08 April 2017 @ 11:40 pm
[No, actually, you can't expect Jarlaxle to not want to visit a place that advertises with giant neon signs.

Thanks.

This is how he's wandered into at least three casinos, two strip clubs, eight dive bars and at least one pawn shop.

Leave him the hell alone, he's having fun.

Needless to say, on his 'find the gaudiest looking pit of sin in town' adventure, he stumbled across, what else, Velvet Lust.

He did not even stand outside the doors and think of it first, like a moth to a bug zapper in he went.

Not like he didn't fit in, what with the usual outfit.

In about as much time as it'd take a normal new comer to get settled, find the groove and locate a seat and a drink, Jarlaxle is more or less already flitting about the upstairs club, or lurking around the downstairs bar.

At no point is there not some kind of drink in his hand.

Best place ever, he loves it, two thumbs up.

God forbid anyone here catch his eye, they're about to have a conversation partner for the next hour and half.
]
 
 
[See, if there was anyone in Fayren who would have mastered the art of vlogging, it's Jarlaxle.

How has he found a place that looks so comfortable?

Wouldn't you like to know.

Also, a beautifully clear night out, as one can tell through the window he's clearly lounging around in front of.
]

I still cannot understand why the surface has to have seasons outside of summer. It's one of the only one worth having, in my opinion.

[Why? Because he has an excuse to wander around his house naked in summer. That's why. As it is, you're all lucky the captain has seen fit to put on a shirt for this.]

I've found however that as chilly as it is here in Fayren, some of you have it far, far worse.

I'm not exactly in a great amount of hurry to deal with snow.

My heart goes out to those who are currently having to weather it.

If anyone can make it though, I'd love to extend an invitation to where I'm staying currently. It's grown dull and lonely just sitting here by myself and Kimmuriel is terrible at conversation. Especially face to face conversation, it's almost impossible to ignore someone who's yelling at you when they're in your head.

If anyone is interested, I'll ensure it will be worth the trip. We've stumbled into a collection of wine here.

[Don't ask]

And it's of very good quality. Excellent year. I hope someone can make it, I'd hate to drink it all alone.
 
 
26 February 2017 @ 02:40 am
how

does one stop their roommate

from standing in the kitchen

in the dark

at 3 am

eating cold ravioli straight from the can with his fingers
 
 
26 February 2017 @ 01:31 am
Attention, ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls.

There is, in fact, another drow in town. I need not give you explicit details, as he is the only other fellow here that shares the same physical characteristics I do. Just look for the small elf with black skin.

He's a touch on the brisk side and chances are he's already hurt someone's feelings, as that is what he tends to do when I let him out of the house for too long. Please attempt not to hit him for his gracelessness in conversation.

It usually doesn't end well.

[For more than the fact that Kimmuriel can pop a brain with his brain.]

With this also in mind, I'll have to ask anyone to not actually inform me if their feelings are hurt by Kimmuriel. My goodness, if I tried apologizing for every time he's said something less than P.C I'd never be able to finish a meal.

Try not to take it personally.

He's a work in progress.
 
 
19 February 2017 @ 04:56 pm

[Video]

*Whatever pleasant thing you were doing with your evening is interrupt by the face of a man on the screen. The face is somewhat bruised, and very definitely passed out. Then a hand comes into view, grabbing harshly at a handful of hair and yanking the face into the screen to be sure everyone can get a good look*

Pay close attention, ladies and gentlemen. This is the face of a man who decided he could treat women the way he wanted. Sleep with them and murder them. Watch out for this piece of shit, and men like him. There's not a girl breathing that deserves to be used and abused. And definitely not killed.

*The voice comes sharply from above, not in view. The hand is soon removed, dropping the face to the ground, and in its place a white boot is pressing down on the top of the doctor's head*

Slimy son of a bitch. He's gonna get it comin' to him, that's for sure.


[Action - Random Bar... Here and There]

Partly to celebrate her first bounty since arriving, and partly as a way to get to know the place, Faye has been doing the rounds of various bars around Genessia and Nova. If it's a place that sells alcohol and doesn't look too slummy, then Faye will give it a try. She can be found in various locations, nursing a tall glass of vodka, smoking a cigarette too, if it's allowed. What's a girl like Faye doing all alone in a place like this? There's only one way to find out.
 

