genessia | (no subject)

Ten wasn't sure if talking to some random stranger helped or not. Right now, he needs to focus on walking to Belle's - which may be a bit difficult as he can't seem to walk straight but someone is willing to help, which helped and couldn't think about not accepting help as all his focus is to keep himself from passing out in the street on the way.

Then knocks on Belle's door and winches when doing so.

The sad thing is - Ten barely drank anything and he's completely wasted.

He felt a little better at the least; not better enough to come back. Yes, he ran away and this hangover is awful. But he needed to - he needed to remove himself because he's the problem with whatever his future will bring and right now, he's not even sure why he's at Belle's besides needing a place to stay because Ten choose to make himself more human, in needing sleep. He can't just sleep - in the gutter. But maybe he deserves that.
Even if he knows very, very well he needs someone right now, even if Ten is near the point of being done with everyone.

He's just going to lie on the sofa and hate the timey wimey and this place.

Again, lying on the sofa - almost wonders if all of this is krama for something or maybe this place is telling him that he shouldn't have any companions anymore.

Ten hears Amy in his head from their first-day meeting his next form that whatever happened to look violent and she didn't mention anyone else being there. That must to be path in the end he's destined to go down and with this happening he's not surprised at all now.

He should had stopped caring - he shouldn't have gotten so close. Stupid Time Lord - stupid!

Amy was let in and headed over to where he was laying on the sofa. She dropped down to sit on the floor, facing him. "So. Is it this face that's just sulky and mopy, or did something happen?" she asked, leaning back against whatever there was to lean against as she looked up at him from the floor. Her poor sad Doctor. She can hardly remember or imagine him sitting still, lying still like this was almost terrifying.

Lea had come to this particular bar because he'd heard they served a drink that was on fire and he'd wanted to see if it was true. Turned out it was but it would take a few moments to make, so Lea was left standing at the bar looking around while his drink was prepared. The bar wasn't that busy on this particular night, which may have been why Lea's attention was drawn to one particular patron sitting in the corner at the far end of the bar, listen to an older sounding tune on the jukebox. The song was about heartache, and given the empty expression on the man's face it looked like he understood the feeling all too well.

Thus, when Lea's drink was handed to him and he'd paid for it, he approached the man in the corner, frowning slightly in concern. Upon closer inspection, he realized that he recognized the man; this was the guy who'd been asking for interesting stories on the network awhile back. Though if Lea didn't know better, he might have guessed it was the man's Nobody; he sure looked a lot like Roxas had that first week.

"Man, the last time I saw an expression that blank was on Siax, and he was grim even for a Nobody," Lea said by way of a greeting. "Not gonna bother asking if you're OK, but mind if I ask what happened?"

His eyes dart to the side when there's movement and then turns his head and looks in the other direction, nope not going to let you worm your way into his hearts. Too late with Ten and Belle but no one else.

Ten doesn't seem to even notice anyone is there till Lea says something, he's just really spacing out.

"I'm done with people that's what happened." Stating completely without any emotion in the face or voice.

In other words, shoo - go away.

"Might not've been the best idea to come to a public place then," Lea said. "I mean anybody can just come right up and talk to you." Lea leaned on the bar, though he left a stool's worth of space between himself and the other man.

"And seeing you looking so grim, someone's bound to be concerned enough to do just that," he said. "Especially bartenders; if you believe movies, they're always asking people about their problems. Worse than psychologists." He took a sip of his drink, seemingly not bothered in the slightest by the fact that it was on fire. "Or maybe not; don't think any psychologists offer booze this good with their sessions."

"You could at least tell me why you seem determined to hate me then. am I the reason you left? Whatever it is about me that always makes you so upset to see me. Did you walk out on the Tardis and everyone else because you hate me that much, Doctor?" she asked, softly. A tear rolled down her face and she pushed it away, so he wouldn't see if he turned back to face her.

Ten only stares back; whether or not he's actually making eye contact is very hard to tell. The juke box music changes - he needed to get something to drink and he can't be in his home. To be honest he doesn't know where he's going to go.

Well, those people should stop because caring for others just brings you pain in the end.

"Caring is dangerous. And no you weren't the reason I left." No hint of emotion no remorse and doesn't care that she's crying.

