genessia | 09 BRAINS ; anonymous text

Back home, I had a purpose. I had focus. Something to make my life feel like it's not just myself I'm looking out for. Now that I'm here, I still have to do the same reprehensible things I did back home. The difference here is I have no way of making it a part of some greater good. I do what I can to give some good back to society to make up for what I have to do but it seems like all I manage to do things that make things seem more bleak. Add in the severe lack of hope I have for any lasting life changes here, the inability to actually have a future for myself or relationships, and living with the only person who could possibly make me feel worse, and I'm a bag of cheesy poofs away from living on the couch.

How does someone motivate him or herself here? How do I make up for doing something I know is terrible even if it's better than the alternative? How do I keep myself from becoming a monster who feeds on others and doesn't help anyone but myself when I don't have anything real to give in this world?

The one thing that made me "me," the one thing I was confident I could make a difference with isn't an option, so how do I define myself when I have no idea what makes me anything but disgusting?

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

What about all the lives I consume? Even if they're already dead when I eat them, it's still a part of them and it's still.. an experience.

[ She's not sure how to explain it without cluing some people in. This person may be anon, but if she described some of it she's sure her behavior would become apparently to a couple of people she knew, like a piece of a puzzle finally becoming obvious. ]

There are a lot of people who fight here. Maybe you should try putting your skills at fighting into something good if you don't want to bother learning something new.

I don't know. That's something I'm still figuring out.

[He's assuming things are different for her but eating someone isn't a comfortable feeling be you zombie or wolf.]

I kill, not just fight. Most 'good guys' don't want to see you kill, even for the name of their cause.

From what I understand the dead don't really stay dead here if they're anyone with a pendant.

Or the paperboy.

It sounds like I'm getting permission.

That's definitely not permission. I couldn't give you permission anyway.

It was more an implication that if it happens here, I'm not sure it's really killing someone.

What do you mean?

Ask the GSRF. They're better at explaining that I would be.

[ Plus talking science would be a dead giveaway for who she is. ]

I don't know who that is.

You're determined to remain Anonymous.

[He can respect that.]

I'll leave my questions there.

Wouldn't be much point in doing it in the first place if I didn't stick to it.

That's true.

09 BRAINS ; anonymous text

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