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if i confirm my own rumor would that make you believe it more or less guys
is this a bribe thing or a sexual thing
like holy shit
not the one i was trying to get caught on but ill take it
i think its actually more insulting to my skills as a bj artist than a dj artist
youd think id be way more famous than i am rn if i was good at it
hahahahahaha
crap are my handjobs second rate
the casting couch has me sprawled out on it every day
the producers come in and im wiggling my eyebrows like hey
and the guys like
sighing and rubbing his temples
fucking put your clothes back on dave
and im all what but baby you said youd put me on the charts
your tiny beautiful white ass isnt doing it for me kid
i keep thinking chris hansen is going to walk in and tell me to take a seat every time youre in here
oh shit this scandal might get someone arrested
hey
anyone wanna listen to my demo
apparently it also comes with a boning
dave strider will pork you to get plays on the radio despite already dominating the media
try not to be tempted bc hes fucking jailbait
maybe i shoulda been filming pornos this whole time
making money off of something overtly sexual and wrong on many levels is a family legacy i hadnt considered continuing until just now
whose in

Threaded | Top-Level Comments Only

This entire post may be one of the most jarring and horrible things I've ever experienced reading.

...

Why is this post blank?

[ooc. Sup, Dave. Guess what happens when a person who wears a visor with red tinted lenses tries to read red text. It's just not happening.]

What does 'jailbait' and 'pornos' mean?

And aren't you like, 10? Why are you taking your clothes off Dave?

[Kay is bad at judging human's ages, sue him.]

youre welcome
jeff i think you shouldve disciplined me better
i went out and became a whore in secret to even myself

the fuck are you talking about
are you blind
you can obviously see a post
oh wait
arent you the glasses guy
with the sweet ass in the spandex
what a fucking toned booty bro
compliments to the chef
i mean fuck
whats the issue retro visor dude
are your eyes that shitty
oh
wait
shit
they were
lmao fuck
im a dick
hey man whats up

time to teach my buddy kay about the wonderful world of perverted human slang again
k so
jailbait means someone who you can find sexually attractive but is probably too young to be legally consenting
and then porno is a movie
but the movie is nothing but intercourse
like maybe an hour of banging maybe more maybe less
maybe theres some kind of actual plot in there
probably involving a pizza boy that requires payment via unconventional methods
like full access to a womans jumbo enhanced chesticles
but nobody is watching it for the plot

do i look ten
its just a rumor
one i probably started myself if were being fucking honest
the shit outta my mouth gets away from me sometimes

Edited 2017-09-07 22:35 (UTC)

[Whut. Did she. Just read?]

[No really, she's going to accidentally record herself rereading various bits over and over trying to make sense of the word vomit.]

fuckin luv it man you gotta put that to music

[ sipping a juicebox. this is a normal reaction to him. ]

You look like you have several questions.

shit youre right
im gonna rap this
what kind of backtrack should we go with
im thinking something we can dance to
you know
baby making music

You're right. My weak will has damned us both. I should have actually grounded you when I said I would. I'm a sham. A joke.

But seriously. You're actually in trouble this time.

This was either a long ramble to yourself that you made public, or you actually want us to answer some part of it in which case I'm going with the latter.

Answer: You'd probably make a looot of money from porn.

You are, as always, a fountain of useful knowledge Dave. Jailbait is illegal, that much is clear, but pornos aren't? And so far none of the delivery guys we had ever asked for that, they just demanded we paid for the pizza the traditional way.

[But from now on, Kay might ban Cassian from ordering it.]

Dunno. Do I look 12? because I am.

Age is very tricky where I come from, there are a lot of alien species that age differently than humans and I never really asked if you are one. You could be just a different kind of humanoid, I try to not make assumptions without he sufficient data.

I'd like to listen to you Demo too.

i aint no musician thats all you. do it ill buy it

*Here is a Sonico, oh so concerned for her fellow artists - she knows what it can be like*

Please know that no one should be taking advantage of you like that. It's degrading and it is not fair. If you cannot speak to your agent or manager, then you must pass this on to the authorities. It is important that you are safe and comfortable at work.

[She'll jump just a little at the response and quickly shake her head.]

I was just thrown off by the slang...

[And after a slight pause, she'll continue a little more honestly.]

And I suppose the lack of punctuation.

Family legacy? You come from a family of porn stars?

asking the real questions here
its less porn star
and more porn facilitator
if running a pornographic empire with a primary focus on puppet fetishes counts
but honestly wouldnt put it past bro to have been in fucking pornos
lets go with yes
it probably most certainly happened at some point
the dude certainly had the stamina
which is a train of thought i wasnt entirely ready to go down but here we are
i hear some kids get traumatized when they walk in on their parents boning
but i am the personification of childhood trauma
and can no longer be phased

What slang? ...I don't have time for punctuation. I'm a very busy person.

do you mean me starring in a porno
or me directing the porno
or both
either way thank you
i most certainly could

you snooze you accidentally create a slutty monster who will do anything for fame
what i do

thanks for the psa sonico
im fine though
i dont think im actually being blackmailed into sexual favors right now for real
that would be something

Dave.

You don't think you took things a liiittle too far this time? Y'know. Just saying all these highly inappropriate things where everyone can see. I'm pretty sure this isn't the family legacy we have in our household.

when have i not said highly inappropriate things for everyone to see though
im pretty sure ive been doing that for a while
you cant just retroactively ground me for shit
also i was talking about the bio fam in this sense
which makes it a completely true statement
that was the legacy
puppet dongs
but dongs nonetheless
the perverted dna creeps up on you when you least expect it
you aint even there for it
its out on its own building a questionable reputation for you

*Well, that's embarrassing...*

Oh, I see. Of course! Well, I'm glad you're keeping safe! ^^

yep yep
safety first
the cherry is good and unpopped in this particular area of life

also have we ever talked before
we should collab

Oh. Well.

*She really doesn't know what to say about cherries being popped*

I'm glad you're okay.

I don't believe we have. But that could be fun.

When you said you were going to make rumors about yourself this is not what I had in mind. Have you once in your life considered attempting to harness the use of tact?

lmao
whats tact

Would you like me to retrieve you a dictionary definition?

whats a dictionary

dic·tion·ar·y
ˈdikSHəˌnerē
noun
a book or electronic resource that lists the words of a language (typically in alphabetical order) and gives their meaning, or gives the equivalent words in a different language, often also providing information about pronunciation, origin, and usage.

Mmmmm...

[She's going to scroll her screen back up a little.]

Bee Jay, Chris Hansen, boning, pork, jailbait...

[Well, just assume half the sexual references, actually.]

No, but I can retroactively lecture you about maybe refraining from talking about the concept of illegal sexual activity on the network.

the latter. I wouldn't have thought about the first one.

Plys acting in those is best left to the experts.

thought so
aight that might be a blow to my ego
but also not at all at the same time and im relieved

would it be safe to assume you are not volunteering yourself as one of these experts
or should i pencil you in as a pornstar now

someone had to point out the massive flaw in that rumor
if not me who????

Hi, Dave.

My communicator wasn't showing me anything before this, maybe there was a glitch.

No expert here... I had a mate who is more expert than me, but I very much doubt she would ever do porn because she has a reputation to keep in tact, much like I need to, ya know.

Do you miss the point of things on purpose?

yes

Right. I'm going to pretend you didn't post anything and this conversation isn't happening then.

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I'm sorry, I had to

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poor scott

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His whole life is an ongoing joke

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