[Video] and if he is as bananas as you say, I'm not taking any chances

[earth_rick_c_137]

[ Have a 60-year old human with a unibrow, sitting... in a bar? Definitely looks like a bar in the background. Like hell was he going to start tinkering with this garbage phone at the Bay with only his flask to sustain him. ]

Oooookay, this is-- [ beeelch ] this-this is real original, guys. Real novel.

[ He downs a shot. ]

I'm super impressed. And also already getting super bored.

Comments

[forgottheoffbutton]

Y-You're Rich Sanchez! One of the greatest geniuses and destructive forces in the multiverse! It's an honor to meet you, sir!

[earth_rick_c_137]

Oh good, a fan-boy. Just what this day needed.

[ Lab coat club? Lab coat club. ]

[forgottheoffbutton]

I'm sorry sir! I...I shouldn't fanboy but there really aren't many villains of your caliber in the multi-verse. Your deeds of villainy inspire me to want to be as bad as you, one day. I'll keep the praise to a minimum...if you want.

1/2

[earth_rick_c_137]

[ ... ]

2/2

[earth_rick_c_137]

No, no, by all means, work the shaft.

[ Couldn't be any more deadpan. ]

Nice-- [ braaaap ] nice coat. What's with the bag?

[forgottheoffbutton]

...No need to be so vulgar, sir. [He's a polite villain. Don't go corrupting the bag son, Rick. You have Morty for that.] Thank you. I earned it with my Ph.D in Mad Science. ...It's a long story. Short answer is I like wearing it.

[earth_rick_c_137]

D-did they give you the doggy-bag before or after they took off your balls?

[ SORRY FLUG. ]

[forgottheoffbutton]

I-I still have my...testes, sir. I've had the bag since I was little. [Flug's life is suffering. Don't be sorry.]

[earth_rick_c_137]

I mean I'm not-- not judg-[ beeeeelch ]-ing if they're gone, buddy.

The important thing's science.

[Video]

[pretty_handy]

[There's a woman with fours arms staring back at the camera.]

I know it looks like a joke but it's really not.

[earth_rick_c_137]

No, a joke would have a punchline. This place is just boring me.

[ The four arms thing gets a very brief squint, and a glance up... at her head?

Okay... not a Gazorpazorp, at least. Unless she's an amputee or something. ]

[pretty_handy]

You need to make your own fun. I know that can become a challenge for some people.

[She raises her eyebrows at the glance up.]

My boobs are down here.

[earth_rick_c_137]

[ Okay, definitely not a Gazorpazorp. ]

Yeah? What about them?

[pretty_handy]

[Nah!]

Nothing for now. It's just that I'm not used to people staring at the top of my head out of the blue.

Name's Ildikó, and you are?

[earth_rick_c_137]

I was just looking for arms five and si[ braaaaap ]ix. Gazorpians aren't fond of dudes. Kinda almost got executed last time I hung out with them...

[ Rick, it doesn't help that you farted as loud and as obnoxiously as you possibly could have, on purpose, to gross them all out. You shit. ]

Name's Rick. Human, from Earth, everyone's favorite back-water hillbilly planet that's full of people still congratulating themselves on getting to its one moon.

[pretty_handy]

I think I already have enough arms as it is. Never heard of Gazorpians before, probably for the best by the sound of it. Why did they want you dead?

[Probably that didn't really help, no. Ildikó is used to worst things than that, however. Growing up with zombies and other monsters as babysitters has the advantage of being unfazed by gross things.]

I've never been on that planet but many people here is from Earth. My world's named Carmadine and I'm from Vanninshire. A place filled with good for nothing people ready to kill you if you looked at them wrong. I loved it.

[earth_rick_c_137]

Because I have a biiiiig 'ol dick between my legs.

[ Rick, please stop. ]

'A place filled with good for nothing people ready to kill you if you looked at them wrong' sounds like the parts of the universe I actually li-like.

audio

[number1stalker]

[Dude, this weird old guy makes Flug flustered it's great. Demencia can't help but reply to him!]

Yeah this place is kinda dull compared to back home.

vi--audio

[earth_rick_c_137]

[ Audio, huh? Fine. Rick doesn't bother to switch off the video, he just tosses a bar napkin over the phone. Lazy. ]

Yeah I don't see the appeal. There isn't even a Shoney's.

audio

[number1stalker]

[Hey if Rick wants to stay using video it's fine, Demencia just doesn't know how to turn that on after her... Chomping of her phone.]

I dunno what a Shoney's is, but I can agree. A little, cause at least Black Hat is here and he's the best thing from home.

[earth_rick_c_137]

Ugh, you're another one of his lackeys? Gross.

No wo-wo--[ braaaaap ]--onder you don't know what a Shoney's is.

[number1stalker]

I'm not a lackey!

[She's his stalker/fangirl.]

We're in love. The bag nerd is the lackey.

[earth_rick_c_137]

...Pfffahahaha...

[number1stalker]

... What?

[earth_rick_c_137]

Tha-that's a good o-one, te-te--[ beeeeelch ] tell another!