video

[unbelled]

[You'd honestly have thought this guy would have vanished by now.

Apparently not, because here he is, in all his judgey glory, looking just as stupidly well groomed and on point as usual. Which means way too neat for someone with that much fur.

Rather speaks of someone with too much time or maybe a few unmentioned screws loose.]

I see we have newcomers.

I also see that several of you appear to have severe issues with information retention, listening skills and basic navigation.

Also, the correct usage of the invention called 'the phone'. You don't need to yell in it. It doesn't work better when you yell in it.

[Don't mind that little stumble into the realm of Zero Chill.]

Normally, I wouldn't feel it necessary to explain any of this to any of you, after all, the pamphlet stand is right outside the bay cave.

TO YOUR LEFT.

FIVE FEET.

[Chill, Mord.]

But since this appears to be a semi-continuous method of introduction, apparently I'm going to have to make this small informational segment a regular activity.

Because it isn't as if we have a recording telling anyone where to go. That clearly doesn't exist in any form.

[The cat straightens his tie, and sharply adjusts his pince nez.]

As stated, there is a pamphlet stand to your left, outside the cave, five feet, three and three eighths inches away. In those pamphlets you will find the appropriate material for all the questions you could possibly have.

In order of importance, I will clear a few things up for those of you who slept through their basic reading classes:

You have free housing in the commons in Genessia city for a month, and enough red bills to buy food and amenities for that time.

Red bills are our currency. They are paper. Do not eat them, set them on fire, or complain that you like coins or shells or buttons or bottle caps better. I can assure you: No one cares.

Your amulet's color designates the town this... place thinks you'd fit best in. Feel free to ignore it. Don't lose it though, or else you've effectively trapped yourself in whatever city you are in, as the gates between cities will only work if you possess an amulet. I don't care if they look trashy. I don't care if you don't like it. No you cannot trade them in, no you cannot turn it into something else.

Yes you are stuck here. No you can't leave. Yes, you are free to try. It won't work, but you can try. Please refrain from complaining that you can't leave. We all know.

Yes there is crime. Of course there is crime. Yes you can be a police officer. No you cannot run about the cities hither and thither, conducting shenanigans and claiming you're a vigilante super hero. That is illegal and it makes you a criminal, as punching a man in the face for no adequately explained reason other than 'he looked shifty' is also illegal.

In order to get your apparently highly necessary dose of unwarranted, hyper masculine violence in, please consider signing up to be a bounty hunter. It does restrict your caveman-esque need to hit things with your fists and sharp sticks to a list of names in the paper, but I'm sure it will sate you.

Don't ask me to explain anything else. I'm not taking any more questions.

Comments

[Video]

[cursed_analysis]

Perhaps a bit harsh, but thorough. Still, I appreciate the delivery from someone that believes in good grooming.

Re: [Video]

[unbelled]

Harsh?

It's to the point with no room for argument.

I don't see how being truthful is harsh.

[Except all the insults in there. Just all of them. However, the compliment on his grooming is just about enough to take a little of the edge off. He almost looks relaxed!]

Well someone here has to care about what they look like. I'm sure you've seen the rest of them.

[Video]

[cursed_analysis]

I do say a few could stand to look into suiting, but alas.

However, you're also speaking metaphorically; truth is perception.

Re: [Video]

[unbelled]

I am not, everything I said is empirical fact.

[Video]

[cursed_analysis]

While that in and of itself is also undeniable fact, Sir~

[He's going to adjust his glasses here.]

You are thinking only one dimensionally. It is facts that you offer, but you also are offering information that might shape their views of this place. It speaks of a view of clean, sharp lines. Would that it were true, but like it's many denizens; this place is more curves and twists. Hence my small critique on your otherwise flawless presentation.

video

[guitar_hero]

Has it ever occurred to you to simply not answer questions at all?

Re: video

[unbelled]

Well you see, that had been the days intention.

Until someone started yelling into the phone like a Neanderthal.

video

[guitar_hero]

Shut off the phone? Find a handy mute button? [it's a simple solution to a simple problem] Unless you secretly like dispensing information but have to be grumpy about it due to some personality quirk.

Re: video

[unbelled]

I need you to pretend that phones as I usually knew them were, perhaps, a bit different than how you may interpret a phone.

