Shinjiro Aragaki (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
mortal_son) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
genessia2017-09-29 08:28 am
mortal_son) wrote in genessia2017-09-29 08:28 am
011 | my star has left me (to take the bitter pill)
[ AUDIO ] | [ Backdated to Monday afternoon ]
Uh, there -
[ There's some shuffling sound, like he's setting the phone up somewhere, still. ]
Right. So.
... I ain't good at this, either the talkin or the - well.
But just writin it seemed ... not enough, and. All of you are probably sick of seein my face, so.
[ There's a brief pause, before he goes on. He sounds very, very tired, but his voice is nonetheless serious, and firm. ]
I frightened the hell outta a lot of you.
I said a lot of stuff, some of it to some people I don't even know.
And, it's complicated, but I can say that - while it wasn't all me, it was a part of me. So, yeah, I ain't gonna pretend it isn't my fault.
I'm sorry.
[ He swallows. ]
I am sorry.
I'm not gonna. Just sit around feelin guilty, though. Not -
[ Coughs. ]
- Yeah. So.
Up to you if you take this seriously.
But let me know if I can make it up to you.
[ And then the audio is turned off. ]
Uh, there -
[ There's some shuffling sound, like he's setting the phone up somewhere, still. ]
Right. So.
... I ain't good at this, either the talkin or the - well.
But just writin it seemed ... not enough, and. All of you are probably sick of seein my face, so.
[ There's a brief pause, before he goes on. He sounds very, very tired, but his voice is nonetheless serious, and firm. ]
I frightened the hell outta a lot of you.
I said a lot of stuff, some of it to some people I don't even know.
And, it's complicated, but I can say that - while it wasn't all me, it was a part of me. So, yeah, I ain't gonna pretend it isn't my fault.
I'm sorry.
[ He swallows. ]
I am sorry.
I'm not gonna. Just sit around feelin guilty, though. Not -
[ Coughs. ]
- Yeah. So.
Up to you if you take this seriously.
But let me know if I can make it up to you.
[ And then the audio is turned off. ]
[ Audio | Private ]
[He doesn't actually know.]
Yeah, but not if you're not up to it. If you're too tired, I can wait. I'm patient.
[He's grinning, Shinjiro can probably hear it.]
[ Audio | Private ]
[ He thinks the hesitation is from the general awkwardness of the situation, rather than not understanding normal friendships.
Demyx' voice is definitely expressive. Shinjiro makes a considering sort of sound, as he pokes around for a cigarette. Maybe if he leans out the window while he smokes, Aki wouldn't murder him? It'd definitely help make him more alert. ]
I'm up now.
Anythin too ... uh. Heavy. We can save for another time.
[ Or he can dodge the qoestion indefinitely. It's kind of a free pass to skip out on any sort of question which makes him uncomfortable. He can do this. ]
[ Audio | Private ]
Then I'll keep it light!
[He hums thoughtfully, a question he has that could be considered light.]
Do you think it's okay that I'm annoyed with Cassian? I mean really, he tells me to speak up and when I do he tells me it's none of my business. I don't know, kinda reminded me of my boss.
[...Not even relevant.]
[ Audio | Private ]
Nah. I'm kinda annoyed with him too, even though he's just doin his job. That part I understand.
[ ... He also understands Cassian is really annoyed with Aki for zapping his robot deputy, which is also understandable. But even if it's understandable - he's on Akihiko's side on this one. It was Shinjiro's fault, in the end, for this whole thing anyway. ]
But, I dunno if he's like your boss.
I haven't met your boss, but. Your boss probably would've been a lot less forgiving, or attacked us, or something.
[ Audio | Private ]
[He isn't sure about that, he doesn't mean it as far as Xemnas' worst qualities, but in the sense that he felt completely dismissed, which kind of bothers him, coming from someone who wants him to speak up.]
You'd think, but not really. If one of us got zapped, we'd be blamed for failing in our mission.
[Yeah, he's not kidding about that, they're expendable.]
Do you think it's weird Larxene made me move in with her?
[So many questions.]
[ Audio | Private ]
Yeah. Kinda think that's also why he's different. Cause he seems to give a shit about his deputies.
[ Not that he knows he and Kaytoo are dating, yet.
Blinks. Well. At least they're still not talking about his problems. ]
I dunno.
Were you guys friends? Or, something?
[ Audio | Private ]
[That's a damning thing for Xemnas to be sure, but he's still confused about that so it's better not to go there.]
[He laughs.]
No, we weren't, except she decided we are now. She said she's decided we're friends and I have to live with her.
[Larxene was so bossy, but he didn't mind too much.]
Well mostly she's been complaining I'm just a bum because I wasn't living anywhere, but it's not my fault, it's not like I know how to get an apartment or anything like that!
I've never been on my own before, you know? It's not like I ever thought I would be either, I mean the Superior had the castle and everything.
[He's beginning to ramble, is he ever going to get back to Shinjiro?]
[ Audio | Private ]
Well. On the one hand, you guys are from the same world.
Maybe she's lonely.
[ Or maybe she likes him. Shinjiro decides to keep an eye on this, for a brief moment, before he realizes what he's considering. Nope. They can sort this out on their own.
Listens to Demyx ramble, feeling still rather grateful that they aren't getting back to him, thank you. ]
... You didn't hear 'bout the free apartments they let people stay at?
[ Audio | Private ]
[It's a terrible crisis when you can't feel anything.]
I don't know, it's going okay I guess, at least she hasn't tried to kill me. Not yet, anyway.
[Give her time. He's never considered she'd like him, why would she?]
