genessia | 2nd Titan Down

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2nd Titan Down | Video

[It's not that this is a rough topic, but he's not exactly comfortable asking for advice. So as soon Jean turns on the camera, he decides to just jump right into the subject.]

Question.

How do you handle interviews when you've never done that kind of work before, you're not exactly experienced with handling the public, and you have other commitments that will always come first?

I'm not looking for anything permanent right now, which is something I'm not sure would go over well. On my world, you pretty much stayed in the same field until you were too old, or if you died, but given the unpredictable nature of this place, I don’t know if it’s that much of a problem.

[Filtered to Armin]
Especially you. How the hell did you manage to get a job like that? I know you're smart, but still. I'm not looking for a desk job, but...you seem like you know what you're doing. Also, do you and Marco work similar hours? I need to know them.
[/Filtered]

[Filtered to Mikasa]
I had fun with you a couple weeks ago. [He glances down before he forces himself to keep speaking.] We should do it again sometime. Did you want to grab coffee later?
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I j-just tried to answer the questions honestly, and it seemed to work out. I could help you prepare for an interview, i-if you want?

And I think Marco and I are both working 9-5. [He gives Jean a curious look.] Why?

Except people like you. You know I'm good at being honest. Too good, for most people.

Really? ...You sure you're not too busy?

[He hadn't really thought about how to start on this topic, so remaining blunt seemed like the best bet.] I'm sure you've heard about the announcement by now. Roman? Something could go down at any point, but more likely than not, he'll target Schnee Company, so I'd like to be there when you work just in case. Weiss already gave me permission to visit Marco. She never specified how much.

...İ guess it's both about honesty and about how you frame your responses. [Which is basically a tactful way of saying that Jean isn't very tactful. He gives Jean a small smile.] And İ always have time for you, Jean.

[There's the focus on Marco again. There was something about the way he said it that didn't seem quite right. Along with Jean's earlier actions and the way Krista had reacted... the clues were beginning to pile up, even if Armin doesn't want to see where they lead.

Maybe he's seeing things that aren't there. Maybe...] W-we'll be fıne, Jean - Levi and Mikasa will be there, and the rest of the security force. That's the point.

Edited 2015-03-04 11:13 (UTC)

How am I supposed to do that without coming across as fake? [He shrugs. He's grateful for Armin's help...and his friendship.] When's a good time for you?

[But now he looks cross again, hearing the security force brought up. He speaks with more force than he intended.] If I thought the force would be enough, I wouldn't even be bringing the subject up. The point is, this enemy is different and it's best if we stick together. I'm sure the others not on the force would agree with me too.

W-well, for example, instead of saying 'I've never done this kind of work before,' you could say 'I've only done this kind of work before.' It's still true, and you're conveying your lack of experience - but y-you're framing it in terms of the experience you do have. Even if that experience is n-not relevant for the job, it puts it in a better light.

Any evening this w-week should work for me.

[And there it was again. It's possible Jean is just worried about then, but... somehow, this seams like more than that. He locks the message before continuing.]

Jean... did something h-happen to Marco? Something he doesn't know about?

Isn't that basically saying the same thing? Why bother to dodge the subject? [Is that a scowl? He's been doing that a lot lately. It's starting to give him a headache.] It almost sounds like more trouble than it's worth.

Thanks, Armin. I appreciate it.

[And he does smile, because Armin is his friend, and while Jean doesn't understand employers and interviews what are you, Armin's still willing to help him. But as soon as he relaxes, he tenses up again. The...absolute last thing he ever wanted was to have this conversation. His face is drained of color, and his eyes are almost glassy, and it's more apparent than usual that he's haunted.

He was the one who found Marco. Marco was his best friend. If anyone's going to tell Armin, it's him, but his voice is still flatter than ever when he does.]

I saw his body, torn in half, just resting on the ground. We never found the rest of his remains.

Marco was murdered. He didn't die. He isn't aware of what happens, and it's going to stay that way.

