text;

[unhappy]

just found this while looking at some online recipe books



is this really the man you all want to vote for as best cook???

Comments

[captain_by_the_book]

I'm not joking, Emerald.

I have a responsibility towards the sentients in my house. I can't bring dangers into our home for self-indulgent reasons.

1/2

[unhappy]

why are you bringing me into your home all of a sudden? You're not adopting me you're feeding me once in a while and I'm putting up with you.

[unhappy]

[ She might as well at least reassure him as best as she can though. ]

Cinder isn't here, Mercury's a deputy guardian now. I don't kill except if I'm attacked first or I have orders to. I also don't like traitors. People shouldn't make promises they can't keep to the people they swear loyalty to. I have no problem killing someone who betrays either of them with or without being asked to.

[ She doesn't really include herself in that list of people who shouldn't be betrayed, but that's because the only people who she feels could betray her are Cinder or Mercury. And considering the abuse she puts up with from both of them of both the physical and mental variety, the only thing that would really fall into that category would be flat-out abandoning her. As long as they don't leave her completely she's fine.

Cassian has his work cut out for him if he wants to 'fix' her. ]

[captain_by_the_book]

[ He's totally adopting you, Emerald. ]

Don't forget, I'm putting up with you, too.

If Cinder ever shows up, give me a warning. Otherwise, I can accept these terms.

[ And if Cinder shows up, he wants to have words. It won't be betrayal since he never vowed allegiance to Cinder. ]

I'm not here to start a war, and I want to make peace with you.

I hope you like spicy food. Kay is constantly complaining about it, but he doesn't even have a mouth.

[unhappy]

I can do that if you promise not to tell anyone else that she's here without her permission. Including Mercury.

[ Which probably sounds like an odd request but Emerald.. isn't sure what she's doing. But if Mercury decides that he doesn't like how Cinder treats Emerald, or Cinder finds out that Mercury essentially decided she wasn't worth it last time she was here, that goes away. Cassian wouldn't do anything that would throw off that delicate balance, right?? Right. ]

Spicy food's fine. I'll eat just about anything, actually. Waffles included, even frozen. I'm not picky, but I like noodles. Any kind.

[captain_by_the_book]

[ Of course not, he would never. It's not like he is a foolishly heroic man who likes to Have Opinions on everything under the sun. He would never cause trouble with Cinder. Never ever.]

Then I'll cook noodles for you first time you come over. I've found a brand which tastes almost like proper Corellian buckwheat noodles.

Saturday, 8 p.m. Don't be late.

[unhappy]

Idk what corellian buckwheat is but if it doesn't kill me I'll try it.

I'll tell Johnny and I'll be there at 8!

[ Her boss puts up with way too much from her. It's a miracle she hasn't been fired again. She's probably just going to leave him a post-it that says "Not coming in tonight bye" ]

[captain_by_the_book]

Don't be late, or the food might be gone.

[ He doesn't expect her to be there before 9, but it's worth a try to see if food can be used to lure her. ]

Everything I make is good. Don't believe Kay. Or certain slander on the network.

[unhappy]

Kay actually defended you and challenged me to a cooking competition so I told him to find judges. Those judges are going to suffer like you would not believe XP

[captain_by_the_book]

WHAT?!

We are not having a cooking competition! No judges. No nothing.

What are you planning?

[unhappy]

It was his idea! All I did was agree to it.

Garbage fire.

[ She knows he's going to take that as a joke. No one would ever take that seriously. It'll be great. ]

[captain_by_the_book]

Hilarious.

Whatever you do, don't torment the judges. And I'm not participating. That ridiculous award show is enough cooking competition for me.

[unhappy]

You have to compete or else I'm just cooking garbage for idiots who want to waste their time on something like that.

[captain_by_the_book]

I'm sure your food can't be that bad, but I'm not competing. Maybe they're wasting time in the hope for good food.

[unhappy]

It probably wouldn't be if I wanted to compete. I mostly just want to make people eat food out of a trash can because your robot decided to challenge me over an edit job I did on Genessia Paint and the worst freeze frame I could find from one of our conversations.

1/2

[captain_by_the_book]

He's not my robot.

2/2

[captain_by_the_book]

That is no excuse to give people terrible food. There is no excuse for that. Unless they are imperials. Or Ewoks. They would rather eat you anyway.

It is a terrible edit.

[Still not taking the garbage food literally. ]

[unhappy]

don't know what either of those are but I told him not to pick anyone either of us like much to avoid bias.

I have second hand embarrassment for how many people took it seriously

[captain_by_the_book]

Good on you, but I'm still not playing.

Did they? That is embarrassing. Maybe they're just playing along.

[unhappy]

OK then I will tell Kay that since you don't want to participate he can invite your friends and I'll feed them garbage fire food.

Some of them I could tell were, some of them I think are just idiots. You'd be surprised how many idiots there are in the world.

[captain_by_the_book]

I'm never surprised by the amount of idiots in the world.

You're being one if you think I'll let you poison my allies. [ Allies! He has no friends! He needs no friends. Sheesh, Em, tough spy is too tough for friends. ] I need them.

[unhappy]

You're being one for needing anyone.

[ They're cool now, she can say that. ]

[captain_by_the_book]

[ It's cool. Insults is how they show their love. ]

Allies. Everyone needs them in a firefight. Not many I trust. That'd be stupid.

[unhappy]

Am I your ally?? :) :) :)

[captain_by_the_book]

You could be.

Are you?

[ Yes. The answer is yes. ]