two; doo doo doo doo doo (heartbreaker)

[pathosis]

The best wine for a good chocolate is something fruity or a rich red. You need it to be similarly intense to the type of chocolate, got it? I'm talking about just chocolate not a chocolate cake. That goes with a dessert wine. The more you know ~☆

Other DOS and DON'TS if you, like many an American, celebrate the time-honored tradition of seeking out some romance on this fine day. These also apply to every single day ever. Don't use this day as an excuse, brothers and sisters.

DO offer to pay. Even if you don't follow through and the person you're wish goes "no, I insist." Guaranteed to win you points. Be the person insisting if you're on a date and asked that person out. If you let that person pay, you're probably a cheap bastard or your date thinks you're poor. Ouch. Don't go overboard if you are broke. You've got other options.

DON'T get someone flowers if they said they don't want flowers. They really don't want flowers. Are you trying to have their allergies act up? What's wrong with you? SEE ALSO: Not giving chocolate to someone who said they really didn't want chocolates. Seek out alternative gifts. Gifts that don't count as alternative gifts are lingerie (you're not going to see it, buddy. See the next DON'T), really expensive jewelry to that person you've only dated for like a week, and living things that are not plants.

DO send gifts to your crush at work. It's adorable and makes their co-workers jealous. Always make those guys jealous.

DON'T assume you're going to get that kiss/bj/etc. Might happen but be cool, be cool. If you go in with that as the goal, you've already lost. Nice try though.

DO cook. Can't cook and not a restaurant type? Pizza. Don't underestimate the effectiveness of a stay-in Netflix & Chill.

DON'T mention your ex. NOPE. Shhh, shhh. Why would you do this to yourself?

DO be calm, okay? All is well. If it goes sour, remember my advice about which wine to pair with chocolate. Drink some. Repeat as necessary.

QUESTIONS? Free advice for a limited time only.

On a completely unrelated note: Why hasn't anyone here invented newspaper-proof windows if this like some running gag you've got going here? The little angel nailed me in the head. I'm not even mad. It was a helluva shot. Buuuuut consider the window market you could tap into by inventing this.

Comments

[livable]

Dating advice. Surprisingly not terrible, but the star was a bit much.

[pathosis]

What d☆ y☆u mean? :)

[livable]

You know what I mean.

[pathosis]

People do magic here.
Stars are therefore never overkill.
🌟

anon;

[unhappy]

Eugh, shut up. The last thing I need to see when I first get back is a bunch of people trying to figure out how to get someone else to fornicate with them.

[pathosis]

"DON'T assume you're going to get that kiss/bj/etc."

anon;

[unhappy]

They don't have to assume to try.

[pathosis]

When are they NOT trying tho, nonnie?

[onewhostays]

I didn't know romantic protocol could be so complex.

[pathosis]

It's a tough thing to pick up.

text;

[imaginationswoes]

This is very... practical.

Is this from personal experiance or things you've read in books?

text;

[pathosis]

Little of this, little of that. Lot of common sense.

text;

[imaginationswoes]

That's good to know.

Thanks for the tips.

text;

[pathosis]

You're welcome. Good to know it's at least an interesting read.

Text;

[inhisdebt]

How many of these actually work...?

Text;

[pathosis]

All of them. Tested and approved.

Text;

[inhisdebt]

Really now?

[Mikasa.... It's not like you know much about relationships. You may have a boyfriend, but that only goes so far.]

text;

[pathosis]

Really really. Spreading lies about this sort of thing would be an unnecessary douche move.

text;

[firefandance]

Was this really necessary?

Though what do you mean by Netflix & Chill?

text;

[pathosis]

Nope.

How old are you?

text;

[firefandance]

I'm nineteen.

text;

[pathosis]

Okay. It's when you put Netflix - or a movie or a show on anything on in the background while you get it on.

[Text]

[redsnowangel]

Oh, hey, I got one for you:

DON'T go around sounding like an obnoxious know-it-all. You look like a douche.

[pathosis]

Couldn't get a date, huh?

[redsnowangel]

Wouldn't you like to know?

Just for the record, my date's cuter than anyone you'd ever find.