[Audio] - Testing, one two three

[paganf_ckingmin]

[His shoes are wet, the hems of his pants are wet, and Pagan Min is Not Happy.]

What. The. Fuck. I was in the middle of something!

Usually, I try not to much up the airwaves [wow you liar] but since I was all but fucking invited - who do I talk to about replacing my fucking shoes?

Comments

[Audio]

[alwaysimpaled]

[Because Dante was bored, and this guy sounded full of himself, he engages full troll mode.]

That depends. Do you know the muffin man?

Re: [Audio]

[paganf_ckingmin]

Do I sound that gullible to you? Here's a hint the answer is fucking no.

But on the off chance that you're serious - I'd love to know where you get your shit. I'm getting the feeling I'll need a new supplier.

[psychoslayer]

Wow, somebody woke up on the wrong side of the coffin this morning.

Welcome to the party.

[Audio]

[alwaysimpaled]

It was worth a shot. I was kind of hoping to see how long you spent looking for Drurey lane. Seems about your level.

[paganf_ckingmin]

That, little girl, is exactly the fucking problem.

Party? [He actually laughs - a sharp thing.] I don't think so. I know a fucking party when I see one. This appears to be an overpopulated eyesore of a city.

[psychoslayer]

I'm not a little girl.

[Faith rolls her eyes.] There are apparently five cities. I haven't been to all of them. Great fun, right? Here, you're kidnapped, go run around and apparently "save" the world or something. It's great.

Re: [Audio]

[paganf_ckingmin]

[He sounds calm still, but a dangerous kind of calm.]

What makes you say that after hearing me speak for five fucking seconds?

[1/2]

[paganf_ckingmin]

[There's a pause and then all you have is Pagan Min laughing his ass off. It goes on for a minute.]

[paganf_ckingmin]

[Then, finally he still sounds far too amused..]

Well it's about time.

[Audio]

[alwaysimpaled]

[By contrast, Dante seems like he's actually enjoying himself.]

Considering within those five seconds, you've resorted to fuck, what, 5 times? I mean, I don't have the best vocabulary, but c'mon. At least change it up.

Re: [Audio]

[paganf_ckingmin]

You, my boy, must have gotten the good nursery rhymes.

[psychoslayer]

What, to save the world? Uh, no offense, but you don't look the superhero type.

[Audio]

[alwaysimpaled]

Eh, less nursery rhymes, and more legends about how much of a badass my old man was. I wasn't really a fan of those. My brother was just the snooty type and forced me to up my game.

[paganf_ckingmin]

A superhero? Now that is ridiculous. No. I can only assume they're after me for the bang-up job I did in dragging Kyrat out of the backwater hell-hole it was when I got there.

[He sounds very breezy about the whole thing.]

You sound like someone who thinks punching people in an alley is more important than creating jobs.

[Those jobs involving drug production typically in his history, but nevertheless.]

Re: [Audio]

[paganf_ckingmin]

Which still doesn't tell me why you equate the muffin man and 'fuck'. I also don't remember asking for your life story but I guess it's too late for that.

Now do you have anything useful to say, or not?

[Audio]

[alwaysimpaled]

[That gets a very genuine sarcastic laugh.]

You think that's my life story? Oh that's great.

As for the muffin man, I figured the best way to troll someone who's four-letter vocabulary seems to be limited to fuck was start low and work my way up.

I've got plenty of useful things to say. Just don't feel like saying it.

[Audio]

[swordprincess]

...I take it you've just arrived.

[It's pretty obvious from the way he's freaking out. But since he's complaining about his clothes, this could be an opportunity to try something...]

If you need your clothes replaced, there is a new shop that just opened up in Nova City, called Revocs. The owner is named Ragyo Kiryuin.

Re: [Audio]

[paganf_ckingmin]

Aren't you just charming.

I'll make sure to be more eloquent the next time I'm pissed off - Oh. Wait. No, I won't.

[The camera lowers, and it's clear after a moment that he just can't be damned to turn it off. Dante is more than welcome to a nice, upside down view of Genessia as he walks.]

Re: [Audio]

[paganf_ckingmin]

A shop?

[He sounds half offended and half torn. There's a small sound of disgust and then...resignation.]

At least tell me they've got a decent tailor on staff and no off the shelf bullshit.

[Audio]

[alwaysimpaled]

[Bad move, Pagan. Now Dante is gonna be your tour guide.]

And on your left, you'll see a field of all the fucks I don't give. Hang a left at the next corner, they've got great quiche.

[No they don't. It's a McDonalds knock off.]

Re: [Audio]

[paganf_ckingmin]

It's hard, figuring out why you've got so much free time with such a sparkling personality.

[He's still not raising his phone, just speaking loudly enough for it to be picked up. Any dirty looks on the street get something that's almost a snarl, or a smile that's just as scary.]

[Audio]

[alwaysimpaled]

Because I'm really good at my job. Being deputy guardian over in Attleton doesn't really keep me occupied much when nobody wants to deal with me.

[psychoslayer]

Kyrat? Never heard of it.

[Faith shrugs, smirking at him.] Sometimes punching people is necessary. Also, fun.

[Video]

[forgottheoffbutton]

[There is a man with a bag on his head on your screen, Pagan. Almost familiar, except he has eye holes and goggles.] Um...none of us know who brought us here. You could try to get Ms. Weiss to get you new shoes?

Re: [Audio]

[paganf_ckingmin]

I'm shaking in my poor, ruined, shoes.

[That as deadpan as humanly possible.]