[Oh, Albus, Albus, Albus; Ten isn't surprised he pinged you but is glad you answered. That's really the core of the problem isn't it? Finding someone he can trust that isn't Rose, Jack, Martha or himselves. After all, it's Rose, Jack, Martha and Donna he's hurt and just opens old wounds on his older selves. Which is why Ten can't talk to Mirajane about this even if Mirajane would listen - Ten doesn't want to talk about this in public either]
You don't. You hold that pain close in your heart, and do all that you can to make sure no one else ever has to face it again. You ask others to forgive you if it was them you wronged, and only if you understand that what you did hurt them and you won't do it again. If you can't, because they're not here, or you wouldn't do anything differently, or whatever else, then it's not your place to ask yourself for forgiveness anyway. Move on, be a better person. Be the best you that you can.
[She's been ignoring most of the misfired messages, now that she's cottoned to the fact that there's a computer glitch going on, lately. Some of them, though, make her stop and think. This one, especially.
It hits too close to home. And she almost ignores this one, too, just on the offchance that it actually was one of her other selves. But whomever it was, human, magical creature, anthropomorphic slime in humanoid form, or one of three younger Doctors of whom she'd already heard concerned whispers, they were still asking for help. Reaching out. So, after a moment of staring at the screen and biting the nail on her thumb in a small spike of anxiety, she started typing.
She makes sure to force her reply to go through anonymously as well, though. They don't always listen to themselves like they should. Too much pride, and too much hurt, knowing that you weren't able to hide the pain from yourself as much as you thought you were.]
Dunno. It's a hard question to answer. I've been getting better at it myself, but it's taken a long, long time. And some big changes. New perspectives. Sometimes it gets worse before it gets better. But it has gotten better for me, in it's own time.
Don't know what you're wanting forgiveness for, but the fact that you're trying has to stand for something.
It would be unkind of me, to lie and say it doesn't. Everyone's different, though. Maybe you've already reached the worst of it, and before you know it, you'll be able to look back and see yourself with a clearer head.
Hope is so important. That's how I keep myself going most days. Hope and love, trying to hold on to those.
And try not to be alone. It's the worst when you're alone, take it from someone who tried it and failed, miserably.
[More of that nail-biting, her foot tapping like a stabilizer rod knocked loose by turbulance. Is it one of them?]
If I know you, please know that I would want you to talk to me. I worry. [Delete delete delete delete delete] If you have friends here, trust them. If they love you, they'll want to help.
Even if you think they may hate you but can't get away from you because of reasons.
[It doesn't even occur to the Doctor that it might have been his younger self asking; they're usually so preposterously bad at actually asking for help that he's sure it must be someone else, and he hopes that a friendly, sympathetic smile and a face to attach the words to might help them hit home.]
Ah, well, brilliant question. ...not quite sure, myself, and I've been working on it for a while, but I think you try to make up for it, wherever you can, at least for starts. How depends a bit on what you're holding against yourself, I s'pose. If there's someone to make amends to--someone whose forgiveness you could earn--that's something. If not, well, use your imagination, try and find the nearest thing, add as many good things as you can to balance the bad things, try and leave things better than you found them. ...and if that falls through, learn from it, and do better the next time.
[He pauses a second, his sympathetic smile briefly growing even more bittersweet.]
...just try not to get so wrapped up in that mission you make new mistakes to regret. Make sure you hold on to some good things--family, friends, pets, hobbies, all those little, enormous things a... life is made of.
[Ten is actually glad to see a friendly face - it's relieving in a sense, to see himself care even when himself doesn't know who it is.
Expect - he rather do things with them out of the fact of them being around and wanting to be around him; rather than out of some guilt thing because he knows he'll get lost in the guilt thing]
Awww, just when I thought you were the one I wasn't madly in love with. [SO PROUD OF HIM. Basically because he said the same thing as her just better and less bitey, but still, that's a great reason!]
[The eyebrows pop up at that, startled for a second at that before he grins, shifting a little in place as if he's scuffing a foot bashfully on the floor like a nine year old.]
...ha, oi, Rose, please... don't need two of me getting jealous, now.
[Not that he can hide at all how obviously he sincerely appreciates her saying it... or resist preening just a little.
...and he might not mind throwing it in his gray-haired older self's face, given the opportunity, as well, but he's really trying to take the high road, there.]
