genessia | 2nd Titan Down

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2nd Titan Down | Video

[It's not that this is a rough topic, but he's not exactly comfortable asking for advice. So as soon Jean turns on the camera, he decides to just jump right into the subject.]

Question.

How do you handle interviews when you've never done that kind of work before, you're not exactly experienced with handling the public, and you have other commitments that will always come first?

I'm not looking for anything permanent right now, which is something I'm not sure would go over well. On my world, you pretty much stayed in the same field until you were too old, or if you died, but given the unpredictable nature of this place, I don’t know if it’s that much of a problem.

[Filtered to Armin]
Especially you. How the hell did you manage to get a job like that? I know you're smart, but still. I'm not looking for a desk job, but...you seem like you know what you're doing. Also, do you and Marco work similar hours? I need to know them.
[/Filtered]

[Filtered to Mikasa]
I had fun with you a couple weeks ago. [He glances down before he forces himself to keep speaking.] We should do it again sometime. Did you want to grab coffee later?
[/Filtered]

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Am I capable...? [She let out a small sigh.] Yes. I am. If it means protecting the people I love. If it's between saving someone I care about and killing another being... I will do it. That being said, I'm not going to go on a murder spree without good reason either.

And.... I'm sure Armin will stop Eren and I before it escalates that far. It's happened before and it will most likely happen again. Honestly, if Armin hadn't pulled through in the end after Eren was found out to be able to turn into a titan.... both of us would have been dead or on the run.

[This was hardly talk on a date, but... she couldn't help that other sigh. It was just... easier to talk to Jean about some of this than the others.]

How can you know that? We've never gone up against humans before. We have no basis to determine how we'd react.

...You wouldn't have been on the run for long. But it didn't turn out that way. [He's not being optimistic, he's just stating the facts.] If anyone can manipulate a situation, it's Armin.

[And it was that moment that Mikasa let out yet another sigh. And suddenly her hand disappeared from his as she walked toward the side of the balcony and looked over it. She's never really talked about this subject to anyone besides Armin and Eren... While she probably shouldn't, she wasn't exactly the kind of person to shy away from something when directly asked.

The question now was.... Could Jean handle her baggage? Guess they were about to find out.]

You haven't gone up against humans before, Jean; I have.... I've seen the way they've looked at Eren... You weren't there....

[And here was the bombshell.]

I've killed a man before when I was young, but if it's any consolation, it was out of self defense. I've also threatened to kill anyone who dared try to kill Eren after he was found out. In fact.... he was going to run for it and even in these walls we wouldn't have gotten far. I knew that but... there was no other way. They pointed their guns and swords at us...

Have you ever had a good portion of the military point their weapons to you in fear? Fear of the unknown... I get they were scared but I.... I can't lose another family member. I can't lose anymore people I care about. So if it means taking on the whole damn military, I will.

[And then there was another pause that seemed to take forever. Coffee still in her hand and yet she seemed to have completely forget about it.]

I'm sorry... I'm not as perfect as you make me out to be. And honestly... I would kill without a second thought if it meant keeping someone I care about from dying.

[He's more worried about the fact that she let go of his hand than her sudden change in mood. Still, he takes a sip of his drink, and listens all the same.

He knows Mikasa cares about Jaeger on a level that's probably unhealthy, as if he's one to talk. So while he doesn't necessarily emphasize with her concern for Jaeger, he isn't any more troubled than he normally would be.

He really hoped this wasn't going to turn into a talk about Jaeger. He might not butt heads with him all the time like he used to, but that doesn't mean he wants to talk about how great he is. He doesn't see it.

...Okay, he really wasn't expecting the conversation to go in this direction. He tightens his grip on the styrofoam cup so he doesn't drop it, staring at her back as if he's never met her before.

Actually, that explains a lot, such as how she held herself when they first began their training, to the way he always felt as if she was looking at him, but at a distance, up until they had arrived here. He had always thought she just wasn't interested in much social interaction, and that she was too perfect to be on the same level as everyone else.

Talk about a shitty childhood.]

...I can understand why they were afraid. I was too--I'm still wary. I know you think Jaeger is perfect, but he's always been unstable even before he discovered his ability, and while I know he has these big goals to free humanity, he's been placed with a lot more responsibility than he probably ever thought he'd have.

You'd never fight again if you did that. [Which would be a loss on many different levels. But he's not so much concerned about that. He's still trying to take this information in. Of course she was still perfect. Maybe he was in denial? He waited about a minute before he approached the edge to stand next to her, looking out at the scenery.]

I'd rather you be alive and have killed someone, any day. Do you want to talk about what happened?

It's... just like I've said before. I've always been surrounded by death. I just... I can't lose anymore family....

[And then she paused for a moment once again.]

