VIDEO

[sarcastass]

I have... an exceedingly important question.

For all of you.

[Yeah it's video alright, Genessia's number one shitty hermit, long hair all undone. Midge? Midge must be behind the camera, he's always somewhere.

The demon grabs at a lock of hair on the left side of his face, gesturing violently at it. The hair, in response, flashes a brilliant silver, before zipping into yellow shades, black polka dots vibrating energetically across it]

What's it doing? I see spots.

I know there are spots.

What color is it?

This is very, very important, I need to know who is messing with my hair. Is it that dog?

Tell him I'm going to kill him. I'm going to kill that dog. You're a heartless monster.

Don't ever mess with my hair.

EVER.

It's not a stupid color is it? I swear to god if it's stupid-

Comments

[youfool]

[So he's only sorta-blind. How fortunate!]

Why, it's changing color! Silver, at the moment.

Oh I wouldn't dream of telling him that. Dogs are man's best friend! Besides, innocent until proven guilty, and so on.

I, hah, couldn't speak to the color's intelligence.

[sarcastass]

Fine I'll tell him, God knows I'm going to be here until the heat death of the universe, I have all the time in the world to inform this animal how much I hate what he's done to my hair.

It was perfect the way it was.

I don't need a beast that thinks cat shit is fine dining to make stylistic choices for me.

And don't get pedantic.

[youfool]

Ah, wait, no, it's a fiery orange now. Oh, now it's a sickly yellow! Goodness, for hair so perfected, it can't seem to make up its mind! It's quite the kaleidoscope!

[Hope he's enjoying this color commentary]

[sarcastass]

[It really is a fucking rainbow over here, and it keeps zipping back to silver, and yellow with black polka dots in between fantastic shades of orange, red and sickly yellow]

Shut up.

Shut. Up.

Shush.

[Brilliant red now]

I can't cut this off. I'll be lopsided. What store sells the best hair dye here?

[youfool]

[Obediently, Ted shuts up. All you have to do is ask! Yes, it was always that easy. He just observes the color in quiet reverence.]

[sarcastass]

... You can talk enough to tell me where the best salon is.

[youfool]

[He knows he can]

May I?

[sarcastass]

Are we really doing this?

There's a reason I don't talk to any of you.

[youfool]

No fibs, now. You talked to Rose last August.

[Not a great record, but it's something.]

Do you live in Genessia City?

[sarcastass]

And I regret every second of it.

No, Everglade. I don't mind leaving it.

[youfool]

Nor I.

The Hamete Strip Mall on Willow and 9th might serve. Though I warn that Genessia's capriciousness is not so easily thwarted.

audio

[immortalrose]

...The stupidity levels are up to critical mass currently.

[His porcelain teacup rattles some as he takes a sip.]

video;

[didthemath]

That's quite festive!

(And he's smiling, of course, because why wouldn't he?)

And no, it isn't stupid. It's all in the name of fun, I'm sure.

[sarcastass]

What is it going to do? Give me special snowflake mood ring eyes?

Yeah okay.

Push comes to shove, I'll look absolutely gorgeous in a hat too.

[Off camera, a gentle, lisping, mincing voice speaks up-]

You'd look gorgeous in anything, master.

I know.

Re: audio

[sarcastass]

What, is something else changing color on you?

We left the seventies behind for a reason.

Re: video;

[sarcastass]

No. It's hideous. I hate it.

It is stupid and it's not fun. You know what's fun?

Not having a dog with dealie boppers decide what my hair is going to be doing today. Are you even aware of how much this is going to ruin my wardrobe coordination?

I'll clash.

Re: audio

[immortalrose]

My eyes. Or so others have stated. Mind you, my eyes are usually red by default.

[The spider fiend won't be able to tell but Augustine's eyes are currently still red but with a hint of orange now within the irises.]

Re: audio

[sarcastass]

Get some sunglasses. They look good on anyone.

... Except dogs.

Re: audio

[immortalrose]

Ah, novel idea.

[Finding a good pair of sunglasses is no easy feat. Augustine is a bougie picky thing. Horribly picky.]

I take it you seen the hound's message earlier.

Re: audio

[sarcastass]

Yes I saw it, otherwise this entire message would have a lot less focused hatred.

Re: audio

[immortalrose]

True! That is very true since I think you're three seconds away from skinning the pooch alive and rightfully so.

Are you going to be adopting hats to your wardrobe?

Re: audio

[sarcastass]

It's that or never leave my house ever again, and I do, sometimes, like to go outside.

Making my own bourbon is hard.

Re: audio

[immortalrose]

Yes, the outside world is quite fascinating.

[Szel might hear Augustine lightly stirring his tea now as he adds just a hint of sugar. Rose tea is quite fragrant but bitter.]

Sounds like you've attempted to make moonshine during the height of your laziness.

Re: audio

[sarcastass]

While I'm not going to deny my own sloth, making my own bourbon was less out of laziness and more out of my eternal desire to never again have to talk to another person face to face as long as I live.

Re: audio

[immortalrose]

Truly? Are you that reclusive by nature? Quite excessive, no?