genessia | [Action / Video]

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[Have a cheerful looking girl smiling widely at the camera, as if she has no worries in the whole world.]

Yaa-hoo, everyone!!

So, like, my name's Angelique Sheeran and I'm, like, new here in Genessia. Actually, I, like, arrived here a week ago or so, but, like, I forgot to introduce myself openly. I would, like, apologize but I don't, like, think it really matters, does it?

Anyway!! I mostly just, like, wanted to make this as a warning or an advertisment? However you rather, like, consider it, to say that today I'm going to, like, be around all the cities to get to know them and, like, everyone in them. I would, like, love to get to know some of you, or, like, all of you but, like, I know that's not possible. So if you want to, like, talk or something I'll be available on here or, like, you can come see me in person and get hug!

[She shifts to show a sign and that she's holding that reads "FREE HUGS".]

Because, like, there's nothing wrong with hugs and, like, they are a great thing to share! You don't, like, need to hug back if you don't like, that's why they are, like, free hugs! And they are, like, super healthy!

[Specially for the girl that will try to sneak and absorb tiny little bits of energy from each hug, not even enough to make people feel tired, though they may feel slightly breathless.]

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[AW! SHE'S SO CUTE!]

[Rose takes her hand and gently swings it.] Okay! Like you said, it was so small, I didn't even notice! You're really good at that!

I have no idea if Koishi can eat hugs, yanno? I never asked! I know she loves the taste of fear though! If I let her, she'd just take the piping from the Haunted house psych field and just eat it all day! I'm not even sure it gives her like... life force... yanno food, right? Yeah? I think for her it's just that tasty! [Laughs.]

I dunno how much you normally need, but it's obvious you're really careful! And... to be honest... I think I'd be happier if we could do a nightclub that was maybe... cuddle-club? Is that too weird? I bet Satou would love it too. Oh! Satou's my friend that works for the Everglade police, if you do work there you'll meet her! She's really sweet! She's an empath though, so her magic affects her emotionally, yeah? That's why she's so sweet.

I don't know if Koishi... do you know if non-human hugs work? I know... Vampires in the psych field and even just the haunted house is not a good idea... hahhhh... It's like having a vampire donate blood, yanno? So it's -- It does not do well. But hugs are so two-way, yeah? Like both people get to enjoy them! So it's not really so... erm... vampiric??

This is why I need the Doctor's help. I can't figure out any of this! All just ideas in my head. But don't worry! I know it's not just the chemicals, but I know the chemicals from that kind of thing, still get left to make people happy! So there's nothing wrong with what you're doing okay? [Pats Angelique's head!] So don't get sad or feel guilty. And if you want, you can just have the Doctor help figure out how it helps you eat, and if nothing else, it's a BIG help to us to help figure out how to help others too, okay? [BEAMS!]

Edited 2018-07-25 03:55 (UTC)

[Hand swinging! Angelique offers a smile at that and Rose's answer. Of course she's not such a fool as to think that everyone will react well but... It's still nice.]

[And brings a little bit of hope.]

That reminds me of, like, a friend back home. He's, like, a demon that feeds on pain so he's, like, working as a doctor in the hospital, but he also, like, enjoys feeding on fear. But it, like, doesn't actually fill him so...

In my world at least, like, demons only really have one way to feed that really, like, fills them and keeps them from, like, starving. A starving demon is, like, really worrying.

[She nods to herself.]

I don't know if, like, a cuddle-club would be weird but I would, like, enjoy that a lot. I mean, like, for sex I have my boyfriend so, like, I figure he would prefer if I didn't go and, like, did it with others.

And, like, at least in my world, non-humans can, like, feed on non-humans too. I mean, I can, like, even feed on animals or even, like, plants if needed. Plants, like, give the least energy though and, like, would definitively kill them though. Animals, it would, like, depend.

[Size and all that.]

Humans and, like, non-humans give the most even when, like, taking a little. Only thing that, like, doesn't work are robots and such.

[She giggles again, though. She likes Rose, she's nice and cheery and clearly likes to try to think about those things and cares.]

Okay! I'll, like, try to find the Doctor then. Or, like, call him later with the device. I don't, like, hurt my boyfriend by losing control so I'm, like, very interested in this.

