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genessia2019-06-29 07:39 am
satori_komeiji) wrote in genessia2019-06-29 07:39 am
Entry tags:
[VIDEO/OPEN] Cooking with Grumpy: The Comfiest Breakfast Edition (Now with %10 more deadpan!)
Who: Satori and YOU
What: Cooking the angriest meals in the calmest ways.
Where: Chireiden. AKA That one creepy subarch that’s literally hell
When: Late June, crack of dawn.
Warnings: Excessive snark, extreme cute, being stared at.
Bright and early in the morning, Satori's video feed switches on. The camera focuses in on one of those posable Satori action figures, this time with its arms and hands crossed as if holding a pair of weapons, its expression downright menacingly determined as it stares down a cracked eggshell. Its 'weapons' of choice are a miniature whisk and frying pan. Eventually, Satori's third eye pans into the frame and blinks a couple times before the camera pans up to focus on the mind reader in question..
"Good morning, Genessia. It's that time again. For a while, I felt as if these little meetings of ours were getting a bit old, but I think I've found something that will make you remember how much you should despise being an early-riser slightly less."
The camera jolts to the side as Satori's hand can be seen turning it and the sounds of crackling oil on a pan can be heard. On the counter in front of her, there's a ridiculous number of eggs piled in an oddly practiced arrangement. Satori's nursing a pan and keeping a close eye on her work, multitasking a little as she speaks.
"So, Genessia, I'll make you a hearty breakfast and we can have a chat about what makes you most annoyed, exasperated and unpleasant. For you who are just joining me a minute or so into my explanation, try to pay attention, if you haven't already passed out. Koishi just might eat it all while you're dozing..."
Off to the side, there seems to be a bunch of sauces and seasonings and some pre-cooked chopped chicken as well as some onions. No doubt, these are very important. Still, the veritable mountain of eggs is still just as weird as the last time she did it.
“This dish is called Omurice. It’s a human dish named for it being an omelet filled with rice, if you can't already tell. Of course, showing the typical human trait of wanting to shove everything together with no regard for the individual merits of each flavor.. And somehow, it’s actually rather delicious rather than a complete waste of time. The way one cooks this is a little involved, and as it makes me mildly annoyed to pay attention to all this, I’ve added a little twist of my own.”
Satori quickly and deftly spoons a small hunk of butter into the oiled pan and let it melt for the time being, then tosses some chopped onions into the pan, taking a few moments to make sure the onions are nicely browned. Her hand passes over several types of sauce until she finds the correct one, even if her hand teasingly lingers over a bottle of hot sauce for a second. She also adds in some chunks of uncooked chopped chicken to the pan, taking a minute or two to ensure they’re fully cooked by the time she’s ready to speak again.
“Firstly, we’ll need to make the filling for the omelet. You’ll need some pre-cooked rice, some chicken and some onions. For this first step, you should cook the chicken alongside the onions, so it retains the flavour. Then, add in the rice and season to taste.”
She grabs a paddle and pulls out a heap of rice, putting it on the pan and mixing it into the chicken, seasoning it with the same sauces alongside a dash of salt and pepper. She reaches over off-camera and adds a small dab of tomato paste, mixing it into the contents as well…
“Normally, this is done with ketchup, but tomato paste serves as an adequate substitute. I’ve added a couple extra seasonings to give it a uniquely bitter and tangy flavour, not unlike myself, so I hope you’ll bear with me a while longer. Now...once you are finished with the filling, feel free to scoop it into a bowl or some other receptacle and clean the pan for the most important part of this whole process.”
Satori then swiftly produces a bowl, one of her tentacles shoving over just in time to catch the chicken-rice as it slides off the pan and neatly into its new home, the youkai scraping off any errant onion bits lying around as an impromptu topping. Taking a moment to ensure the pan is properly washed out, she then applies a new coating of oil to a much larger pan and selects a couple eggs from the Egg Mountain. Yet another bowl appears, though it’s unsure whether she just got it or if it was off-camera the whole time, and she begins to crack and beat the eggs, then pours it into the new pan.
“This part shouldn’t be too strenuous unless you’re clueless about making an omelet. But, at the very least, you should know the saying about bad decisions and eggs. You ought to flatten out the eggs as they’re frying so it creates a round, flat disc.”
