genessia | 5th Aura

Well it wasn't like we asked, we just made it clear through past efforts that we were probably mysteriously going to end up exactly where we wanted to be anyway so he figured it would save everyone trouble if he just let us. In retrospect, it's weird that he had an interrogation room at all.

What? No. I mean- for other things. I accessed Schnee Company records from the CCT so we could figure out patterns in the White Fang's shipments and requested not to be transferred to him even though he and Winter were both in his office, and I.. stopped taking his calls shortly before that. Entirely. Unless you meant how Ozpin found out, in which case it's because Ruby's a terrible liar and leaves rose petals everywhere she goes.

It is weird. I thought Headmasters had offices, not creepy interrogation rooms meant for gathering information. Unless he was bored and turned an empty classroom into an interrogation room. I wish I could believe that.

Did he ever try to ask you about that? No, I meant your father. True. Ruby's semblance is pretty cool, but kind of the opposite of stealthy.

He has an office too. [ They're not supposed to have secret basements either though. ]

I don't know. Like I said, I stopped taking his calls. There's a reason he cut me off. I haven't had money in my bank account since the start of the Vytal Tournament back home and if he hadn't come and physically forced me to go home, I still wouldn't be talking to him.

I know I just meant...it's weird to have a separate room for that. [True.]

You can still listen to messages without talking to someone. You don't need his money though, do you? Sorry your father's so controlling.

Edited 2016-07-23 06:41 (UTC)

Ozpin is a weird man in general.

He's still my father, Jaune. Listening to his messages would've just made it harder. Every time I speak to him I have to try to remind myself of who I want to be, because that's not who he wants me to be and he makes that very clear. I don't need his money-- it was a tactic to try to get me to call him back, which would've resulted in yelling and fighting and I... I miss him. It's not so easy that I could just listen to whatever messages he left and keep on going without being tempted. [ She points up to her head. Her hair isn't up, she doesn't have her crown anymore. ] The way I did my hair was because I wanted to prove that I wouldn't lose that little part of myself that was still me no matter what I had to go through. [ And now that was gone thanks to Battler. ]

...I like the person you are, even if he doesn't want you to be that person. But you still care about him. [His expression becomes unreadable, jaw tightening and his knuckles turn white as he grips his sleeves.] I didn't know that.

Before you contacted me about being a deputy, I thought about just...stopping. [He told Nora he considered never picking up a weapon again, but it was more than that. He wouldn't tell anyone that wasn't there. Maybe it wasn't fair to Weiss, who had to watch her friends be tortured and murdered before going through the same--he couldn't even imagine, and his own memories were unbearable. But he feels like she's the only person who isn't going to tell him he's stupid for thinking it.] I didn't plan on going back. Or seeing or talking to any of you. I still don't know what I'm doing, and I know it probably doesn't mean the same to you as it does to me...we won't get back what we've lost. And we're both really screwed up. There aren't even words for this. But you came up with a plan. I don't know if it's a good plan, but that's more on me. I don't know anything except it was definitely a Weiss thing to do. And doing something stupid in the future is definitely something I'll probably do.

I'm already used to caring about someone who's hurt a lot of people. I suppose it shouldn't be that surprising that I had to pull back because I started having feelings for someone who was a real monster, the more I think about it.

[ Weiss has something in her eyes as Jaune speaks. It's not hard to say exactly what it is. It's not sympathy- not pity. Understanding, a twinge of guilt that probably seems out of place to anyone other than herself. Telling Jaune how she felt deep down was out of the question when just her trying was enough to keep Jaune trying. The fact that she didn't want to, at all, that part of her wanted to just stay in that dead space instead of figuring out a way past this? Blake hadn't taken it well and she understood why now. Weiss was trying, and she needed herself to believe the lie that she still had something in her to fight toward if anyone else was going to rely on her. Weiss nodded when he finished speaking, thinking for a moment before she spoke. ]

Sometimes.. I think it's important to lie to yourself about what's happening because reality isn't good enough. If you work at it hard enough, it becomes the truth. You proved that by coming to Beacon in the first place. [ She pauses for a moment, standing up and setting Frost down on the chair once she's up. She moves to stand in front of Jaune. ] My lie to myself is that "I'll find a way to move forward from this." I don't quite believe it yet, but I'm trying. That's all anyone can ask right now- so that you're trying too, even if it's because I asked you to, that's fine. You can share my lie if you want.