Yeah, he'd probably prefer that. [Giggles.]

Ah, I still get happy hugging robots! I wonder what it is then! Cellular, for sure. Gotta be something in the coding? Brainwaves maybe?

The Doctor can be really rude! I can't take him anywhere, honestly, but he'll probably give you a hug too! Just don't take him too harsh, he means well, even when he's bein' a jerk.

[Bites her bottom lip in thought.] I mean normally if it's not robots, it's gotta be chemical, but I think, it's gotta be cellular... ahhhh I'm no good at this science stuff! [Laughs helplessly again, and leans on Angelique to give her cuddly affection!] Like I said, gotta ask the Doctor, sorry.

But I'm gonna look into a cuddle club thing! I think I heard of like... Japanese cafes with pets or catgirls... It'll be a little weird, but I'm already running a restaurant that offers synthetic human flesh. It can't get that much weirder, yeah?

I get happy too but, like, it doesn't feed me. It's like... Gum for, like, humans I mean. You, like, chew gum and it's tasty and delicious but, like, it doesn't feed you, does it?

[At least not in her world. She laughs at the warnings about The Doctor being rude.]

I think, like, I'll manage and, like, not take it wrong with him. Like, my partner at home is, like, super rude and just, like, terrible with people. And, like, tried to kill me when we, like, first met.

[Which was because he got freaked out when she transformed all of the sudden, sure, but she only transformed because her insticts kicked in when he aimed his gun at her. So it's all his fault.]

Uhm... What's "Japanese"? Is that, like, a type of coffee in your world?

Yeah. So your body still works the same, except for the needing a little extra to survive. I wonder why!

He tried to kill you? [UNSURE AS HELL. Guuuuurl... and people were worried ROSE let the Doctor push her about too much.]

Japan's a country! Japanese is a language and culture and people! They're a little more known for embracing the esoteric, at least in my time.

Um, I'm from two worlds! Actually... I was born in one, but trying to save the Universe, my father from another universe, a parallel Earth, saved me so I wouldn't fall into the void. Japan's in both Earths, but a lot of Japanese things are different. Well, I say Japanese things, but 'onestly, Britain's the biggest difference between the two! Britain's where I'm from. England. London~! London's the city. Where my parents are, anyway.

I can even, like, eat normal food and everything, but, like, it doesn't satiate me. And if I go without, like, some contact I get weak and starve. It was, like, a bit of a shock when I realized the first time. My parents and my brother were, like, gone for a week and since, like, I had only been feeding on unconsciously I didn't even, like, have much energy so... It got really hard.

[Laughs and shrugs, clearly not bothered by the killing attempt.]

Well, like, I was feeding at the moment and, like, I didn't know yet how to fully control it. So, like, he aimed his gun right to my face and, like, my instincts kicked off and I transformed and... I guess I look terrifying in that form, so he got scared and shot at me.

But then I, like, tried to kill him twice so, like, I think we're settled.

[SEE, SHE DOESN'T LET HIM PUSH HER AROUND. SHE'S WORSE.]

Ah, a country! It doesn't, like, exist in Azure, that's my world. Nor does Britain or London. Does your world have an America and States and Italian too? My boyfriend's Earth does!

Um.

[Yes. She doesn't know what to say to that.]

[...]

[Okay then.] Yeah! America is the States! Oh, unless like... they mean the continent. But Canadians don't want to be confused for Americans. Canadians are nice and sane and polite. Americans are kind of shooty-bang-bang and loud and well... your partner might be like that so maybe it wouldn't bother you... hahhhh? My best mate Jack, sounds American. Oh, and wears American clothes, and acted like he was American. A lot. He's not though! He's just from the 51st century. Earth colonies and outposts. And no one from South America or Mexico calls themselves American either usually. Either it's the Amazon, or Argentina, or Peru, or Mexico or... well you get the idea. United States of America is the full country name. USA. [Eye roll.] They're super loud and annoying usually, like I said.

Do you know which country your boyfriend's from? There's a lot of people from Earth here, and usually 21st century, like me, but you'd be surprised how many different parallel Earths there are! It's dizzying.

