VI ✖ ＫＩＬＬ 【Log】

[inhisdebt]

Who: Mikasa Ackerman, Jean Kirstein, & Armin Alert
What: Mikasa feels bad about what happened in the early morning hours, even if it was something that needed to be done, so she makes the effort to try to make things better and also to talk to Armin about something.
When: March 5th
Where: Casa AoT originally while talking to Armin, but then going to talk to Jean later.
Style: Starting in 3rd, but I switching to 1st in comments.

[ A R M I N | E A R L I E R ]



Mikasa couldn't say that the morning argument they had was something that she was proud of, even if it was a bit short lived once Mikasa arrived. She'd wanted to go after Jean and apologize, but she had Armin to look after right now. She didn't like it... She didn't like Jean walking off in the middle of the early hours of morning to avoid the apartment again... She didn't like the fact that she'd felt that she'd done something bad even if it was necessary in that moment of time. She didn't like any of this conflict, and yet she was partially to blame because she'd known about it since Marco arrived and even before then but never said anything.

It was probably better to just rip off the band-aid so to speak, but she didn't think Marco was emotionally ready to hear about his death. Still, after attending to Armin and trying to calm him down and make him feel better in the early hours of the morning, they managed to finally sleep; though she'd ended up falling asleep next to Armin on the couch because she didn't want to wake Eren up and doubted that that was possible after that.

Given a few hours later for him to really calm down, she'd woken a little earlier than everyone else. It seems that even if the argument hadn't happened, she still wasn't likely to get much sleep after yesterday. Letting out a deep yawn, she faced the facts that she probably wasn't going to get much sleep even if she tried, so she just got up and went to the kitchen to get a glass of water.

Absent mindedly looking to the room that Jean stayed in in the tiny apartment, she let out a small sigh before setting down the glass to go see if he'd come back at some point. Still gone... He was... still gone... She made the mental note to go look for Jean, but for now she really needed to talk to Armin and not because of Marco this time... 

Going over to Armin sleeping on the couch, she put the blanket she'd shared with him over him to cover him better, trying not to wake him up.

[ J E A N | L A T E R ]

After her talk with Armin, it left Mikasa even more confused about what to do. She didn't understand why she felt the way she did. She didn't know what to do. Armin had a girlfriend once before so she thought he'd be more help than the rest of the people here. Even so she was still unsure of what to do about this. She liked Jean. It had come to that conclusion and it was such a strange thought because... she never paid too much attention to him back home. Then again... back home they had a lot more pressing matters to keep themselves busy. There was no avoiding it here. His comfort and those dates they'd gone on meant a lot to her... A lot more than she'd ever thought they would. 

And then he found out about her past somehow within their conversation yesterday. It was something that Mikasa didn't try to think too much about and really hadn't talked about it extensively in years. Between Eren and her... they weren't too keen on thinking about that day that he'd saved her because of the night terrors she'd experienced after it. Armin only knew the basics of what happened, but he was considerate enough not to say much about it either. And now that she had remembered everything (although it was almost impossible to forget) and talked about her parents for the first time in years... she hadn't really experienced night terrors.

They couldn't classify as night terrors anymore, the nightmares she'd gotten as a child were coming back to her. She was older now, but it didn't make them any less uncomfortable or easier to deal with. All that was certain was that sleeping had certainly become an issue after. Between that and what happened between Armin, Jean, and her... it made her restless. Still even if he knew what happened to her as a child now.... there was comfort in being able to just sort of... let it go. Physically contact was definitely a strange thing for Mikasa much at all, but his warm hand and his caring hugs did help her calm down a bit. It made her feel... a little better even.

She'd tried to look for him, but she didn't find him. Eventually she let out a sigh and tried to call him. This wasn't so much about her recent feelings surfacing as much as she wanted to tell him sorry. She wanted to talk to him about Marco again and... she knew he probably didn't want to. She felt that she needed to try to talk to him about what happened though. And she wanted to ask for his permission about her thoughts on what to do about Marco. During the time she couldn't sleep, she'd thought a lot about what to do.

Nothing. He didn't pick up. Trying again..., "Come up! Answer me please..."

Comments

[inhisdebt]

[Across or beside her didn't matter. She thought maybe that would have been a good enough clue without having to actually say it, but maybe not...]

Back in the other world he was in... He had a girlfriend named Sansa. I was surprised to hear about it too, but I'm happy for him. It's just a shame that he won't be able to see her again while he's here.

[neighvarily]

Yeah. Sucks for him.

[He didn't sound at all sincere when he said that. Honestly, right now, he didn't have a lot of sympathy for Armin, at least not over something like that.]

What's your point?

[inhisdebt]

[She let out a deep sigh to that. She thought that might have been even more obvious, but clearly it was something she was just going to have to say... She really didn't want to, despite being direct almost 99% of the time besides this.

