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[sharpeinolds]

Hey kids!

I know what you're all thinking.

Wow, I can't believe Spiderman finally hit puberty! Aren't his abs amazing, I just want to rub my face all over them.

First of all, thanks, I work out.

Second of all, don't call me Spiderman, lets get that out of the way right now.

Third of all, I just took a nap on the bottom of a cave because I.... accidentally... kicked the fancy Star Wars hologram over there, just wanted to put that out there: Don't kick the hologram. PSA here, kids.

Forth of all, I lost track of what I was listing.

And fifth of all because I'm on a roll and I need to prove I'm sober and I can count to five, does anyone have directions to a really cheap bar? I'll also accept directions to the pharmacy or a tire and lube.

I'm gonna need a few more chemicals in me before I deal with this. It's for my sake, not your-

I mean your sake, not mi-

No definitely my sake, sorry. Promised a friend I wasn't going to lie as much anymore.

Comments

[sharpeinolds]

See, when you put it like that, it kind of feels like I made more of an impression here than just that new dent in the hologram base.

[black_black_heart]

You've been here before, even if you don't remember it. Used to work for me, in fact. Want your job back?

[sharpeinolds]

For you? Like just one guy? Not a lot of murder for hire jobs going on here?

I mean yeah, I need a job. Can't really go back to stripping for Chippendales now.

... Unless that's the job, then I have some really bad news for you. Or really good news, how many burn victim fetishists hang out there?

[black_black_heart]

Not a lot of murder gigs here, no. Most of us don't stay dead any better than you do.

[ Back on Tannusen's copy of Earth he may very well have had a use for Wade's more... usual skills. The murdering ones, that was. But this was far far away from the wide assortment of Sidhe nobles the tiger would have cheerfully paid to watch Wade murder from the back of an actual unicorn.

If there was a human being in existence with low enough banality that they could be walked into the Dreaming for a murder-spree, it would be Wade Wilson. ]

...And I mean, it wouldn't be the first time you took the stripper poles upstairs for a test drive, and I get the feeling it won't be the last time, either. But no, that's not the job.

[ Tannusen considered for a minute, then laughed. ]

Let's make this nostalgic for me. Find Velvet Lust in Genessia City, and I'll let you in and cook you a steak while we discuss the job. Sound good?

[sharpeinolds]

Ssssooooo is this a dream, an alternate dimension filled with regenerators who didn't get set on fire or Hell?

... Just putting it out there, if you're down a stripper, I would be willing to fill those tall, clear plastic shoes.

[BUT HEY. It's been a while since he could actually afford a steak. Tannusen barely got through the entire proposal]

I am always a slut for some hot red meat, let me in.

[black_black_heart]

I suppose that was a poor comparison; it's less that the rest of us don't die and more that death doesn't tend to stick.

[ As to that enthusiastic agreement, Tannusen laughs again. ]

I'll fire up the grill. Let's see how fast you can find this place.

[ CHALLENGE: SET! ]

[sharpeinolds]

Oh. Okay.

.... Why?

[He can talk and hunt this place down at the same time, making use of several passing cars. The resulting THUMP of Wade's boots on a car roof makes it pretty clear what his idea of fast travel is]

How'm I supposed to Where's Waldo if I don't know what Waldo's wearing?

[WHAT'S VL LOOK LIKE]

[black_black_heart]

Two story brick building with a purple neon sign, currently off.

[ Tannusen sets the phone down on something and starts rinsing dead cow chunks. ]

The things running this world give everyone the chance to give something up to come back, when we die. Thus it's kind of pointless to hire a hitman, unless you hate someone enough to make them keep giving up shit until they run out of things.

[sharpeinolds]

Well that shouldn't be too hard.

[Another THUMP, and a whole lot of yelling-]

If you didn't want company, you should have up the hood up!

[Back to Tannusen]

I mean I can name like five people right now I'd whack-a-mole to death. Anyone actually die like that yet?

[black_black_heart]

Five people who are here?

