genessia | 19th Aura

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19th Aura | Video

[Jaune seems to have exhaled a deep breath just prior to beginning the video. For once, he's not in the Guardian Skyrise, but his apartment. He doesn't know or particularly care what happened to his office, seeing as he quit with no notice. Biting his lip and twisting his hands nervously, it's clearly awkward for him, but he looks cleaner than he did. Healthier.]

I heard the world exploded or something again while I was gone. And Emerald's famous now, making the world exploding less of a shock. So I guess I'm just going to ask if I missed anything important and say hi to all the new arrivals.

Hi all the new arrivals. I'm Jaune.

[A forced shrug of his shoulders, he leans back a little as if to get away from the camera.]

I found another job, one I think that's going to work out. But there are some obstacles-- like officially learning how to drive. [Look he can drive/fly just fine but he's put off taking any tests so he's been driving without a license when he's needed to.]

I don't know as much stuff as some people who've been in Genessia, but I've been here a while and I've read everything the GSRF has about what they've found out. I don't necessarily understand everything, I'm not a scientist, but if you ever have any questions, I'll try to answer them as best as I can in...less scienc-y terms.

[He ends the feed.]

[Video | Private to Weiss]
[After agonizing whether to visit or message Weiss, seeming to come to a decision before retracting it just as quickly, he decides messaging her is the best and least intrusive option. He's a lot quieter in this video, considering their last conversation. But there's still some anxious warmth in his voice, like he's trying to make this as normal as possible but he knows he can't.]

Hey so I heard you're public enemy number one now.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

No.

[ Whyyyyy ]

If you must. [ The things he will do just so he can take a proper look at Jaune, and talk to him about this torture business. ] But I'd rather you come wearing normal clothes, that would cause less of a stir in town.

And if your Sunshine is a troublemaker she'll get along just fine with ours. They're always causing trouble.

[He only looks a little disappointed. He wanted to see how long this Pokemon prank would last. But he continues bright and casually.] Yeah, I don't think either of you need help with getting more attention.

It's amazing your place is still standing.

[ Sorry if it's not fun when you have permission, Jaune. Too bad. ]

It's actually not that bad. I mean there was some chaos at first, but by now Sonico's cheetah has mostly stopped trying to hunt the pokemon and Fest only tries to eat Bespin every now and then, and it's been two weeks since Hoth last made it snow inside... though she did just soak the office.

[:(]

You really are an old married couple, you got your hands full and everything. But that's progress! It sounds like Hoth was doing you a favor if she ruined the paperwork for you.

That was actual paperwork. Ink blurs when paper gets wet. She turned simple paperwork of five minutes into decryption work.

But you wouldn't be the first to say that about us. [ And he doesn't mind at all, though it does make him wonder about Jaune's personal life. He'd been a little weird when Weiss came up... ]

Did you have any copies? When I had to do paperwork as a Deputy, I'd print a lot of copies because sometimes I'd lose stuff. [Staying organized is not his strong suit.] I was kidding, Cassian. [He says it a bit gently.]

I hadn't, but I'll start making copies first thing now, that's a good idea.

[ He regards Jaune thoughtfully. ] And I wasn't kidding. But we can speak of all that in person. Dinner's at 8. If you're late the dog might have gotten to the steaks.

Just make sure you shred the ones you don't use. Like I did, every time, without ever forgetting.

[it's strange giving out advice like some retiree when he's only eighteen, but whatever. He'll figure it out.]

Cassian, have I ever been late? [Yes. Yes he has every single fucking time.] Well you're a good looking old couple. See you at nine.

[But he actually arrives about three minutes before eight! With more time on his hands, and not wanting to seem ungrateful to his friend, Jaune actually makes an effort. He knocks on their door and waits.]

[ The door is answered by their Mudkip. Miri greets Jaune with a happy Mudkip! and Galantos the Duosion rolls into his legs in a cheerful, wobbly green ball of jelly. ]

In the kitchen!

[ When Jaune follows the call he will find Cassian checking on the sizzling pans, looking up in surprise and faint amusement at seeing Jaune already there. Just like promised, he is making steak for dinner. ]

I didn't realize it's already 9 pm in Nova City.

[Kneeling down to greet them, Jaune extends both hands so he can give Miri and Galantos pets, his voice a higher pitch.] Are you being helpful and saying hello like two of the most awesome Pokemon in the whole world? Yes you are!

[After fawning over the Pokemon and trying to convince them to follow him to the kitchen.]

The time differences can be confusing, I know. [Grinning.] It smells great in here! Where's your sexy apron?

I know, smells great enough that I've had to keep chasing Meiji out of the kitchen. [ Not exactly an easy feat, either, Sonico's cheetah is... well, a full-grown cheetah. Not some little tabby you can tuck under your arm and carry outside.

He raises his brows at Jaune, while covertly taking in the state of him, checking for signs of exhaustion or not eating properly. The things Kay had to nag him about when he's struggling in the aftermath of his missions.]

I don't need a sexy apron, thank you very much. But you can take the plates and lay the table.

You must be fast if you can chase a cheetah.

[He hesitates letting his pokemon out, but lets out Sunshine a Banette out who stalks into the shadows...for now. Perhaps he should wait before letting Eyeless out.

