genessia | 19th Aura

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19th Aura | Video

[Jaune seems to have exhaled a deep breath just prior to beginning the video. For once, he's not in the Guardian Skyrise, but his apartment. He doesn't know or particularly care what happened to his office, seeing as he quit with no notice. Biting his lip and twisting his hands nervously, it's clearly awkward for him, but he looks cleaner than he did. Healthier.]

I heard the world exploded or something again while I was gone. And Emerald's famous now, making the world exploding less of a shock. So I guess I'm just going to ask if I missed anything important and say hi to all the new arrivals.

Hi all the new arrivals. I'm Jaune.

[A forced shrug of his shoulders, he leans back a little as if to get away from the camera.]

I found another job, one I think that's going to work out. But there are some obstacles-- like officially learning how to drive. [Look he can drive/fly just fine but he's put off taking any tests so he's been driving without a license when he's needed to.]

I don't know as much stuff as some people who've been in Genessia, but I've been here a while and I've read everything the GSRF has about what they've found out. I don't necessarily understand everything, I'm not a scientist, but if you ever have any questions, I'll try to answer them as best as I can in...less scienc-y terms.

[He ends the feed.]

[Video | Private to Weiss]
[After agonizing whether to visit or message Weiss, seeming to come to a decision before retracting it just as quickly, he decides messaging her is the best and least intrusive option. He's a lot quieter in this video, considering their last conversation. But there's still some anxious warmth in his voice, like he's trying to make this as normal as possible but he knows he can't.]

Hey so I heard you're public enemy number one now.

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I didn't watch it on purpose. [Yes he did. But her next statement has him frowning thoughtfully. Emerald might be a bitch, but he doesn't remember her actively killing anyone since arriving. She was just...not actively a good person.]

She didn't kill me when she really wanted to. That counts, right?

What, did they force you to watch TV on your mystery retreat?

[ She quirks an eyebrow. ] Not committing murder is not an impressive feat. Most people do that on a daily basis.

So much TV. I had to sit through all twenty seasons of Slate's Anatomy. [He rolls his eyes in mock exhaustion. Acting like this is easier than facing the other subject. He isn't sure if he's trying to avoid the topic, or ease into it.]

I'm just saying I attacked her first and she still didn't. Maybe she's not the best person here, but she's not the worst. ...But that's just my opinion and it could be wrong. [He hadn't really meant to argue about whether Emerald was a good person or not.]

I will agree, she's not an active murderer or the worst person alive. That doesn't make her better than she was.

[He shrugs. They aren't going to agree, just like they don't agree on Mercury, and they don't have to. Weiss hasn't interacted with Emerald like Jaune has, so he doesn't expect her to understand. It's not really his priority.]

I was just messaging you because I was wondering if I could come over. I wanted to ask first instead of... Just showing up and everything. I have something for you. If you want. If you don't, I'll give you space.

[It's the best thing he can do. Things are awkward now, and different. There's probably no changing that anymore. Too little was done too late. But he still needs to try.]

[ She said he would give him a chance, given certain circumstances. She's not going to take tha tback. ]

Did you figure things out?

I-- I think so. [A bit firmer.] I have. It was hard, for a while there. I had to face some things I really wasn't comfortable with. I don't know at one point I first started to have this mindset where you were responsible for how I felt, Weiss, that maybe somehow if I treated you like someone-- or an object that I could protect and fix, that having you rely on me would somehow make me whole too. But it didn't. And I didn't learn. I kept convincing myself that I had, but I was just running.

I don't like the person I became, Weiss. And I don't like where my mind still is sometimes. But I did get help. And I'm still getting it, because if I keep hurting other people, and hurting my friends, then I'll be just as alone and bad as some of the people I hate. And I would deserve it. [He does deserve it.]

[ For better or worse, it at least sounds like he figured out a few things. It wasn't 'I wasn't trying to behave like this' anymore, it was just acknowledging that he had been. That he needed to work on it, and that he was actually doing something instead of just saying that he was trying. ]

Thank you, Jaune. I know it can't have been easy to admit that. [ She's still wary. She's not going to just forgive him and go out for froyo, but she's at least willing to talk to him instead of sending him off to go get his stuff done. ]

No. But it was worth it, if it means I can be a better person for my friends. And myself. [He's been using living for others as an excuse to be selfish and avoid acknowledging his toxic behavior.] ...I know you probably know that my resignation wasn't on you, because you're smart and stuff and you've always called me out, but how I treated you was-- it was inexcusable. And I regret it. I regret it if I made you feel alone in your decision when I should have supported you. I don't regret quitting, because I have issues I need to work through that I won't burden you with, but staying in a position of authority would have been dangerous for everyone. I regret how I did it.