She sighs, theatrically and quite intentionally as she mixes in a pinch of salt to the frying eggs as well. Carefully, she moves the pan so the egg-mixture won’t stick on and does exactly what she describes, dividing the large and flat egg-mix into two parts. Once the eggs are fully cooked, she places one half of the omelet covering on a large plate, places the rice in the centre and drapes the other part of the egg-cover over it, creating a smooth oval-shape.
“...The egg cushions the chicken and rice in a comforting blanket, just as the humans making this for the first time likely pulled a veil of ignorance over their own eyes. However, I’ve gone a step further. I have made their food far better than they ever will. And, I suppose, to top this first dish off, the unknown inventors of Omurice will witness a malediction beyond their wildest nightmares.”
And she reaches for a bottle of hot sauce, smirking cruelly as she seemingly prepares to pour a ton of it onto the newly-made meal - only for the bottle to mysteriously get knocked out of her hand and land back where it was. Satori looks as if some devious plan’s been foiled, but really...It’s obviously an act.
In fact, a certain green haired youkai drifts in from the other side of the frame, looking as if she is trying not to laugh. “Sis. You know that I am fully visible on camera… Right? You can’t pretend I’m trying to keep you from making the food spicy.”
“Oh, don’t spoil the moment.” Satori whispers back… “You know my viewers must enjoy it when I toy with their meagre expectations.”
Another giggle, but Koishi doesn’t object further, remaining in frame to watch her sister cook.
Instead, the elder sister lifts up the label, revealing it isn’t really hot sauce at all. No, it’s just ketchup. She carefully decorates the top of the omelet with a crude design of a third eye.
“I would have had one more thing to show you all, but you’ll have to make do with this. Now, people of Genessia, witness the breakfast that will leave you sleepless!”
She’s trying to sound as dramatic possible here. Good gods, she’s trying. She knows her audience well, despite these frequently turning from black comedy into unintentional comedy gold.
Koishi is already reaching for the omurice with a spoon. “Sis? That makes no sense. If they’re eating breakfast they’re already awake.”
The moment Satori opens her mouth to respond the scoop of omurice was shoved into it, effectively cutting off whatever objection she was going to make to her sister’s snarky comment.
“Bye bye everyone! Enjoy the omurice. It’s really good but it takes a lot of practice so don’t get discouraged, okay? Sis burned a lot of eggs when she was learning--”
With a small cry of embarrassment, a blushing Satori scrambles for the camera and the feed shuts off.
[OOC: Feel free to react or call Satori back for more cooking tips.]
What: Cooking the angriest meals in the calmest ways.
Where: Chireiden. AKA That one creepy subarch that’s literally hell
When: Late June, crack of dawn.
Warnings: Excessive snark, extreme cute, being stared at.
Bright and early in the morning, Satori's video feed switches on. The camera focuses in on one of those posable Satori action figures, this time with its arms and hands crossed as if holding a pair of weapons, its expression downright menacingly determined as it stares down a cracked eggshell. Its 'weapons' of choice are a miniature whisk and frying pan. Eventually, Satori's third eye pans into the frame and blinks a couple times before the camera pans up to focus on the mind reader in question..
"Good morning, Genessia. It's that time again. For a while, I felt as if these little meetings of ours were getting a bit old, but I think I've found something that will make you remember how much you should despise being an early-riser slightly less."
The camera jolts to the side as Satori's hand can be seen turning it and the sounds of crackling oil on a pan can be heard. On the counter in front of her, there's a ridiculous number of eggs piled in an oddly practiced arrangement. Satori's nursing a pan and keeping a close eye on her work, multitasking a little as she speaks.
"So, Genessia, I'll make you a hearty breakfast and we can have a chat about what makes you most annoyed, exasperated and unpleasant. For you who are just joining me a minute or so into my explanation, try to pay attention, if you haven't already passed out. Koishi just might eat it all while you're dozing..."
Off to the side, there seems to be a bunch of sauces and seasonings and some pre-cooked chopped chicken as well as some onions. No doubt, these are very important. Still, the veritable mountain of eggs is still just as weird as the last time she did it.
“This dish is called Omurice. It’s a human dish named for it being an omelet filled with rice, if you can't already tell. Of course, showing the typical human trait of wanting to shove everything together with no regard for the individual merits of each flavor.. And somehow, it’s actually rather delicious rather than a complete waste of time. The way one cooks this is a little involved, and as it makes me mildly annoyed to pay attention to all this, I’ve added a little twist of my own.”