I... I know Eren isn't perfect. He's recklessly stupid and gets himself into a lot of trouble. When he'd first told me that he wanted to join the Survey Corp I told him that he should forget about it. He stayed resolute though so... There was no way I could let him die on me. Not after everything that's happened....

[Even while he stood next to her, she didn't look his way. She simply stared at a tree that looked super interesting right about now. Her free hand gripped the railing of the balcony tighter than before.]

You don't.... understand why he's so important to me... I don't expect you to, to be honest. I don't expect anyone to know... If he'd never come along when he did in the past... I wouldn't even be alive. I would have died a long time ago. So I...

[Mikasa had gotten good at hiding her feelings for the most part. It was easier to go numb and not feel anything than to let it show. But thinking about her parents and when she'd met Eren brought back those emotions she wanted to bury. There might have even been a glimpse of a tear in the corner of her eyes.]

I already lost my family once before... and then he saved me that day. [Tugging at her scarf...] After everything happened... he wrapped this scarf around me and told me..., "Let's go home". I was all alone and they took me in. I thought I could be happy again... Just maybe but... then I lost them too.

He's all I have left. I can't lose him now and I refuse to let him die on me.

[And now those tears have started to roll down her cheeks.]

Edited 2015-03-06 08:55 (UTC)

What do you mean?

[He went quiet. He still felt jealous, hearing her talk about Jaeger, but it was more muted. She didn't have to be looking at him for him to get the impression something was wrong. His concern over her overpowered his more selfish feelings for the time being.

He strongly wanted to grab her hand right then and there, to let her know she wasn't alone, but this was different from before, and he didn't know if it would be welcome.

He was speechless. He couldn't even comprehend what she had been through.

It explained a lot of things. His stance on Eren was starting to falter.

But he didn't even care about any of that, because Mikasa was crying, and he had never seen her look so fragile, so imperfect and human before. She was hurting, and his own nerves didn't matter anymore. Without thinking, he put his cup down, and pulled her into a hug.]

Edited 2015-03-06 09:11 (UTC)

[Whatever she was about to say was muted because now she was being pulled into a hug. She might have accidentally dropped her coffee, but honestly it was probably cold right now and she really didn't care about the coffee at the moment. All she knew was that she was suddenly brought into a hug.

She wasn't used to showing physical affection or even receiving it for that matter. She had held all of this inside her for so long. It was only a matter of time until she actually talked about it. And she felt so fragile remembering everything; though it was something she'd never forget. She may not have had night terrors or nightmares anymore from it, but she still ended up sleeping in the same bed as Eren because he'd done that for her when she had trouble sleeping.

And honestly, she didn't fight the hug like she might have normally. Then again... she was doing a lot of things today that she didn't do normally. Breaking down in front of anyone for example. It was easier to go numb, but right now her tears wouldn't stop and she couldn't control that shaking.

Holding him close finally, she buried her face into his chest.]

I'm... sorry. I didn't mean to..

[To what? Make things angsty and sad? Talk about Eren? Break down in front of him? ..... Drop that cold coffee probably near his feet?]

[It's the first time he's ever hugged a girl (outside of his mom), and that should be awkward, but it isn't. Maybe it's because he made her cry, indirectly. Shouldn't that make it worse? He...doesn't really care, because this isn't over some stupid comment, or any other disaster that could occur, this is a pain she's been carrying with her for too long, and if he can even help a little, he'll do anything he can.

His mind is blank. He's hugging Mikasa. Mikasa is hugging him back. He should be happy about this, and while he likes the way her body fits against his, he's just trying to be stable so she doesn't have to be. He shifts his arms slightly to move her closer, to warm her up a little, and elbows his own coffee off the balcony. Oh. Well.]

Don't worry about it.

[The weirdest thing for her was that she wasn't getting comfort from Armin or Eren. It was from someone she hadn't really paid nearly as much attention to as she should have. But at this moment, that didn't matter to her. That hug was probably something she needed the most right now.

It had been so long since she'd even really talk about anything to do with it. The last time was when Armin had found out vaguely and that had been way before they even joined the military. It had been so long that she's kept this bottled up inside.

She knew that he didn't like Eren and that was fine. Even she sometimes chucked him around or smacked Eren for being stupid every now and then... but maybe he'd understand better of why she was so protective of him. Or why that scarf was so important to her. Or even why the thought of losing Eren devastated her. She wasn't going to make Jean understand or start to like Eren by any means, but he might have understood circumstances better.

And there was the faint chance that even after all of this, it just made her re-evaluate how she had once thought about Jean before. He was arrogant and sometimes didn't understand things that well, but he was also very caring and protective of his friends. He was a good guy with a lot of amazing qualities. Even if she hadn't explicitly paid a lot of attention to him back home, even she could verify that even then...