Edited 2018-07-26 01:19 (UTC)

[It's okay, Rose, truth be told even she realizes it's kind of messed up. A little bit. In the back of her mind.]

[And, wow, maybe it's an alternate Earth or something? Because "shooty-bang-bang" isn't how she would describe her Carver at all. More like "growly-intense-hot".]

Huh... He said the United States, like, he was in a town called Gracepoint? In... CA? He also talked, like, a lot about San Francisco. None of those places exist in Azure so, like, I have a hard time keeping track of them.

But he's not, like, shooty-bang-bang at all! Nor loud! He's more like growly and, like, super intense. Loves his work, like, more than I've ever seen a cop love it. He's, like, a bit terrible with people though. But not really, like, annoying. So maybe he's, like, from another Earth? Or he's, like, the exception!

West Coast then! I've always wanted to go. Closest I got was New Vegas. And that's on a moon, not even Earth.

Oh and New New New -- times 15, York, but that reallllly doesn't count. Since it's like the year 5 billion or something.

[Wry grin. Oh no she's so cute.] Growly and intense, huh? [Amused head shake!]

[Gurl has it baaaad.]

[And Rose thought she was bad about the Doctor. Wait no, let's not compare that.] No idea! To be fair, I don't know nearly enough Americans. Just rockstars, movies, singer, history. News. And the ex-pats that come over to Britain. Or are like Jack.

You seem really happy with him though, yeah?

[Head tilt. Double checking. Women gotta have each other's backs! That sort of thing. That, and she doesn't know how new Angelique is, if she's being taken advantage of, but it sounds like they both just really love police work. So Everglade police should be a good fit for them? And if nothing else Rose can ask Satou to keep an eye on them both and make sure everything is on the up and up! /Z-snap.]

[Headtilt.] Why call places "New" something? Specially, like, New New New times fifteen. I mean, only time a place was called New something in Azure was when it was, like, utterly destroyed and rebuilt anew... Was York, like, destroyed so many times?

[She giggles, blushing slightly as she thinks of Carver.]

Yeah, he's, like... Special, I dunno. Never felt like this with, like, anyone before.

[A pause.]

I mean, at least I think it's a feeling. Human emotions are, like, hard to understand. But, yes, I'm really happy with him, like, I can almost not care about going back, you know? Almost because, like, I really need to go back to solve a case I was, like, working on. But, like, I would like to come back once that was done. With him.

Though, like, I don't think I'll be lucky enough for it to last. He's, like, too good for me. And I'm not, like, being entirely fair with him.

[Hand swinging a little if Rose doesn't mind, makes her feel a bit comforted, ok?]

Yeah, it was the year 5 billion. I'm a time traveler.

[Rose, being the super over the top affectionate type she is, does not mind the hand swinging at all, just keeps it up :D]

Sounds great! Like a fairytale! It took me a year of fighting to work things out with my ex. But that's because he was my ex.

Love's more a promise, an act of keeping that promise I think, yeah? But you should enjoy it. Don't beat yourself up so much, yeah? Chances like that are super rare in the multiverse! Take 'em while you can.

There's probably more to him than you know either, but it doesn't mean anything bad, yeah? Love and relationships are just confusing and messy like that s'all.

[When she talked about alternative Earths, Angelique had assumed that, at most, she was a dimensional jumper. That's actually easier to imagine for her.]

Time traveler? And, like, how do you travel through time? Is it, like, a power of yours or do you have, like, a machine?

[A fairytale... It actually may sound like that, with how they met and how everything somehow fell in place. But fairytales always have dark endings as far as she knows.]

Well, like, I'm pretty sure that whatever there's of him that I don't know, like, doesn't involve him being a non-human that feeds on physical contact. But, yeah, like, that's also why I haven't told him yet, or why I'm like this. Because, like, I just want to enjoy this as much as I can.

Why did it took, like, a year to work things out? Is he, like, that stubborn?

My boyfriend's ship. My home.

You should tell him. As soon as you can. Either he'll want to help, or at least he'll understand. If you delay it... it's really rife for confusion. That was my problem with my boyfriend. He kept a lot of secrets from me and when I found out the truth I was so furious, I'd hurt him even without meaning to.

