genessia | [Video]

Entry tags:

[Video]

[ There's a very perturbed superhero on-screen, arms folded over his chest with a scowl. ]

Hey, so here's a question for the cops, or guardians or whatever - do you assholes throw every superhero in jail after he saves the city from a tyrannical egomaniac, or just me? Seriously, what the hell? I'm one of the good guys, for crying out loud!

...

So I maybe punched the mayor. It was an accident! He was totally fine! Sometimes things get hairy in the pursuit of justice!

Also, have you seen his mustache? Gross.

[ A visible shudder, before he waves his hands dismissively, moving on now ]

Anyway, citizens, don't worry about a thing - from now on, this world is under the protection of...

[ He leaps back, hands on his hips, cape blowing in a breeze that shouldn't even exist because he's in a frozen yogurt store (he might have knocked over a table). ]

X-RAAAAAAAAAAAY AAAAAAAAAAND--

[ "Sir, your order is ready." ]

Whoops, gotta go!

[ Aaaaand that's where it ends. ]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

You wanna call my bluff?

I gotta swing by my den and pick it up but I'll bring you one if you want.

I can call your bluff and not have your spider stank anywhere near me.

That's what you think. I've got like thousands of baby spiders crawling around this place. If I don't find you they will.

Then I'll be there with sandwich in hand.

I'll get a vacuum cleaner ready. Baby spiders ain't got shit on me.

I will fuckin' eat you if you harm one hair on their adorable little spider belly's.

Literally.

Fuck and eat.

Oooooooookay, I dunno how spider courtship works, but no thank you, not interested. That's not really my kink.

Wikipedia black widows sometime.

It's a thing.

Sexual cannibalism.

Edited 2017-10-27 03:48 (UTC)

You are sending some really mixed signals, lady! Seek help!

I thought I was being pretty clear earlier when I said I was hungry!

Maybe I've just decided that flies and moths aren't enough to fill my belly. Maybe I gotta resort to human flesh!

Is that so bad!?

Edited 2017-10-27 03:51 (UTC)

Supervillain! I freakin' knew it! You know what, why don't you bring that sandwich after all? I'll give you a sandwich!

A knuckle sandwich! Of justice!

Jesus, that was terrible.

Oh please, I haven't even eaten anyone yet.

I can't be a super villain until I actually do a villainous act.

I'm still a hero until I cross the line!

...I thought you did pretty good there.

I guess we can't punch baddies who are only thinking about doing stuff before they do it. This isn't Minority Report.

Which is good, because I'd be out of a job if it was.

... You think? I dunno, I feel like I went to for a real obvious retort. C+ at best.

The last thing we need is a superhero recession.

See that's the problem. You're looking at as if it's overused, it's classic, there's a difference. It's a solid B-

Tell me about it! Then I might have to get a real job.

[ Shudder. ]

Well... I guess I'll take B-. Better than any grade I got in high school, anyway.

And be a productive member of society? Please.

I'm actually not surprised to hear that. Like at all.

Right?! Do I look like someone who can survive working as a cashier? Hell to the no!

I feel like I should be insulted. Should I?

Ew, gross! I'd barely trust you to stock shelves much less handle cash!

No, no, no. Where would you even get an idea like that?

Exactly! You know, for a horrible nightmarish spider-monster, you're probably not the worst.

And you're probably my favorite dumb sack of human flesh around here. I feel like I can say basically anything to you and be taken seriously.

It means a lot to me.

Uh, yeah, you're a spider monster freakazoid. That's some serious shit.

I know, right?

It's not easy being covered in hair and eating your mates.

How many mates have you eaten? Does that count as murder? Do I need to swap you back to supervillain status?

Can someone draw me a chart?

In total? Like three. Not counting one night stands. Then it would be like seven I think.

It's not murder, It's nature. They are one hundred percent willing. To the point that if I'm not hungry at the time they are literally trying to shove themselves into my mouth until I am hungry. At that point it's out of my control.

I'll get my kids to spin you up a chart. It'll be like arts and crafts but with spider webs.

You know what? If I don't see it happening, I don't know it's happening. Whatever. Bon appetit, or something.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only