But right now there was something comforting about being about to talk about some of the stuff that she couldn't normally talk about. Or rather didn't talk about because it was too painful. Right now -- even if neither of them intended on things turning out this way -- his comfort was important to her.

He was important to her.

So instead of letting go of the hug, she remained where she was besides maybe snuggling closer to him.]

I... Well uhm.. Thank you.

[There were still a lot of things Jean didn't understand about Mikasa's past, and he doubted he would ever fully understand just how close she and Eren were. It was one of those things you had to experience first-hand to fully understand. He still didn't like Eren. There were a lot of things that he disagreed with, and pissed him off about him, but he could appreciate the fact that he saved Mikasa. If it wasn't for his habit of going off without much thought...he didn't want to think about it.

This wasn't what he had thought would happen on the off chance he ever got closer to Mikasa. But it was better than all of the cookie-cutter fantasies he hadn't believed would ever happen but held onto anyway. Other a small amount of time, he had actually learned a lot about Mikasa as a person. She wasn't perfect but she was still the most amazing person he'd ever met and he wanted her to be happy.

He knew he was blushing because the cold air was more refreshing than anything else. He found his own comfort in hugging Mikasa, one hand against her hair which was just like silk as he always thought, and was content to keep embracing her like this for as long as they could.]

Uhm... Yeah, anytime.

[Honestly, she doesn't ever expect Jean to actually like or get along with Eren much. It was just how they were. And as much as he might not like it, Eren was always going to be important to Mikasa. At the very least, she's been trying not to bring him up around Jean much knowing all of this.

Whatever blushing Mikasa had been doing any time before this was all but gone with the memories of her past. She was more concerned about calming down and while she wasn't a touchy feely person normally, his hug was extremely comforting right now.

She was silent for a little while, before adjusting herself just slightly enough to move her head. Her hold on him remained all the same with no intent of letting go. Maybe that wasn't the best idea, but right now she knew she just had to calm herself down and she was comfortable like this, strangely enough.]

I'm sorry. I... don't think plans like this are meant to be so... sad. But I... I do feel a little better...

[Gazing over the balcony to the best of her ability at the moment...]

It's a nice view though.

[He was glad he could do something for her, even if it was something as simple as this. He'd never seen Mikasa cry before, and he didn't want her to be hurting, but he wanted to be around to help if she was.

He rested his head against her own, but just a little.]

I'm glad you feel better. Thanks...for telling me.

[It meant a lot, to be included in that info.]

[He wasn't looking over the balcony, his own eyes more focused on her.] Yeah. I thought it was.

To be honest... I haven't... actually talked about it much. Eren and I kind of just... leave it be for obvious reasons. The last time I've actually talked about it was when Armin found out a little about it.

My father was killed and then my mother died to protect me and try to get me out of the house but... then I was taken captive. I probably would have died if Eren hadn't showed up. He'd missed one them and he would have died too, but he gave me the courage to fight back.

All I knew was... I had to save him because he'd come to save me. After it all happened, the authorities that came were surprised that two young kids could kill 3 grown men by ourselves but... we didn't have a choice... It was either kill and live or die.

[She let out what seemed to be yet another sigh.]

I guess that makes you one of the few people who actually know what happened.

...You did the right thing. [He means it. He wouldn't say it if he didn't.] I can see why you wouldn't want to tell many people.

But...I'm glad you told me.

It's just... easier not to talk about or.. think about it.

[Which will be the case after this aside from talking to Armin.]

I guess...I didn't mean to make painful memories resurface.

[His way of saying "I'm sorry for making you cry".]

Are you cold? We can go inside.

No... it's.... it's okay. It was bound to happen eventually...

[She doesn't blame him at all for it, to be honest.]

I.. Not really but... I don't mind.

[Because she hasn't been paying attention to the cold and he was warm even if the weather wasn't. Glancing to the balcony for a moment.]

I guess that coffee went to waste, huh?

[Was that an attempt to lighten the mood? Probably.]

Me neither.

[He hadn't really felt it, he was too busy noticing Mikasa to care. Even now, he still feels warm. He blinked and snorted.]

I'm sure the single sips we each took tasted good.

[His sarcasm was done in good humor.]

[And then since they're at a good point to just... you know... change the subject to something not delicate and fragile... She's going to just look up to him with a somewhat faint, tired smile.]

Would it be too much... to ask if we could get more? We could just have a uh... well.. A do over or something and pretend this didn't go in the direction it wasn't supposed to go.

[She's trying, okay?]

[He's pleasantly surprised to hear that. If she still wants to be around him after that, he'll take it as a good sign.]

Sure. I'm up for a do over.

[Or five. That might be too much coffee though.]

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2nd Titan Down | Video

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