It's kind of funny, it took him trying hard to be open after I yelled at him about his daughter he never mentioned, and all these other girlfriends -- because he's a time-traveler, right? So sometimes it seems like he's like hitting on a brick wall. Then I'd find out, no, he's fine with other people, so that would really upset me, even when he'd say stuff like, it's because I mean more to him. That'd make me super mad too! Because if I mean more, then act like it! Yeah?

Basically it took his... future version who's also here, long story, but I was really still... upset about thing and it took his future really telling us both to stop doing that. He wouldn't tell me things, so I wouldn't tell him things, and then it wasn't just hurting the both of us, it was driving the rest of our friends mad too, yeah?

I wanted to be special to him, but the more he hid from me, the less special I felt. Make sense?

So a time travel ship? That sounds, like, super cool!

[She listens to Rose quietly, thinking over what she says. Though it seems like her boyfriend had a lot more things that he didn't talk about than what Angelique has. Then again it doesn't feel as if it's a matter of how many things he didn't tell, it's just that the number of them aggravated the issue.]

[And Angelique gets lost when she starts to talk about "meaning more" and "being special to him". Because the only way she can understand those things is as an extension of being possessive. Is she possessive? Actually yes, she knows she is. It's why she's playing around as Angelique, because the girl's family thought she was her and gave her love and safety and free food before she herself realized they were doing so. And she protects them because she considers them hers, they are hers. Only hers.]

[But she also knows that humans are difficult to possess, unless she goes all evil and locks them against their will. Sooner or later she will have to leave, she knows it and she's ready to throw away her possessiveness when that happens. Still, she can't help but wonder if it could be applied to Carver. Maybe she shouldn't look at Rose's words from her own perspective but from Carver's.]

I'm not, like, sure about if he would understand or want to help... Or just want to, like, run away. It's not just, like, a matter of what I am, but also of, like, why I am this way. It's complicated.

And I don't think that, like, talking about it sooner or later is going to, like, change how complicated it is. I mean, I'm not, like, a time-traveler, nor I have, like, hidden children or lovers I've not told him about. There's, like, just one and... It was more, like, a bussiness deal than what I have with Carver.

But, like, he's smart, you know? Homicide detective and, like, I can tell he's great at it, even if, like, in his world they don't think the same. He quickly, like, caught on that I'm not human and even, like, has an idea of my general species. Just, like, not the specifics, and, like, he probably thinks that I've, like, always been like this. So, like, I'm sure that even if I didn't tell him he would eventually, like, stumble on the specifics. But the rest...

[Even if by some miracle he wasn't scared about what she is. What about learning that she's basically constantly lying? Constantly acting to keep anyone from realizing that she's not what she seems? And that's without mentioning her transformed appareance.]

[Quiet snort.] I wanted to run away more when the Doctor was being stupid and not telling me things. The more err.. affectionate he is, the more I want to stay, yeah? The more honest too. That's important.

[Head tilt.] Do you trust him?

[Holds up a finger.] Or want to trust him?

[That's... A curious question.]

No, I don't, like, want to trust him. I don't want to, like, put that pressure on him, to have to meet up, like, some standard that I create in my mind that may, like, not be what he is at all. Why would I, like, want to put him through that?

I mean, like, that's what trust is, isn't it? Creating, like, a standard for someone else that sets what they would do or, like, wouldn't do. Like, "he wouldn't lie to me" or "he would keep a secret", but things are complicated and, like, he may need to lie to me even a white one, or he may need to share a secret.

Do humans, like, think of trust as something different?

Yeah... I mean... I can't speak for all humans, but to me trust is...

You know they're gonna have to do things that are suspicious or you might not like in the moment, but you trust they've got good enough reasons to have your back anyway, yeah?

What if, like, the "good enough reasons" are, like, just good reasons in their eyes but not yours? Won't you, like, feel disappointed or betrayed then?

And that's why it's called trust.

And that's why I was so mad.

[Pushes her hair back with one hand.] So... long story short, yeah? I did something really big and horrible to one of my best friends. My only best friend other than the Doctor. It was kind of double whammy for him. The Doctor. Because he didn't want me to know what I'd done, but he also ... it's part of his species. The thing I did to our friend is deadly, murder on the Doctor's species.

So he lied to me, covered it up, said the friend wanted to stay behind and do cleanup.