My phones, for instance, were used primarily for talking, and nothing else. If you didn't want to talk to someone, you'd unplug it.

Apparently there is a different route you go about making sure no one screaming into their phone doesn't end up interrupting a very important reorganization and quantification of allotments and amenities session.

I demand to know why I'm not receiving some sort of congratulations and applause for figuring out how this futuristic piece of plastic, glass, metal and electricity basically works without stopping to ask for help every ten minutes.

It's intensely impressive and I deserve to be congratulated on it, because 1927's key phone components are a rotary dial and a hand piece and I haven't even begun to wrap my mind around what all the buttons on this thing does-

[NOT SENSITIVE ABOUT IT THO. NOPE.

DEFINITELY NOT ANGRY THAT HE FEELS STUPID.]

[bigbadrose]

Whoa! So that's what the colors mean?!

Learn something everyday.

Also I'm gonna be a vigilante. Try and stop me coppers.

[unbelled]

... Are you trying to mock me?

[bigbadrose]

[Eyes widen!] Nope!

I really didn't know! No one told me! Is that part of the speech? I'm usually pretty good at listening.

[Unless you're the police and mean the vigilante thing.... and then yes.]

[unbelled]

I just informed you not to take up being a vigilante to which you responded that this was the first thing you were going to do.

Now I had assumed you were simply selectively deaf, but the addition of the word copper mas made me assume this might have been a factious statement meant to insult me.

[video]

[black_black_heart]

[ LOOK MORD IT'S YOUR FAVORITE! ]

But how far away is it in centimeters?

Re: [video]

[unbelled]

[And the answer is immediate without missing a single beat or even changing his tone-]

One hundred and sixty point one one five two five centimeters.

... Why, are you Canadian?

[black_black_heart]

[ Tannusen bursts into laughter. ]

I might be! Had that ready, did you?

[unbelled]

The conversion of feet and inches into centimeters is basic math.

What do you want?

[text]

[youfool]

[Ted makes a note to thank God for allowing him the rare privilege of observing creatures like Mordecai in all their majesty. It's like seeing a unicorn, or a white stag. Only it's an impeccably groomed Jewish cat. Who on earth could be so lucky?

He wants so badly to respond in video and perhaps get more video in kind, but he still can't keep his composure. It's too funny for that.]

Come on, that's not quite kind. Given the diverse arrivals, it's only natural some have trouble reading, to say nothing of the panic they're likely to feel.

Re: [text]

[unbelled]

[GO AWAY]

I'm not using the text function with you further than this, there is no need and I hate the buttons.

If you wish to communicate you can do so as the creator of the phone intended. With your voice.

Re: [text]

[youfool]

[And miss the chance to talk to a catman? Not on his nine lives!]

That's all right; video will do for your part. I don't mind inequality. Unless reading troubles you too? I haven't had the good fortune to meet this phone's maker, but I'm sure their intentions are broader given its variety of functions.

[Please, let Christmas come early.]

[TEXT]

[unbelled]

Does it appear to you that I have an issue with reading? Don't foist your failings on me, I'm well aware from just glancing at the network that between the two of us, you're the one with the abysmal reading comprehension.

How dare you, my grasp of the English language is impeccable in speech and text.

[ Video ]

[mortal_son]

[ Despite himself, he does look a little amused. ]

Th' introductions here do kinda follow a pattern after a while.

Re: [ Video ]

[unbelled]

You could easily sort every single introduction here into bins and find that most of them fit neatly into the same category.

'Oh help me I'm in a strange place I didn't intend to be today. Despite the fact that I have been given every open resource to answer most of my own questions, and the remaining few could be further answered by taking a brisk walk to the commons, I shall stand here and be either angry, sad or scared, in tandem with being stupid.

Someone please shovel information into my big gaping mouth like grapes to a Roman emperor, lest I strain something using the atrophied blackened dead bits of my brain.'

[ Video ]

[mortal_son]

[ The amusement is such that he's smirking a little now. ]

I think I just wanted t'know what the catch was.

Guess most people are used to stuff bein easy and handed to 'em, though.

Re: [ Video ]

[unbelled]

[Talking with Mordecai is a treat, isn't it]

Well that's obvious, why bother doing actual work when someone is willing, every time, to strain to reach at far over the half way point.

Why even do anything, why even leave the house if you're going to be that abysmally lazy?