genessia | [Video]

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[Video]

[ There's a very perturbed superhero on-screen, arms folded over his chest with a scowl. ]

Hey, so here's a question for the cops, or guardians or whatever - do you assholes throw every superhero in jail after he saves the city from a tyrannical egomaniac, or just me? Seriously, what the hell? I'm one of the good guys, for crying out loud!

...

So I maybe punched the mayor. It was an accident! He was totally fine! Sometimes things get hairy in the pursuit of justice!

Also, have you seen his mustache? Gross.

[ A visible shudder, before he waves his hands dismissively, moving on now ]

Anyway, citizens, don't worry about a thing - from now on, this world is under the protection of...

[ He leaps back, hands on his hips, cape blowing in a breeze that shouldn't even exist because he's in a frozen yogurt store (he might have knocked over a table). ]

X-RAAAAAAAAAAAY AAAAAAAAAAND--

[ "Sir, your order is ready." ]

Whoops, gotta go!

[ Aaaaand that's where it ends. ]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Oh, yeah. The Mad King is one of the most dangerous baddies out there! He's a master of manipulation and cunning plots! If you let him get in your head he'll learn all of your deepest darkest secrets and suddenly you'll be telling him all sorts of stuff you never would about your childhood like how you wish you had a dad around to help talk to you about all of the changes your body was going through as you grew up because you just don't know what's normal anymore and where did you go, dad?!

...

Hypothetically.

ANYWAY, I don't know what's up with this body swap nonsense but I'm not buying it! Mark my words, that girl's pure evil now! Don't trust a word out of her mouth!

[There's a looooooong awkward pause as she takes all of that in.]

Hypothetically. Right.

I will keep that in mind. We haven't really spoken to her but I'll keep an eye out for any weird evil activity.

It's kind of what I do.

Well... normally I'd be less than okay with another superhero on my turf, but Vav's gone all MIA on me so for now you'll do, I guess.

Oh jeez, thanks. It's not like I was here first or anything.

Who the heck is Vav?

Yeah, I guess this world realized it needed a real hero. That's why I'm here! But I'm sure you did your best, and that counts for... something.

Vav's my partner. Blue outfit, big nose, absurdly British? You'd know if you'd seen him, trust me.

Riiiiiiiiight. Whatever you say Dude-bro-man.

Yeah, no one like that around here. Is his super power being able to put up with you?

X-Ray, actually, but Dude Broman is a sweet name.

I mean, kind of? British people are like, super polite, so I'm pretty sure he'll put up with anyone if they're not evil.

You could always change it if you want. I wont stop you.

[There's a snicker.]

Thank you so much for that explanation. It's all so clear now.

Edited 2017-10-27 02:58 (UTC)

I mean, the X is already on the costume, soooooooo... it'd kind of be a hassle.

...

So is the mask a secret identity thing, or an "I have horrible burn wounds" thing?

I guess.

A little from column "A" a little from column "B".

I'm actually a human/spider hybrid and I use the mask so I don't scare small children while doing the whole superhero thing.

Oh, gross. Yeah, keep it on, I don't wanna know anymore.

Seriously? Because man, I could go on for hours about laying eggs. Did you know last time I beat my record with an intense 1,002?

YOU CAN STOP NOW, THANK YOU.

Okay, okay. I'll stop. I'm feeling a little hungry anyways.

You want a bite of my fly and moth sandwich?

That's not a thing. I refuse to believe that's a thing.

You wanna call my bluff?

I gotta swing by my den and pick it up but I'll bring you one if you want.

I can call your bluff and not have your spider stank anywhere near me.

That's what you think. I've got like thousands of baby spiders crawling around this place. If I don't find you they will.

Then I'll be there with sandwich in hand.

I'll get a vacuum cleaner ready. Baby spiders ain't got shit on me.

I will fuckin' eat you if you harm one hair on their adorable little spider belly's.

Literally.

Fuck and eat.

Oooooooookay, I dunno how spider courtship works, but no thank you, not interested. That's not really my kink.

Wikipedia black widows sometime.

It's a thing.

Sexual cannibalism.

Edited 2017-10-27 03:48 (UTC)

You are sending some really mixed signals, lady! Seek help!

I thought I was being pretty clear earlier when I said I was hungry!

Maybe I've just decided that flies and moths aren't enough to fill my belly. Maybe I gotta resort to human flesh!

Is that so bad!?

Edited 2017-10-27 03:51 (UTC)

Supervillain! I freakin' knew it! You know what, why don't you bring that sandwich after all? I'll give you a sandwich!

A knuckle sandwich! Of justice!

Jesus, that was terrible.