And later he... wanted me to stay in my parents' universe. So he didn't lie per se, just... pretended to try and manipulate me, yeah?

So I did. I felt really really hurt and betrayed. I know his reasons were good, but he didn't trust me to be adult and handle the decisions myself, yeah? He was trying to protect me, but he was also being selfish and sacrificing himself at the same time. Confusing, I know, but it's more... [Sighs.] He knew it was a bad idea the whole time, that it'd hurt me, that I'd be sad. And he decided to make the decisions anyway, because I'm younger, human, more emotional, all that.

Trust is... respect, yeah? It's respecting their wishes, even if it's not what you want. And the TRUST is that they'll care enough about you to reciprocate the favor, follow?

It's not... black and white. What the Doctor did, I can't completely say it was wrong, but I still... [Shrugs.] It did. Hurt. I was very disappointed, very betrayed, and it took me a long time to work past them with him. For him to earn back my trust like that, to be honest. It'll be a lot easier to preempt all o' that.

[Rubs the back of her neck.] When I first met him, he gave me his hand, and pulled me away from getting killed by plastic come to life. After I saved his life too, he offered to take me to see the universe. In his spaceship. At first I said no, because I've run off with older men before and screwed up my life like that. But he came back, said it was a time machine, and I gave up everything to be with him. He took me to the end of the Earth. The day it was scheduled to let the sun expand and burn off the crust and atmosphere. There was a special party thrown by my friend -- though neither of us knew it at the time, -- where all the rich and famous would be.

And as I'm standin' there surrounded by aliens, surrounded by rich people and royalty, and someone askin' if I was the Doctor's prostitute or concubine, I realized....

I ran off with a bloke, I didn't even know the real name of, his real planet, his real time period. I was trusting him completely blindly, and I just...

I tried to get him to tell me those things. Something I could hold onto, to convince myself I wasn't mad for trustin' him just, because o' emotions, or one time, or the rest. And me, askin' 'im those questions... I couldn't have known they would hurt him, yeah?

The reason he took me to the end of Earth, it started with him trying to show off, but he'd lost his planet, and he was all alone, and he wanted to scare me off.

Trust is...

[Closes her eyes, takes a deep breath and hugs Chrysalis.] It's complicated. [Gentle smile.] But you wouldn't date him if you didn't trust him a little, yeah? It's your call how much you think you can trust him. Whether he'll hurt you if you give too much away, but don't forget you might hurt him holding back, yeah? It's a two-way street. When the Doctor did explain some things, his planet, why he's alone, gave me more reasons to trust him, he was trusting me too. And I try to live up to that, protect him. And when he hurt me... That was when I hurt him the worst. I couldn't take it, yeah?

The err... older Doctor, don't ask, he said I was like a wild animal, lashing out. "Bad Wolf Snarling," he said. You might think it'll hurt when he finds out, but there's a better chance of it hurting more if you drag it out, yeah? Just something to consider.

[She's was ready to reply, but stops when Rose starts to tell her a bit of her story. It's, as Rose says, complicated and doesn't really clear much for her. Well, it clears somethings but not all and not completely.]

I don't think that he will, like, hurt me. Not physically. And if, like, I'm hurt emotionally... I'm not even, like, sure I have emotions but, like, if I go with the idea of having them. My emotions are mine, like, my feelings are all mine. They are my own responsibility, aren't they? I can't, like, hold someone else accountable for them.

So if I'm hurt emotionally, like, that's all on me. Same with if I'm happy or, like, anything else. That's what, like, I've always thought. So, like, feeling betrayed and all that, it all depends on, like, myself as well. And that, like, happens when reality doesn't, like, meet what I had thought, what I assumed. To me that seems, like, naive.

Like, if there's a bench somewhere and, like, everyday you pass through there and the bench is there and you sit on it, but one day it's, like, gone. You don't, like, say that the bench has betrayed you, right? So why, like, if instead of a bench it's a person and instead of sitting you, like, talk to them, but then one day you go and, like, they aren't there and there's, like, no reason for it, no goodbye, no nothing. Why do people then say that they were, like, betrayed? The bench wouldn't have, like, said goodbye either or given a reason for, like, it being gone.