Edited 2017-08-04 03:04 (UTC)

She gave a rude snort. "Dangerous? Since when have you ever cared about something being too dangerous. For you. Or do you think you're protecting us? Locking us all away to be safe in the Tardis, safe from the big scary Time Lord?" She poked his side. "Who do you think it's too dangerous for, Doctor? Who are you trying to protect?"

"No one." No reaction to being poked.

"So you're sulking because it's dangerous. For No One. Rule One, Doctor. But even without that, I'd know you were lying." She got up and sat on whatever little edge of the sofa she could, even if she had to push him a little to make room. She braced one hand on the back of the sofa, the other on the arm either beside or above his head, and looked down at his face.

"Doctor. Talk to me, please. I know... I know when it matters most, you tend to get quiet, or try to distract me, or just simply fail to answer. But just now my best friend is hurting, and I don't know how to help him. I need some clever answer, something to make him smile again. And not one of those fake hiding the pain smiles, but a real smile." she slid her hand off the back of the sofa, and if he doesn't stop her, she'll rest it between his hearts. "Twice the hearts, twice the pain, is that it?"

"Amy, there isn't anything you can do to help this besides go away. It's all my fault or will be... And I'm not your best friend. I don't know you. And it's good that I don't or I would have fucked up your life too."

No, he's not going to push her hand off his chest but she'll feel that he's empty.

"All your fault? So none of us have ever made any choices ourselves then? Everything that's ever gone wrong with the universe, all your fault? You may not know me yet, Doctor, but I know you. And you know what? I love my life, and I wouldn't have it if not for you. First night we met, you fixed something that probably would have destroyed me, made me unexist. You saved me then. Every good thing after came out of not dying as a.... not dying then. My husband and I are closer than we ever would have been without you. We have a wonderful house, and we are always, always listening for that sound that means you're popping around. You weren't the one who made mistakes and nearly destroyed everything good in my life. That was me. You were the one who risked turning into a Dalek to fix the mess I made of my life."

She leaned forward and kissed his forehead gently. "Yeah, you mess up sometimes. You're wrong more often than you're right, and you make mistakes. Guess what," she said, face close to his, as she whispered. "So does everyone. And maybe you're wrong a lot, but when it counts? When it matters? You figure it out, and if your answer isn't the perfect one, you make it work anyway." She shook her head lightly. "if I could.... I'd show you. Just how loved you are. In my time line we were able to do that for you, once. Show you just how far and wide you've touched, how many peoples you've helped and saved."

Lea honestly figured as much, but this was all part of his clever plan to help this guy out with whatever his problem was. Sora wasn't the only one who could pull of the 'helping random people' thing after all. Maybe.

The song on the jukebox changed. "OK, this song is just the definition of 'trying too hard'," Lea said, shaking his head. "Wonder what'll be next on the 'wallowing in gloom' playlist?"

When that failed to get any more of a response than his previous attempts, he sighed setting his drink on the bar and crossing his arms, slumping a bit to half-sit on the stool next to him. "Man, how does Sora make this look so easy?", he asked, knowing full well the other man could hear him. "He seems to be able to just jump in, make friends with someone, and help them out without even thinking about it. Hell, he even managed to forge a connection to someone with no heart, which is quite an achievement."

"Is it that I don't have the right look?", he said, glancing down at his outfit. "I mean, I know black leather doesn't exactly scream 'trustworthy hero-type', but I thought it was at least stylish. Maybe it's those big blue eyes of his; so sincere about everything. You know he's a good kid the moment you look at him; it's written all over that little spiky-haired face."

"Too bad he's not here," Lea sighed. "He's got enough heart for twelve people, and it looks like you could use a new one right about now."

There's very slow blink in acknowledging the kiss on the forehead.

"No, I don't always. I lost Rose to a parallel universe. But before that I let her get too close to me and me to her. I ruined any chance of her enjoying her life without me. No idea what I put Martha though. And Jack - if I hadn't sent Rose away like I had maybe he wouldn't be cursed with living forever. Amy I can save others but when it comes to those who get close to me I burn them."

Edited 2017-08-04 03:59 (UTC)

Ah. Well. after talking to Rose in the bar she should have figured it would come to that at some point.