Fine. Just be direct.... If you have to, Mikasa..., blurt the words out.]

Are you stupid? [Woah, girl! Too direct...] I mean...

[SIIIGHHHHH. THIS IS SO HARD!!!]

I've come to the conclusion over time about something that I've been feeling but I... I didn't know how to go about it... So I asked Armin for relationship advice...

[IS THAT GOING TO BE ENOUGH? PLEASE BE ENOUGH...]

[neighvarily]

What? [First she was being all kind to him and stuff and now she was insulting him? What had he done now? He stared at her, completely baffled, and sipped his coffee to give her time to explain.]

[Wait. Wow yeah no she was right he really was stupid. He wasn't the best at hiding his emotions, but he tried to hide his shock and tentative happiness by narrowing his eyes to look more perplexed.]

Armin's not exactly the first person I'd ask for relationship advice. You said you wanted to try my coffee? [He offers it out to her.]

[inhisdebt]

Well I...

[Another sigh as she just took his coffee to take a small sip of it before handing it back to him.]

The point is.... I have no idea what I'm doing or even why I'm feeling the way I do lately. I mean... I'm not exactly.. used to it..

I don't like beating around the bush, so I'm just going to say it...

[Cheeks already turning a light red as she stared at her coffee instead.]

I like you, Jean... I'm sorry that I... didn't pay much attention to you back at home... I may be confused about what to do or what to say, but that's the one thing that's become very obvious to me...

[And now her cheeks are burning up, avoiding eye contact. Wow, was that logo always there on that cup?]

[neighvarily]

[Jean thought he was dreaming.

He seriously had not expected her to just come out and say it.

This was really happening, right? It wasn't a nightmare, under the illusion of a dream, that would only betray him with her rejection a moment later?

He put his cup down and almost knocked it over, catching it at the last second. His lips were twitching a little with the urge to smile like a loser, his cheeks a soft pink.

Finally, he grabbed her other hand, leaning forward so he could look her in the eye.]

I like you too.

[But she probably already knew that so that wasn't really much of a confession on his part.]

[inhisdebt]

[That was pretty obvious by this point but it still gave her more butterflies to deal with. Still not looking directly to his face, she looked to their hands instead to hide her blushing; although the point was pretty moot because it was obvious she was blushing a lot.]

But I... I don't know to do. I'm... not used to this, but I like being with you like this...

[neighvarily]

I like being with you too. And...if I could be with you more often, I'd like that.

[She's so cute. He finds himself suffering from second-hand blushing, but other than that and the adrenaline rushing through him, clouding his brain, he feels surprisingly stable. Probably has something to do with her.]

So why don't we see what happens? We don't have to do anything other than what we want to at the time.

[He has to ask, averting his eyes and sounding nervous.]

Does this make us official?

[inhisdebt]

I... Uhm... I.. don't know...

[If her hands weren't otherwise occupied, she'd probably be covering her mouth nervously. He liked her back so... that shouldn't be an issue though...]

I.. I guess so...

[neighvarily]

[Now it's his turn to be flustered and nervous. Because he doesn't want to make Mikasa uncomfortable, and he's waited forever for this. He can wait longer.]

We don't have to be...if you don't want.

But I need a straight answer so I know, for certain.

[inhisdebt]

No I-- I want to! I just--

[Which was blurted out unintentionally. Well, she did like to be direct about things... And her cheeks feel warmer than before once again.]

[neighvarily]

[His face felt hot, but he relaxed, relieved and ecstatic to hear her answer. Letting go of one of her hands, he uses his free arm to wrap around her and try to pull her over to lean against him.]

I want to too.

[Fuck that sounded stupid.] I mean-- You know what I meant.

[He still continued to blush in this unfamiliarity, but it was the exciting kind, that left him feeling light and full of nerves all at once.]

I FINALLY USED IT!!

[inhisdebt]

[Freeing her other hand from him, she wrapped her arms around his neck while trying to adjust herself to get in a more comfortable position.]

I know..

[She gave him an actual smile before moving close to him. She pressed her lips gently against his. She may not know what exactly to do, but she did know she'd subconsciously wanted to kiss him for a while. This was about as good of a time as any, right?]

SCREAMS FINALLY

[neighvarily]

[What was she doing.

She had such a beautiful smile. He found himself smiling back--

And his abilities to think coherently disappeared because Mikasa the girl he had liked a lot for three years and had recently started to pay attention to him was kissing him and her lips were soft and warm, really warm, and he probably wasn't making that much better.

Screw thinking, if he was going experience something he'd only dreamt about, he was going to enjoy it. Patiently, he tried to get a feel of things, pressing back and angling his head to make it more comfortable.]

[inhisdebt]

[And there's their coffee ignored again. Well, didn't really matter right now since this was better.

