genessia | text; // FAILED lock from Ann

[Leave it to Ryuji to cut to the heart of the issue. He's always been better at that kind of thing than she is - more impatient, perhaps, but that's probably a good thing this time.

Except he wants her to go first. And now, suddenly, her throat feels dry and like it wants to trap every word she could utter for fear of what they could cause. She pauses in her stride, gaze fixed on the pavement as she tries to gather her thoughts and swallow down the nerves threatening to choke her.

But he's been honest with her, even if indirectly. It's too late to be indirect in return so she'll have to just speak and hope for the best.

She takes a deep breath, looking up though not quite able to look at him. If she does, she's not sure the words she needs will come out.]

Honestly? Not really? I mean...I don't think I've even really figured out what I think; I just got so mad that you dropped the conversation like that and I guess now here we are.

[Which doesn't mean she won't. But she figures it does them both a disservice to pretend she's anything like ready for this.]

But also...this isn't something we can ignore. I've learned that much, at least. And...I think it explains a few things I wasn't really thinking about before, or at least it will once I'm done freaking out about this...not because it's you, though. I mean. Not just because it's you, because that by itself makes things different. But this isn't something I really know about...heck, you have more experience than I do here.

[He had Mimi; she had Kamoshida. She has to think that puts him a step ahead of her when it comes to not creepy relationships.]

[when she stopped, he turned to her immediately. when she stared at the pavement, he looked down too. when she started to talk, he felt the knot in his chest just grow tighter and tighter. he rubbed at the back of his neck as she talked, trying to fixate more on that than thinking about the potential rejection that was coming.

shit ryuji, get it together!

and her reasoning was exactly why he wanted to be careful about this. well, he had intended to be careful- but when was ryuji ever careful about anything. he was loud, impulsive, and a pretty crude person. he may have more experience, but him and mimi... they were good together, but they didn't last very long so he never got to sort out how he actually may have felt about her.

because she had kamoshida he didn't want to mess this up, he didn't want her to think he was like that shitty coach that took advantage of her and just wanted her to sleep with him.]

I don't have that much more experience. [he muttered it, really.]

I barely know what to think myself but- you know what triggered it? When we were pretending to be a couple. That shit just... [he trailed off, this time turning away as he talked.]

It just felt good, dammit! I liked holding your hand, I liked pretending we were together, and I really, really effin' liked it when you kissed me!! [he was shouting but it was more like he needed to force these words out or else they'd never come.]

And I realized that if we were together- shit would barely change! We'd still tease each other and talk the same. We were already so close 'n shit like you fell asleep on my shoulder and I let you. And none of that felt weird?! None of that made me think it wasn't right?! So I dunno I just-!

[he needed to stop shouting.] ...it was just one of the best feelings I've ever had.

["being a couple" and all that.] That's it. That's my big take on the subject. And I ain't gonna push you about anythin'. Ever. I ain't like that bastard Kamoshida.

Edited 2018-09-27 19:25 (UTC)

[Even as she hadn't quite directly asked, Ann's glad Ryuji can at least open up to what prompted the change. She's not exactly surprised, partly because it's the most obvious trigger if she really thinks about it and partly because she hasn't quite been able to forget about that herself. Difference being, she's never really given herself a chance to stop and think about what that might mean as Ryuji apparently has.

Other difference being, she's not yelling in the street about it. And she knows she shouldn't care but there's still that part of her that can't help but go on edge, like she's waiting for the crowd to form because whether he means to or not, Ryuji is turning this into a scene.

At first, that's why she doesn't say anything. She figures it's better to let him get it all out first anyway, and her initial plan had been to make sure they didn't have an audience before replying. Not that he's even saying anything she needs to be ashamed of because whether she'll admit it or not, her thoughts aren't all too far from his own.

And then that last sentence comes and whatever she might have said dies in her throat. She'd already had an idea of who he'd meant when he'd been vaguely talking about why his mystery girl who's actually her might not be into dating. But hearing those words from Ryuji's mouth turns a sick knot in her stomach that she can't help but ascribe to guilt even as she knows where the real blame lies.

In contrast to his shouting, Ann's voice is barely above a whisper.]