Satori quickly and deftly spoons a small hunk of butter into the oiled pan and let it melt for the time being, then tosses some chopped onions into the pan, taking a few moments to make sure the onions are nicely browned. Her hand passes over several types of sauce until she finds the correct one, even if her hand teasingly lingers over a bottle of hot sauce for a second. She also adds in some chunks of uncooked chopped chicken to the pan, taking a minute or two to ensure they’re fully cooked by the time she’s ready to speak again.
“Firstly, we’ll need to make the filling for the omelet. You’ll need some pre-cooked rice, some chicken and some onions. For this first step, you should cook the chicken alongside the onions, so it retains the flavour. Then, add in the rice and season to taste.”
She grabs a paddle and pulls out a heap of rice, putting it on the pan and mixing it into the chicken, seasoning it with the same sauces alongside a dash of salt and pepper. She reaches over off-camera and adds a small dab of tomato paste, mixing it into the contents as well…
“Normally, this is done with ketchup, but tomato paste serves as an adequate substitute. I’ve added a couple extra seasonings to give it a uniquely bitter and tangy flavour, not unlike myself, so I hope you’ll bear with me a while longer. Now...once you are finished with the filling, feel free to scoop it into a bowl or some other receptacle and clean the pan for the most important part of this whole process.”
Satori then swiftly produces a bowl, one of her tentacles shoving over just in time to catch the chicken-rice as it slides off the pan and neatly into its new home, the youkai scraping off any errant onion bits lying around as an impromptu topping. Taking a moment to ensure the pan is properly washed out, she then applies a new coating of oil to a much larger pan and selects a couple eggs from the Egg Mountain. Yet another bowl appears, though it’s unsure whether she just got it or if it was off-camera the whole time, and she begins to crack and beat the eggs, then pours it into the new pan.
“This part shouldn’t be too strenuous unless you’re clueless about making an omelet. But, at the very least, you should know the saying about bad decisions and eggs. You ought to flatten out the eggs as they’re frying so it creates a round, flat disc.”
She sighs, theatrically and quite intentionally as she mixes in a pinch of salt to the frying eggs as well. Carefully, she moves the pan so the egg-mixture won’t stick on and does exactly what she describes, dividing the large and flat egg-mix into two parts. Once the eggs are fully cooked, she places one half of the omelet covering on a large plate, places the rice in the centre and drapes the other part of the egg-cover over it, creating a smooth oval-shape.
“...The egg cushions the chicken and rice in a comforting blanket, just as the humans making this for the first time likely pulled a veil of ignorance over their own eyes. However, I’ve gone a step further. I have made their food far better than they ever will. And, I suppose, to top this first dish off, the unknown inventors of Omurice will witness a malediction beyond their wildest nightmares.”
And she reaches for a bottle of hot sauce, smirking cruelly as she seemingly prepares to pour a ton of it onto the newly-made meal - only for the bottle to mysteriously get knocked out of her hand and land back where it was. Satori looks as if some devious plan’s been foiled, but really...It’s obviously an act.
In fact, a certain green haired youkai drifts in from the other side of the frame, looking as if she is trying not to laugh. “Sis. You know that I am fully visible on camera… Right? You can’t pretend I’m trying to keep you from making the food spicy.”
“Oh, don’t spoil the moment.” Satori whispers back… “You know my viewers must enjoy it when I toy with their meagre expectations.”
Another giggle, but Koishi doesn’t object further, remaining in frame to watch her sister cook.
Instead, the elder sister lifts up the label, revealing it isn’t really hot sauce at all. No, it’s just ketchup. She carefully decorates the top of the omelet with a crude design of a third eye.
“I would have had one more thing to show you all, but you’ll have to make do with this. Now, people of Genessia, witness the breakfast that will leave you sleepless!”
She’s trying to sound as dramatic possible here. Good gods, she’s trying. She knows her audience well, despite these frequently turning from black comedy into unintentional comedy gold.
Koishi is already reaching for the omurice with a spoon. “Sis? That makes no sense. If they’re eating breakfast they’re already awake.”
The moment Satori opens her mouth to respond the scoop of omurice was shoved into it, effectively cutting off whatever objection she was going to make to her sister’s snarky comment.
“Bye bye everyone! Enjoy the omurice. It’s really good but it takes a lot of practice so don’t get discouraged, okay? Sis burned a lot of eggs when she was learning--”
With a small cry of embarrassment, a blushing Satori scrambles for the camera and the feed shuts off.
[OOC: Feel free to react or call Satori back for more cooking tips.]
