'Szelhamos' (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
sarcastass) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
genessia2018-04-12 02:59 am
sarcastass) wrote in genessia2018-04-12 02:59 am
Entry tags:
Video
[Y'all know the drill here. Well, anyone who's been here long enough to see this asshole hermit pop his head out of his burrow knows the drill here.
As usual, there he is on camera, smiling brilliantly, the grin a touch too wide, Midge seated comfortably on his shoulder. As always, the massive cockroach/lightning bug's dinner plate sized eyes are locked on the screen, his head tucked comfortably just under the demon's left ear.
Distantly, discordantly, there's something fucking awful playing, and there's an excellent chance that he set this up in preparation to do what he does best.
Be a giant piece of shit]
Hello! And welcome to Genessia. I see there's a lot of new faces here today! And yesterday. And for the next few days as you all slowly trickle in, ripped from the comfort of your homes.
A few of you from your graves. The first most important lesson you'll all learn here in Genessia is that the laws of nature, whatever they were prior to your being here, don't apply anymore.
Please feel free to yell about it! Yell as long and as loud as you want at anyone you feel looks the most responsible for this. Point fingers and lay blame on strangers!
It's practically a tradition!
Now, I know that some of you won't pay attention to the hologram, or read the pamphlets, and will jump straight to the good old time honored tradition of shaking your fist at an uncaring, unfeeling and invisible pantheon of spirits or deities in impotence. It definitely won't do anything, but you do need to get it out of your system now, so please indulge.
For those of you who are dedicated to your fist shaking aimed skyward, let me just give you a quick rundown of your situation!
First: No, you can't go back! Well, not unless you do the thing.
[Right on cue, the bobble eyed bug on his shoulder placidly lisps-]
Do what thing, master?
The thing, Midge. You know. The thing no one here is allowed to tell you about, that thing. We discussed this at the last secret meeting- Oh never mind.
If any of you newcomers here want to know what the thing is, I can guarantee that one of our many city guardians will know exactly what I'm talking about! They're not allowed to tell you, so you might have to be a bit persistent, but I'm sure one of them will tell you all about the thing.
Second! We periodically experience sporadic failures in the upholding of reality.
What does this mean? Well I'd tell you, but you wouldn't believe me. Just not even a little bit-Not even a teensy bit. So I'm not going to try, just take my word for it. You'll know when reality breaks.
Third! In line with time honored traditions, everyone here loves being challenged to an impromptu street fight. Everyone. Don't even bother sending a warning, that's considered a social faux pax here, just throw a punch.
Do it.
Hit the first person you see directly in the teeth, I haven't seen a better way to make friends yet.
For more totally necessary, definitely not made up information about Genessia that I'm most certainly not lying through my teeth about, you were right to ignore the pamphlets and hologram, ask me!
Only right here and now though, I've only got an hour before an extremely important nap.
As usual, there he is on camera, smiling brilliantly, the grin a touch too wide, Midge seated comfortably on his shoulder. As always, the massive cockroach/lightning bug's dinner plate sized eyes are locked on the screen, his head tucked comfortably just under the demon's left ear.
Distantly, discordantly, there's something fucking awful playing, and there's an excellent chance that he set this up in preparation to do what he does best.
Be a giant piece of shit]
Hello! And welcome to Genessia. I see there's a lot of new faces here today! And yesterday. And for the next few days as you all slowly trickle in, ripped from the comfort of your homes.
A few of you from your graves. The first most important lesson you'll all learn here in Genessia is that the laws of nature, whatever they were prior to your being here, don't apply anymore.
Please feel free to yell about it! Yell as long and as loud as you want at anyone you feel looks the most responsible for this. Point fingers and lay blame on strangers!
It's practically a tradition!
Now, I know that some of you won't pay attention to the hologram, or read the pamphlets, and will jump straight to the good old time honored tradition of shaking your fist at an uncaring, unfeeling and invisible pantheon of spirits or deities in impotence. It definitely won't do anything, but you do need to get it out of your system now, so please indulge.
For those of you who are dedicated to your fist shaking aimed skyward, let me just give you a quick rundown of your situation!
First: No, you can't go back! Well, not unless you do the thing.
[Right on cue, the bobble eyed bug on his shoulder placidly lisps-]
Do what thing, master?
The thing, Midge. You know. The thing no one here is allowed to tell you about, that thing. We discussed this at the last secret meeting- Oh never mind.
If any of you newcomers here want to know what the thing is, I can guarantee that one of our many city guardians will know exactly what I'm talking about! They're not allowed to tell you, so you might have to be a bit persistent, but I'm sure one of them will tell you all about the thing.
Second! We periodically experience sporadic failures in the upholding of reality.
What does this mean? Well I'd tell you, but you wouldn't believe me. Just not even a little bit-Not even a teensy bit. So I'm not going to try, just take my word for it. You'll know when reality breaks.
Third! In line with time honored traditions, everyone here loves being challenged to an impromptu street fight. Everyone. Don't even bother sending a warning, that's considered a social faux pax here, just throw a punch.
Do it.
Hit the first person you see directly in the teeth, I haven't seen a better way to make friends yet.
For more totally necessary, definitely not made up information about Genessia that I'm most certainly not lying through my teeth about, you were right to ignore the pamphlets and hologram, ask me!
Only right here and now though, I've only got an hour before an extremely important nap.
video
Why a newspaper?
Re: video
You can improve your chances of being generally happy and healthy by hitting Garrus with a newspaper. I've recorded percentages of positive things occurring to you after you've hit Garrus with a newspaper rising by at least five percent.
I think it's worth it.
Why a newspaper? Who knows! As it turns out, discovering the method of improving your likelihood to experience positive happenstances is, in and of itself, an act of random chance.