Anyway, that's what I wanted to say. I'm going once a week, and I'm just telling you so you know I'm taking this seriously. And also thank you. I don't deserve any thanks. [He won't push it, but he is grateful that she would still give him a chance after everything.]

Edited 2017-10-07 22:34 (UTC)

[ She almost had regained reservations, when he said for his friends. But the tacked on "and myself" made her relax a little. Before, he was doing everything for other people and then holding other people accountable because of it. That he corrected at all shows improvement. Despite that Weiss is all about fighting for others, she also knows that it's so important to fight for yourself as well. Seeing Jaune start to figure that out is reassuring.

She isn't sure she should tell him that she forgives him. He still needs to earn it, and she doesn't know if she trusts that his motivation is truly for himself and not just to get Weiss to stop being mad at him, again. ]

I'm glad you're taking it seriously. I think it'll be good for everyone, and I know you want to be friends again but.. [ But what ] Let's take it slowly for now. Otherwise we're both going to fall back into old patterns.

[He lowers his eyes, quiet for a moment. It's not the answer he was hoping to hear, but it's still a chance and better than being outright shut out. He at least has enough self-awareness to realize he can't complain after how he acted. As for his motivation...at first it was probably less for himself, but that's changed as he's put in more effort.]

Right. No rush. [He doesn't understand the "both" comment, considering their arguments, but he isn't going to ask.] Until then, Weiss, Weiss's dogs, pokemon, Weiss's Sun and...fruit. I'll see you around, Weiss.

You realize you're not banned from speaking to Sun because you and I are on shaky ground, don't you?

[ That is the weirdest list of things ]

Edited 2017-10-16 22:43 (UTC)

I do now? We haven't talked much and I realize it's beyond awkward now, I don't want to make things harder. And he probably doesn't have the best opinion of me. Which is right.

[He's trying okay.] And his abs still make me uncomfortable.

I mean, yeah. I tell him everything, which means he definitely knows about some of the things I didn't tell other people about.

[ Like last Halloween, for example. ]

Perhaps you should invest in rebuilding your other friendships as well, because let's be honest: Sun's abs make everyone uncomfortable. How do you even get abs that defined? It doesn't make sense. I want abs that nice, just... a petite version.

...I've been such a jerk.

[It's mostly said to himself, as he comes to terms with everything he's done. Again. He knows it's important and the only way he's going to make progress, but it still catches him off guard every time. So right now, focusing on Sun's abs is actually easier for him to do.]

Right, and you and him eat pretty much the same stuff. At least I know I don't eat a lot of fruit. It's not fair. [He slumps in defeat, before his tone gets more serious.] Maybe I should. But what would I say to him?

I won't argue with that.

[ It doesn't even take her a second to think about what he should say to Sun. It's very easy to her. ]

Tell him you you want to start hanging out more and he's the coolest person and the best friend you know so you want him to mentor you in not being a depressing, salty mess toward other people.

...Do you think I'm depressing? I mean, I- I know I'm pretty salty. You could save people's lives if they were low on sodium. And I get that I'm a mess, but... No. [He stops himself. He asked for the truth and the fact that Weiss is being blunt is better than her not putting in the effort.] I'm not doing this and you're right. Thank you Weiss, I'll talk to him soon.

I just wish he could also mentor me in getting built like him.

Edited 2017-10-17 21:10 (UTC)

Thank you.

[ She appreciates that he stopped and is just trying to move forward. The last thing she wants right now is another argument. ]

Maybe you two can go to the gym together.

[He doesn't say anything, but drops the subject. Mostly, he's just glad he didn't screw up again.]

Do you think he'd want to? He's Sun, and I'm not Sun.

I think you won't know unless you ask.

Weeeiiiiss.

Okay. Thanks for the adweiss, Weiss.

[ SHE JUST GONNA HANG UP AND PRETEND SHE DIDNT HEAR THAT BYE JAUNE ]

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19th Aura | Video

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