VI ✖ ＫＩＬＬ 【Log】

[inhisdebt]

Who: Mikasa Ackerman, Jean Kirstein, & Armin Alert
What: Mikasa feels bad about what happened in the early morning hours, even if it was something that needed to be done, so she makes the effort to try to make things better and also to talk to Armin about something.
When: March 5th
Where: Casa AoT originally while talking to Armin, but then going to talk to Jean later.
Style: Starting in 3rd, but I switching to 1st in comments.

[ A R M I N | E A R L I E R ]



Mikasa couldn't say that the morning argument they had was something that she was proud of, even if it was a bit short lived once Mikasa arrived. She'd wanted to go after Jean and apologize, but she had Armin to look after right now. She didn't like it... She didn't like Jean walking off in the middle of the early hours of morning to avoid the apartment again... She didn't like the fact that she'd felt that she'd done something bad even if it was necessary in that moment of time. She didn't like any of this conflict, and yet she was partially to blame because she'd known about it since Marco arrived and even before then but never said anything.

It was probably better to just rip off the band-aid so to speak, but she didn't think Marco was emotionally ready to hear about his death. Still, after attending to Armin and trying to calm him down and make him feel better in the early hours of the morning, they managed to finally sleep; though she'd ended up falling asleep next to Armin on the couch because she didn't want to wake Eren up and doubted that that was possible after that.

Given a few hours later for him to really calm down, she'd woken a little earlier than everyone else. It seems that even if the argument hadn't happened, she still wasn't likely to get much sleep after yesterday. Letting out a deep yawn, she faced the facts that she probably wasn't going to get much sleep even if she tried, so she just got up and went to the kitchen to get a glass of water.

Absent mindedly looking to the room that Jean stayed in in the tiny apartment, she let out a small sigh before setting down the glass to go see if he'd come back at some point. Still gone... He was... still gone... She made the mental note to go look for Jean, but for now she really needed to talk to Armin and not because of Marco this time... 

Going over to Armin sleeping on the couch, she put the blanket she'd shared with him over him to cover him better, trying not to wake him up.

[ J E A N | L A T E R ]

After her talk with Armin, it left Mikasa even more confused about what to do. She didn't understand why she felt the way she did. She didn't know what to do. Armin had a girlfriend once before so she thought he'd be more help than the rest of the people here. Even so she was still unsure of what to do about this. She liked Jean. It had come to that conclusion and it was such a strange thought because... she never paid too much attention to him back home. Then again... back home they had a lot more pressing matters to keep themselves busy. There was no avoiding it here. His comfort and those dates they'd gone on meant a lot to her... A lot more than she'd ever thought they would. 

And then he found out about her past somehow within their conversation yesterday. It was something that Mikasa didn't try to think too much about and really hadn't talked about it extensively in years. Between Eren and her... they weren't too keen on thinking about that day that he'd saved her because of the night terrors she'd experienced after it. Armin only knew the basics of what happened, but he was considerate enough not to say much about it either. And now that she had remembered everything (although it was almost impossible to forget) and talked about her parents for the first time in years... she hadn't really experienced night terrors.

They couldn't classify as night terrors anymore, the nightmares she'd gotten as a child were coming back to her. She was older now, but it didn't make them any less uncomfortable or easier to deal with. All that was certain was that sleeping had certainly become an issue after. Between that and what happened between Armin, Jean, and her... it made her restless. Still even if he knew what happened to her as a child now.... there was comfort in being able to just sort of... let it go. Physically contact was definitely a strange thing for Mikasa much at all, but his warm hand and his caring hugs did help her calm down a bit. It made her feel... a little better even.

She'd tried to look for him, but she didn't find him. Eventually she let out a sigh and tried to call him. This wasn't so much about her recent feelings surfacing as much as she wanted to tell him sorry. She wanted to talk to him about Marco again and... she knew he probably didn't want to. She felt that she needed to try to talk to him about what happened though. And she wanted to ask for his permission about her thoughts on what to do about Marco. During the time she couldn't sleep, she'd thought a lot about what to do.

Nothing. He didn't pick up. Trying again..., "Come up! Answer me please..."

