genessia | XVII ✖ ＫＩＬＬ【Text/Action】

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XVII ✖ ＫＩＬＬ【Text/Action】

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[Mikasa hadn't seen Marco for a while and she wanted to say he was just busy doing stuff, she was starting to get a little worried. She didn't want to be the type of person to have to know where everyone was all of the time, but with Annie here now, maybe it was a good idea to look for him. She couldn't seem to find him anywhere and that's when she thought to ask if Jean had seen him around lately.... Except she couldn't find him anywhere either...

She had a bad feeling in her gut. Something was telling her that this was all pointless, but she wanted to believe that maybe they were just busy....? Going for her phone, she sent a quick text to David.]

Hey, I have a question for you.

You can locate the people you've met here before right? Is it possible if you could see if you can sense were Jean and Marco are?

[Phrased like a question because she doesn't want to say if they're still there...]

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[After finding out that neither Marco nor Jean could be located, Mikasa decided to just.... go for a walk. There was no general direction she was going, but with her friend and boyfriend gone (again), she didn't really want to sit around the mansion and mope. Except she was still moping, just not in the same setting. She finally found herself at the coffee shop that Jean and her would go from time to time.

Part of her wanted to just keep moving forward because it made her think of Jean, but she was tired. She'd been working a lot lately and though it was mostly intentional and self-inflicted, she really didn't want to have to wander any further. At least it seemed slow this time of day. She got herself a random coffee (she asked the barista to surprise her) and located the least populated area in the shop possible.

She wasn't crying. She wasn't thinking much. More than anything... She was just.... numb. It was easier for her to just go numb than to succumb to her depressed thoughts. Of course it hurt, but he'd left before. He had also come back, but the odds of him coming back a second time seemed..... slim to none. The heart ache she felt was enough to make her want to just try to forget about feelings altogether. Forget pain, sorrow... any feelings at all. She just found herself staring at the coffee that was starting to get cold. She hadn't drank much from it just yet, but eventually she caught herself thinking...]

Maybe I should just go home....?

[OOC: Anyone is free to bump into her there!]

Action; Closed to Attack on Mansion

[Unlike most days, Mikasa hadn't worked today. Instead she spent all day wondering where Marco and Jean had gone to and then wandering around depressed. So by the time she got home, she seemed more deadpan than she usually was. She didn't bother to say hi to anyone or really do anything. Her first instinct was to return to her room.

So anyone who may see her can notice that she's not really acting the same. And even if she had passed others, she didn't seem to give it much thought or try to even talk or acknowledge that they're there.]

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I don't need to have met them to locate them.

[The ability was good in that way. He takes the time to try to locate them, making absolutely sure before he replies with an answer.]

I'm sorry, Mikasa.

[And that's exactly the words that she expected to hear deep down. And yet it still did a number on her. She was sort of glad that this was through text because otherwise her shaky voice would have given her emotional state away. That is... unless he was someone reading her mind or something.]

Thank you for looking for them.

[She'll leave it at that for now, but it's probably not hard for him to tell that she's not taking it well.]

[David knows her. He knows exactly how she is taking it.]

You know you can expect me to appear shortly. I'm not going to let you be by yourself.

[Which is always a good thing, whether or not Mikasa agrees to it. There's a short pause before she responds back.]

I'm fine. There's no need to worry.

[Which is a complete lie and she doubts he'll actually believe it.]

[And he's appearing right beside her. She'll feel his hand touching her shoulder.]

It would probably be something to worry about if you really were fine.

[No matter how used to his teleportation she gets, she'll always jump slightly at the sudden appearance.]

I guess I'm just not allowed to get too close to anyone here...

[Please don't disappear too, David. You're one of her best friends besides the people from her world.]

[He hasn't left you yet, Mikasa. And he has no plans to.]

It's rough, I know. [He was aware there was nothing he could really say to make her feel better.] But you do still have people here that care about you. And that you care about as well.

Yeah....

[There's a small pause as her pained expression on her face gets a little worse. It's shortly half covered with her pulling the scarf up over her mouth and nose.]

It hurts. I've been through this before and now I just.... I just want to do what I normally do. What I did back home when my friends and comrades would be picked off by titans.

It's easier to just.... go numb... Stop from feeling anything. But even if that's what I want to do... [She's trying so hard not to cry, but it's not really working. Damn emotions...]

All going numb would do is stop the pain for the moment. And you can't exactly hide from it forever. [He puts an arm around her and gives her a little hug.]

Just don't let the pain consume you, Mikasa.

I used to be able to.... All of my friends and comrades died every day back home and if I didn't do it..... I would have never been able to move on or function. Maybe people saw me as "cold" because of it but.... I can't let anything stop me from living.