[Video]
Re: [Video]
"Oh gods...not you too, Remi. I both love and hate how you can toy with my feelings with just a few words. I did practice quite a bit to get it right, it isn't my fault this Outsider recipe is so needlessly complicated..."
She's still blushing a bit, but trying to hide it.
"...Like the last time, I'm going to make a portion for you and send it over, at least. If I foul it up again somehow, don't hold it too much against me, would you?"
Re: [Video]
Re: [Video]
It's true. Satori is a good enough cook for her and Koishi and tries something new every once in a while to keep her almost-eternity of life interesting. But with Remilia being in the picture since they grew closer, that inspires her just a bit more.
"...I've already made enough for Koishi that she'll be eating it for a few days. Even the less-optimal ones. It seems she'll eat anything I put on a plate, assuming I've tried hard in making it."
A faint smile crosses her lips as she adds... "As for you, spoiling you a little more wouldn't be out of the question, would it? I'd enjoy learning something from Izayoi-san next time I put on another one of these little shows. I'd like to try my hand at a favourite of yours and see how it compares."
Re: [Video]
She's kind of annoyed she lost? But it was pretty close and Ted pretty much got only a few votes. The Undead Rights Movement have long memories. Some members were even wanting to protest their leader's loss.
"You know me, I do love getting spoiled."
Video
[The TV Guide had nothing scheduled! What a travesty.]
GLAD I CAUGHT THE AIRING!! AND KOISHI IS THERE TOO!! CONGRATULATIONS; YOU'VE MADE IT ON TV! YOU'RE LIVING MY DREAM!!!
WELL! I FOUND YOUR PROGRAM VERY INFORMATIVE. I DIDN'T KNOW HUMANS COULD COOK! NEXT TIME TRY ADDING A LITTLE MORE VIOLENCE, OR EXPLOSIONS. THAT'LL REALLY PUT A BANG IN THOSE EGGS! KA-WOWIE!!
[That was Undyne's style, anyway, and who is he to question the captain of the royal guard?]
Re: Video
Satori can't quite bring herself to be too snarky at Papyrus, considering the high-decibel skeleton's quite earnest in what he does. Instead, she answers...
"Truth be told, I've done this a few times. It's something I host from time to time, usually every few months when the mood strikes me. If I had a dedicated show to run, I'm sure I'd be quite rich."
She lets out a quiet little laugh at the skeletal fellow's suggestions, though.
"Anyone can cook, if they try. But I've found that humans are quite a lot more inventive with their meals. Perhaps it's their uneventful lives that drive them to make things like this. That said..."
She looks around the kitchen as she sets about clearing up the implements, bowls and plates... "I'm not sure if my kitchen would survive something like that, and while I'm no stranger to violence...I'd rather this program stay relatively sedate. But thank you for letting me know that continuing this was worthwhile. I should be proud to receive such glowing praise and suggestions."
She wasn't sure what to make of the friendly neighbourhood skeleton, but she figured from what she did know, he's mostly harmless. His odd mannerisms were probably what tipped him off. "It isn't any wonder that you and Koishi get along, at least. You seem...quite full of energy."
Re: Video
[And boy did Papyrus probably put her through hell when she had to suffer through his culinary abominations. There's the slightest twinge of sadness at the reveal, as, alas, they worked together no longer.]
BEING RICH IS PRETTY GREAT! I JUST GOT THE GUARDIAN PAYCHECK, AND WOWIE, I'VE NEVER SEEN THAT MANY RED BILL SIGNS AFTER MY NAME!! REST ASSURED, IT'LL BE GOING TO COOL, OFFICIAL GUARDIAN BUSINESS!
[He's not one to miss out on a chance to crow about his new job, its perks, or the no doubt utterly important responsibilities he must execute on behalf of fellow Fayrenites like her.]
REALLY!? MAN, HUMANS ARE SO COOL. I'VE WANTED TO CATCH ONE FOR SO LONG, BUT SO FAR, EVERYONE TELLS ME IT'S WRONG. I HOPE I MEET ONE SOME DAY...
[Wistful sigh. Technically he has met some. Several. They just don't tell him they are, in fact, humans. They're very sneaky that way.]
YEAH, YOUR SHOW GETS THE PAPYRUS MARK OF APPROVAL! AS DOES YOURSELF AND KOISHI IN GENERAL!! I HAVE GOOD TASTE IN MORE WAYS THAN COOKING, NYEH HEH HEH!
no subject
I never thought human food was so complicated.