"Thing is, Rose? She's here right now. So is Martha. And Jack. They're here. You can do things for them now that maybe back home you couldn't. If this place is already containing the paradox of all of us here, then it can handle that too. An adventure with all of us, Doctor. You can talk to Rose. It's not going to be easy to work things out, but I still know the two of you can do it. But let me see if I can't put this into perspective, it's like a magic eye puzzle. You've done those, right? Problem is, you're right up close. Everything is raw and it's all a jumble. Me? I've had to step back. Because this you? This isn't the face that lights up whenever I walk into a room, that always has a smile for me, or harasses me about wearing skirts that are short enough to crash the Tardis and end reality. So I'm further back. And what I see is that if anyone is miserable without you, it is because of all the wonderful times had with you. It's like when you love an aunt or someone, so much. So very much. And then they die. The pain is terrible, it rips through you, rips you in half. But it only hurts so much because of how much you love and miss them."

"Besides, I don't think it's that you ruined her life that has Rose angry, is it? Or is it that you chose for her? Didn't give her a chance?" She knew there was more for Rose, but she wasn't going to get into how upset Rose was at how much he hates himself. Not her place and might make things worse, anyway. "From what I can tell, Doctor, Rose's time with you was wonderful, and she loved it. And the times you and I have coming up together? I love those as well. I'm not in love with you. Thought I might have been for a while, but I'm not, never really was. But I have always loved you. From the very first you filled my dreams, and then when you stopped being a dream, you filled my life with wonder. And I'll hold that wonder as long as I live, Doctor. And that's what you've put me through."

"And I'll tell you what. We all came running to the Tardis, didn't we? We all came running to you. Our choice, Doctor." She moved her hand to his face. "Always wished you'd stop pushing us away to protect us. Because given the choice, we'd chose to stay with you, even through the danger." She leaned her face down, touched his forehead with hers. "Cause you're worth it. All the pain and nightmares and demons, and we still choose you. Every time. We're adults, Doctor. We know what we're getting into."

"Yes, I know that. But she's the who brought this up in the first place. I told her that we have here but apparently, we don't even have that.

I don't know Amy but if I chose what I did for her I'm not going to do that. I'm going to let her choose when the time comes in our universe. And no - I don't care if that changes things. Because if we ever go back, I'm not destroying all of their lives.

She was upset at me the moment she saw me. Despite kissing me she kept feeling upset at me. And forcing me to move on from her when I don't want to move on from her.

[A pause]

I died for her. I won't ever move on from her.

[Another pause]

She also can't understand that I care for her, Martha and Jack. I'm not going to choose which one of them is better.

But personally right now, if there was a way to go back I'm not going to take it. All Rose and Jack gave me to look forward too is how I destroy, Martha's, Rose life again and Jack's.

No, I'm not worth it."

Edited 2017-08-04 13:39 (UTC)

No, idea who Sora is and don't care. No, leather jacket doesn't make you a hero or bad person it's what's inside of the outside of the clothes.

The song on the jukebox changes again, "No. I don't need a new heart. I need to forget. So -" Ten raises his glass, "Here's to forgetting."

Damn, he really wishes Jack hadn't hinted about hurting Jack even if Jack will forgive The Doctor eventually. Martha how could he hurt Martha and Rose - his Rose. How could he hurt her a second time?

As soon as the alcohol hits his stomach, The Doctor look on his face seems to have remembered something like someone doesn't have alcohol tolerance and breaks out into crying.

"How could I hurt her again? How could I hurt all of them? Why did I hurt all of them? Why is that the rest of my life? I told myself after Rose that, wouldn't happen again. That I wouldn't hurt them. I know I always need to leave them behind eventually but why did all of them need to get hurt? Was there no better way? Why do I have to FUCK all of it up?!"

Ten swings his arm on the last sentence and if there's anything on the table - that fell to the floor.

A silence.

"Why did they have to have to give hints on what will happen?"

"Sounds to me like you have a plan, Doctor. Two of them even, and for once they're actually not horrible plans. If you want to stay here, this place isn't so bad as places go. So long as we find a way to get Rory over here, I could stay too. Get a job, make a life. All of us together. But if we do leave, if you do get us all home and go back... Make the change. Always. Always roll the dice on love, Doctor. Yeah, it'll change things. But that could be good. Use what you learn here and make changes that are good. Just make sure that when the time comes, you find me. I'll wait for you, I will always wait for you. And no matter what else changes, that won't. Neither will the fact that you are always worth waiting for."