All of that is harder when you allow yourself to get attached to someone and your walls come down.... Apparently, I'm not capable of not feeling anymore.... [She'll accept the hug at least.]

I don't think a life devoid of attachment and feeling would be much of a life. Can you imagine how empty your life might feel if you didn't allow yourself to feel and care for people?

It already feels empty. [But she won't argue that she has other people that she cares about and vise versa.]

It only feels that way because of the people that you lost today. But it's going to get better, Mikasa.

I wouldn't be surprised if more people dear to me disappeared at this point anymore.

[SIGH.]

But I suppose there's nothing that can be done about that. I'll just.... deal with it in my own way... [AKA working entirely way too much.]

[You desperately need another outlet, Mikasa.]

Don't go thinking like that. Assuming the worse will just make you miserable. You need to do something to get your mind off things.

[She really does. She works way too much normally anyways. Can't stop, won't stop.]

I'll be honest... It hurts, but as much as I want to mope around, that won't bring either of them back.

What do you do when you aren't working?

I usually just hang out at home or work on repairs. [She really needs more hobbies...]

We'll find you more to do, then. Some hobbies, maybe.

I suppose killing titans has no affect here. Although there is one I could aim for....

[ Mikasa's strange behavior doesn't go unnoticed by Sertoria, nor does the unexplained absences of Marco or Jean. She pauses what chores she's doing at that time, offering a bit of a smile to her. ]

Hey. Do you want a cup of coffee or something? I can make you whatever you want to eat. You look down.

[ That's the understatement of the year. ]

[Coffee.... She actually had some earlier but-- Actually, no that's a lie. She had some, but she didn't really drink much of it. Most of it went cold before she actually got to that point.]

Yeah, thanks.

No need to thank me.

[ She takes out two cups and starts to make the coffee, pursing her lips together slightly. ]

What did you say your favorite thing to eat was again? I can make that, too.

I'm... really not all that picky.. [She's too tired to really think of anything, so she can choose whatever she'd like.]

All right.

[ With a thoughtful hum, she starts to get the ingredients together to start to make a pot of soup before getting straight to work. ]

I have been told I am a great listener, so if you want to say whatever is on your mind, I am all ears.

[ Although, she already knows what's eating at Mikasa like this, but she'll refrain from saying that. ]

[Mikasa was quiet for a while before saying anything. And what she says will probably come out deadpan anyways.]

....... Jean and Marco left.

[Armin comes home late that night, though that's nothing unusual in itself. But part of staying so late tonight came from trying to ignore his reaction to Marco and Jean's disappearance. When he realized they hadn't shown up to work - well, it wasn't hard to work out.

With them gone, there was certainly enough extra work to keep him busy.

Eventually, though, he knows he has to return. He's nearing collapse from exhaustion - and he needs to see Mikasa. To make sure she knows, and to comfort her. It was wrong of him to stay away like that, running from his own grief. Hers would be worse - like his had been when Sansa disappeared. And he knew her well enough to know she wouldn't handle it well - or rather, that she would barely handle it at all, that she would simply go numb and ignore it. And though he's hardly one to criticize on that score, given what he's been doing all day - well, he still needs to be there for her.

So when he gets home, he goes straight to her room. With one look at her, it's obvious she already knows. He doesn't say anything then, simply going to her and wrapping his arms around her, holding her tightly.]

[On a normal day, Mikasa would have been on him for getting to that point, but today she had no idea. She didn't really pay much mind to it until she saw him again. She hadn't exactly went looking for anyone, after all. She didn't want to deal with anyone.... She wouldn't stop them if they came to her, but she wasn't really all that keen on seeking anyone out herself right now.

She was about to call his name out upon seeing him, but was silenced with the hug. She just closed her mouth and set her head on his shoulder as she returned a tight hug. It was obvious he must have known already...

It was hard... She was so used to detaching herself from the big picture and the others around her unless they were Armin or Eren. It was easier to keep moving forward when she didn't have to cry at every loss that they took back home. And ever since being here, she'd been lowering her wall slowly over time. She began to let people into her heart more as the time went by here. And while she was glad to get closer to her friends here, it also left her feeling vulnerable.

She couldn't simply shut out her emotions anymore. Not after all of the time spent here and really finding that what she felt for Jean was love. Heartbreak was a bitch and she'd been through this before. She didn't want to feel, but it seemed her heart decided that it was necessary.

Honestly, she felt a little lonely, but she knew she had the others so she wasn't truly alone. And what right did she have to mope when Armin had still been suffering over Sansa leaving? At least Jean came back at one point. Sansa hadn't. She was fortunate to have such wonderful people in her life that would come to her aid when she needed it. If it was a physical fight, Mikasa could manage, but emotionally was a different story.]

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XVII ✖ ＫＩＬＬ【Text/Action】

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