six ticks; merry december

[stairsbro]

[ problem with the red? let me know! ]

as the person in charge of some networks around these parts
yes thats me mister tv
im the guy deciding whats on your boobtubes sometimes sup
if you want a show or wanna be in a movie give me a ring well talk business
or just are good with a camera or whatever thatd be totally useful
ill also be filming and airing live from the winter wonderland party
maybe doing some interviews and asking what youre wearing and all that fun jazz
so set your dvrs if you wanna see yourself because you stood in front of me at some point

anyway im here to inform you that channel 12 is going full on
~CHRISTMAS~
for my jolly cold as all hell birthday month
that will be channel 25 in nova and attleton and 13 in everglade because consistency
and fuck if i know what channel in fayreon
do you even have tv over there?
so itll be called santa tv instead of street tv
you know its that network that showed all those car shows
were taking a break from the cars
but if youre desperate for your scuttlebuggys and speed-machines and dudes pimping your rides
it can temporarily be found one channel up where it used to be static
(13 in genessia, 26 in nova, 14 in everglade and idk/idc in fayreon)

here are only some of the movies that will grace your picture box with this month:
the santa clause - a mans life gets ruined when he watches santa fucking die and steals his shit
elf - watch will farrell scream for like an hour and a half
jingle all the way - arnold punches santa in the face trying to buy anakin an action figure
die hard - no really
how the grinch stole christmas - a mutant outcast suffers a heart condition but its ok
home alone - parental neglect leads to a kid lighting home invaders on fire
santa paws 2: santa pups - dogs in hats need i say more
santa with muscles - mall santa turns crime fighter also hes hulk hogan
gremlins - monsters watch snow white bc billy cant follow instructions
search for santa paws - holy shit we have to find him
love actually - romance foursquare goes wild and make this film stop please
rudolf - an elf really wants to get into dental care and all reindeer are assholes
chronicles of narnia - a jesus allegory lion tricks four kids into fighting a war for him
frozen - i think this actually takes place in summer but let it go
and MORE
for the full schedule check that one section of the paper that falls out after it breaks your window

Comments

[offwithhishat]

Was making "Christmas" that blinding entirely necessary?

[stairsbro]

you mean CHRISTMAS?
yes

[offwithhishat]

Are you going to keep this up for the rest of the month? I'm not afraid to ground you.

[stairsbro]

lmao
ok

[offwithhishat]

You shouldn't provoke me. It'll just make things worse.

[stairsbro]

oh shit its getting real now
youre talking out your ass jeff

[aurabble]

I'm so confused by your holiday right now.

Do you think you have enough time to do all that?

More importantly, do you have time to come over for a second? Not a literal second.

text;

[stairsbro]

its the most wonderful time of the year
according to a hit song played on repeat meant to brainwash consumers

haha sure i got a sec
whats up
where are you
your weird space disc house?

Re: text;

[aurabble]

Brainwash? What kind of holidays does your world have?

Yeah, I'm at the house. I'll make sure Steel Starling doesn't shoot you.

text;

[stairsbro]

fucked up ones
we also have one where we celebrate a dude getting fucking executed by painting eggs
but santa is chill
he brings you gifts for no reason other than that you didnt screw up too bad

what
thanks?
i appreciate not being shot
eta 2 minutes

Re: text;

[aurabble]

I'll admit it, I'm starting to worry about you celebrating your holidays now.
Gifts are always cool.

You know. One of the robo security guards. I named them. I can introduce you if you want.
I'll be disappointed if your eta is wrong.

[eatsfish]

If you wanted your text to be seasonal you should have alternated green with the red. Though, I suppose the result was the same. It was rather eye catching.

I have to ask, is Fayreon an alternate spelling? I'm doing what I can to brush up on culture around here. There's so much to learn.

[stairsbro]

greens not really my color
im the red guy
like power rangers
color-coded for convenience

oh hey you a newbie
welcome to this hot mess of a kidnapping universe
nah its not an alternate spelling but i keep adding the o
it was like my memorization technique and i keep doing it now
f-aye-ree-on like "fairy on"
instead of fay-ren
because thats the place where the magics at and thus the fairies
and also creepy puppet dolls that act as unrestricted rule enforcers
heads up on that
what do you need to learn bc im pretty sure youre probably just getting vague-ass answers instead of hard fact
i got some BULLSHIT info when i got here
theyre like everglade is nice its like attleton
and nobody told me id get fucking ambushed by vampires past sundown if i had the audacity to be outdoors

[eatsfish]

I assumed it was just for this special occasion. I suppose everyone needs a trademark.

