🌙 Better than a thousand hollow words, is one word that brings peace.

[its_dad_sanzo]

Who: Genjyo Sanzo, Koumyou Sanzo, Amberdrake.
What: OP & thread 1: Koumyou Sanzo visits his son in the middle of the night. Thread 2: Drake and Sanzo talk about Koumyou and briefly about what went down in thread 1. Thread 3: Koumyou and Sanzo talking some more.
Where: Drake and Sanzo's house in Attleton.
When: OP & thread 1: The same night as Singles Night, after Koumyou eventually leaves. Thread 2: Around noon, the day after. Thread 3: Evening of the same day as thread 2.
Warnings: FEELS. Angst, suicide mention, probably Warm And Fuzzy Feelings, y'know, the whole gamut.

It was very late at night when Koumyou glanced up to find himself having wandered to his son's house. The intense moonlight lit the cozy little cottage enough to make it impossible to not know where he was.

But, it was far too late at night.

He wouldn't knock.

Koumyou sat down on the wide, circular short step before the door, and sighed quietly. He tucked his legs half-under him, and wondered what he was doing, just sitting out here on the cold stone. In the morning, he could call Kouryuu from his apartment, hear his voice. Right now? There was nothing to do but lurk, and wallow in his own sadness.

Between the other night at the shrine with the little golden dragon, and several more instances tonight, he'd spoken of his death and the burden it had left on his young son many times, recently. Too many times...

He was no therapist, like Amberdrake. Ripping open his own wounds constantly wore on him far faster than it did the kestra'chern. Right now, he just wanted to be near his son. And so here he sat, breath fogging in the cold air.

The sun would rise when the sun would rise. And perhaps the moon would still be out when he did.

Comments

[badly_behaved_priest]

Sanzo jerked his head to the side to stare at Koumyou when the chair smacked against the floor and the other priest moved too fast for him to recoil from the hug. This closeness was the last thing he felt he deserved, he couldn't even make himself tell Koumyou how many times his sacrifice had nearly gone to waste. A god had stepped in once when guilt had overwhelmed him enough to make a stupid, stupid decision.

"You know-" He didn't want to argue about this, it only made them both suffer. And yet he didn't want to lie and pretend that Koumyou's death wasn't so terrible for their world.

"Master, stop," he said with no conviction or venom. He could not understand why Koumyou couldn't let this drop.

His arm looped around Koumyou and he told himself it was only for Koumyou's sake.

[its_dad_sanzo]

"You picked that tiny gun because it was just the right size to blow your own brains out," Koumyou squeezed Sanzo tighter, "but you didn't. I don't care how close you came, or how many times you came that close. You didn't. You lived. I would not have. If I'd had to watch you die..."

Koumyou had watched so many friends die, had tried to distance himself from the concept of attachment... but it had been a coping mechanism, and nothing else. He'd imparted it to Ukoku, and look what it had done to him. He'd imparted it to Sanzo, and look what it had almost done to him!

"The one Buddhist lesson I ever taught, was total bullshit."

[badly_behaved_priest]

Sanzo let his head drop, almost touching Koumyou's shoulder. Looking at Koumyou's face, directly, hurt. Koumyou proded at things that had tormented Sanzo for over a decade and had shaped how he was as a person. He'd reinterpreted "hold nothing" until he could handle it without risking going against his master's teaching. That was his way, how he faced the world. And he knew it was a way to channel his pride into protecting himself from pain.

"Alright." He didn't know what else to say, there was too much changing all at once. Something inside him had shifted. Not much, not far, but it brought him both pain and relief. It was difficult to accept, all at once, what Koumyou was saying. That would take time.

His embrace tightened.

[its_dad_sanzo]

Koumyou wouldn't blame Sanzo for using his pride to protect himself, of course. It worked, didn't it? Certainly far better than when his eyes had been dead, after Koumyou's death.

"Dying brings a certain clarity, I suppose," Koumyou added a touch wryly. He knew he'd rarely been so direct in Sanzo's entire memory! But before that, well, Houmei had nearly killed one of his own instructors for endangering his friend, hadn't he?

He was still Koumyou Sanzo. There was no escaping that until reincarnation got 'hold of him properly. But in this other world, after having died, he was also free to let a bit of his old self out, too. Before his title, before his change of name... Houmei still existed in there, too.

Unlike Ukoku, not everyone ate their past selves. Though Koumyou had thought he had, up until that moment of death...

[badly_behaved_priest]

Sanzo shuddered again, more obviously this time. His eyes held a look not dissimilar to the one they held not long after Koumyou had died. Yet not close enough, they weren't dead but sad, his grief plain as it rarely was. Even Drake only saw his emotions so clearly through Empathy or in dreams.