You pulled back though. I actually thought he was...a person capable of empathy who was my friend.

I'm pretty good at lying to myself. I've had lots of practice. [He glances up from the floor at Weiss. He looks just as lost as before, but he considers the significance of what she's saying.

She takes on a lot alone, doesn't she?

He's done nothing to deserve her friendship other than not be a terrible person. Not being a monster doesn't make him a deserving person. He doesn't know if he can help her, or himself, but if pretending and committing to one lie can help her commit to the same one, he'll try. He nods.] I'll share it if you will. It's not our only way, but it might have a different end from the alternative.

I pulled back because I got scared I was going to lose him and I knew it would be worse if I fell for him. We were still friends even after.

[ She watches his expression carefully. She doesn't blame him for looking lost. That's how she feels, she's just got more practice keeping her face how she wants it. ]

It's okay if you've had lots of practice. We all have things we have a lot of practice with we don't want to admit to. [ She holds out her hand to him. ] I'll come back tomorrow, so take a shower and clean up tonight. I mean it.

Edited 2016-07-23 10:12 (UTC)

I was going to talk to him after, see how he was doing and everything. But I didn't get to.

[His past with Battler feels like it happened to someone else.]

What's yours? You don't have to answer if you don't want. [He shakes it and then stands up.] I can't make any promises, but I'll clean.

Well, we can both be satisfied that I didn't deepen my relationship with him and you didn't comfort him over it.

[ It's not much satisfaction, but as far as 'it's not as bad as it could've been' goes, that's all she's really got right now. ]

I practice.. [ She almost doesn't want to say it, but honestly? Jaune's admitted a lot to her. It isn't as though she has to worry about him blabbing it to anyone either, not so long as he's both out of sorts and barely talking to anyone and she knows his secret so really, he'd probably have to be stupid to tell people. ] Smiling. Not for around our group from Beacon- for home, even for work here sometimes. If I can't smile and play nice, I can't run a business. I hate doing it when I don't mean it though so.. I have to practice, to make it look like I mean it. The only time I ever mean it from home is usually around Winter and if we're in public, I still have to adhere to strict.. mannerisms. So I practice, and people who don't know me think this is real. [ She pulls up a smile to her face, though it's pretty empty compared to how she smiles around her team or friends. ] If you tell anyone this'll be the only smile you'll ever see from me again.

True. He deserved being dumped and being alone after he was.

[He deserves a lot more than that but he feels powerless and doesn't think they can give him what he deserves.]

[He doesn't say anything, he just listens until she's finished explaining.] Being a rich celebrity sounds hard. It might have hurt my ego but I'm kind of glad you never smiled at me like that. At least the slammed doors and ignoring me was real. I won't tell anyone, Weiss. [His trust in others has been broken, so he feels like it needs to be said.] I promise.

He deserves anything he suffers through from this day forward.

[ She doesn't know how but she wants to make sure that one way or the other, he suffers. ]

I liked being me at Beacon. [ She doesn't really like being herself anymore. It takes a lot to shatter her self-confidence, but she doesn't have much of it after Battler. The person she was was never enough, even if she wanted it to be- even if she tried to become stronger. ] I'm going to get going, Jaune. I mean it about that shower.

Edited 2016-07-27 05:51 (UTC)

I hope he suffers a lot.

[A very strong part of him wants Battler to feel everything they all felt. Even if he knows that's impossible. You can't replicate those feelings on a monster, a psychopath, but maybe something close.]

I liked being you too--I mean you being you. Okay, Weiss. Be...as safe as you can, out there. [He doesn't want to talk about his new fear with Weiss. She already has enough to deal with. Confessing how he had felt before she had reached out to him had been a bad idea and lapse in judgment, but he didn't have to make it even worse.] I know you mean it.

I don't intend on holding back with anything and there's a significant chance I'm going to come home with bruises some nights so when you get back home, don't be surprised and don't worry. I won't die again. I can't die again. And I'll be putting myself in situations like that plenty because that's what I'm going to have to do.

[ It won't help to become stronger, but it will help to learn as much as she can about everyone else's styles that she can. If she can use fight club to do that, she will. If she can do other things, she will. ]

I'll make sure we keep going. I'll find a reason.