[He can't. He can't do this. He fumbles a bit with the communicator.]

I gotta go.

It's all about perception. Once they start getting to know you, your leadership and hard work will speak for itself. But you have to make a good enough impression to get to that point.

[And then Jean responds to his other question, and... suddenly he can't breathe. Marco had died. Torn in half. It brings up every bad memory Armin's been trying to avoid - sliding down that titan's throat, watching all his friends get eaten, Leo's hands around his neck...

Armin only manages to get out a strangled 'J-jean, wait -!' before the video clicks off.]

Leadership?

[He wasn't even sure if he wanted to be a leader in this place. How could anyone depend on him when he could leave at any moment?

But those thoughts aren't important right now. Because he's been trying to hide this, and doing a pretty good job, but it's just the reality of it hits him all over, and it's cold and he's not really aware of anything, he just has to cut off the conversation. Cut it off and get somewhere less...less this.

But his day doesn't stay bad. It takes a more positive turn once he speaks to Mikasa, and never has he been more grateful for her presence. She's comforting, grounding, and he remembers he's not the only one who's lost someone dear. He's not over it. He'll never be over it. But he can go on with his day.

He does, however, stay out late in search for jobs, as well as taking the chance to work out, channel his anger there. When he gets back, it's in the single digits of the morning. Everyone should be asleep by now.]

[Armin's a wreck for the rest of the day. He's been scared of this, hoping Jean would tell him he was just imagining things - Petra was one thing, but Marco? Beyond which, that was not the gentlest way to find out. Not that he blames Jean for that.

Another loss to the titans. Another friend, dead. Only not here - because he didn't know yet. By the time they're done with work, Armin's composed himself, and he doesn't give anything away to Marco on the walk home, no matter how torn up he is inside.

But he's not done with the conversation. Armin found out in less than a month, and he'd had his suspicions in half that - beyond which, he would have seen it faster if it hadn't been for the circumstances of his own arrival here. Marco isn't stupid. This won't work forever.

So it is that Armin's still awake, curled up with a book on the couch, when Jean walks through the door. The book was more for appearance's sake, though - Eren and Mikasa would worry if he told them the truth, but this was believable. He would tell them, of course - but this conversation had to come first.]

...Jean?

[It's a very strange day when Jean would rather talk to Eren than Armin, but right about now he wishes it was Eren on that couch, instead of Armin. At least if they got into a fight, it would be over a different topic. He'd choose anything over continuing the conversation from before. His body is still tense from the stress, despite his rigorous workout, and there are shadows under his eyes.

He heads to the kitchen, pretending to be interested in getting a glass of water.]

What is it, Armin?

[It's more than obvious Jean doesn't want to talk about it, but... Armin can't just let it go. For Marco's sake. Besides, Jean arrived here before Armin did, and if he's still not ready to talk about it, he will probably never be. Which means that waiting to have this conversation could only hurt.]

...You know what it is, Jean.

Can we talk outside? I don't wanna disturb anyone. [E.g., I don't want Marco to overhear.]

Actually, I'm busy right now and I only stopped by to grab something. [He fills a glass and gulps it down, but it feels like drinking sawdust.]

Get some sleep, Armin. I'll see you around.

[That door looks very far away right now but he'll still begin to head outside.]

Jean, it's 2 in the morning.

[He understands, he really does, but you're not fooling anyone, and avoiding it is only going to make it harder. And he's not going to be able to sleep until they've had this discussion.]

You can't avoid it forever. P-please, just hear me out.

No shit. I can see why you tested so well in the theoretical parts.

[He makes a point not to look at Armin, but the door isn't working and why won't it open? With a growl, he smacks the door, before he manages to open it.]

I already told you everything you needed to know. Drop it, Armin.

[...okay, that hurt, but he's still not holding it against Jean. He stands up, hesitantly taking a couple steps toward the door.]

I'm n-not asking for you to say more, Jean, I'm asking for you to listen.

I would. But I'm not talking about this right now.