Comments

[inhisdebt]

[Has she ever blushed this much before? She doesn't think she has... She's more than content staying like this. Why worried about being confused about what to do about these feeling...? Why not just... let things happen? That should make things easier, right?]

I... I'd like that but.... I still don't think I'm anything close to "perfect".

But I... I think.... I'd like to try that coffee you had if it's possible.

[Is she using that as an excuse to do the do-over? Yep. She sure is.]

[neighvarily]

[This feels oddly intimate, like no one else is there. If his blushing was anything to go by, he should have been too embarrassed to speak, but he felt at ease around her like this.]

I know you don't.

[Actually, he doesn't remember what he even ordered. He remembers Mikasa's drink, but not his own. But he doesn't care about that, he just smiles faintly.]

I could use some coffee.

[He doesn't really want to move. He likes this, but, well...they can hug in the coffee shop or some shit. Reluctantly, he pulls away, but he holds onto one of her hands when he does.]

I think it was this way.

[inhisdebt]

[It was pretty intimate, but it's also nice. Nodding to him as he pulls away and takes her hand, she returned the faint smile as they walked on.]

So do you draw that often?

[She should be talking about Marco, but.... after all of their dates having serious topics, she figured something lighter would be nice for a change.]

[neighvarily]

[And now he's flustered. Blurting it out was fine, but he's not particularly used to the attention with it being something he keeps to himself.]

Not so much anymore. It's just a hobby. It's been at least a few months since I've bothered to draw anything.

[inhisdebt]

[Your secret is out which means possible teasing and actual interest. Given the events back home, she could understand why.]

Well, maybe you could do it more here? I mean.. if you want to of course. I don't think I've actually ever tried to draw much myself, so I probably wouldn't be any good at it.

[neighvarily]

[If it means he gets to see her happy, he's fine with the teasing. Just please. Don't tell Jaeger.]

Maybe. It's not like I don't have free time. If you're interested, I could teach you. I had to teach myself, but there are some guidelines starting out that helped me.

[inhisdebt]

[She'd have no reason to, so you're safe there.]

I.. wouldn't mind trying.

[Which is Mikasa language saying yes, she'd love that.]

[neighvarily]

[Fuck yes so great he's so happy he told her his embarrassing secret.]

We can start whenever's a good time for you. Or whenever you feel like. We don't have to have a set schedule on it.

[inhisdebt]

[See, it's not so bad, Jean.]

Maybe after I get off work.

[And there's the coffee shop in the distance.]

[neighvarily]

Sure.

[He'll have to make sure he's not out around that time. He displays the usual manners saved only for Mikasa, and still holding her hand, waits at the end of the line.]

[inhisdebt]

[While waiting in line with fingers entwined with his, she looked over to him for a moment before turning to look absent mindedly at the menu board again...]

But you know... It would make it easier and... more comfortable if you returned home.

[She'd rather be able to relax in their apartment with him after work and wind down for the night.]

[neighvarily]

[He paused, pretending to be distracted by the menu when in reality he was trying to find a way out of this conversation.]

I'm not not home. I can still come by any time you want me to. I haven't moved, so I'm technically still there.

[He wanted to spend as much time with her as possible, so this was hard for him too. Maybe if he just left during the day...but that was when the others he was actually trying to avoid worked, so it didn't make much of a difference.]

[inhisdebt]

You haven't moved, but you may as well have...

[It's clear from her tone that she doesn't like that answer.]

You can still come any time I want you to, right? [Finally glancing up to him.] Well.. I want you to be there all the time.

[neighvarily]

That's not...entirely true.

[He's just out all the time. And sleeping at libraries when he needs a nap. And avoiding everything to do with the apartment.

But he doesn't care about any of that, because he swears his heart has made a new home in his ears, because that's basically all he can hear other than the mumble of the crowd.

Had she--

She had said that.]

All the time?

[inhisdebt]

yes. I don't want... [looking away again after letting out a small somewhat sad sounding sigh. That menu board is pretty interesting right now... except she's not even reading what it says.] I don't like you avoiding the apartment. I... I want you to be there.