Tired is pretty much his default state of being, but he doesn't look as close to being frayed apart as he used to. His hair is brushed and trimmed, and he looks like he's been eating healthier--if only because he was strongly encouraged to. Aside from the dark circles, he looks better than he has for a while, except more uncertain and vulnerable because he's not exactly sure where to go from here.]

You don't need one. [Did he just call him sexy? Who knows. Nodding, he takes the plates to the table, eager to help.]

[ Umm... Cassian coughs and gives Jaune a befuddled look, not that it has much of an effect considering Jaune has his back turned to him. ]

Thanks?

[ Where do people keep getting the idea that he's eqipped to handle such conversations? Seriously. He focuses on the food again, a far less confusing companion than Jaune. But ignoring his guest is rude so... ]

Kay and Sonico won't be home till later. I hope you don't mind. I thought we could talk in the meantime.

[ After that one specific t-word thing, even. ]

Anytime Cass.

[He starts setting the table, not giving Cassian's silence much thought. He's always struck Jaune as awkward and easily embarrassed by comments like that, so it's kind of fun watching him try to handle them. He sets the last plate down, more carefully when Cassian speaks up again.]

Uhm...yeah. Talking sounds cool.

[It doesn't really and he's hella nervous but he's trying.]

Not really, but it's something that needs to be done, right?

[ He brings over the pots and pans, and just like promised there is an abundance of steaks.

Too bad Cassian's attention is far more on Jaune than on the food. ]

I've been concerned for you.

I mean there's always the option to not talk and just eat. Eating's a thing.

[He grimaces and tries to just focus on the delicious steaks, but there's no avoiding it.]

Isn't being concerned a little excessive? [He laughs nervously.

His shoulders slump.

How much would Cassian hate him if he ran for it and grabbed some steaks?]

[ He wouldn't hate him for it but he would be more than a little annoyed. And not leave Jaune in peace until he gets him to talk. Sorry, Jaune. ]

I don't know, you tell me if there's reason to be concerned. Some people can torture and move on with their lives but I got the impression that you aren't one of them.

[ That's a compliment. Maybe. ]

[Fortunately, Jaune's loyalty to his friends is stronger than his anxiety over the subject. Or it's more important to him. He's become very stiff, playing with his hands and avoiding eye contact.]

No... You're not wrong. Do you know a lot of people who have tortured, Cassian?

[ Oh. Why did he have to ask that? Now Cassian's tensing up, too, and keeps his eyes on his plate. ]

I've been a soldier in wartimes for most of my life, a certain amount of unpleasantness is to be expected.

I guess so.

[He catches the way he tenses, immediately regretting saying anything. He shouldn't have mentioned it to begin with. Cassian has enough on his plate. It would have been fine.]

I guess why I'm asking is...there are probably situations where you don't have much of a choice and you think you have to. I didn't have to, and the worst part was, I wasn't doing it because someone had to do it and to get it over with. I was doing it because I was mad, she was there, and I felt in the right.

[He's definitely not looking at him now.]

[ Well. Kriff. This is bad. This is the kind of bad that calls for the base counselor, not a spy who deals with his demons by drowning them with new demons. ]

Hmm...

[ He puts down the cutlery and forces himself to push aside all his own unease and memories as well. Cassian leans forward, elbows propped up on the table. The calm confidence he is exuding isn't even halfway real, but this is him trying to do good. To reassure himself as much as Jaune that at least one of them knows what he's doing. ]

What you did was wrong. It can't be allowed to happen. The good guys don't torture for fun or out of anger. [ He lets a heartbeat pass. ] But it happens. People are fallible, even good people.

[The truth is one that has him flinching, but he meets Cassian's eyes. He looks so certain, so calm in the face of something Jaune has been battling with since he made his choice. He wonders what Cassian has seen to be able to handle this and not yell at him, act horrified or refuse talking to him at all. He starts nodding in acceptance. What he did can't be undone, but--]

I'm not a good person.

[He murmurs the words, pushing the fork a couple of inches to the side. There's a dullness in his eyes as he admits it, as blandly as he would describe the weather.]

Just a selfish one trying to be less selfish.

[ Well, at least one of them is buying the calm and confident act. His own belly feels queasy with nerves. To see Jaune so defeated only makes Cassian feel more doubt in his own abilities to help him get better instead of worse. ]

Because you made a mistake? [ He arches an eyebrow at Jaune. ] That doesn't make you selfish. Misled, in the wrong even, but it's got little to do with selfishness. It would be selfish if you blamed others for your mistakes. But you didn't try to absolve yourself and blame it on the woman.

[He feels guilty for even bringing it up, but he has no idea of the impact it has on Casdian. But someone who has probably seen other people make the wrong decisions could probably understand more than a therapist. He shrugs, trying to force some of the tension off, probably failing.]

I--I guess so. I've done that before, but not that time. But that's why I quit and stepped back. I still want to fight, do the good thing and all like you do, but I'm scared I'll do something even worse.

It could happen. [ No beating about the bushes, he's dedicated himself to this course now. ] Doing terrible things becomes easier every time, and you have to be careful that it never stops bothering you. People will tell you that you need to stop being all messed up or hurting, but I think it's a good thing. This is one of the times when being in pain tells you that you're still alive.

[ He picks up his cutlery again, though his appetite is gone. ]

Stepping back's one way way to go about it. It will remove the temptation. But it's not going to make you trust yourself again, will it?

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