 
 
16 February 2017 @ 09:16 pm
[Okay so. Awakened in a cave? Check. Found the "welcome message" and pamphlets that were dreadfully lacking in real information? Check. Tried to open a portal back home to the Underdark and failed? A very frustrating check. That means he actually takes the time to figure out the weird little artifact he's been given so he can...Lolth forbid, talk to someone.]

[...but only in voice mode. Look, just because no one's screamed at the sight of him yet doesn't mean he wants to push his luck.]


I would be grateful if any of you could point me to who or where I must go to for more information about this plane.

[Don't be fooled. He's not actually this polite in person.]
 
 
08 February 2017 @ 08:40 pm
... Well played.

I honestly did not expect this when I woke up today, consider me genuinely surprised.

[If he's annoyed, it's hard to tell. Trust him, he's sort of deeply aware he won't be finding Artemis around here anymore]

What one may stand to gain or lose from that is up to interpretation I suppose!

Back to Fayren it is.

While I make my way over, is there anyone new here and about? Please regale me with your introductions, I'm quite bored.
 
 
20 November 2016 @ 11:17 pm
Artemis.

Could you do me a massive favor?

[Don't even think about not answering this, Artie. He knows where you live]

I've heard tell of an elixir called "coffee" usually located in the bigger cities of Genessia. Do you suppose you could find a cup of this for me? I'll be sure to do a favor for you next~.

[Don't talk like that, Jarlaxle. And no, he won't make this post private because he doesn't even care.]

Oh! Has anyone managed to beat dear Artemis in combat yet? Tell me if you do! I want to have a conversation with you about a possible job offer. First one to best our dear Artemis in a sword fight gets top payment.

[JARLAXLE NO]
 
 
24 October 2016 @ 11:09 am
[Who the hell is this grumpy looking guy on your screen now? He must be new, though scowl aside he looks like he's otherwise unfazed by both his arrival and the fact that he's been watching monsters walk past all morning.]

[But it's several seconds before he actually says anything, seeming to be focused on further inspecting his new phone. When he does finally speak, his voice is gruff and clipped.]


Can anyone hear this?

[A beat. He did follow the instructions correctly, right...? Is it possible for him to look even more disgruntled than he already was? Because somehow he's managing it beautifully. Everything about his situation right now just screams wizardry, which he is all kinds of not okay with, but.]

I need directions to the nearest tavern.

[Because he's in desperate need of more information. And a drink. Especially a drink.]
 
 
13 October 2016 @ 01:31 pm
Good afternoon and good day, from the lovely city of Fayren.

Well... perhaps not a city, in comparison. Township, perhaps.

[IIiiit's Jarlaxle! Where is Jarlaxle? Definitely looks like some kind of tavern, draped over a seat like a lazy black cat]

It's becoming so cold and dreary out, isn't it? All the light and life of summer fading, the color of fall will be vanishing soon as well.

I never was one for winter.

To avoid becoming too long winded-

The coming months aren't ones that should be spent alone. If there is anyone out and about who feels they could use some pleasant company to stave away thoughts of loneliness and ward away the chill, I'm more than willing to make that kind of sacrifice.

[Translation: Jarlaxle is bored. Jarlaxle is going to do what he always does when he is bored.

Find some company.
]

Consider me a holistic approach to seasonal depression.
 
 
a

[That... that's it? Just a? Just... a. Well okay then that's not so-]

bababbabaa jkyjsd

1234567890*****

===+


[... So what the fresh hell is going on here? Right when it seems it might be over-]

peter piper picked a peck of pickled peppers

she sells seashells by the seashore

Mumphry's Magical Macguffins


[Okay. Well now they must be done-]

.゚☆(ノё∀ё)ノ☆゚.

[RIGHT. WELL. Finally the feed clicks on, and reveals Jarlaxle's grinning face, in all it's dark and eye patched glory, charming and debonair.]

Good day, sirs and ladies!

I cannot say I did expect such a trip this evening, but then I cannot say the sight is too terribly unwelcome, at least for the moment.

What strange world have I awoken in, I cannot say for sure, I've never been in such an odd city in all my years, but to say that is such a novelty, I cannot find enough ire to protest it.

Indeed with this, I have no idea what this device does or is, but as I can see it repeating my words and face at me, I find no immediate issue with it. I have, however, noticed that there are but yet more of you speaking through this odd device.

Please do feel free to enlighten me as to how this works.

But do allow me to introduce myself, I am Jarlaxle, and it is delightful to, indirectly at least, meet every last one of you. I do so dearly hope to truly meet you all face to face.