eight ticks: video;

[stairsbro]

I'm not saying I caused it but as a literal god that was up everyone's ass asking for this exact scenario, I will now be taking full credit.

[ he holds his hands dramatically out towards the previous occupant of his egg: a squirtle. the squirtle has on a pair of his sunglasses. ]

Ta-dah. You're welcome. That's right. This is happening. We're doing this. It is I, Pokemon Red in Dave edition. Look at this fucking gorgeous water turtle over here. Blowing bubbles and shit. What a bad ass.

Anyway, we decided that I'm going to go out and play Pokemon snap up in this bitch. We're filming from now until whenever this dream is over. I'll be doing like a safari Animal Planet adventure thing. If you wanna guest star and share some facts on there because you actually know what you're talking about with these things or maybe you don't but want to be on TV anyway, come find me.

On another note, I will now be taking requests for a sweet mix to go along with your adventure. We need a soundtrack for this. And a really really long Poke-rap.

Comments

[video]

[chicken_kun]

Yo, man, I have no idea what anything you just said means, but whaddaya do with these assholes if you don't want 'em? Can you eat 'em? Do they taste gamey or what?

[video]

[stairsbro]

That's a horrible question. A good one in a fucked up sort of way but a horrible question.

I think you can just give 'em to the hot nurse in the center.

[video]

[chicken_kun]

[welcome to FuckedUpVille, population Bartolomeo]

Wait wait wait...

...there's a hot nurse? Sweet!

[video]

[stairsbro]

Pretty sure those things always have a hot nurse. Don't get yourself into a lawsuit though, buddy.

[video]

[chicken_kun]

Oi, there's absolutely nothing illegal about flirting, now is there? I'm just gonna go in, throw out some smooth moves, and leave 'em with a bunch of stray animals. Nothin' wrong there.

[Video]

[k2so]

The eggs hatchet for everyone, I take it. [Kay has a Joltik chilling right on top of his head and the creature has a blue bow around his neck.]

So these things are pokemons?

[Video]

[stairsbro]

Pretty sure it wasn't just me. That'd be weird. What the heck did you get? [ is that pikachu ]

Yes. These are the pokemans.

[Video]

[k2so]

This lil guy in my head, it likes to eat electricity and cling to me. [It's yellow an electric, so...YES?] Actually I wanted to ask you if you know what he is. I also got a blue and white dragon, you should have seen Cassian's face.

So they can evolve and fight? Professor Sycamore told me about that some time ago.

[Video]

[stairsbro]

...You got a fucking dragon? Where is it? I just got Squirts and, like, a fucked up smiley ghost that wandered off somewhere and could be ready to eat me any second now. I have no idea where that thing went. [ looks over his shoulder for the ghastly. there's only squirtle. he shrugs. ]

So, okay. I'm pretty sure they like to tell you their name. Like Squirt over here just says 'Squirtle' on repeat for some fucking reason. Baby's first word over here. So if that thing has spoken, that's probably its name. [ casual nod, like he knows what he's talking about. ]

Oh yeah. They get jacked. It's optional. I don't really want to engage mine in illegal boxing.

[Video]

[k2so]

It's either a dragon or a really weird looking snake. Give me a second...[Kay turns the camera to show the Dratini sleeping on top of the couch.] It's pretty calm for a dragon too. It was scared of us first and hid under the couch. It could have been because Cassian was screaming his head off.

[The camera turns back to Kay and he looks as concerned as a droid can manage.] Will you be safe with the ghost around? And if what they say is their designation then the dragon is Dratini and the little troublemaker is Joltik.

[Kay raises a hand to his head to poke at the pokemon. It quickly latches onto his finger.]

I'm not fond of making them fight, no.

[At least not until Cassian turns the training into a competition.]

[Action]

[aurabble]

[Jaune's being followed by a small dinosaur looking creature, who he stops for and occasionally calls when he bumps into something.]

Over here. Why didn't you tell me pokemon included dinosaurs, Dave?

[He doesn't seem upset. In fact, he's beaming.]

[Action]

[stairsbro]

[ Dave looks over at Jaune and his vision-impaired dinosaur, highly amused ]

How was I supposed to know they were dinosaurs? I thought they were just anime turtles and shit. [ a gesture at his squirtle. exhibit a: anime turtle. ]

Dude, your guy needs a haircut.

[Action]

[aurabble]

It's a turtle with sunglasses. [Jaune gushes, running over to the squrtle and admiring them.] And I tried. [Holding up his hand to show him the bite marks, which are already healing.] He thought I was food.

[Action]

[stairsbro]

Hell fucking yeah, it's a turtle with sunglasses. She liked my shades so I pimped her out. ...Wait, that doesn't sound right. You know what I meant. [ moving closer to jaune's dinosaur ] I mean, it is a dinosaur so... Can't blame him. Maybe we can just stick a hairclip. This is hair, right?

[Action]

[aurabble]

Wow Dave, you're really branching out. [Grimaces in shame.] I think so. It's sorta soft, but matted. He might try to tackle you if you try.

[gastronomics]

Wait! Yours blows bubbles too! Can ours blow bubbles at each other?

[ Phione blows some bubbles in the background. ]

[stairsbro]

Yes. They're going to be a friggin' bubble squad. Hit it, Squirts.

[ Squirtle blows... one bubble. ] That is not nearly enough, man. [ Squirtle does a few more. Dave gives her a thumbs up. ]

[gastronomics]

[ Phione on the other hand is all about bubbles. Bubble storm! Or rather, it's just blowing as many as it can back and forth until it runs out of breath. ]

Phi-Phione!

[stairsbro]

[ Squirtle! Squirtle's waving at Phione and blows big ones in response. One at a time. She makes one bigger than Dave's head. ]

This is cute as shit, Alice. Excellent suggestion with the bubbles. What else can we have them do?

[gastronomics]

Phione knows Water Sports and Charm, too. [ WATER SPORT AND WATER SPORTS ARE NOT THE SAME THING, ALICE..]

video;

[moviemagic]

If you did the pokerap now we'd be here for days.

video;

[stairsbro]

How many are there?

video;

[moviemagic]

Where I was from...like...close to 700 or something. I kind of lost count, but the numbers are huge.

video;

[stairsbro]

God damn. I mean, I guess it makes sense since they're, like, that world's fucking animals but damn. Which one did you get?

video;

[moviemagic]

I got what is called a Caterpie. So one of the originals.