genessia | 09 BRAINS ; anonymous text

Back home, I had a purpose. I had focus. Something to make my life feel like it's not just myself I'm looking out for. Now that I'm here, I still have to do the same reprehensible things I did back home. The difference here is I have no way of making it a part of some greater good. I do what I can to give some good back to society to make up for what I have to do but it seems like all I manage to do things that make things seem more bleak. Add in the severe lack of hope I have for any lasting life changes here, the inability to actually have a future for myself or relationships, and living with the only person who could possibly make me feel worse, and I'm a bag of cheesy poofs away from living on the couch.

How does someone motivate him or herself here? How do I make up for doing something I know is terrible even if it's better than the alternative? How do I keep myself from becoming a monster who feeds on others and doesn't help anyone but myself when I don't have anything real to give in this world?

The one thing that made me "me," the one thing I was confident I could make a difference with isn't an option, so how do I define myself when I have no idea what makes me anything but disgusting?

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

We have access to Disneyland here? [ ?????????? ] You have friends?

[ okay, the latter was a joke. sort of. it needs further clarification, which he graciously gives by giving her a bit of a skeptical expression ]

I mean, real friends here that haven't been your roommate or co-worker at some point? [ that's still insulting, isn't it? he's trying. kind of. he's not really trying. liv, he thinks you need more friends and really thought you didn't have any here until just this second. ]

Are you that friend they have to drag out places?

Edited 2016-04-28 00:19 (UTC)

[ This isn't getting less insulting here, Blaine. ]

Yes, I have plenty of friends both here and home, and going to Disneyland was my idea.

[ you know when people learn a weird bit of trivia and they go "HUH." in this light tone like they didn't quite believe it but it must be true? well- ] Huh.

[ liv moore's social life is a mystery. ]

You know. Usually. Having those means you don't have to stuff Cheetos into your face while debating the meaning of life? You could use people as a massive distraction.

You mean the kind of distraction where I'm kind of craving in the back of my head that I wouldn't mind a bite to eat?

[ Having human friends is good like most of the time but sometimes she just kinda thinks about what it'd be like to have their brain in linguini ok. Which she knows is very screwed up. ]

You eat before you hang out with your delicious pals, obviously.

[ liv stop ]

That's hard to do when I don't know their schedules and I'm against ever having stalker brains again.

[ She can't. Thanks for the zombieism, bro. ]

So don't eat the stalker brains.

[ as if that's the simplest solution ]

That was a joke about not knowing everyone's plans so I can't eat before I go hang out every time, genius.

You should keep some brain in your purse.

I try to when I think I might be going a while without them but it isn't like they store well outside of a fridge. I have my doubts you've had to eat rotten brains before, but they aren't pleasant.

09 BRAINS ; anonymous text

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