She broke away for a moment before giving another kiss. Finally, after it her cheeks were flushed a bright red, but now she didn't pay it much mind.]

Okay. I guess that makes this official then.

[Light joking, obviously, but she really means it.]

[neighvarily]

[Yeah, definitely better.

He didn't care if he was smiling like an idiot, he was ecstatic, his own face probably just as flushed as hers and eyes a little hazy.]

Pretty sure kissing counts as official, yeah.

[He's playing but wow he's fucking thrilled.]

[inhisdebt]

[At the very least, she seemed to be in a good mood compared to her normal mood. This place wasn't so bad after all.]

So tell me... Just how long have you fantasized about that?

[Okay.. If she can tease him like this was a smile on her face, than things are clearly going damn well.]

[neighvarily]

[If she needs to be happy at the expense of his ego, he's fine with that. He blushes for an entirely different reason now, playing with the napkin.]

I'll let you use your imagination.

[inhisdebt]

[She couldn't help but let out a small laugh. She won't mess him him more than that at least. Glancing to her coffee, she grabbed it to take a sip.]

I guess coffee really isn't in the cards, huh?

[By this point it was cold, but she didn't care. Everything else was more important.]

[neighvarily]

I don't know, other than the coffee I think it worked out pretty well.

[He put a hand on his cup, and started to tilt it back and for, but he didn't sip at it. He wasn't even paying attention to how it tasted before.]

[inhisdebt]

I guess so. [She paused for a moment before speaking again. He probably didn't want to hear her ask again, but....] So come home please.

[neighvarily]

[He stops playing with the cup and looks away.]

You said it yourself I have to keep my emotions in check around Marco. It's obvious I can't do that right now. And there's some other stuff I have to do in the meantime, in case Roman does actually attack Schnee Company.

[inhisdebt]

[Leaning against him still, she let out a small sigh. She did say that and it would be hard but... Part of her still wants to ask him... She knew he'd most likely say no and keep insisting that he should never know, but this is obviously getting them no where...]

Jean.... Forgive me for this but.... [She sat up properly now as she took his hand in hers.] I don't think this is going to be any good for any of us when things are this complicated and especially not Marco so I...

I want to ask for your permission, because I know how you feel about the subject better than everyone else... I'd like to tell him...

It'll hurt and I'd love to act like nothing is wrong, but it's clear that he knows that's not the case... I think he'd be a little hurt at first, but... it'll be easier for him to... [Okay... What's a good word to use for this.... Preferably without testing his patience further.] cope better rather than if he found out some other way later on.

I can do it if you'd be comfortable with me doing it. I know how hard it is for you, but maybe this will ease the pressure on you too? I don't want to do it without you consenting to it though.

[Even before all of this, she still feels the same way about this; Except now with all the drama and pain and everything else going on because of it... It's getting harder to simply ignore it ever happened.]

And if... you'd rather tell him... I'll be there for you the entire time so you don't have to worry as much. I just feel at this point this is the better option for Marco's well being...

[neighvarily]

[He couldn't believe what he was hearing. He snatched his hand away as if it had been burned, his previously warm expression deadened by a look of horror. Mikasa was still talking, but he was only able to partially listen, and not rationally at that.]

I can't do that. You can't do that to him. Is this about me avoiding the apartment? [He looks annoyed, his voice rising in volume. Annoyed he can do. Anger makes sense.] Look, I can come back if it's that big a deal. We don't have to get Marco involved in this.

We're not telling him anything! [How many times had he repeated those words in the last 24 hours? Desperate, he ran a hand through his hair and stood up.]

Can you promise me you won't tell him?

[inhisdebt]

N-No! That's not why... Jean! I'm not asking you this because I want you to come back. Of course I want you to come back to the apartment, but I would never use something like this to do it. You know that!

[It was pretty clear on her face that she was a little hurt by that. Even if none of this happened, she'd still feel the same way. Standing up too, maybe they should remember that they're in a public space, but that's not on her mind right now.]

I know it's hard, but I think he deserves to know.... This is causing him more harm than good, Jean. He's wondering why his best friend hates him or at least is constantly mad when best friends don't usually act this way. That's hurting him too. He's wondering why everyone else is acting strange around him and I can tell he's getting suspicious. I'm all for keeping it from him if it means sparing him the pain, but how long is that actually going to work?

[Shaking her head resolutely.]

I'm sorry, I can't promise that. But I promise that I won't do it without making sure you're okay with it. I'm not that heartless to just tell him without thinking about your feelings on the matter, but maybe you're not thinking of his enough.

What's the better approach to this if you were in his footsteps, Jean?

[And then for how loud she had gotten in the midst of this, her voice finally goes quiet.]

Please... I think this is what's best for him. For everyone. I can do it if you can't because I know I'd be able to calm him down better than what you could. And then he'd understand why you're so tentative and protective of him. Surely he could understand why you've been acting the way you have...