[..."With me" was left off of that sentence, but judging by her tone of voice and slightly sad look, it could probably be inferred that that's what she was about to say.]

[neighvarily]

... [He's not sure what to say, so he just gives her hand a light squeeze, looking over at her.

Dammit. He shouldn't have looked. Now he has to say something because he made her sad.]

It's not that I don't want to be there. I do. I want to be there with you, but that's your home and if I'm there...

I'm still upset. And I don't want you to have to deal with that.

[inhisdebt]

[Looking back up to him, expression now mixed with both a tint of sadness and exasperation.]

It's not just my home anymore... It's not the same if you're not there. I just... [And there's the exasperated sigh as she brings her free hand to her forehead looking away again.] You know what.... never mind.

[neighvarily]

[He feels like shit. Looking away, he's not even paying attention to the menu anymore. He doesn't let go of her hand, but his voice is tense, as if he's trying to sound void of emotion.]

Yeah. Okay. Nevermind.

[inhisdebt]

[And now that awkward silence has taken place, it seems that it was their time to order. So ordering something different this time, she keeps her words to simple her order. It's several minutes after this when their order comes up that she finally says something again.]

So I... had to talk to Armin about something unrelated to the recent issues... Or rather... The topic that it dealt with is sort of recent too I guess...

[God, how do you even talk about this stuff? It was clear to everyone back at home that she liked Eren, but somehow this felt different. She still had no idea how to go about it and she really shouldn't have been the one to bring it up, but these mixed emotions were making her do some strange new things. Feeling comfortable holding hands -- or even hugging -- with someone who wasn't Eren of Armin for that matter was one of them.]

[neighvarily]

[He couldn't stand the silence, so he's glad when she speaks. He takes what he ordered and starts looking around for a place to sit.]

What did you have to talk to him about?

[What else would she talk to him about? His...whatever it was with Mikasa, he was nervous to put a label on it until he knew for certain, was definitely one of the main things on his mind, but it didn't occur to him that she might ask her friend about that for advice.]

[inhisdebt]

[After taking a seat, she let out a small sigh. She sipped her coffee while trying to figure out just how to go about it. She'd already started, so she may as well finish it, right? Instead of looking to him, she concentrated on the table and how it looked so interesting right now as she tugged at her scarf nervously.]

I asked.... what it was like when he first started to like Sansa...

[Said a little quietly, but with her heart thumping loud enough in her chest, she wondered if it would be possible to hear it from where he was sitting. Her grip on her coffee tightened slightly, she was starting to second guess what she was doing if it was really a good idea or not.]

[neighvarily]

[He sat down not across from her, but next to her. He had no idea why she looked so nervous. It couldn't have been that bad compared to everything else. Letting his guard down, he started to sip his coffee, and slammed the cup down. Not that styrofoam makes much of a noise.]

Armin likes someone?! I thought he only liked books! [Or maybe not, but he had never seen him show any interest in any of the other trainees, so...] When did this happen?!

[inhisdebt]

[Across or beside her didn't matter. She thought maybe that would have been a good enough clue without having to actually say it, but maybe not...]

Back in the other world he was in... He had a girlfriend named Sansa. I was surprised to hear about it too, but I'm happy for him. It's just a shame that he won't be able to see her again while he's here.

[neighvarily]

Yeah. Sucks for him.

[He didn't sound at all sincere when he said that. Honestly, right now, he didn't have a lot of sympathy for Armin, at least not over something like that.]

What's your point?

[inhisdebt]

[She let out a deep sigh to that. She thought that might have been even more obvious, but clearly it was something she was just going to have to say... She really didn't want to, despite being direct almost 99% of the time besides this.

Fine. Just be direct.... If you have to, Mikasa..., blurt the words out.]

Are you stupid? [Woah, girl! Too direct...] I mean...

[SIIIGHHHHH. THIS IS SO HARD!!!]

I've come to the conclusion over time about something that I've been feeling but I... I didn't know how to go about it... So I asked Armin for relationship advice...

[IS THAT GOING TO BE ENOUGH? PLEASE BE ENOUGH...]