Wade Wilson (
sharpeinolds) wrote in
genessia2018-05-24 01:11 pm
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Entry tags:
video
Hey kids!
I know what you're all thinking.
Wow, I can't believe Spiderman finally hit puberty! Aren't his abs amazing, I just want to rub my face all over them.
First of all, thanks, I work out.
Second of all, don't call me Spiderman, lets get that out of the way right now.
Third of all, I just took a nap on the bottom of a cave because I.... accidentally... kicked the fancy Star Wars hologram over there, just wanted to put that out there: Don't kick the hologram. PSA here, kids.
Forth of all, I lost track of what I was listing.
And fifth of all because I'm on a roll and I need to prove I'm sober and I can count to five, does anyone have directions to a really cheap bar? I'll also accept directions to the pharmacy or a tire and lube.
I'm gonna need a few more chemicals in me before I deal with this. It's for my sake, not your-
I mean your sake, not mi-
No definitely my sake, sorry. Promised a friend I wasn't going to lie as much anymore.
I know what you're all thinking.
Wow, I can't believe Spiderman finally hit puberty! Aren't his abs amazing, I just want to rub my face all over them.
First of all, thanks, I work out.
Second of all, don't call me Spiderman, lets get that out of the way right now.
Third of all, I just took a nap on the bottom of a cave because I.... accidentally... kicked the fancy Star Wars hologram over there, just wanted to put that out there: Don't kick the hologram. PSA here, kids.
Forth of all, I lost track of what I was listing.
And fifth of all because I'm on a roll and I need to prove I'm sober and I can count to five, does anyone have directions to a really cheap bar? I'll also accept directions to the pharmacy or a tire and lube.
I'm gonna need a few more chemicals in me before I deal with this. It's for my sake, not your-
I mean your sake, not mi-
No definitely my sake, sorry. Promised a friend I wasn't going to lie as much anymore.
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Do you know Iron Man? Where are you from anyway?
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I've seen Iron Man on TV! And I'm from New York. Ish. Sort of.
Canada mostly. I mean I live in New York right now, was Canada. It's complicated, depends on who you ask.
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[Of course he does, Mr. Deadpool, why wouldn't he?]
Well I wouldn't call you Spiderman, if that helps. I just thought if you were a superhero, you know...
[He waves his hand a little.] Iron Man seems to know everyone.
I'm from Queens.
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[For all he knows.]
Seeeeeee I.... wouldn't ssssaaaayyyyy hero. Super, maybe not hero? That's kind of a four letter word, kind of a lot of responsibility, I'm really not ready to make that kind of commitment also I need that morally ambiguous paycheck.
You know, I bet he might have... heard of me. Maybe.
Oh nice! Hey, I'm from Manhattan! Ish. Sort of. It's complicated.
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[He's not scared of heights, not at all.]
Yeah, it's supposed to be a commitment and really important.
[But you're an adult, shouldn't you be responsible by now?]
It sounds like a lot of things are complicated. [Just an observation.]
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Yyyyeeeeeaaaaaaahhhhhh that's uh... that's a Colossus thing. I'm really busy not being a kissless virgin still, maybe later.
[Wade is a terrible adult]
Welcome to life! Everything is complicated!
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[That's the only logical assumption Peter can think of.]
Colossus? Who's Colossus?
[He's not touching that virgin comment at all.]
I guess. I'm just a student at Midtown, so...
[He offers an innocent smile.] I'm Peter by the way. Peter Parker.
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A kissless virgin, I just told you. Guy doesn't even say fuck. ... Okay he said it once, but that was because I was actually dying that time.
You are very well spoken for a twelve year old.
[WADE.]
Peter huh? Nice to video-meet you, I'm Deadpool.
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[Don't mind if he looks like Deadpool is a potential science experiment. He's a huge nerd.]
Okay... [That's a weird way to refer to someone, as in it tells him nothing at all about him. He frowns slightly.]
I'm fifteen. [A small frown.] Nice to meet you, Mr. Deadpool.
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[Wade is essentially a science experiment! It's a look he's not unfamiliar with. Its the age attached to it though. That's weird.]
You don't look a day over thirteen.
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Don't ask, got it. [He smiles and lets the matter drop and he just sighs.]
I'm not that young, even if Mr. Stark keeps calling me a kid. I'm almost old enough to get my learner's permit!
[Oh yeah he should explain.] I'm an intern for Mr. Stark.
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[Peter you are smol bb]
No kidding? Speaking of value sized vodka bottles, how's Tony doing? Hey, if you ever get out of here and remember, tell him I think he's super dreamy.
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[Peter wonders what the effects of alcohol would be on a very fast metabolism.]
I can't say something like that to him! Mr. Stark would think I hit my head or something!
[Try as he might, he can't call him Tony.]
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No no, really it's easy, you just look him dead in the eye and tell him that some jacked, super fun, really talented, extremely handsome gun for hire in Manhattan would absolutely Kringle his Christmas. I'm sure he's heard it before.
He should have, I know I keep sending those letters.
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I...[He opens his mouth and closes it.] I don't even know what to say to that. I could tell him but probably not like that.
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That's fine, I'll just keep writing those postcards.
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[Science doesn't have to be scary.]
Uh, you do that. Don't feel bad, he doesn't call me back either.
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