That's... What I've always thought. That's, like, what I still think.

[Pause.]

And it, like, makes no sense to me. Because, like, with what I think then it shouldn't matter. I shouldn't, like, care about telling him. Because, like, if I tell him and he's scared and hurt and, like, leaves, then it should be like with the bench, you know?

But it's, like, actually not. I, like, don't want my bench gone. So I, like, want to ensure it stays but, like, it's not a bench it's a person and... And humans move. You can't, like, really anchor a human anywhere. And then there's... Trust?

[She frowns at Rose.]

I really, like, don't get trust. You said that, like, trust is respecting the other's wishes and that, like, it's mutual. But when two people, like, wish for two very different things, what happens to trust then? Like you... Your Doctor wanted you to, like, stay in that universe. You, like, didn't want to. There's, like, no way none of you would have, like, not ended hurt there. Same with, like, the cover up, and, well, everything. Like, you asking him questions hurt him but, like, him not telling you would hurt you.

Complicated, yes. Because, like, it all sounds as if you were just, like, going around hurting each other no matter what.

[Chews her bottom lip.] Yeah, but you might say whoever took the bench did.

[She grins softly as Angelique explains further.]

Mmm. I wouldn't say I didn't want to stay. I want to be with him. He gave me a clone of himself. It's all a bit mad. He wants me to be happy, I want him to be happy. He's not happier without me, so I was mad that he didn't let me try, because he would'a been miserable lettin' me sacrifice my family for him again, a chance for another life he can't give me, follow? Wellll.... and he was scared o' seein' me die. But don't even get me started on that.

[Gently leans her forehead to Angelique's!] Goin' back to your bench analogy.

Don't take the bench for granted. If you want it to stay, make it clear. Find out why the bench is there. Make sure it's protected from the weather, so it won't get rotted or rusted from rain, or melt in the heat. Make sure it's coated with the right kind of materials so it'll stay.

Or in people terms... make sure he stays sturdy enough to be a good enough bench. If you see bolts getting loose, or damage accumulating, don't wait for someone to tear it down. Be proactive, protect what's important to you. If you can't be bothered to do that, then the bench isn't really as important as you think, just convenient. Replaceable. But if you like this bench, this person, don't ignore the rust. Make sure you do what you can to keep it in top shape, yeah?

Or putting it back to me and the Doctor, if he'd told me things, that would have been like working off the rust instead of letting letting whole planks go. That's just me though. Everyone's different, like you said, people are complicated. But he really did almost lose me like you're worried about. Because he didn't seem to care. And I got to thinkin' maybe I was makin' it worse for him. Maybe he wasn't joggin' as far as he would have for another bench, not pushin' his limits, just sticking to what was familiar. It's a lot more work after the fact is all.

[She closes her eyes as their foreheads touch, listening. She really wants to understand, what Rose says, what she herself really thinks. It's all just such a mess, knowing that her own logic states she shouldn't worry, and yet worry because despite everything it somehow matters to her.]

[She tries to think of Gaff, their deal. If Gaff left her behind, if they "broke" their deal... Would she be hurt? Upset? No, not really. But even though she had told Carver that even if they didn't work out she would want to still work with him in cases and all... She really prefers if things work out. It's not just about work, even if it should be.]

He... [She's not sure if she should mention his heart condition. He mentioned that he had kept it hidden from everyone.] I can't say why, like, it's not my place, but he's, like, already damaged a little bit. Bolts loose or, like, rust on the legs. I'm not sure what it is but, like, he got that before I found him. So, like, what if when I try to take care of it, work off the rust, it actually breaks? Because it was already damaged.

Besides... Like... How do you really let someone know that, like, you care? I mean, like, just by telling them everything? Somehow that, like, doesn't sound enough. But the way I, like, see it, you could stand still repeating over and over that you care and, like, they may still not believe it. You could, like, do it for all eternity and, like, still have them say that it seems that you, like, don't care, simply because you didn't show it, like, the specific way they expected you to.

[Soft grin.] People are always rusty like that. Especially the older they are. Damage accumulates, yeah?

[Hums.] No, it's action.

