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Excuse me.

I got a question.

[There... is a very oddly dressed man on screen. A full body spandex suit with a mask, which on anyone else would look stupid-

It still looks stupid.

But it looks stupid while showcasing the fact that this man is built like a brick shit house and is further more, armed to the teeth. Two katanas sheathed at his back, two guns in the holster, a bandolier filled with ammo, it appears there's a few daggers sheathed around his boots-]

Can I get this necklace in maybe like a vermilion or like maybe a dark sort of galaxy cut ruby?

I got fucking taste here, don't insult me with this garbage.

[And a text later]

Also where the fuck am I and who do I have to shank for a sandwich around here?

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Sure, Tights.

[He's all the way in a different city and he doesn't want Weiss to yell at him for using her car. It takes him a while, but he eventually reaches the Bay. He still wears his crappy, plain armor, but he has his shield out and is wearing a gauntlet of similar material on his sword arm that looks like, to put it delicately, he superglued a chamber on it that glows blue. It's not that impressive, but it hasn't blown up in his face yet. On his belt are a line of vials that glow the same color. Right now though, he's more on the defensive, keeping his shield up because this guy has a lot of weapons.]

[AND WADE IS...

Okay where is Wade. He was just here. He's not here anymore, where the hell did Wade go?

Well maybe he pussied ou-

And then he just pops up from around the corner, mercifully not to punch Juane]

BOO.

[The girly scream that emits from the warrior is surely intimidating and would render even the coldest enemy to their knees. Which is why Jaune falls back in the water, wetting his pants, gloves, and anything else that makes contact. He stares vacantly past Wade for a minute, stunned, before there's a little lopsided smirk and he punches the water, launching out some of his Dust into the water to send a volley of water columns bursting in Wade's direction.]

HAHA NERD-

[And then water in his face WAIT NO THAT WASN'T WHAT HE ASKED FOR.

Yes, he's armed to the teeth, but he never actually reaches for a weapon, immediately scampering out of range and trying to circle around]

Yeah, I'm the nerd.

[It's enough time for Jaune to get up and roll out of the way for an attack that never comes.

Rather than go after him, he holds his shield up and shoots more Dust at him, water spiraling around and trying to track Wade.]

Edited 2016-11-05 20:27 (UTC)

[There's a blue flash... and Wade doesn't appear to be there anymore.

Okay where the hell did he go. No one can just vanish.

Unless he actually did and here he comes popping back into visibility with a starfish to try and slap poor Juane in the face with]

I'm glad we agree.

Are you kidding me???

[Why was everyone a teleporter? Jaune's angry whispers are more like stage whispers than anything. His head jerks back upon impact and he retaliates by charging at him, shield forward.]

[To which Wade steps to one side, and tries to hurl Juane over his hip.

You're not exactly Task Master, Juane.]

No actually I was being pretty serious. You're probably gonna cry later.

[Jaune is accustomed to falling. And being stunned. And hitting things. He flies in the air, sliding and rolling when he hits the water. This is fine. He's fine. Close combat isn't going to work, so maybe he needs to opt for a more defensive and strategic strategy.

He lowers his shield and just starts stretching his arms right then and there.]

... You need a minute? Got a cramp or something? Okay that's cool, lemme see if I can connect to my facebook page here, you tell me when you're done.

...Wait.

[Stops, looking incredulous.]

Really?

Yep.

[He hasn't been taking this fight seriously]

That's...

Really nice of you. Wow, I have no idea what to say.

[He gestures as if to address Wade, only to shoot the water beneath him to create an undertow.]

[Fuck he was almost sure he was on Facebook too-]

Yeah well I'm pretty much a goddamn sa-FUCK-

[WOOP. Under he goes]

Sorry. It's hard to hear you when you're underwater.

[He has to reload and sends one more pillar at him before turning to walk away. As interesting as this fight was, Deadpool isn't taking this seriously and he isn't about to waste all his Dust on him.]

Bye whatever your name was.

[Well it's impolite to stab five year old kids, man]

CURSES, NEXT TIME, PAPER PLATE MAN.

I'LL GET YOU NEXT TIIIIIME

[Wow rude.

Freezes. Shoulders tense. Whirls around to screech.]

I told you it was a family heirloom, what about that don't you get?!?!

[And then he goes back and just. Takes a selfie and captions it:

His name might be Deadpool, but he's lead in the water.]

Nailed it.

The part where it looks like you made it in art class and got your haircut done by your mom.

[The selfie is captured!

With Wade having elegantly lofted a middle finger]

YOLO.

No. My sisters.

[He lowers the camera to see it for himself and looks disappointed. Oh well.]

How come you didn't use your weapons? Do you have some sort of code of honor?

My code of honor is not stabbing a thirteen year old kid in the face because he called me playground names.

I don't think you'd live through a real match.

I think you're just upset because you're all talk. You wear a stupid spandex suit that you look like you got out of some costume shop, the kind that's in a corner and smells questionable and people tend to avoid, but sometimes you get curious and go in and immediately you regret everything. Or die. Sometimes both. You wouldn't wear something like that if you didn't have an ego louder than the rest of your personality, and you show off your weapons too. But I still caught you off guard and I don't think you like that.

Besides, whether or not I'd live is my concern and that should be my choice to make if I want to fight you.

No really I'm not even kidding.

I was seriously just fucking with you.

...

Your suit sucks. [Punches the water one more time for good measure and walks away.]

Everyone's suit sucks, it's part of the job.

You're lucky you weren't alive for the eighties.

[He just gets up, apparently not even bruised or sore, shaking out his feet a bit before turning his back to Juane to remove the mask and wring it out]

You want a real fight go blow up a building.

The wha--? Is that an Earth thing? It sounds like an Earth thing.

[Neither of them got hurt but now that the fight's over he's trying not to shiver.]

Can't. I'm one of the good guys. I guess that puts us on the same side.

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