[ And with that, she's heading toward the door. She looks back at Jaune. ]

Do you want me to leave Frost with you? I cant ake him now, but if you still need him..

[ Dogs are still comfort. ]

Edited 2016-07-27 06:03 (UTC)

I'm not not going to be surprised or worry about bruises, but I trust you. If you ever need a human punching bag, I'm around. I'll be out a lot too.

[Training, learning about different weapons, trying to become more versatile in his fighting because it's that or continue to hide and it doesn't help with the fear or hopelessness but at least it distracts him from it. It prevents others from repeating the incident. Maybe not everyone, but some people.]

I know you will. I want to do the same. So I will. So this never happens again.

[It's the closest thing to a smile he can manage. It's fragile, and kind of numb, but it really does help to have the dogs around. They need him, and that forces him to keep going. But Frost is much more important to Weiss, and he probably has missed her too, so...] It's okay. Snow's still here. And now he's trying to wake me up like Frost does, just so you know. [When Jaune actually manages to pass out anyway, and he's lucky if that lasts two hours.] Is that something he's always done?

I may come drag you to get bruises too one of these days.

[ Weiss kneels down and picks up Frost again, holding him in her arms like he's a tiny baby instead of a tiny dog. ]

Zuko was a fire bender. He rose with the sun because the sun strengthened his bending and his chi. He started staying over so often that I started getting up when he got up. Frost woke up when I woke up. Then Zuko was taken, and now Frost still gets up and wakes me up if I'm not up. I don't know if you've done it, but he won't freak out too badly besides coming up to cuddle if you scream in your sleep. He's good at keeping close when I need him.

And I may bring along a kit with comic themed bandaids.

[Snow barks at Jaune, so he he starts to pet him while they talk.]

I guess that's one reason to get up early. So he learned his face-paw thing from Zuko. I noticed he doesn't freak out. I don't think Snow's used to it yet because he kind of just avoids me when that happens. It's helped having Frost around.

Don't you dare.

[ She looks at Jaune, then walks back from the door and sets Frost on the bed next to him, kneeling down to Frost's eye level. ]

Take care of Jaune like you take care of me, Frost. Sun's keeping an eye on me, so I have someone to take care of me right now, but Snow doesn't know how yet. I'll visit, but you have to take care of Jaune for now.

[ She presses her forehead to Frost's tiny forehead and the dog snuggles her for a moment. Weiss just stays silent and lets him do what he wants because frankly, she really does miss Frost.. but Jaune needs someone more than she does right now. ]

Why not? I think they look cool.

...Look, Weiss, I can't protect you, I can't even protect myself, and I've been a failure as a friend lately, but what I can do is let you have your dog back. Take him. I have other things I do to deal with it, and Snow is still here. I get to walk him and play with him and feed him food he probably shouldn't eat. Sun might be taking care of you, and that's great, but I just got the image of him cuddling with you which is weird so please take your dog.

[He feels bad and he's already failed and taken enough from Weiss. He won't take any more.]

[ Congratulations Jaune, you just gave her quite the mental image. Something she hadn't even considered. It's enough that it almost breaks her out of her funk for a few seconds just to give him the most dumbfounded look. ]

Jaune, Sun's my best friend. I never had thought about cuddling him until you said that.

[He stops petting Snow and just looks horrified with himself.]

Oh god I just gave you the idea didn't I? I mean. I'm sure Pyrrha and Ren would cuddle all the time if they needed to and I'm just making this worse now.

Why would I go do it just because you suggested it? [ What on earth Jaune..?! Though she at least knows to tease him about that later. ] Why would Pyrrha and Ren cuddle? What does your team do while you're in your room?

You...wouldn't. Who said anything about you going and doing it? That would be pretty dumb. [He shrugs.] We do lots of stuff. I once got a peptalk from Ren while he was leaving the shower. Maybe they have a really close bond.

..You're not going to do that weird thing you do and start talking crap about Sun behind his back every time he's in a room with me, are you?

[ It's not hard to notice the "OH COME ON!" in the background when she talks to other boys... or the way he jumps to her defense any time someone talks shit or isn't paying enough tribute. ]

Yeah, I avoid letting my team take care of me because Ruby and Yang's solution for a stomach ache is milk and video games.

Edited 2016-07-27 08:25 (UTC)

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