Captain Cassian Andor (
captain_by_the_book) wrote in
genessia2018-03-10 12:40 am
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PSA from the Attleton office - text
[ Oh look Genessia, it's another one of these PSA's from the Attleton Guardian's office, sent over the network and read by Attleton's local radio and TV stations. ]
1. We are aware of the problem of ducks regularly causing traffic jams on Main Street. We are taking it seriously. Nevertheless, I have to ask Attleton's animal lovers to stop calling us with alarmist reports of "There are innocents about to be murdered by death machines right here on Main Street!"
2. Please stop filing charges against the wild Spearows that were stealing food in Attleton during the annual pokemon visit. We issued a bounty on them and the ones who weren't apprehended are long gone. No, we can't bring them back so Judge Judith can put them on trial on court TV.
3. If they wish, Deputies will be given the opportunity to attend classes in Criminal Justice at Attleton University as workload permits.
4. The Attleton Guardian's office is looking to fill a Deputy position.
- Volunteer position: unpaid
- Full-time (with allowances made in scheduling for a second paid job)
- Combat skills necessary, preferably capable fighter even without using magic or supernatural powers
- Experience in law enforcement, military or similar preferred
- Out-of-town candidates welcome but must be willing to move to Attleton
- Must be capable of following orders and working in a team, including work with pokemon
- Not afraid of ducks
1. We are aware of the problem of ducks regularly causing traffic jams on Main Street. We are taking it seriously. Nevertheless, I have to ask Attleton's animal lovers to stop calling us with alarmist reports of "There are innocents about to be murdered by death machines right here on Main Street!"
2. Please stop filing charges against the wild Spearows that were stealing food in Attleton during the annual pokemon visit. We issued a bounty on them and the ones who weren't apprehended are long gone. No, we can't bring them back so Judge Judith can put them on trial on court TV.
3. If they wish, Deputies will be given the opportunity to attend classes in Criminal Justice at Attleton University as workload permits.
4. The Attleton Guardian's office is looking to fill a Deputy position.
- Volunteer position: unpaid
- Full-time (with allowances made in scheduling for a second paid job)
- Combat skills necessary, preferably capable fighter even without using magic or supernatural powers
- Experience in law enforcement, military or similar preferred
- Out-of-town candidates welcome but must be willing to move to Attleton
- Must be capable of following orders and working in a team, including work with pokemon
- Not afraid of ducks
Re: text;
[ Because chances are Cecil will love it. He wants nothing to do with this! ]
I don't think bird tv would be very popular.
text;
you couldve put a stop to this
im going to dedicate the first series to you
no its gonna be a massive hit
no subject
I'm not going to stop you.
[ He just wishes he could. But he's got to pick his battles. ]
no subject
people fucking love birds
some people here fuck birds bc they love birds that much
but not the small birds
the bird people
you cant now
its too late
ducks forever
no subject
I would hope they stick to the bird people. Pretty sure the alternative is illegal.
[ Why is this his life now??? ]
Actually, let's never talk about that again.
no subject
theres so many species of being around here
i definitely dipped into xenophilia unintentionally
like would the dragons count as illegal??
but do you think the bird people still have those crazy labyrinth privates
with the trap doors and shit
and the dudes with the long ass barbed dicks???
are the incapatible genitals legal
no subject
Somehow, spy school didn't prepare him for this.
Deep breaths, Cassian. Deep breaths. Find your birdy zen. ]
Consenting sentient beings may do whatever they want with other consenting sentient beings, regardless whether they are actually compatible or not. Compatibility issues are for them to figure out themselves or with the help of a doctor.
[ Is this why General Draven was always so grumpy? Did he have to put up with stuff like this? IS THIS WHAT LEADERSHIP BOILS DOWN TO??? ]
I suggest you take further questions to a lawyer.
no subject
is that like
still legal
i mean you said it was cool to bloodplay
and say a pokemon can talk to you with its psychic powers...
[ Welcome to leadership. It involves kids asking the tough questions. ]
do you know any lawyers
i cant remember anyone coming in here actually being a laywer
no subject
[ He likes Maribelle very much, or else he would have referred Dave to her right away. ]
Accidental killing would still go to court. You consented to sex, not to being murdered. The rest is for the courts to decide.
[ Let Judge Judith deal with that, he hates her anyway, her and her stupid court TV!
Aaaand he's not even touching the pokemon question. What's it with you and being into fur and feathers, Dave? ]
no subject
what about consensual sex killing
[ the love interests weren't human. ]
no subject
That is at least against good taste and as far as Attleton is concerned that is the worst crime of all.