Well yeah, I mean I had one for a month or whatever but after that they say you have to get your own and I didn't. [He's shrugging and probably sounds dismissive.]
It got weird when she cried. She even made me take her bed. I don't know what to make of it.
[ Audio | Private ]
[ Puts his hand on his forehead. Okay. He was really tempted to sneak that cigarette now. He wasn't awake enough for this.
Especially since she didn't seem like the emotional, crying type. ]
What did you do to make her cry?
[ ... If he was going around, making her cry for no reason - while she joked about stabbing people - it's amazing his kidneys were still intact.
He rolled his eyes, even though Demyx couldn't see him, when he talked about not finding a place. Well. It made sense that she seemed to adopt him.
Shinjiro was gradually getting the feeling, though, that he was getting in over his head. He didn't do relationship advice. ]
Maybe she'd just hope you'd do somethin nice, after makin her cry like that?
[ Seriously what did Demyx do. ] Didja even apologize?
[ Audio | Private ]
[He grumbles lightly and tries to pinpoint it.]
We were just talking about things to do with my Superior. She wants me to talk to her to help me figure it out, and she's mad, but she said I was brainwashed, and it was really bad.
[He shuffles a little, a bit of noise coming through the line.]
I don't know about that, but she started crying when I said it would be easier if he was telling me what to do. I don't even know why I said that, I'm real confused about it, but then she was crying.
[He pauses.]
Do you really think I should do something nice?
[ Audio | Private ]
Stumbles to the door, not really caring that it looks like he literally just rolled out of bed. Even if he smoked with the window open, Aki might actually murder him. Because, damn it, when did he sign up for this conversation?
The moment he wanted ot avoid talking about his own problems again, of course. ]
... You do seem a little brainwashed, kid.
But that's kinda understandable, with everythin they did to you.
[ Said rather sympathetically, even if he did mutter it. ]
Because, yeah, it's easier sometimes if all we gotta do is follow orders, but it's not gonna do us any good as people in the long run.
[ Sighs. ]
I really ain't the person you should be askin for relationship advice.
[ Audio | Private ]
That's what Larx said, yeah but I don't...I don't know. Maybe? It's probably why I'm so confused.
[He wants to think bad things, and then he feels like he's in the wrong for doing so. It's a cycle.]
She thinks that too, she said she had some of that, but I'm just a lot worse than her.
[He isn't sure what kind of person he is, not a very good one, at any rate.]
Relationship advice?
[He's confused. Give him a moment.]
[One more moment.]
What?! [Shinjiro probably didn't know his voice could reach that register with the squeaking screech he let out, and he's completely beet red, although it's a shame he can't be seen anymore.]
R-relationship? We're not- I...what?!
[There it is.]
[ Audio | Private ]
[ Because really, despite anything he said, or what his friend said, the only person who could fix things for Demyx was Demyx.
... Just like the only person who could resolve Shinjiro's own issues was Shinji himself.
Finally outside, he lit a cigarette, the snict of the lighter audible over the microphone. Better. ]
I don't actually care if you're in a relationship or not, Demyx.
[ Sighs ]
And I didn't mean a "relationship" [ the quotes were audible ] really, just.
This kinda stuff, I'm no good at. Just look what I did Saturday night. Hell. I'm the last person to ask about this kinda thing.
[ Audio | Private ]
[He lets out a little whine, because he's not really sure how to express himself and it's a very weird topic for him.]
I'm not! She'd kill me even if I wanted to do something like that, except I can't because I don't have a heart.
[He's not looking for any kind of relationship, honestly.]
Well you're better than me, so consider that! [He's grinning again.]
Yeah, I saw. I didn't understand it, but what I do know about friends is that you have to support them.
...Right? [It's like fact checking.]
Besides, if you wanted to talk about that, you would've.
[Water under the bridge, really.]
[ Audio | Private ]
Like I said, it doesn't matter to me. But, seems like you've at least got yourself friends, with or without that heart.
[ Leans up against the wall of the entryway of his apartment. Maybe he shouldn't have come outside? Even if smoking seemed to be waking up part of his brain. A little. ]
Sometimes, you should support your friends.
Sometimes, you gotta punch them in the face, when they're being an idiot.
[ Another exhale. ]
And me? I was being really damn stupid.
[ Audio | Private ]
[For better or worse, he's here now and he's just going to have to cope.]
Oh. Well would you like me to punch you now?
[He still sounds light, because he'd drop what he was doing if he wanted him to.]
I'm not the best judge of when people are doing stupid things, but I've got your back.
[ Audio | Private ]
[ Liking the fact he was here, rather than under that Superior, was a start.
Shinjiro grins at the offer, unseen. There's probably amusement in his voice. ]
Nah. Already got knocked 'round a few times. Aki got that covered.
[ ... He's actually really touched, though. He's quiet, for a moment. ]
... Thanks.
[ Mumbles, feeling a bit guilty again - ] I really didn't know how many I got here, till this shit all went down.
[ Audio | Private ]
Good then, if that's what you needed. [Shinjiro will just have to be a little more direct with Demyx, at least until he has a heart again.]
You're welcome!
[He pauses a moment, ready to offer some insight.]
I think it must be nice to know you have more friends than you thought. It's nice to know that someone will care if you're gone.
[ Audio | Private ]
Before, of course, since he thought he was going to die ... he would have really prefered otherwise. Hurting people wasn't something he wanted to do, after all. Bad enough, in a way, that Aki and Mitsuru showed up again, as selfishly happy as he was otherwise to have them.
But now ... ]
Yeah. I think you're right.