Ryuji...I know you're not. You're about as far from him as it's possible to be.

[She shakes her head, then, a humourless laugh falling from her lips as that guilt turns to frustration that's almost anger.]

It feels like so long ago since we dealt with him. It's not fair that he should be an issue in all of this. It's not fair that his name should even have to come up at all.

[But she knows, even if she's never intended it to, that the whole thing has left her with walls higher than she fully understood until now. But she'll keep trying, even if she's still not fully forming the thought at the back of her mind just yet.]

Maybe that's why this is so hard...no-one's ever really been interested in me for me before. Maybe that's why it scares me so much...

[Her words might not say it. But her expression when she looks at Ryuji suggests she's at least not trying to shut him down or out.]

[even though kamoshida was so far away, he still felt so close. he was the reason she was like this, and he was the reason that it took so long for ryuji to build up any sort of confidence in himself again. it was so ridiculous how that man still controlled them.

ryuji just listened to her soft voice and eventually he turned to look at her again. she was troubled, just as much as he was but... probably even worse. ryuji thought she was too good for him, yeah, but he couldn't understand how she wasn't able to see what he saw in her. people just liked her for her looks, right. he was guilty of that too, but that's all different now.

honestly, he just felt like screaming again. instead, he just took in a deep breath, exhaled, and then:]

...I think I'm the only one that can even handle you.

[was that a joke? that was a joke. he looked back to her, the tiniest smile on his face before it disappeared again.]

Of course I'm interested in the real you, or whatever, you kiddin' me?

[If she's honest with herself, that they were both victims of Kamoshida is another part of what has made unravelling her feelings about this all the more complicated. He's the reason they're both a little broken and yet without that - and without Ren's arrival shaking things up more than anyone thought possible - she and Ryuji wouldn't be as close as they are now. And she hates that something so precious to her has to be tainted by that knowledge.

She's getting worked up about it, enough that she almost doesn't know how to get past it. And then comes that joke from Ryuji and despite everything, he gets a genuine laugh from her. It's a laugh that's sharing a little more of her shaken emotions than she'd like but it's not like she could have stopped it even if she'd bothered to try.]

I mean, out of anyone you've known me the longest even if we weren't always as close as we are now. And you're still here.

[Which means yes, he probably can handle her and also means that in all that time, and especially in their time as Phantom Thieves, there's nothing she's done that has at all dissuaded Ryuji from thinking of her like this. He's seen all sides of her, and that lets her trust in his words just that little bit more.

Which doesn't mean she doesn't still have her fears.]

Do you really think nothing much would really change? I mean...not that there's any reason it should, I guess, but that seems...too easy?

[Or maybe that's how it's meant to be and she's letting inexperience build those fears for her.]

[oh, thank god, he got her to laugh at least. they both needed that little push in order to relieve the tensions they feel. and it was true, he did know her the longest and vice versa. she knew him back when he was just a loud kid, back when he had tons of friends and did track. and he knew her as the pretty girl with different colored hair than the rest of them.

so much has changed since then, and so much can still change.]

W-well... a relationship would mean some shit changes but... I'm still gonna talk to you the same. Gonna want you to hang out with me way more though, for sure.

[it was easy, but that's also why it would work between them. it was just so easy.]

Well I don't know, that sounds like kind of a challenge...

[From the way she smiles as she says that, she's joking. The way she moves to nudge him slightly might help with that, too, though that also might be an excuse for physical contact that isn't too over the top because she's still worried about making things weird.

And speaking of that.]

Though I guess maybe it's good Ren works so much...that wouldn't be an issue though, would it? That I still live with him, I mean?

[There's no reason it should but she still has to check.]

[wow, a challenge huh? at least they were able to joke a bit with each other. he likes it when she moves to nudge him, to touch him, and he just smiles back at her briefly.]

Who, Ren? [ryuji shook his head immediately.] No way! That's fine. Besides, when I go over to visit it's easily the best company. Get to hang out with you and with Ren.

[yupyup.] So... where should we... go from here?

Just so long as you don't get us mixed up.

[Which is basically impossible for all manner of reasons but it feels easier to joke about this. Joking makes it easier for her to push aside the more negative thoughts that she knows she'll have to deal with at some point.