[Since Armin isn't stopping him, he's going to try to leave the apartment.]

[He doesn't stop Jean from leaving, but he follows him outside, growing more frustrated and determined the more Jean tries to avoid it.]

Then when, Jean? When's a good time to talk about it? [Armin doesn't wait for an answer, because he knows Jean doesn't have one.] This won't work forever, you know.

Edited 2015-03-05 07:58 (UTC)

THE HELL IT WON'T! [Jean spins around to face him. His face, while often grumpy, seems to take on a different kind of anger entirely. It twists his features, and he very nearly snarls. He doesn't care if anyone wakes up and hears them and he really doesn't care if he hurts Armin.

Armin...

He likes Armin. He's someone he can respect, he's brilliant, and he wants to look out for him. But right now, Armin is a threat. So far, no one else has challenged his stance on protecting Marco, and then Armin of all people, the fucking genius, is the one who is very potentially going to ruin everything.

He's not fooled by Armin's size or demeanor. He knows how determined he can be when he sets his mind to something.

Jean stalks forward, using the good half a foot he has over Armin to his advantage, and just glares down at him. He keeps his voice low, but it's no less dangerous than before.]

It will work, and you're going to help. Marco isn't going to find out about anything, and he's going to live a long, happy life here, the life he was supposed to have back home. Don't make me regret telling you about this, Armin.

[Armin jumps when Jean shouts at him, but though he's shaking a little when Jean stalks up to him, he doesn't back down, his voice an angry whisper.]

Marco's n-not stupid, Jean! He already kn-knows that something's wrong, with the way you've been acting, he j-just doesn't know what it is! I found out in l-less than a month, and I had my suspicions in half that! Krista's reaction w-was a big clue too - someday s-someone who just arrived is going to say something before we can stop th-them.

It w-won't stay secret forever, and when he f-finds out, it's going to hurt him more because we all knew and we'd been k-keeping it from him!

[He stares up at Jean - trembling, still, but his gaze is fierce. It softens, a little, willing Jean to understand.] I want him to live a l-long, happy life too, Jean. But this isn't going to w-work.

Edited 2015-03-05 12:45 (UTC)

Fucking let them. Let them try and I'll make sure they're not capable of speaking for at least a few hours.

[He doesn't mean that. Jean doesn't mean it but as long as Marco doesn't know, he can pretend too. He can continue to live in this place as a fresh start... He doesn't want to ever see Marco broken, and he just needs Armin to stop.]

You don't want that. If you did, you wouldn't be trying to ruin it for him! Do you want him to remember dying, Armin? Do you want him to go through that? Are you so torn up on your own past that you're determined to make him just as miserable as you are?! You think you've been in pain? Imagine what he went through! Just try! If you tell him, he won't recover! [Neither would Jean.]

I won't fucking allow it! [Just stop. Stop it stop it stop. His hands are shaking as he puts them to his own temples, before he reaches to try and grab Armin by both shoulders.]

It wouldn't be their fault, and that still won't stop Marco from finding out!

[There are tears of frustration in his eyes by this point, but over the course of Jean's speech they turn into tears of genuine hurt. He chokes back a sob and does his best to respond.]

Of c-course I d-don't want that for him! H-how can you even think that?? B-but if we t-told him then at l-least we could be th-there for him. What I don't w-want is Marco to go through that p-pain alone because he thinks he can't t-trust us!

[Then Jean grabs for his shoulders. Normally, given the context of the argument, their emotions running high, it might be a little threatening - but nothing too bad. But for Armin, most of the harm that's been done has been done to him by friends, people he trusted. And Jean's grab is too quick and too close to his neck, where the bruises of his strangulation are still fading. He stumbles backwards and falls, crying out - pure terror in his eyes as he looks up at Jean.]

Edited 2015-03-05 13:40 (UTC)

He won't go through it alone! He won't go through anything as long as you can keep your mouth shut!

[He's desperate to get him to understand, but he has no idea how to convince him and he's too filled with adrenaline to care. He starts to go after him to grab him again--and then he sees that look and the he's filled with a sinking feeling in this pit of his stomach.