Love is a promise, and the act is following that promise through. [Shrugs.] That's why I got mad, yeah? I promised the Doctor I'd be with him forever. He did his best to make it that I wasn't breaking my promise, but it still felt like it.

For caring for the rusty damaged parts, find them, and just do your best. If it makes things worse, try another thing. So long as you keep trying, it'll work out. That's why me and the Doctor still got back together after a year of fightin', yeah? Because each fight was still both of us trying and caring enough for that. Otherwise we'd have let each other walk away and give up.

The Doctor's a thousand years old. The youngest of him here is. Like I said, there's an older version of him here too, it's complicated.

So he's had a lot of time to accumulate damage, and there's no way he CAN tell me everything. He doesn't always know what will be important to me, or think he's hiding just because he doesn't want to talk about things that make him sad, yeah?

It's gotta be two-ways. You can't just tell him all about you and expect that to mean anything either. He has to want to know those things, to care about them, internalize them, decide what they mean to him, and do the same back, yeah? But don't like -- block off his chances for that, s'all I'm sayin'. 'Cause then you do both yerselves a disservice, and it can run into trouble. It's your secrets. The Doctor still has a decent amount from me, and things I know better than to ask about, if he wants to tell me, he will. But if you're worried that tellin' him something big and important like part of yourself will make him go, then you have to take that chance. Otherwise you really are causin' that damage, yeah?

[Puffs at her hair.] My ex-boyfriend... he asked me to leave school for him, to help him on the road. He wanted to be a musician, and I believed in his dream. I was supporting him financially even though he was five years older than me, and in Norway he met another woman and got engaged to her instead.

Jimmy had a lot of faults, but at least he told me all that so I could leave. My choice. Although it might be because Jack might have threatened to put his balls in a vice. Bless Jack. [Giggles.] Point is, mmm the Doctor told me at first he err wanted a sexual romantic relationship with Jack here, and I was kind of... annoyed. I wanted to leave then, but he really didn't want that. Just wanted us both. Jack's from a different time period than me, so he's a bit freer about that stuff than me.

But at least he told me. And I stayed, because even though I didn't want to... it was that important to him. I said I wanted to be special to the Doctor, yeah? Different to him. Because promises I made him, aren't for anyone else. Non-transferable. He doesn't see love the same way I do. The Doctor, I mean. I don't think Jack does either. But he got me to stay, that whole last year. Fighting and nightmares and crying, and a lot of drama and all of it. [Shrug.] If he hadn't trusted me enough to tell me at all, just tried to decide for me again what I should or shouldn't be told... I wouldn't have stayed. Maybe that's just me. I came... really close. A lot.

Telling me he wants me isn't enough. Because his actions speak for him. But that's what did it. He stuck to me like glue. I needed to go running sometimes to clear my head, and he came with me, he was that scared if I walked out, I wouldn't come back. When I ran away to the gate to the estates where I grew up, he came after me. He couldn't, before. In the alternate universe. I fought my way back to him, but not vice versa. He couldn't, but I'm human and I have advantages he doesn't. So that he cared enough to come get me, it's important, yeah? And [Puffs at her hair again.] he cares about what makes me happiest. I still love his future, even though he hurt me too. Got married, twice as far, just... it's a mess. But I'd get really scared that I wasn't helping him. That I was just being selfish, happier with him, but making him miserable. So Fluffy told me to go to cheer up his oldest self, and that really helped a lot. [Hand over her heart.] Because it was like he understood the importance of it, yeah?

His oldest self too. I was crying because I couldn't tell the Doctor certain things, so his oldest self came to smooth things out to try to make sure I could be happy with his youngest self.

That's love and trust. Trying to help them be happy too. And respect is letting them making that decision even if it hurts you. Trust means faith in trying together to fix things whatever happens.

Yeah, but, like, in his case it's also more... [She gestures uselessly with her free hand, as if trying to come up with a way to say it without saying it.] Medical, like, not emotional.

[But... Action, huh? She can actually understand that better, acting is easier, has always been easier. And yet, there's something else that finally gets her attention.]

Wait, can there be, like, more than one version of a person here?!

[That's... Not good. She's not worried about future-selves appearing, she has no idea how those would be but she would deal with that. No, to problem would be a past self. The problem would be Angelique, could she be brought too? That would be another whole different can of worms that would make telling Carver everything seem like a moot point.]

