Dante (
alwaysimpaled) wrote in
genessia2017-03-26 06:20 pm
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Hey, so, someone familiar with... what'd the paper call 'em? Pokemon? I could use some advice. Those eggs that everyone got? Yeah, mine hatched... into this.
[He turns the camera around to show a Tepig sniffing at an old pizza box on a table across from his desk.]
Cute little thing, but he's already set me on fire three times, and I've got no idea what they eat so I've just been sharing pizza with him. He seems to like it.
Hell, I'm not even sure he's a he. I'd just... appreciate any advice y'all have before he torches my shop. I kinda like it not on fire.
[He turns the camera around to show a Tepig sniffing at an old pizza box on a table across from his desk.]
Cute little thing, but he's already set me on fire three times, and I've got no idea what they eat so I've just been sharing pizza with him. He seems to like it.
Hell, I'm not even sure he's a he. I'd just... appreciate any advice y'all have before he torches my shop. I kinda like it not on fire.

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I could give you suggestions for what it could eat.
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[There's a bit of a scuffling noise off screen as Dante ducks off to the side, holding the Tepig under his arm when he returns, a pizza box with a bite taken out of it in his other hand.]
Like I said.
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...because he's gotten into it. Despite my best efforts. Little guy can jump that's for sure.
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[Dante does not share those.]
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[She sounds so confused as to how someone actually manages to survive on nothing but that.]
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...I eat a lot of pizza?
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[Have the dumbest attempt to look scary ever.]
I could probably even eat you~!
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[Though pretty sure fire wouldn't really affect him if being stabbed didn't work. At least this was what she was thinking anyway.]
Though sounds like you've been through a lot.
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You don't know the half of it. In my line of work, I go probably... five minutes before being stabbed, shot, impaled, or electrocuted. On a good day.
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[She just doesn't notice sometimes.]
Well you seem fine right, now. No stabbing yet.
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Give it time, the day is still young.
[Is that smoke coming from just behind Dante? That's definitely smoke.]
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You have smoke coming from behind. Were you cooking something?
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C'mon man, do you know how hard it is to get jackets like this one? Don't go setting it on fire...
[A moment later, he returns to the frame, shaking a smoking hand while the Tepig is tucked under his other arm, looking quite pleased with itself. At least his jacket isn't on fire anymore...]
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[She was a tiny bit relieved at that one anyway. It could have been so much worse she thinks. Probably.]
Guess he is a little scamp that way.
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He knows how to get what he wants at least. I just hope he doesn't make a habit of doing it.
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Weiss may know.
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[There's a pause as he changes the subject.]
How're you holding up?
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A month ago I would've said that was odd, but, I know the feeling. Granted I've got my shop to make things feel more homey, but still.
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Gee, I hadn't thought of that. Excuse me while I get right on sticking my face into a fire pig's crotch. I'm sure it won't mind and won't set me on fire.
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If its dangly bits aren't hanging out, it's probably a girl.
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[Dante's seen a lot of freaking weird biology, okay?]
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[ Dogs, rats with giant balls-- even if it wasn't "out" all the time, there were still obvious indicators. She lived on the streets for a long while, it's not like she's never been around animals. At least, normal ones. ]
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Any other 'animal' I get close to is also usually trying to kill me. And eat me. This little guy is a nice change of pace, but I've got literally zero experience with animals that aren't demonic in nature.
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Berries and..."poffins", whatever those are. An oddly universal victual for them.
As for the ah, conflagration, you might seek more productive outlets, such as other pokemon. It's especially potent on grass and ice types.
[That sounded less violent in his head.]
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Yeah, I'm not really into dogfights, and he doesn't seem too interested in doing much more than eating and sleeping. It's the sneezes you have to watch.
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Oh, I'm glad that's all it was! Not to, uh, play down immolation, of course.
Pigfights might do the trick. Have you tried? He might enjoy it. Wouldn't want to keep him a piglet forever, eh?