Armin's terrified. What makes Jean's anger retreat, but not die, is the fact that he's not sure if he likes that he is or not. He stares at Armin, an unreadable look in his eyes...before his knees buckle, and he's kneeling in front of him, keeping his face as little visible as possible by looking at the ground.]

You can't say anything, Armin. I couldn't--I can't ever see him crushed. You have to keep it to yourself. Promise me.

Edited 2015-03-06 00:41 (UTC)

[At first all was quiet... enough... Mikasa was used to a loud home anymore now and honestly...? After the exhausting day she's had with the thoughts of her mother and father... She just wanted to sleep. She'd been sound asleep next to Eren, maybe holding onto him tighter than usual. She did notice that Armin was not there next to them though.

Careful not to wake Eren up after waking up herself, she got out of bed assuming that he might have fallen asleep on the couch reading or something. But he wasn't there but the door was open. She had heard loud noises, but not loud enough to wake the others. She just happened to wake up on her own; probably due to nightmares plaguing her dreams after recent conversations.

Walking outside as she rubbed her blurry eyes, she just happened to catch the end of the argument. It didn't take much to realize what it was about or who it was. She knew that Marco was a sore subject with Jean, but this... this was going too far.

The moment he grabbed Armin by the shoulders, her fatigue was the last thing on her mind. Pardon the slap across the cheek, but Mikasa is not dealing with this right now.]

Enough, Jean. I get it. I get that you don't want Marco to know, but maybe you should step back and take deep breaths?

[The next words carried a lot of bite to them and even though they'd bonded earlier, Mikasa was clearly not in a good mood about waking up early in the morning and seeing him deal with this piss poorly.]

You should know better more than anyone else not to blame somebody else's past to cover your own hurt feelings. I'll do what I can to make things better for Marco, but don't you dare threaten Armin like that ever again. Do you understand me?

[Now turning to Armin, noticing how frightened he was, her expression softened just barely. It was clear that she had other things still on her mind.]

I've known all along about Marco, but I didn't feel it was my place to say anything. Not if it means that Marco can be happy here. I spoke to Jean about this before, but it's clear that it's going to take a while. I can understand why, but you have to control your anger and frustration.

[That last part was directed to Jean, of course.]

He's not going through this alone and we all know that. We're all here for Marco, so surely he'd understand why we kept it from him. Sometimes ignorance is bliss and if it comes down to it we'll have to tell him, but until then I don't want to put that strain on him because you guys haven't been here for that long. Everything is a big adjustment when you first get here and while you might be more used to it than the others, it would be too much.

Marco fainted on me from just telling him only a select few things about the mechanics of this world. I honestly don't think he's emotionally ready for this right now. I'm not saying we shouldn't eventually, but at least give it some time, okay?

[It takes a long couple of moments for his conscious mind to catch up with what's happening. It was an overreaction, and Jean wasn't really trying to hurt him - he understands that, but it doesn't make everything better. He's crying openly now, and he can't stop shaking, but he still gets up to try and fix things, though he's sticking close to Mikasa.

Jean's not listening, though. He's refusing to accept that they can't keep Marco from finding out - not indefinitely.]

N-no, 'kasa, i-it's not... it's n-not Jean's f-fault. It's... [He gestures at his neck, unable to articulate that his reaction had more to do with his strangulation than it did with the current situation.]

We c-can't k-keep him from f-finding out indefinitely, th-though. And the l-longer we go without t-telling him, the m-more likely he is to find out from s-someone other than u-us. And it'll be way w-worse if he f-finds out that w-way.

[He takes a couple long, shaky breaths, holding tightly to Mikasa's hand and trying to dry his eyes, because this was important.]

If we tell him, h-he'll be hurt. But if we don't tell him, Jean, he'll be betrayed.

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neighvarily - 2015-03-07 17:15 (UTC) - Expand

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2nd Titan Down | Video

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