And then there's the big question. Where do they go from here? Where can they go from here? It's a big question but on some level Ann knows it's the easiest one yet if she would just stop lying to herself. She doesn't need to protect herself from Ryuji. He isn't doing this to get her into bed or to have some measure of control over her or someone close to her.

And what happens if she lets him go? Could she be happy if he moved on? It had been different with Mimi; that had been a relationship established before Ann arrived here and she would never have interfered with that. But the thought of seeing him happy with someone else, now, is answer enough as far as she's concerned.

It's tentative, when she reaches to take his hand. Like she's still afraid on some level that this can't be as easy as it would seem on the surface.]

Well...I think dates are traditional for this kind of thing? Though I don't know...is it different for people who were friends first?

[She doesn't know. But she's willing to help him figure it out.]

Yeah right.

[as if that would ever happen, what a stupid joke ann!! but either way, this was actually... going better than he had initially thought. he thought for sure that ann would outright reject him, tell him off, but she was actually... interested, maybe??

it was a wild concept to him, definitely.

he still had his hands in his pockets, but when he saw her reaching out to him he took one of those hands out. he inhaled deeply and then went to grasp her hand, just like they had done before when they were pretending to be a couple. it felt right again, holding her hand.]

I-I... [he stammered, his brain feeling like mush for the time being. he shook his head before continuing.]

I think. Um. Dates are supposed to be happening yeah, but... [ryuji cleared his throat before nodding to himself.]

I wanna at least say this so... Ann, will you g-go out with me?

[As he takes her hand, he might feel her posture relax just slightly, like she'd been scared he might have had second thoughts even now. Her heart's thumping hard enough that she's not sure how she even hears anything else, but she forces her attention wholly onto Ryuji as he speaks.

And when he does, his words prompt a soft smile as she squeezes his hand.]

I will. For real this time.

[She giggles, then, prompted to remember what had brought them to this point in the first place.]

At least next time we need to sneak in somewhere, we won't have to lie.

[he feels weird, really, he can't explain it. he feels incredibly nervous, but at the same time... very excited. this was what he wanted, more than anything. ann had said yes to him, had said that she would go out with him.

her laugh made him blush, and he had to look away from her or else his heart would beat out of his chest.]

Shit. Yeah. Yeah! Oh hell yeah! Man this is gonna be awesome! I can't believe I was so damned scared! Hah!

See, I told you. Facing scary things is what we do.

[Hell, she can't say she's not still a little scared about this - they're only at the first step, after all, and there's so much that could go wrong along the way. But she figures it's not for her to burst that bubble.

She grins, then, teasing clear in her tone.]

Though I'm not sure I should really be rewarding you for being careless with that post. Then again, it's not like you're ever really going to learn anyway.

[But that's why she likes him. He's honest, and even where that honesty can land them in hot water she knows it's never done out of anything other than genuine enthusiasm, so she can never quite stay too mad at him for long.]

Ah...

[ryuji rubbed at his eyes, lowering his head. right, that was a pretty weird thing for him to do.]

Look I just needed some help, and ASAP. I had been freaking out for weeks so...

[he looked back to her.] It worked out in the end, though. [they're together now!!]

I mean, that's true. How long would you have even waited if I hadn't seen it?

[Given that he'd apparently been freaking out over it for weeks already, she can only imagine at how much longer this could have dragged on for if he hadn't forgotten to lock it from her.]

[oh uh.]

Maybe like. Until Christmas? Yeah. That seemed like a good time to ask, since it's all romantic 'n shit.

[but now they can do other stuff and do romantic things for that day still!]

Christmas is, like, two months away. No way I wouldn't have figured out something was up before then.

[But that's one of the things she likes about him. Especially with something like this, where it would make it so much easier to tell if his intentions were in any way untoward.

It doesn't stop any of this being scary. But she wouldn't have him any other way.]

But at least this way we get to share Halloween as well. Though my schedule seems to be filling up pretty quickly around that time.

[Little does she realise there's a good reason for that. As far as she knows, it's a case of all hands on deck for all the costume shoots.]

text; // FAILED lock from Ann

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