[ That's the kicker, isn't it. ]

And not that I know of, I've only died once here myself.

[sharpeinolds]

I don't know, know anyone named Big Eddie?

[Ignore that clanking, clattering and brief shattering sound]

Oh wow oops- sorry! Sorry! In my defense, your taste in lamps are awful. I'm not sorry!

You know, dying isn't half as bad as I thought it would be.

[black_black_heart]

Doesn't ring a bell. Did you just run through someone's apartment?

[ Hear that sizzle? ]

[sharpeinolds]

I'm just gonna go through some names here, about four more, shouldn't take too long-

FUCK YOU TOO!

[Another smash]

Earl Grabnast, Tim 'The Timinator' Spalding, Gregg... Just Gregg and Jimjamboree.

[black_black_heart]

Still no bells ringing for me here.

AAAAND ACTION

[sharpeinolds]

Shit.

Okay well I take it back, can't think of five guys I'd whack-a-mole to death.

Also-

[BLAM. That is one six foot two man in leather just full body hucking himself through the door, knocking over a table, a few chairs-

He's here. It's... it's impossible to miss him]

I'm here to fill my mouth with meat.

switchin to prose lmao

[black_black_heart]

Tannusen had heard the growing chaos outside as someone smashed his way through traffic, and was ready to slide a plate full of steak across the bar just like that.

"Anyone else pulled that, I'd send them back out to knock. You're lucky I've missed you."

[sharpeinolds]

"You missed me?" That sounds super eager, Wade picking bits and pieces of glass off of him as he went to actually pull the mask off.

Apparently, this iteration was a little less concerned about showing his face.

"Awwww. You know what? I'm gonna say I missed you too, beautiful, nameless steak chef. Man I can't wait to tell Cable someone missed me."

[black_black_heart]

Tannusen of course, showed no reaction to said face; it was less gruesome than before! Maybe the open lesions had finally somehow healed up? Or just hadn't happened yet?

"Yes, well, my aim improves every day," ba dum tch, and Tannusen poured them both tea, sliding the mug for Wade across the top of the bar as well.

[sharpeinolds]

Gosh who knows? It was pretty early on in Wade's unstoppable unkillable mercenary gig. There's plenty of time of ulcers to develop!

He snagged the offered mug and took a quick sip of it, before digging into the steak set before him like a starving animal.

"Yeah I think that'd be the general implication of missing me. So, what is the job anyway? Or is it a surprise?

Do I get to guess my job?

Can I be the bouncer and the bar supplied date?

I look great as a blond."

[black_black_heart]

"I mean, you can dip your toe into security if you want to, I'm sure K-2SO wouldn't mind the help. But that's not the actual job title," Tannusen came around the bar and slid onto a stool, too. "No, that would be Event Manager -- ie, professional party-thrower and shit-stirrer for the club upstairs. You were pretty fond of it before."

[sharpeinolds]

"Whoa no wait hold on time out wait stop.

The Star Wars guy?"

WADE.

"No wait my official job is shit-starter? I'm getting paid to be an asshole?"

[black_black_heart]

"The what?" Tannusen blinked, then shook his head, "You'd get paid to throw parties upstairs and promote the place. Shit-starting is a package deal with you."

[sharpeinolds]

"... Wow we really did hang out a lot." First of all, because there's a lot of tolerance going on right now.

Second of all, tolerance and acceptance that Wade probably can't behave himself for any longer than ten minutes at a time.

"I mean I'd love to cut down on my usual weekly lead consumption, this sounds like a pretty sweet deal."

[black_black_heart]

"We were friends, Wade. You're one of the least banal people I've ever met, human or not." Whelp.

[sharpeinolds]

Oh no the other F word. He stops eating for a second, staring at the other man.

Just kinda.... You know. Not really sure what to make of being told, within the first five minutes of being here, that he's got-

"... I mean yeah everyone else is kind of really boring, I got like five other pings on this phone telling me to not day drink myself into a coma, that's no fun."

EMOTIONS ARE HARD.