You could call me that, yes. I appreciate your welcome even if it is under peculiar circumstances.

I see, I see. That is a clever way to remember. You're right that answers haven't come about as easily as I had hoped they would. It's somewhat daunting considering my own home didn't quite prepare me for having my perspective so drastically altered, but I can't imagine many things would. May I ask how unrestricted law enforcement is permitted?

I hope that didn't actually happen to you. What with the vampires and all.

[stairsbro]

dave strider red font ™

yeah sorry man
tbh youre probably better off with this as a welcome
i mustve missed your OMG WHERE ARE WE intro if you made one
usually people make those like help posts
where they ask for a thing
sometimes a dumbass falls into the fucking bay and soaks themselves
and then you got everyone all coming to your aid
but nobody actually tells you shit
cause theyre being all nice
appreciate it and all but if theres a serial killer on the lose
you really should get told instead of playing all 'this place isnt so bad' with me
theres not rn though btw
he left
right
ill be straight with you bro
my perspective being altered is just a fact of life for me im good to go
youre getting right to the serious issues here
and the answer is i have no idea how that shit is allowed
one of the guardians put it in place
who are like elected officials
that basically have unlimited power in their zone by the looks of it
making laws like 'HUMANS ARE ALLOWED TO GET EATEN' and 'ALL CRIMINAL RECORDS ARE GONE NOW'
i mean wtf

it actually happened
but whatever
i kicked their ass

[eatsfish]

I see no need for you to be apologizing. I have seen a few posts of that nature but didn't really care for the idea of making one myself. As you said, people often tend to omit the truth for some reason or another.

All of this criminal activity is out in the open and there's no one stopping it? That's extremely troublesome.

You remaining unscathed is one good thing if nothing else.

[redcinemareel]

[What a great opportunity that just fell into her lap!

Also a fellow lover of red text here.]

I'd like to talk business with you, when you get the chance.

And thank you for providing all of this seasonal content! I haven't heard of any of these titles, and they seem interesting.|

[stairsbro]

hey im free for biz if you got some
whats up red

youre welcome
im doing my job right if people are into the programming
some of these are actually pretty damn good for quick holiday cashgrabs

[redcinemareel]

I'm running for city guardian in Everglade, and I'd like an interview spot.

They'll certainly get people into the spirit of giving, if that's what you mean. It's nice to know the festive nature are spreading.|

[stairsbro]

oh shit im the press now
hell yeah we can do an interview spot
what do you want
like a segment in the news where i show the highlights of our 20/20 deal where you feed me questions prior to the interview and i surprise you by throwing curveballs in there to up your game
how do you want to do this

damn right
are you big on christmas
i havent gotten to do a huge holiday thing before so i am PUMPED
we got a damn ball and everything
im getting a huge tree

[redcinemareel]

[His enthusiasm is amusing and really refreshing!]

How about you choose the questions and I can choose the ones that make the cut? I don't want to give away too much right off the bat. Curveballs are welcomed, though!

Not in particular, but I do like presents! Plus, it's a great time for romance! The upcoming ball looks like it could be fun. I don't think I've been to one yet while here. Have you attended one like this before?|

text

[gunnerbrat]

How do you make that fancy text?
What's a movie?

text

[stairsbro]

first you make a pentagram on the floor in your own blood
then you swear your soul over to the hexcode gods
after saying the correct enchantments
and you get to write in candy red

are you serious
do you know what video is yet

text

[gunnerbrat]

[ This kid is a gullible cartoon villain. He might actually try the ritual.]

What are the enchantments? I've seen spells go horribly wrong.

[ He looks up what hexcode is.]

Like this?

I can't help it if I come from a place where no one knows how to use electricity.
I've used the video function on this device.

text

[stairsbro]

theres no verbal enchantments
its done with the summoning movements
you gotta put your right hand in
then take your right hand out
then put your left hand in
and shake it all about

close enough
where you from pinky