[It would be such a can of worms that even if she told Carver everything, Angelique's arrival would be a potential disaster. And not just with Carver but with anyone she even talks to. It would be problematic even for her because she would have to face the possibility that Angelique was someone totally different than what she made her to be. And the terrifying part of that would be that others could have noticed and just not say anything for whatever reason.]

[That Angelique parents knew that their kid was gone.]

[She tries to listen and she does to an extent, but at the same time the thoughts keep piling up her mind and her face goes pale and haunted. She might be squeezing Rose's hand a bit more tightly, not enough to hurt but definitively more than it should be normal.]

So actions and words. It's both. Okay. I think I can understand that. Uhm...

[Wait, she's forgetting something. She closes her eyes and tries to focus again on the bridge she's in and not the ghost of one she had never considered possible to ever face.]

I, like, really want him to be happy. He has, like, the most wonderful laugh, you know? I love how it sounds but, like, it also sounds as if he didn't use it much before here. And when he's happy his eyes, like, have such a warm tone and you can, like, see the smile on them even when he isn't smiling. But, like, I also think I'm too selfish to help him be happy. I mean, like, I want him to be happy but I would rather he be happy with me. If, like, he can't be with me I don't care if he's not happy.

I'm not, like, very sure if that's evil or, like, just possessive.

Mm.

No.

[Eyes harden then.] The Doctor is an exception. How do I...?

It's his species. They could in theory bring two versions of another of his same species, but he's kind of the last of his kind. It's complicated.

If another version of you were to show up, 1) the odds are crazy low, 2) they'd probably have to be so radically different you wouldn't recognize them and nor would anyone else.

If you want to learn more about those kind of hazards, you can talk to Trunks Briefs or Uai of my Torchwood teams. Tell them I sent you, and that you're not human. The Doctor's not human either, but his species is very different. They don't splinter. Ah, that's a term that is just... it's a headache to explain. Humans generally not quite reincarnation, but in the parallel universes, have chances to live out the same choices with different results or vice versa, same principle starting points, different choices. And then the unsustainable universes collapse in on themselves. So Earth has been destroyed... a lot. But the only ones that hold reality are the times it gets saved.

[Sighs and rubs her forehead.] Paradoxically speaking, the different timelines, different universes aren't supposed to touch. But Mickey and Ricky could both be here -- they're different versions of my ex boyfriend, one dated Jake, not me. Anyway. Given the sheer nature of this place, it could probably handle both at the same time, but again, they're so different from each other... [Shrug.] And the only reason the Doctor is from different points, but the same man, is because they don't splinter. His species. There's no Doctor in Pete's Universe. Or any of his species. His species and one other: the daleks, are contained ONLY to his universe. They also don't have vampires. I don't know how or who killed them all that they went extinct, but I know vampires exist in almost all the universes I've been to. I kinda doubt daleks went after vampires before everything else though.

Point is, no your future won't mysteriously show up on you. Nor your past. At most you might meet an Angelique who was -- I dunno, think of something totally crazy. But even then... probably not. There were two weeks I was stuck as a gargoyle, but another week I thought I'd stayed in my father's universe and done the heiress thing my Mom desperately wanted me to. So it'd have to be even more dramatic than that. Everything would be super different. Like I said, you're better off talking to Uai or Trunks about it though. They have experience with all of that dimension hopping and trying not to paradox yourself out of existence too and Uai's -- someone important to him is here, but young. Super young. And even though they both, he and Hana, splinter unlike Ti-- the Doctor, that's the only Hana he's got.

[Head tilt.] That's not evil. And I'm crazy possessive too. Don't assume you can't make him happy. That's what I mean about trust and respect, yeah? If he says he is happier with you, trust that. Even if it's hard to believe, let him show it with his actions, and letting him choose where he stays, yeah? I mean there are days I'd rather the Doctor was happier without me. But that's just because I'm kind of messed up, to be honest.

But if it sounds like he hasn't had a lot to laugh about? Then keep him. Give him reasons to enjoy himself, that sort of room to be silly. And trust him to care enough about both his and your happiness to do his best to work towards it too, yeah? Two-way street, like I said.

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