its_dad_sanzo: Burial-era (unhappy)
πŸŒ™ Toua Koumyou Sanzō Hoshi-sama the 30th γ€ε…‰ζ˜ŽδΈ‰θ”΅γ€‘ ([personal profile] its_dad_sanzo) wrote in [community profile] genessia2016-12-06 03:28 pm

πŸŒ™ Better than a thousand hollow words, is one word that brings peace.

Who: Genjyo Sanzo, Koumyou Sanzo, Amberdrake.
What: OP & thread 1: Koumyou Sanzo visits his son in the middle of the night. Thread 2: Drake and Sanzo talk about Koumyou and briefly about what went down in thread 1. Thread 3: Koumyou and Sanzo talking some more.
Where: Drake and Sanzo's house in Attleton.
When: OP & thread 1: The same night as Singles Night, after Koumyou eventually leaves. Thread 2: Around noon, the day after. Thread 3: Evening of the same day as thread 2.
Warnings: FEELS. Angst, suicide mention, probably Warm And Fuzzy Feelings, y'know, the whole gamut.

It was very late at night when Koumyou glanced up to find himself having wandered to his son's house. The intense moonlight lit the cozy little cottage enough to make it impossible to not know where he was.

But, it was far too late at night.

He wouldn't knock.

Koumyou sat down on the wide, circular short step before the door, and sighed quietly. He tucked his legs half-under him, and wondered what he was doing, just sitting out here on the cold stone. In the morning, he could call Kouryuu from his apartment, hear his voice. Right now? There was nothing to do but lurk, and wallow in his own sadness.

Between the other night at the shrine with the little golden dragon, and several more instances tonight, he'd spoken of his death and the burden it had left on his young son many times, recently. Too many times...

He was no therapist, like Amberdrake. Ripping open his own wounds constantly wore on him far faster than it did the kestra'chern. Right now, he just wanted to be near his son. And so here he sat, breath fogging in the cold air.

The sun would rise when the sun would rise. And perhaps the moon would still be out when he did.
badly_behaved_priest: (Serious: 1)

[personal profile] badly_behaved_priest 2016-12-07 01:08 am (UTC)(link)
"Too late for that." Sanzo stared down at Koumyou, amazed, again, by how much smaller he seemed. And how much more vulnerable. His master had been unshakable, invulnerable, up until he wasn't. That moment Sanzo forever blamed himself for, guilt gnawing at his insides even as he looked down at a living, breathing Koumyou.

"It's cold. Come inside." Sanzo stepped back to make room.
badly_behaved_priest: (Neutral: 13)

[personal profile] badly_behaved_priest 2016-12-07 01:24 am (UTC)(link)
"Yes." Koumyou's presence is likely what pulled him out of that nightmare, but it was true enough. Sanzo noticed the lack of smile and his frown grew grimmer. It was so odd to be in a place to offer comfort to the man that had always been above him, in wisdom, power, and stability.

He yanked a blanket off the couch and offered it to Koumyou.

"Have you eaten?" It was strange but comforting to slip, momentarily, into the role he'd filled as Kouryuu; making sure his master remembered this or that, bringing him meals or supplies when needed.
badly_behaved_priest: (Neutral: 9)

[personal profile] badly_behaved_priest 2016-12-07 01:38 am (UTC)(link)
"Sit down," he said, jabbing his thumb at the breakfast table. A folded newspaper, a closed laptop, and a small pile of cracked beads were already on the table. Otherwise, it was quite clean.

Sanzo disappeared into the kitchen without checking to see if Koumyou had down what he said. There was the sound of the fridge opening, the clink of a plate, and, after a pause, the microwave whirling to life. He reemerged shortly afterward and leaned against the side of the doorway back into the living room.

"What happened?" Something had happened, Koumyou was not so easily shaken.
badly_behaved_priest: (Serious: 4)

[personal profile] badly_behaved_priest 2016-12-07 01:51 am (UTC)(link)
"They're Amberdrake's, I was trying to repair them," he replied, sounding bored at the idea. It wasn't to help Drake, no, it was just because he had nothing better to do! A few of the beads had dried glue stuck to them, seems Sanzo wasn't very successful so far.

