genessia | 09 BRAINS ; anonymous text

Back home, I had a purpose. I had focus. Something to make my life feel like it's not just myself I'm looking out for. Now that I'm here, I still have to do the same reprehensible things I did back home. The difference here is I have no way of making it a part of some greater good. I do what I can to give some good back to society to make up for what I have to do but it seems like all I manage to do things that make things seem more bleak. Add in the severe lack of hope I have for any lasting life changes here, the inability to actually have a future for myself or relationships, and living with the only person who could possibly make me feel worse, and I'm a bag of cheesy poofs away from living on the couch.

How does someone motivate him or herself here? How do I make up for doing something I know is terrible even if it's better than the alternative? How do I keep myself from becoming a monster who feeds on others and doesn't help anyone but myself when I don't have anything real to give in this world?

The one thing that made me "me," the one thing I was confident I could make a difference with isn't an option, so how do I define myself when I have no idea what makes me anything but disgusting?

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Killing someone changes who you are, even in self-defense. I wouldn't do that to someone I cared about and I wouldn't trust a stranger to be reliable. And with how dying here seems to be solved with the loss of part of yourself, eventually there wouldn't be anything left of me anyway.

At least you're a better person and friend than some people such as yours truly. I'd offer to do it for a price, but I could see why you wouldn't trust a complete anonymous stranger with everyone's lives. But you're around right now. That might not even ever happen.

Guessing you're not going to share your name so we all know who's willing to kill someone for a few bucks.

Ah, yeah, no. But consider it more of a fall-back plan in the worst case scenario. It's not like I'd enjoy putting you out of your misery [he might a little] but I can. The cash is just more of an incentive to stay loyal~

I'm not hiring for a self-assassination.

Do what you want, but I offer a 50% discount on birthdays and I would have even let you pick your method of self-murder.

On the one hand, that's disgusting.
On the other hand, the comparative level of gross makes me feel a little better about myself.

[OUCH

He's over it.]

What can I say? I'm pretty good at making people feel better about themselves.

Congrats on the self-esteem.

When you have as many other winning qualities as me, you can't get caught up in the fact that deep down I'm kind of a scumbag.

An honest one.

Sure. When hiding behind a wall of anonymity. I doubt you go around talking about your identity crisis to every person out there.

09 BRAINS ; anonymous text

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