[Video] and if he is as bananas as you say, I'm not taking any chances

[earth_rick_c_137]

[ Have a 60-year old human with a unibrow, sitting... in a bar? Definitely looks like a bar in the background. Like hell was he going to start tinkering with this garbage phone at the Bay with only his flask to sustain him. ]

Oooookay, this is-- [ beeelch ] this-this is real original, guys. Real novel.

[ He downs a shot. ]

I'm super impressed. And also already getting super bored.

Comments

[forgottheoffbutton]

...I'm not sure if that's a good thing or a bad thing, sir. From what I have heard of you, you are a vile and evil villain that spreads destruction and uncertainty everywhere you go, sir.

[earth_rick_c_137]

I mean, only on Tuesdays. That could still be any of us, though.

[ He downs another shot. ]

Infinite universes, infinite [ braaap ] Ricks.

[ And a whole lot of universes no longer existing at all. ]

[forgottheoffbutton]

But they are still all you. In a sense. Infinite Universes, yes but all of them are Rick. Anyway. I look forward to seeing what chaos you bring. I hope I can learn from your example of how to be a villain.

[earth_rick_c_137]

[ And C-137 is acknowledged even by the Council of Ricks to be the Rickiest of all the Ricks.

So.

That's a thing. ]

Yeah sure thing, kiddo.

[ Flug has a point, though. Rick will get bored -- Rick is already getting bored. When he gets bored enough, either some serious shit is going to go down or... he'll just leave.

Or both.

...It's usually best to bet on both, with Rick. ]

[forgottheoffbutton]

Thank you, sir. [He fidgets nervously on the phone. He can't hang up on Rick. Oh no. That would be a stupid thing to do. But he has no idea what else to say right now. Then he remembers Rick was working on the phone he's using.] ...Sir? Can I ask what you plan to do to improve the phone you were provided?

[earth_rick_c_137]

I dunno. Probably just install Doom on it.

[forgottheoffbutton]

Doom 2016 or the original?

[earth_rick_c_137]

How is that even a question?

[forgottheoffbutton]

T-The inflection in my voice...de-denoting it was a question? ...B-Both have good qualities and are amazing games.

[earth_rick_c_137]

...So when they snipped em off, were you awake or...?

[forgottheoffbutton]

...I don't know how else to say I still have my testes, sir.

[earth_rick_c_137]

I me-mean, you think you do. But wha[ beeelch ]aat if you don't.

You know, they put little weighted things in there for animals when they fi-fix them. Decoys.

Could even be like, tracking devices. You don't know.

[forgottheoffbutton]

I...N-No. They wouldn't do that. E-Even if they did, Black Hat wouldn't let me keep something like that.

[earth_rick_c_137]

Sch-schoo--[ beeeeelch ]--ools are institutions, buddy. No one's nuts are safe. No one's.

...Wait, you work for that schlub?

[forgottheoffbutton]

I-I'm fairly certain schools c-can serve a good purpose, sir. ...I wouldn't refer to Black Hat like that, sir. I didn't know you knew him. Have you purchased our wares before?

[earth_rick_c_137]

Why would I purchase his garbage when I could find better in the dumpster out back.

After lighting it on fire.

[forgottheoffbutton]

O-Our goods are not garbage, sir. I make sure all devices and weapons m-made at Black Hat Inc a-are top quality. ...I know they don't match your genius or inventions but they are n-not garbage. A-At least...I hope not... [Why you gotta hurt the boy like this, Rick? He isn't Morty.]

[earth_rick_c_137]

[ Rick C-137 might cut him more slack if he was Morty.

...Maybe. ]

Are you te-telling me that that hack doesn't even make his own stuff? Wow.

I am too sober for this.

[forgottheoffbutton]

S-Sir he does! I just...also manufacturer products. I'm his mad scientist. E-Every villain has one. I-I mean, if they themselves aren't a mad scientist like you.

[earth_rick_c_137]

[ Rick just accepts another shot from the bartender off camera, and downs it. ]

N-no wonder you went to a school. Nothing makes la-lackeys like institutionalized education.

[forgottheoffbutton]

...Okay. [He just hangs his bag head.] I understand. [He's used to disappointing his role models. Doesn't make it suck any less.]

[earth_rick_c_137]

So you go-gonna stay his lackey forever?

[forgottheoffbutton]

N-No. No I'm not. I...I will become one of the greatest villains ever. He's my mentor and employer. He's helping me learn how.

[earth_rick_c_137]

Mentor, huh?

[ That tone speaks volumes for how much he doesn't believe that. Not for one second.

Hat's not a mentor, Hat's a user. With his own little hierarchical system going on, here.

Sure, Rick's no better, with his grand-kids, but he's not claiming otherwise is he? ]

Rise above, thi-think for yourself.

[ beeeeeeelch ]

It's the only way you're gonna-gonna get there.

[obscenilicious]

[hi phone are you for him?

no?

you are now. Flug wouldn't have seen it coming, but here it comes, a pitch black, lighting fast shape darting in from nowhere and snatching the phone back and towards a familiar, fanged face.

SUP]

... Flug what have I told you about talking to hobos?