"What happened?" he repeated. This all felt very surreal to him.
badly_behaved_priest: (Neutral: 14)

[personal profile] badly_behaved_priest 2016-12-07 02:11 am (UTC)(link)
Sanzo needed no clarification, that night was forever a sharp, clear memory in his mind. It was raining heavily in his dreams tonight before Koumyou arrived. He was silent a while, still until the microwave dinged behind him and he retreated back into the kitchen to retrieve the plate and a fork. He reappeared with the plate and a glass of water. Both he set in front of Koumyou and sat down himself, across from the older Sanzo.

"Tell people to shut up if they get curious about it," he offered as "advice". It wasn't a topic he ever freely talked about, it brought him shame as well as grief.
badly_behaved_priest: (Unhappy: 5)

[personal profile] badly_behaved_priest 2016-12-07 02:26 am (UTC)(link)
"That's not important." It was an old, awful wound, spanning half Sanzo's life. Koumyou's presence made it easier to push the pain to the side, to ignore it for longer, but the blame remained strong. Sanzo stared off to the side, it was hard to look directly at Koumyou while lying so blatantly.
badly_behaved_priest: (Upset: Thinking)

[personal profile] badly_behaved_priest 2016-12-07 02:41 am (UTC)(link)
However much Sanzo wished he would. It was his personal weakness, his problem, his to deal with alone. Amberdrake and Koumyou were determined to drag it out of him, make him face it to let it heal. It wouldn't heal and there was a large part of him that knew he deserved for it to linger.

"I'm handling it."
badly_behaved_priest: (Serious: 3)

[personal profile] badly_behaved_priest 2016-12-07 02:54 am (UTC)(link)
Sanzo didn't answer, he refused to look at Koumyou. The image of his master torn apart was so clear in his mind, he couldn't risk Koumyou seeing the distant, pained look in his eyes. It was harder to hide when he looked him in the eye.
badly_behaved_priest: (Serious: 1)

[personal profile] badly_behaved_priest 2016-12-07 03:00 am (UTC)(link)
A barely visible shudder ran through Sanzo before he could shut down his reaction completely. He clenched his teeth, frustrated by his own weakness. His pride made it such a struggle to be honest in so many things, this especially.

"I thought talking about that night was the problem?" His voice was still smooth and unaffected, he needed control.
badly_behaved_priest: (Neutral: 3)

[personal profile] badly_behaved_priest 2016-12-07 03:07 am (UTC)(link)
Sanzo took a deep breath and exhaled slowly. It took more out of him than he realized to reject Koumyou like he was so used to doing to others. He moved his own hand in range of Koumyou's. Even with his father it was hard to be anything but passive when it came to showing any closeness.
badly_behaved_priest: (Neutral: 27)

[personal profile] badly_behaved_priest 2016-12-07 03:32 am (UTC)(link)
Sanzo closed his eyes, willing all the awful, sharp feelings that those words brought to stay back. There was a part of him, too, that was felt bittersweet at hearing that. It was difficult to describe, even to himself, how important Koumyou was to him, he couldn't imagine being near as important to his master in turn.

"I-" -could have done something. Koumyou was capable, an actual Sanzo priest, no one would deny that Koumyou would be better suited for that hellish journey west than he was. Beyond Sanzo's personal grief, it was such a grievous waste that Koumyou was lost and Sanzo took his place.

He wasn't worth Koumyou's death.

He couldn't bring himself to say that.
badly_behaved_priest: (Upset: Thinking)

[personal profile] badly_behaved_priest 2016-12-07 04:05 am (UTC)(link)
This wasn't an issue Sanzo could see clearly, his memories of that night brought up the panic, dread, and intense need to protect, how powerless he was when he most needed to be more. He could smell blood and rain and his mouth felt dry.

"It would've been better. Had I," he said in a low voice, like he didn't want Koumyou to hear it. He didn't. But it was the truth.
badly_behaved_priest: (Serious: 3)

[personal profile] badly_behaved_priest 2016-12-07 04:20 am (UTC)(link)
Sanzo jerked his head to the side to stare at Koumyou when the chair smacked against the floor and the other priest moved too fast for him to recoil from the hug. This closeness was the last thing he felt he deserved, he couldn't even make himself tell Koumyou how many times his sacrifice had nearly gone to waste. A god had stepped in once when guilt had overwhelmed him enough to make a stupid, stupid decision.

"You know-" He didn't want to argue about this, it only made them both suffer. And yet he didn't want to lie and pretend that Koumyou's death wasn't so terrible for their world.

"Master, stop," he said with no conviction or venom. He could not understand why Koumyou couldn't let this drop.

His arm looped around Koumyou and he told himself it was only for Koumyou's sake.

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