What is it you wish to forgive, would be the first question, I suppose. Sometimes you can't be given forgiveness until someone else forgives you first.
I've been wondering that myself. I'm thinking a good place to start might be apologizing to the people you may have hurt; forgiving yourself might be easier if you've got the support of others who've already forgiven you.
Though unfortunately that's a bit tough for me, since of the two people I probably hurt the most, one isn't actually here, and the other who was, I can't remember what I actually might have done to her due to a complicated set of magical circumstances.
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That could be a start, depending upon, of course, what was done.
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Do you know anyone trustworthy?
[Totally thinking about you, Albus]
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[Anon Back] IT'S LIKE TRYING TO COAX OUT A SCARED PUPPY
It hits too close to home. And she almost ignores this one, too, just on the offchance that it actually was one of her other selves. But whomever it was, human, magical creature, anthropomorphic slime in humanoid form, or one of three younger Doctors of whom she'd already heard concerned whispers, they were still asking for help. Reaching out. So, after a moment of staring at the screen and biting the nail on her thumb in a small spike of anxiety, she started typing.
She makes sure to force her reply to go through anonymously as well, though. They don't always listen to themselves like they should. Too much pride, and too much hurt, knowing that you weren't able to hide the pain from yourself as much as you thought you were.]
Dunno. It's a hard question to answer. I've been getting better at it myself, but it's taken a long, long time. And some big changes. New perspectives. Sometimes it gets worse before it gets better. But it has gotten better for me, in it's own time.
Don't know what you're wanting forgiveness for, but the fact that you're trying has to stand for something.
[Anon forever]
Yeah - one starts to miss parts of one's self at one point.
But thank you, for the hope that it is possible. Sometimes the hope fire gets harder to keep lite.
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Hope is so important. That's how I keep myself going most days. Hope and love, trying to hold on to those.
And try not to be alone. It's the worst when you're alone, take it from someone who tried it and failed, miserably.
[More of that nail-biting, her foot tapping like a stabilizer rod knocked loose by turbulance. Is it one of them?]
If I know you, please know that I would want you to talk to me. I worry.[Delete delete delete delete delete] If you have friends here, trust them. If they love you, they'll want to help.Even if you think they may hate you but can't get away from you because of reasons.
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NOT ANON THREADJUMP
Anon
[...BARELY REMEMBERING TO STAY ANON!]
XD That's not anon!!!
Shush she says it is so it is >8U She'll just force it to be. Retroactively. Somehow. IT'S FINE.
12 gives Rose heart emojis so now she thinks it's 12 (lol)
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Ah, well, brilliant question. ...not quite sure, myself, and I've been working on it for a while, but I think you try to make up for it, wherever you can, at least for starts. How depends a bit on what you're holding against yourself, I s'pose. If there's someone to make amends to--someone whose forgiveness you could earn--that's something. If not, well, use your imagination, try and find the nearest thing, add as many good things as you can to balance the bad things, try and leave things better than you found them. ...and if that falls through, learn from it, and do better the next time.
[He pauses a second, his sympathetic smile briefly growing even more bittersweet.]
...just try not to get so wrapped up in that mission you make new mistakes to regret. Make sure you hold on to some good things--family, friends, pets, hobbies, all those little, enormous things a... life is made of.
[Anon text]
Expect - he rather do things with them out of the fact of them being around and wanting to be around him; rather than out of some guilt thing because he knows he'll get lost in the guilt thing]
I try. Some days that's hard to do.
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[The Doctor sighs and looks off to the side, at that, before returning with one of those wry smiles--which grows a bit quirkier as he speaks.]
...worth it, though. 'least, that's what I've been telling myself the last thousand years and some change, pretty sure about it by now.
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...ha, oi, Rose, please... don't need two of me getting jealous, now.
[Not that he can hide at all how obviously he sincerely appreciates her saying it... or resist preening just a little.
...and he might not mind throwing it in his gray-haired older self's face, given the opportunity, as well, but he's really trying to take the high road, there.]
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I thought others had to forgive us.
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Though unfortunately that's a bit tough for me, since of the two people I probably hurt the most, one isn't actually here, and the other who was, I can't remember what I actually might have done to her due to a complicated set of magical circumstances.
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