She considered her next words carefully, then said softly. "If you're staying here, then learning about the future doesn't matter. If you're going back to change it, knowing more could help. It is your choice, Doctor. If you want me to, I'll tell you anything. Everything. But it's your choice. Your rules."

"We're stuck here till there's a way out. Not much of a choice of needing to make a life. I would like if it was all of us together but - I don't know if that will work with the timey wimy. But if Rose doesn't want me here and she's what's the point of here?"

A pause, "Why couldn't they have kept their mouth shut. Did they expect me to be alright with the fact that I hurt them all in the future? How could I fuck up Rose again?"

Edited 2017-08-05 04:34 (UTC)

This particular coat tends to lean more towards the villain side of things, though without context, it's unlikely that the Doctor would know that. Meanwhile the song on the jukebox changed again. Unlike the last one, which was so over-the-top it ended up humorous, this one seemed to make Lea pause and listen, expression slightly distant as the song brought certain memories to the forefront. Mostly of Roxas. A few old ones of Isa, from before everything fell apart. And one in particular that stood out...

~Moving slowly through the Castle That Never Was. His own voice exhausted and strained. "You always gotta.. cause me... trouble..." Vision fading in and out til he collapsed on the floor, along with... Xion. He'd been carrying, Xion, who was unconscious. Why was she unconscious? Had he done something...? Had there been some kind of battle?

He certainly felt like he'd been through a battle. Everything hurt, including some parts he hadn't known he had. Felling like he was the one who was going to be destroyed, not Xion. Wait... the was someone there, fuzzy but familiar in his fading vision. "Xem... nas...?"

The Superior's deep, even voice as he bent down and picked up Xion, carrying her away tucked under one arm as if she were nothing more than a parcel. "You have done well."

No... Stop... this wasn't... what he'd wanted... "Xi... on..." The last sight he saw before his vision faded completely was Xemnas walking away with his captive. A captive that Axel had been stupid enough to deliver right to him. Then he blacked out, and knew nothing more for some time.~

Lea picked up his own glass, looking into the slow burning flames of his drink somberly. "Forgetting... and remembering," he said before taking a sip, though it was quiet enough that the other man might have missed it.

Especially given that he broke down crying after just one sip of his drink, lamenting how much he'd hurt and was apparently going to hurt his friends. And it was a lucky thing Lea'd picked up his drink, because the man lashed out with a wild swing of his arm across the table which would have sent Lea's drink everywhere, and possibly caught the bartop on fire. As it was Lea had to dodge back slightly as a napkin holder momentarily became a projectile, landing on the floor behind them. Lea picked it up and set it back on the bar, out of the man's reach before turning back to speak to him.

"Maybe they thought the hints were information you needed to have, even if they knew it'd be hard to hear," he said. "I had to deliver some news like that myself not too long ago. And you're not the only one who's ever done something stupid and hurt a friend; trust me when I say that that's not the end of the story."

Tomorrow without you here
Who's heart will guide me
When all the answers disappear
Is it too late
Are you too far gone to stay

Was this his only chance with Rose every again? Did what will happen in the future need to take place?

Then bellows out in RAGE! Because who is she to tell him who to go too? What right did she have to do that? Pushing him towards Martha like that. Then his hands collapse on his hand - because he really is confused because he really does care for them a lot; each in their own way. Not that he ever gave Martha much of that indication and now, he doesn't think he should pick of any of them like that. It really would be for the better.

Then the tears come back and take another chug, did he lose her here? To be in the same space - time with Rose and not be able to talk to her or do anything with her - she may as be trapped in another dimension.

Then whispers in reply and is starting to slur on some words, "No. I didn't need to have them. I shouldn't have known them. No - but quite possibly near the end. And the end is a bang of some sorts."

Thank you for providing that Amy.

Somehow, someway
If my tears could bring you back to me

If only... If only... A few drip silently on the table top.

Edited 2017-08-05 04:56 (UTC)

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