, man.

[Saitama is a cheap, cheap dude. Nothing but deep discount groceries and he never uses the A/C or heater.]

Call it a favor, or advertising. Whatever you want. I'll take care of it, and you tell your friend, huh?

R-really? That's awesome!

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