He raised his head and dared to look Koumyou in the face, as he'd been avoiding through most of the conversation.

"For you. I don't intend to find out if that's true anytime soon." Sad eyes aside, his haughtiness was still there, though softened. He spoke with that pride but it was a promise to not let that guilt eat him alive as it almost had many times before.

[its_dad_sanzo]

Koumyou managed a smile down at his son at that, open-eyed, visibly proud. "Good."

...

And then his stomach growled.

[badly_behaved_priest]

Sanzo shook his head, relieved. Some things he and Koumyou needed to talk about and deal with, but it was good to have a break from that. Koumyou's stomach growling didn't exactly lighten the mood, it was a handy distraction, however.

"Eat something."

[its_dad_sanzo]

"At least some things haven't changed," Koumyou laughed, but the sound was gentle; normal. "You're still so bossy!"

[badly_behaved_priest]

"You still need someone to manage you," Sanzo growled back. Honestly. He tried not to think of how much Drake did to try to get Sanzo to eat like a normal, healthy person.

[its_dad_sanzo]

"I suppose that didn't change with death," Koumyou admitted, but he gave Sanzo one last air-draining squeeze in their hug before he released him to toddle back around to the other side of the table, wrapped in a blanket like an old man.

He tsk'd at the fallen chair as though he hadn't knocked it over himself, and bent to pick it back up.

[badly_behaved_priest]

Sanzo leaned back in his chair and sighed softly, hoping Koumyou wouldn't hear it. His brain was full of too much to process all at once. He'd have to give himself time to work through it all. If he could make himself do it, he could talk to Drake about this all. He probably wouldn't.

"You should stay for the night."

[its_dad_sanzo]

"Ah?" Koumyou inquired, fork lifted halfway to his mouth. Graceful, Koumyou. "You think so?"

[badly_behaved_priest]

"It's already late and we have a spare room." Duh, simple enough. It was best for both of them if Koumyou stayed, anyway, after all that.

[its_dad_sanzo]

"Okay," that was an extremely easy sell. Koumyou didn't mind more time around his son, even just being in the same house was nice. He finally started eating.

"You know, one funny thing did come of all the dark conversations tonight," he said in between properly-swallowed mouthfuls of food. "I mentioned to someone that if I was reincarnated, I'd be... well, younger. What if I became your student!"

[badly_behaved_priest]

Sanzo made a disgusted sound at the idea, mostly just to keep up his asshole veneer. That was an odd thing to think about, he wouldn't even know it was Koumyou! He didn't think he was very qualified to be dealing with children anyway.

"I have enough to look after without taking on a student. I have one clingy monkey and I didn't even want that one." Stupid, blockheaded gluttonous jackass Goku was. Sanzo was annoyed with how much he missed him.

[its_dad_sanzo]

"Y'know, they called me 'the demerit monk' as a student..." Koumyou added cheerfully, "I'm sure I'd be just what you deserve in a pupil."

He was just teasing, of course. Except for the part where he wasn't. It was a little comforting, to think they might cross paths again even back on their world. Who knew how long this... thing, on this world would last? Forever, if Koumyou had a say, but he knew that he didn't.

[badly_behaved_priest]

"I'm not a teacher. Not being suited to it is something I picked up from you, master." Honestly knowing Koumyou's nickname through training didn't surprise him, young Kouryuu had chided him often for skipping out on teaching others. He must've been hell as a student.

[its_dad_sanzo]

"Mmhm," Koumyou didn't care, he thought the idea was a fantastic one.

"Do you mind if I take a soak after this?" he asked, when he was once more safely between swallowing his food. At least it wasn't like talking to said aforementioned monkey. And he knew Sanzo wouldn't have a problem with his using one of the house's bathtubs, but he was determined to be a polite house-guest!

[badly_behaved_priest]

"I don't care." Which translated to "sure, go ahead" in grumpy Sanzo. He'd just set an alarm on his phone to check to see if Koumyou had fallen asleep or not. Phones were really convenient.

"Drake won't be awake til noon, don't be loud in the morning."

[its_dad_sanzo]

"Of course," and of course he'd fall asleep in the tub. He'd been doing that for all of Sanzo's childhood, hadn't he?

[badly_behaved_priest]

Given how late it was, Sanzo was likely to doze off while waiting on that phone alarm. He only tolerated being awake at night if he had something serious to do.

"Hn." Sanzo was content to wait for Koumyou to finish eating and got up to take his plate. He'd do dishes in the morning.